At what age do you think it's appropriate to start having sex?

Different age for different people – late teens, early twenties…it doesn’t all have to be mushy or serious…just safe and fun and comfortable (I began having sex at 16, looking back on it now, that was the right age for me)

Age is a factor. I certainly wouldn’t recommend sex to a very mature 12 year old…

18 or older would be my guess for an appropriate age. After all, they are legally adults.

When a person is physically, mentally, and emotionally ready and smart enough to understand the possible complications.

I can’t put an age on it, but I have a hard time envisioning it being before 15ish for pretty much anyone.

If you are not sure what age is approriate, you are not old enough.

16.

@Sarcasm Me having sex at 15 would have been a freggin disaster. :)

I don’t know. I’m 17 and I still don’t feel like I’m ready. But I have to say I agree with @Likeradar. There isn’t really an age to put on it for sure, but it is less likely that someone under the age of 15 or so will be ready for it and understand the consequences of it. I don’t think there has to be a limit between adults or so; it’s very possible that a teenager can be ready for it. Of course, a good relationship between the couple would be ideal, but unfortunately, there’s no guarantee of that and that can be a problem between people of any age.

@Likeradar well, even though he said 16 I still don’t think it was right. I waited until I was 18… It wasn’t amazing, nor was it bad. I actually have to say. it doesn’t matter when you have sex, as long as you know all the pros and cons, and are ready to wear that very first condom.

and before you do it. Practice putting one on, with a banana or a real one. but Make sure it won’t break or that air bubble pops.

You mean, sex with others?

Otherwise, it’s masturbation.

I’m thinking the tail-end of high school might be the time when emotional maturity is high enough, so 16–17 years old sounds about right.

@Sarcasm Hence, the funny part of the joke.

30

at least that’s what my dad told me

Because of the implications of the possiblity of pregnancy, I will say 18.
But there is no way anyone will hold back the young.

@filmfann lol Sally and Butters make a cute couple.

i will restrict myself to german law.
14

I think it is different for everyone. I started when I was 20 and I was in a somewhat serious relationship with someone who I truly cared for and who cared for me. I felt ready because I was comfortable with him. I could have started at a younger age but I didn’t want to. I think you know when you are ready for the responsibility. Because having sex means you must be responsible for your actions.

I don’t think there is an exact age. Somewhere in the teens is okay if it is done with someone their own age and done responsibly.

I started at 16. I think the longer we wait the more of an appreciation we gain for it. Personally, looking back now, I feel I should have waited a few more years.

@kheredia I have to disagree. I don’t think people know when they are ready for the responsibility. If they did, we wouldn’t have so many deadbeat dads and single mother’s.

I don’t know but it think it’s supposed to be before 27!!!

@Deepness I completely agree about the deadbeat dads and single mothers. But if they would have waited until they were ready, that would not happen. Some people just rush into sex because everybody else is doing it, but they know they are not ready and they do it anyway.

I think it’s a maturity thing. I was 20, and I think I would have been fine with doing it earlier (maybe 17 at the earliest), but there was no one I wanted to have sex with! When I finally did have sex for the first time, it was with someone who’s still one of my best friends. I’m glad it was with him because we cared about each other and respected each other. We never dated and we never will, and I don’t think that’s necessary. Or even helpful, really! It wasn’t the least bit stressful, it was fun, and I was 100% ready. I will be grateful to him forever.

@kheredia Yeah, I think that’s my story. I was 16 and thinking with the wrong head. Hmm. I’m going to be 34 in 10 days and uhh, I guess not much has changed because I still sometimes get myself into trouble.

No kids or anything of the sort. I’m just a flirt. I do keep it in my pants though. I don’t want to be a deadbeat dad.

I started at 17. Stopped at 18.

You’re ready when you understand how to use birth control, are responsible enough to use it every time you have sex, and are ready to accept responsibility for an unplanned pregnancy.

Answer to life, the universe, and everything is 42.

I had sex when I was 18 and in college.

I don’t regret it and it was very special. I could have had it when I was younger but I didn’t feel ready. I was also protected, felt safe and secure, and had a “back up plan” in case an “oopsie” happened…like the morning after pill and abortion. I was fully ready to have that procedure if I needed to, without a doubt.

It really can differ from person to person but I really wouldn’t suggest anyone has sex before the age of 15.

@InspecterJones Planning a sequel to The 40-year-old Virgin over here?

@Deepness Interesting you put “deadbeat dads” and “single mothers” in the same sentence. I don’t see those two as being the same. However, that’s a discussion for another question, perhaps even one that has already taken place on this site.

As for the question, I was 18 and we had been dating for about 6 months before we had sex. It just kind of happened and we were not prepared in any sense. Luckily, everything worked out. I think 18 is a fair age, but as mentioned above, it’s really about many factors that can happen at different ages.

There is no “one size fits all” answer to this question. It depends on maturity. However, my official answer is “18” because anyone under that age is legally a child.

@jeanna yeah, clearly ‘single’ in terms of moms means a good for nothing person…never mind that in many cases, that single mother will be a much better family for the child than her and some random dude who got her pregnant and that she married or stayed with ‘cause you know ‘it’s the proper thing to do’

And for gosh sakes kids, if you can’t wait that long, use a condom.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Lurve to you for your sarcasm says things I wouldn’t know how to word.

@jeanna I’m not great at wording out things I want to say but I love Fluther because it gives me practice and in time I hope it makes a great debater out of me. That said. Here we go.

The context I am using “single mothers” in is not the same single single mothers who arduously raise their kids day and night providing, teaching, nourishing, clothing and being both the mother figure and father figure. To these Moms, much lurve if I could.

The mothers I refer to are the ones who are the equivalent of “deadbeat dads”. The ones who have a kid and leave the kid at grandma’s house while they go get drunk or shake their ass at a club or go randomly dating, having more random sex, creating more random babies in the process.

Whenever you feel like it’s right for YOU.

It has to do with emotional maturity and the couple involved. I think you’re ready when you’re comfortable talking about it, comfortable in the moment, and comfortable with the person you’re with. There’s no finite age, it’s just a matter of emotional stability and being able to deal with the potential repercussions of it and the strong emotions involved with it.

I suggest at least age 18 because that is the age at which you are a legal adult and can deal with the effects of sexual activity yourself, without requiring parental consent.

Otherwise, as @PandoraBoxx says: “You’re ready when you understand how to use birth control, are responsible enough to use it every time you have sex, and are ready to accept responsibility for an unplanned pregnancy.” That means if a baby happens you are in a position to care for it or to find adoptive parents if you aren’t. You don’t have to rely on your parents to solve your problems.

@Deepness If we aren’t learning every day, we may as well be dead. (Seems like someone famous coined that, but I can’t recall whom…)

If you haven’t noticed, (like with your tattoo question) I’m anal regarding the terms used. Someone might say I’m a crazy perfectionist about it. I would think the better term in that sense would be “deadbeat moms,” which represent any bad mothering, be it single or not. I was raised by a single mother, so in using that term I found it to be unfair to all single mothers. I do appreciate your clarification.

Sorry to get off track from the question.

The first time I had sex I was six, that was definitely way too young!

@evelyns_pet_zebra Really?! How did that hap….eh… Nevermind.

Was that six in zebra-years or human-years?

@evelyns_pet_zebra You were born on leap year?

@Deepness His birthday is in a few days. No leap year. Gotta go with zebra years. Like @Sarcasm said.

@jonsblond Cool. He’s a leo like me. Mine is coming up in a few days also. My gf’s too. I don’t understand “zebra years”.

@Deepness Well 6 is a very young age to have sex, as a human. Since he is Evelyn’s pet zebra I figured he was using some kind of different scale for age. (Like Dog years)

Whatever age I am at the moment and whatever age the person I’m with is.

@evelyns_pet_zebra

I thought I was young, but I held off till I was 9.

With other people?

Anybody here have sex with a clone yet?

edit: clone of themselves

You surely have masturbated, dude. Or maybe not.

I also belive it has to do with maturity I had sex at 16 and before I did I went on birth controll, talked to my boyfriend about what we would do if I got pregnat and even made sure we both paid visits to the doctor beforehand. I think that shows the appropiate level of maturity for sex

@Zendo sure. But that isn’t sex.

What do you think it is?

When it is legal in your state!
(If this is my kid asking, then “30” is about right.)

I don’t think legality should factor too much into it (I’m of the opinion that the government has not place whatsoever in our bedrooms), but rather that it is a personal choice, based on personal physical and emotional maturity. Situational factors, like the right partner, should be an important factor as well. I had sex for the first time when I was 17, which may have been too young for some people, but I had the right partner, and I knew that it was the right time for me. There really isn’t a set age or even a specific age range for everyone.

The later the better.
There will be plenty of time for sex.

@TitsMcGhee I figure the legality is important. There are people in prison and on offender lists because they had sex with a willing but underage partner. In some states the age of consent is 17. A 17 year old can be charged if he/she has sex with a 16 year old even a day before his/her 17th birthday. It is called statutory rape and that is sex offense. I too think the gov’t has no place in the bedroom, but it does. So until the law is changed I’m sticking with my advice.
I’m also telling my kid to wait until 30.—or maybe 35.

@PandoraBoxx – GA. Lurve.

@Sarcasm and @Zendo: Sex refers to the male and female, or female and female, or male and male, or male and female and female, or female and male and male and female and female, or male and female and horse, etc. interaction which can result in stained bedsheets, broken kitchen tables, unusual auto interior odours, webcam content, or the creation of a creature known as the baby. The primary purpose of sexual intercourse is to annoy the hell out of the people in the apartment below yours. In most cases, people have sex for pleasure, though it is occasionally done for other purposes, such as convincing the tollbooth operator to let you slide with 20 cents instead of 25.
In this case masturbation would not be considered sex.

I’ve never had sex. I was about to, but never did it. I guess I’m a BIG chicken when it comes to it.

@worriedguy pretty sure statutory rape varies by state.

I lost my virginity at 15 (but I was in 11th grade) and I think it was fine. I don’t think it was ideal, but I knew how my body worked, my cycle, birth control, etc. That is important to me that the people about to engage in sex have knowledge about their bodies, the risks, and their options.

I don’t think about the “morality” regarding sex, I just care about the emotioal readiness of the people, that they are physically safe, and that both people want to do it, and no one is being unreasonably coerced or pressured.

Having said all of that, I think 14 and younger is too young, and I would advise teens to save sex (sexual intercourse) for a relationship, and not for a crazy night at a party or something like that, but I hold no judgement.

@cyndihugs @Sarcasm “Masturbation refers to sexual stimulation, especially of one’s own genitals (self masturbation), often to the point of orgasm.”

It’s like kicking a ball against a wall and calling it soccer.

Not really. Since you are using your sex organ to achiev orgasm, it is quite obviously a sex act. When you are old enough to have a woman perform masturbation on you, you will see.

@Zendo

Masturbation is not sex. “Sex” is short for “sexual intercourse”. Masturbation is not “intercourse”.

@DominicX LOL…Sex is not short for sexual intercourse. Better get a dictionary before you get to Stanford, dude.

@Zendo

Uh, yes it is. Definition #4: COITUS.

Coitus is sexual intercourse.

@Zendo ah, the age insult time! Yup, 19 is WAY too young to have a woman “perform masturbation on” me.

Now, how is masturbation defined by dictionary.com? the stimulation or manipulation of one’s own genitals, esp. to orgasm; sexual self-gratification.

Sexual != sex.

It wasn’t an insult at all. Just an observation. You are so touchy. Thanks for agreeing with my premise.

Zendo, you lose. End of discussion.

@Zendo I gotta say that the word sex for me means sexual intercourse between a man and a woman. If my child came home and said, “I had sex,” I’m thinking they did the act that can result in pregnancy. Oral sex is oral sex, anal sex is anal sex, masturbation is masturbation.

I’m pleasantly suprised that NAMBLA hasn’t chimed in…

Seeing this fuss over the definition of sex somehow makes me think of Bill Clinton.

@worriedguy: The example you gave is exactly why the laws are so ridiculous. You could be in the same grade in high school as the person you have sex with and be arrested for statutory rape. Then, for the rest of your life (depending on where you are) you’re labeled a sexual offender and predator. That’s just so damn illogical. People used to be married at or around age 14, 15, 16, 17 ish, and start reproducing immediately. Our bodies mature at different rates, but some people are ready, physically and mentally, for sexual relationships and the physical act of sex. Technically, a girl is physically ready to have sex when she has her menarche, which is anywhere from 9 to 14ish. So much of our belief about emotional readiness comes from culture and whatnot. That’s not to say that I think that girls should start having sex then, just that that’s what we’ve been prepared for biologically. I don’t appreciate that the government has made that culturally influenced/determined belief into law. I wouldn’t argue with the laws that prevent much older people from engagin in sex acts with children and young teenagers, but limiting the age to such a small difference? I think that’s overstepping the boundaries of rights and freedoms.

Just keep in mind that girls who start bearing children before the age of 18 have been shown to be at greater risk of osteoporosis than those who wait to bear their first child after they have finished building bone mass (generally somewhere between 18 and 22).

The appropriatness of having sex is different for everyone, here in the UK it is illegal to have sex with anyone under the age of 16, so it would not be appropriate for anyone to have sex under the age of 16, as it would be outside what our government accepts as normal, therefore not appropriate.

However your extended questions asks about age and morality which isvery much an individual process. I was 15 and 9 months (so not so far off the legal age) and I felt ready morally, spiritually etc… Whether or not that was appropriate will differ with each one of you.

There are so many unwanted pregnancies, not just with young people, so is age a major issue? My sister had her baby at 17 she used a condom and took the morning after pill but still ended up pregnant, she was fortunate enough to have a very supportive family and although it has been difficult at times it was the making of her as she could have ended up down a very different path. So for her sex and preganacy at young age has done her a favour! (I admit this is not the case with lots of others and by no means recommend young people go out and have sex willy nilly, I was just playing devils advocate and using my sis as an example)

As long as you are safe in both choice of partner (possibly adding legal age into the equation too) and using a condom then why not?

Sex is a natural instinct and no one will ever stop it from happening. In an ideal world no one would have sex until the legal age there would be no STD’s and unwanted or unexpected pregnacies this is never going to happen so we just have to make sure younger generation are aware of risks both health and pregnancies and hope that somewhere along the lines these messages sink in.

@TitsMcGhee Exactly! It is ridiculous. If boy and girl know what is going on and participate willingly who’s business is it? But all you need is for the younger one’s parents to find out and contact a lawyer. The older partner can be hit with a civil suit too! The kid’s life is ruined because of a stupid law. But it is the law. In NY it is called Rape 3rd.
In Tennessee it is called Marriage. ;-)

I say whenever you feel like you are ready and want to, your age doesnt matter, it is when you make that decision

well i think that q is wired but I think you can hav 23 and up like when you might be in the biggest high school grade it when you are

@monkeygirl: WTF did you just say?

@monkeygirl Huh? I think maybe you didn’t type what you meant to say??