What do you do when you're emotionally drained by a problem, yet you need to carry on with life?

I fully understand your situation there. It’s going to be hard to let this go if the other person won’t REALLY sit down & talk it out. I’m a talker. I want things resolved, too. My husband isn’t a talker. We have an issue going on right now & he won’t open up about it. I could scream. You’re either going to have to wait until it CAN be hashed out, or reslove it in your head yourself, as to how to handle this. When you get no co-operation in dealing with problems, you don’t get very far. Communication is very important. Without it, you’re sunk. I feel for you. I hope you can get closure on it soon.

You need to talk to this one person you can completely trust. You need to focus on finding out who this one very important person is. This matters most. Giving 80% or less at work is good enough. Don’t focus too hard there right now. At some point you will be able to catch up. Talk about your burden. Your feelings. Your reasons why you feel that way and so on. But trust is essential. This is between you and this person you trust. It will help you.

First, relax. Take a deep slow breath from your diaphragm . It really does help to keep your posture, too. Then think slowly about how you would want to solve your problems (in a non-violent way of course) and how you would want to confront this person.

Another possibility is to write the person a scathing letter, letting everything out. However, do not send it. Either destroy it or put it away to look at later to see if something gives you an idea as to resolution.

Otherwise, I would say find someone trustworthy, either a friend, a relative or a professional counselor, and tell them everything that is going on and that you feel. Just releasing everything and telling someone else about it can be a huge help.

1. don’t forget to breathe… and exhale
2. put all of your thoughts into writing….. even if you never deliver the note/email, it will help
3. take, if at all possible, a mental health day – and go to a place where you feel whole, and do something that you find rejuvinating
4. When you get back, arrange to meet with this person and a moderator. Even if it has to be scheduled for the near future, at least that is better than nothing.

Darwin stole my answer. Now I am mad.

I would really go with the letter never mailed approach.

{writes nasty letter to Darwin that I will never mail.}

Journaling is helpful.
I don’t know your situation, but when my son was in juvinile hall and I was simply beside myself and could do nothing to change the situation, I sort of emersed myself in work. To sit home and cry would have driven me insane.
I will not vouch for the quality of my work, but it was at least an attempt at distraction, to slow down my breathing and my heart rate a bit, and take my focus (for a moment) off of the horrific circumstances my son was in. It was one of the worst periods of my life (and his too) but we have both survived and are stronger people for it.

When I feel like that, I like to go for a long walk by myself – it doesn’t solve anything, but the time away, with no distractions, often helps me work through things in my head, so I have a clearer view of what I need to do to solve the problem. Don’t try to think specifically about the problem, though – pay attention to your surroundings, let your mind wander, and as it does, it often has a way of sorting out the thing you’re upset about in the background, while you’re thinking about other things.

@johnpowell – It’s okay. We can share. After all, great minds think alike.

{ignores non-existant nasty letter}

I don’t know the answer, but would like suggestions too. I’ve tried most of the things mentioned, and they don’t work. For me, time will heal all wounds eventually. That’s how I got through situations such as the one you mentioned. And yes, in those cases, venting your anger can help. Unfortunately, in my case time works against me, as it causes more wounds the more it goes on. So it’s a bit trickier than that.

I don’t mean to universalize my own personal solution, but just as a suggestion, what I do is to get very physical – run, swim, punch a heavy bag (for me, that’s the best, putting on the gloves and pounding that bag) or (and this I have not yet tried myself, because I am just learning how) lifting weights. Anyway, I wish for you the best, and that you find something that works; I’m familiar with those feelings and they suck.

I know the feeling – am experiencing it right now but I don’t have to see the person daily..it’s making me incredibly angry and grumpy and I want to just avoid everything…how do I get through it? not by breathing or relaxing or journaling – but by chain smoking and looking at everything in terms of the here and now…now I have to do this for an hour and I will not look at them or my phone or facebook or whatever…and like that every hour

We’ve all been there….
I put a smile on my face, hold my head up high, and go forth putting one foot in front of the other.
And, when the bad feelings creep up on me again, I suck it in, put a smile on my face, hold my head up high and keep going.
It also helps to remember there are others who are suffering more than you. Reach out to someone who needs a hand. Nothing helps you put your own worries to rest better than helping another. (besides, helping others will put a smile on your face:) )

* too late to self-edit: mediator, not moderator

Believe it or not, a helathy body helps achieve a healthy mind. Be sure you eat plenty of fruits and vegetables, drink at least 6 to 8 glasses of water, and walk the equivalent of a mile every day. Get 6 to 8 hours of sleep every night.

Practice yoga breathing, and “force” yourself to relax at least every two hours. Keep your mind on your task. When your thoughts start to stray, use the distraction method such as silent counting to 100, or thinking the alphabet backwards.

It is hurting and I know exactly what you mean, but count your blessings, there are others who are in much worse situation than you are. If you still have good friends and family, don’t lose them because of this one person. Move on and when you look back in future, you will be amazed you survived!

It can help a lot to talk to someone else, whether a professional counselor or a wise friend who is a good listener—maybe even a parent or sibling. Someone who can reflect what you’re saying and help you sort through your feelings, not necessarily someone who tries to solve the problem. Just relieving the pressure by talking to someone can help.

All the other suggestions are good ones, too: doing something physical, journaling, getting away for some breathing space and perspective. Meditation is excellent if you already know how. Also doing something that is totally, totally absorbing, such as making music, painting, or taking care of someone who needs your help.

One of the hardest things for me to do has always been to let go of what’s not working. There’s that cliche that defines insanity thus: if plan A isn’t working, you try plan A harder. I used to try to insist and insist on talking through things that my partner refused to talk about. The more he refused, the more I insisted. This was never going to work. I think for a while there I was pretty much out of my mind, obsessing over the things I saw as problems.

Plan B was to try to deal with the things I could change—namely, myself. That’s all I ever could control.

Thanks for the advice.. Right now I’m just waiting to talk to the person… Seems to have disappeared for some reason…

In the meantime I’m going to compose my scathing letter…..

I talked to the person, it ended in disaster, I wrote a long email describing my feelings, basically saying that:
a. If that person cares enough to try to solve things, at least tell me so we can solve the problems
b. If that person doesn’t want to solve things, at least tell me so that I can do my best to deal with it
c. If that person thinks that this is just a waste of time, at least have the decency to inform me that I’m no longer important enough to be bothered about..

Every time I send smses asking questions, I get no response. Every time I try calling, my calls are ignored. I want a response. I want to stop feeling as if somebody who used to care for me now views me as unimportant.

The worst part is that I probably won’t get a response till Sunday or Monday because that person’s going off on holiday…

Oh I’m so hurt…. I’m just so hurt…

@Saturated_Brain – By not responding to your messages this person has proven himself/herself to be immature, self-centered, and not worth the powder it would take to blow him/her to Hell.

Use this thought to cleanse your mind of this person. He/she is not worth your time, or tears.

@Darwin so much easier said than done, sigh.

@Darwin Thanks Darwin, but unfortunately the situation’s not so easy. You see, we have gone through tedious discussion before, and it seemed like I was the one who couldn’t adapt. But now, I feel that I’ve gotten something new.. That there is something extremely important that needs to be said because if it’s not said everything will go to pieces (not like it’s that far from going to pieces anyway at the current rate).

But I just need to find some way to convince that person that we need to talk. And even though I’ve been sending smses, it doesn’t seem like I’m getting any responses. Heck, my calls won’t be answered and are even cut off… And that’s what just adds more misery and hurt to the already-existing pain.

First all you have to do is relax and think things through.I would try to work everything out with the person you have problems with but if you are really annoyed with the person then you can just try to ignore them and it will be okay.
If your having trouble with the person you don’t like then to get your mind off of them,you can do the things you enjoy doing. I hope everything will be fine,good luck!

”...emotionally drained…” It sounds more likely that you are emotionally preoccupied with these goings on, and not surprisingly so. It would seem that the root of your difficulty is that you have been slighted. If this is the case, it will help you to have an understanding of how this impacts on you psychologically. When one is slighted /insulted in some way, it is first registered consciously and then lodges in your sub-conscious. So, the sting of the (metaphorical) slap in the face that you’ve received may quickly subside in a conscious sense, but it will continue to resonate sub-consciously for some time after that.
This will tend to manifest in you finding that your thoughts will automatically return to the hurt that has been caused without you consciously trying to do so. These sub-conscious thoughts are very invasive and tiring ( draining as you say ). Don’t be surprised by this. Try to be mindful of it, even expect it to some degree.
Although your conscious/rational mind will want to deal with and move on from the situation, your more literal,emotional sub-conscious mind will tend to keep dwelling on events and keep throwing up the corresponding feelings of hurt,annoyance,frustration and so on. This will subside in time. The best way that I’ve found to deal with situations like this is to just plod on. As well as to give myself inward reassurances that it will pass.
As for dealing with the individual in question – if they refuse to engage in your suggested efforts at resolution, then so be it. At least you have tried. And you can use that fact when giving yourself inward reassurance.
Finally, know that we usually come out of such circumstances stronger. Somewhat like the muscle that grows strong in response to resistance.
Chin up kid!

Hey all, just an update on the situation.. Me and this other person.. We sat down and had a proper chat about how to relate to each other from now on. The boundaries are clear, I know what’s going on, and it was overall a very nice chat. I was and am sad, of course, that things have changed, but we both agreed that it’s for the better.

Thanks to those who gave advice. You helped. =)

@Saturated_Brain ~ thanks, I needed to hear some good news today :)

@mcbealer It’s no problem. And as cheesy as it may sound, this person will always have a place in my heart…

@Saturated_Brain and I was just going to give you the number of my friend that owns a landfill. Glad you got it worked out.

@evelyns_pet_zebra Thanks so much. =) It’s good to know though that if I’m ever in need of a landfill, I know who to call. =P