What is your view on parents and kissing their children on the lips?

Gro-ho-ho-ossss

LOL…Great question. It is alright. (As long as they don’t slide the tongue in)

I hadn’t seen my dad for years, and he picked me up at the airport one day when i was about 35. He hugged me and kissed me right on the lips. I was not ready for that, and it was very unusual for him to show such affection. But i just kissed him back and we drove off to Malibu.

I feel like casheroo asked this one not so long ago – I do it, quick peck, not a problem

I don’t think it’s “not okay”, but because it’s never been done to me, it sounds a little weird. Kisses on the lips are usually supposed to be romantic in nature. My parents kissed me on my head, forehead, or my cheek (and still do). :)

@Simone_De_Beauvoir She might have. If she did, I missed it

@Zendo Yea, that’s disgusting.
@teh_kvlt_liberal Why do you think it is gross?

@DominicX How sweet :)

I think it is fairly normative behavior up until puberty, when any adolescent begins to be preoccupied with sexual ideas, so even if it is completely innocent, it might, in my opinion be best to quietly, without making a big deal out of it, change the habit. Not every parent kisses his or her kid on the lips, but I don’t think the ones who do are doing anything out of line. It depends on one’s comfort zone.

@Facade So you don’t you kiss your mom nor dad on the lips?

In my opinion there’s nothing wrong with that.
Maybe stop with it when the child has an age or state that they (can) be romanticly involved with someone, or when the child asks (for one or another reason) to no longer kiss like that.

I don’t do it, and have explained to my daughter that kissing on the lips is only for her future boyfriend (note that I did not use plural on purpose). But of course different parents have different rules. I find it weird.

@Zendo No. I kiss my mom on the cheek and I don’t kiss my dad at all

to edit: I believe I remember kiss them both on the lips when I was younger

That’s a shame that you show so little affection in your family.

@Facade Sorry I meant
we-he-he-irrdd

I always thought it was cute. When I was really young..like 2 my parents would be like “kisses Alyssa.” I think once you reach the age of 4 or 5 it should discontinue. But my little brother who is 11 still kisses my mom on the lips and it still is cute. I think it depends how you were brought up. If you were not brought up with it, it seems really weird.

What’s my view on it? Well, I guess I didn’t even think I needed a view on it. I never really thought about it. It’s something I’ve seen some parents do, and not others. It’s your kid for God’s sake, particularly in the case of a kid’s mom, I mean, the kid grew inside her BODY, I don’t see anything inherently wrong with it if it’s not sexual in any way (no tongues). I don’t specifically kiss my 7 going on 8 year old son on the lips, but if I’m giving him a kiss on the cheek and my lips touch his, I don’t freak out about it. It seems like for some families it’s just what they do, and for others it’s not. I don’t find it weird if other families do it and I don’t judge them at all, it’s their KID!

I kiss all three of my boys on the lips. I never really thought anything of it.

I assume this is asking about in the States, social norms in other countries very allot on this kind of thing.

As for that, the only situation i see it being very normal in my experience is mothers and daughters. No lips kisses from fathers, or for sons.

Why do you ask? Because son’s will often feel uncomfortable about it (I sure as hell would) and it seems weird for a dad to kiss his daughter on the lips.

I’m not comfortable with it since I’m not from a kissing or hugging family but I see so many other families do it so it must be more normal than I think. If I had kids, I’d raise them not to accept or give kisses on the mouth but that’s just because of transmittibles and not to do with anything against physical affection.

@tramnineteen I ask because I watch Scrubs a lot. The character “Dr. Cox” kisses his son (about 2 or 3) on the lips all the time. I thought it amazing that the character is so rough but loves his son so much and shows that affection.

@hungryhungryhortence fair enough

I know a guy who kissed his 4 yr old son on the lips in public all the time, and it grossed everyone out that I ever heard mention it. I’m all for affection, but to me (and others apparently) kissing on the mouth is a romantic type of affection not suitable for parents/children.

@BBSDTfamily

The way I see it is I liked the fact that when I kissed my boyfriend on the lips for the first time, that was the first time I had ever kissed anyone on the lips and it was romantic affection. It made it more special that way.

I agree with the first answer—gross.

Hm. I’m assuming all of you are Americans. If not, do those from others parts of the globe think it’s “gross” as well?

My husband and I both kiss our two youngest kids on the lips daily. They are 4 and soon-to-be 6. Our daughter is 10, and once in a while she’ll still give me a kiss on the lips, or her daddy. She’s just starting to get to that age where it would be strange, but I never actually thought about it or made a conscious decision to stop giving her a kiss on the lips.

My boys are my boys. They are both at that age where they say, frequently, that they want to marry me when they grow up. The 4 year old will go so far as to describe the various ways in which he can get Daddy out of the picture so Mommy is available. It’s hilarious…but I just remind him that I will always be married to Daddy. Anyway, back to the kissing. My boys kiss me on the lips a lot, but they also kiss me on the cheeks, the forehead, the hands, the tip of my nose, or my chin. We are all very affectionate, and now that this question has made me think about it, I’m kind of sad because it won’t be long before they are too cool for anything other than a quick peck on the cheek. :(

For those that think kissing your kid on the lips is wierd, I will say that it’s nothing like a romantic kiss. Even my 4 year old’s kisses, which tend to linger, are not at all like the kisses I get from my husband. Besides no tongue being involved, there’s no…um…lip play, I guess you’d call it. Just a pucker up, nothing remotely sexy about it. Just a lot of adorableness (except when the kid has a runny nose, and then it’s completely gross).

Edited to say—I think the kids prefer to give my husband a quick peck on the lips because otherwise “it tickles” because of his stubble.

It never even occurred to me to have an opinion on it. To me, showing affection to your children is a very important part of growing up. Some people kiss directly on the lips and some don’t. Why on earth would it be up to me to decide which is right?

@MissAusten That’s fantastic :)

Yes, this was just asked not too long ago.

@MissAusten Although I said gross, I understand that for some people it is just what they do, totally normal within their family and culture. So I do not mean people who do it are gross, I mean for me I would be grossed out with the idea of my parents kissing me on the lips. I would never assume there is anything incestuous or “romantic” going on if a mother kissed her son or daughter on the lips.

I do have a question. In families who kiss on the lips, is it only done among parents and kids, or do aunts and uncles also kiss neices and nephews, etc.?

@jbfletcherfan

Actually, it was 5 months ago. Time flies on this site, apparently… :P

@jbfletcherfan Thanks for the confirmation

@YARNLADY lurve!! My parents never kissed my brothers and sisters and me on the lips, but it never occurred to me not to kiss my kids on the lips. I just don’t see anything wrong or gross about it.

@DominicX 5 months??!! Wow. It seemed more recent than that.

@Facade Sorry I stepped on your toes. I’ll stop following & shut my mouth. :-(

I think it’s completely acceptable and normal behavior. I think it’s really sad when people say it’s gross. Kissing is a form of affection and can be meant in many different ways, just like a hug can.

How many people hug their parents, but also hug their significant other? It’s the same thing as pecks on the mouth.

@SuperMouse I don’t know how old your kids are…do you think it will feel “normal” always, at any age? My thing is, I get why parents don’t think it is a big deal, why they love their kids intensely and want to hug them, kiss them, touch them, hold them, but how does the CHILD feel about it? I would guess for a young child they are fine, but as the child gets older I would think that would change? But maybe not if it is how they are raised.

Gross.

I kiss my 2 year old on the lips sometimes, and it’s adorable. I actually kiss him everywhere (not including private parts obviously). I don’t know why it would be such a shocking or gross thing for people… I mean if he was 8 and I did it constantly, that might be a little weird. Then again, I wouldn’t judge someone else for doing it as long as it’s ok with both the parent and the child and there’s no weird stuff going on, you know? I agree with @YARNLADY. Affection is affection. People display it in different ways and kissing on the lips doesn’t have to mean a romance. That’s simply cultural brainwashing. It’s not like we’re playing tonsil hockey. I’ll respect him if he becomes put off by it, at whatever age that may be.

Look, if my dad or mom were to kiss me on the lips now, I’d think it was very strange. No one else kisses my kids on the lips at all, although my husband’s family are all big on hugging and kissing on the cheek.

I’m not worried about anyone thinking it’s gross, but I can see how an adult who doesn’t have kids but thinks of their own parents when this subject is brought up would be grossed out. The idea of giving my dad a kiss on the lips kind of grosses me out.

I’ll add to my previous answer that I don’t think anything is wrong with it. The only reason I wouldn’t is if it made the child or people around me uncomfortable.

@tramnineteen Why allow the people around you to dictate your action toward your child?

No thank you. But be my guest.

@MissAusten I assume you were answering my question about if anyone elses kisses your kids on the lips. It was purely a curiousity question, because I dont know anyone personally who kisses their children on the lips, although I have witnessed it. I hope I did not word it in a way that put you on the defensive :). Obviously, from the comments, everyone on here who does it would respect their children’s wishes if it became uncomfortable to the child.

@JLeslie my kids are 10, 9, and 7. They all still let me kiss them on the lips, but my ten year-old won’t let me kiss him period if any of his peers are around! Of course if they become uncomfortable with it I will stop.

@tramnineteen I agree with your point about not doing it if the child feels uncomfortable.

@hungryhungryhortence I come from a non-physically affectionate family as well, so I would find it really weird to all of a sudden start kissing my mother and father. Hugging is not awkward though.

I did ask this, because I’ve seen on a lot of baby boards (basically where mothers flock when bored) that some people find it disturbing.

I want to be affectionate with my son for as long as he’ll let me. I want to be physically close to my children, and I see nothing wrong with it. We snuggle in bed, we kiss on the lips, hold hands, or hug all the time. I know it’ll come to a point where he won’t want to, and I’d never force it. But I do expect my children to always hug me!

my family is not a ‘touchy’ family in the least. it seems weird to me, but i wouldn’t be like grossed out if i saw it. the intentions are family-oriented and innocent, and it’s just a peck. i don’t think it’s wrong at all.

I see nothing wrong with it, but I know that everyone has their own customs and comfort levels. The reason that we, in the USA, are uncomfortable with it is because here, lip kissing is USUALLY reserved as an intimate act for partners (and it shown that way in the movies and on tv….) So when we see it, we associate it with sexual contact and it is hard to see it as anything else like simple affection or a greeting.

However, just suppose that, like other countries who greet each other with kisses on the cheek, the US had a custom of a quick peck on the lips and it was as social as the handshake. I think, then, parents kissing their kiddos on the lips would not be as disturbing. It’s all what you are used to. Consider the Japanese bathe with each other – how many Americans would be caught dead naked in the bath with their parents? Or their kids! EEKK!

By the way, I still get many kisses and lots of affection from my sons (11, 13 and 16) although it they play it really cool out in public. And yes, we kiss on the lips, the nose, the chin, the forehead – I think just whatever bumps together first.

I’m from a very affectionate family, and aunts and uncles (not talking about the child molesting uncle here) kissed us on the lips as well. I kiss two of my kids (15 and 11 year old girls) on the lips or cheeks, wherever. The middle one (13 year old girl) has never liked being kissed on her face at all, so she gets them on the top of her head.

I would never do it myself, but I don’t see a problem with it when they are young kids and it’s nothing but healthy affection. There, of course, is a time to knock it off and not treat them like babies anymore.

In light of @NaturalMineralWater‘s answer, I’d like to add that the kissing on the lips still goes on with adults in my family. I don’t think of it as treating anyone like a baby at all.

My parents didn’t do it (no one in my extended families do it) and I don’t do it, with one possible exception – sometimes (when he lets me) I kiss my 12 year old all over the face and might get his lips. No big deal either way. I don’t have any issue with parent-child lip kissing, but when I go to kiss my son it’s usually anywhere on his face other than his lips.
When I do “accidentally” kiss him on the lips he wipes it off, so I don’t think he feels like he’s missing out.

Uh, why wouldn’t it be okay? As long as there’s no tongue, what the hell? Really? I’ve never heard of anyone thinking it’s weird, ever.

@augustlan Now that’s just gross.

Love and affection are never gross.

I have no opinion on it simply because I have no kids, and I have nothing to draw experience from. I will say that @MissAusten‘s answer was awesome, and I don’t see it being a problem. Kisses between young children and their parents are perfectly normal. Anyone who sees something sexual in it has the problem, not the parents or their kids.

I don’t kiss my Mom on the lips, because I can barely stand to be around her, let alone kiss her. I will give her a soft peck on the cheek on those occasions I see her because it makes her feel loved, but it isn’t genuine. I don’t expect anyone to understand why I don’t like my Mom, so go ahead, call me a bastard, I don’t care.

@evelyns_pet_zebra I’ll do you one better… I don’t even speak to my mother! No judgments here.

@Facade To be considerate. I’m not “letting them dictate”. I’m being nice. That’s how I roll. :)

People are always kissing each on the lips in Victorian novels.

I read an article not too long ago where a guy was talking about his deceased father and how his father was affectionate enough to kiss him on the lips, even as a grown man. There was a part of me that wished I had that kind of affection with my father.

On a recent occasion, I greeted my 4 year old cousin and told her to give me a kiss, expecting it on the cheek. She kissed me on the lips. It was a surprise, but still innocent. I think I will be kissing my kids on the lips.

Probably wouldn’t kiss MY parents that way, but I kiss my 3 yr old on the lips and will probably stop when SHE decides to stop.

@tramnineteen Well then you’re “nicer” than I would be. I wanted to kiss my kids on the lips I’d do it, no matter who’s around.

I remeber kissing my mum and dad on the lips when I was younger, not sure I would do it now, but kissing cheeks… all the time! My daughter used to kiss both me and my husband on the lips, in fact she used to squeeze our cheeks together and make us! It was soo cute! Now when I tuck her bed (she’s 10!) she gets a kiss on the head or cheek, but if we happen to kiss on the lips it’s no biggy we love each other, so what! There is a big difference between a peck on the lips and a full blown snog!

With response to @FlutherMother Both my husband and I bathed with my daughter up until she was about 2½ we saw nothing strange about that (we stopped as she started to ask questions about body bits – which we were happy to answer but felt it was time to stop plus the bath wasn’t big enough anymore!)

I am from the UK (somone mentioned cultures/country of origin!)

For me it’s always been female family and close friends- Hug with a peck on the cheek
Male family and close friends- handshake into manly hug
Dad- confirm presence and keep on with what I’m doing, exception being when he forces his false affection on me the bastard and his keeping up appearances.

I wouldn’t kiss anyone on the lips without romantic intent, but it doesn’t bother me. If other people do it though, I do notice it.

Sakura: Thanks for the reminder and I got a good laugh about your bathtub getting too small. My oldest is a big burly (over 6 foot, 235 pound) football player (American Football that is) and after I read your comment, I got a vivid image of trying to squeeze into the bathtub with him! But yes, like you, I did bathe with my kids while they were babies/toddlers and I did stop about the time one of my kids realized I didn’t have the same plumbing as the rest of my (all male) family and offered to go to Wal-Mart and buy one (yes, he was young enough to think everything could be bought at a department store including brothers and male parts!)
When I mentioned the bathing thing, I was thinking more of figuring how to look casual (and where the heck to look) if I ever ended up skinny dipping with my father! And I am sure my own kids wouldn’t want to see their mother in all her glory either! When I look at my rapidly changing teens (deep voices, lots of leg hair) it seems impossible to remember that it wasn’t that long ago, I was powdering and diapering their rears! The closest now I get to seeing what they look like naked is when I occasionally get mooned. And that I could do without! But (like you, I am sure) I’ll take kisses from my kids at any time and any age.

@JLeslie , not defensive at all. I think the way people differ on things like this is really interesting.

I used to take a bath with my daughter when she was a baby, up until she was a toddler. She started talking at a very early age, and I clearly remember the last time I took a bath with her because she started laughing hysterically about my “sparklies.” My husband also used to take a bath with her, but he’d wear shorts. We have the most hilarious videos of her torturing my husband in the tub. She would have been a big help to Bush/Cheney with those water boards.

Never did. Always the cheeks.

@FlutherMother My mom has this photo of when i was maybe 7 or 8 where she had me and my Bro and sis(I’m the oldest) bathe together.

My sisters and I still kiss my dad on the lips. Just a quick little peck. I’m 38 and my sisters are in their late 40s. We’re just a very affectionate family. Kisses and hugs every time we see each other.

I kiss my 5 year old daughter on the lips. In fact, she insists! If I give her a kiss on the forehead she makes sure to get one on the lips instead. My teenage sons just get a kiss on the forehead.

I agree with @YARNLADY

There is a difference between kissing someone in a romantic/sexual nature and kissing them affectionately. I have an aunt who kisses me on the lips when she sees me, there is nothing weird about it, that’s just what she does with her close family members. It doesn’t feel or look creepy or wrong, it’s just affection.

I think my parents used to kiss my brother and I on the lips when we were younger but they haven’t done it since.

When I was very small I may have kissed my parents on the lips, but I definitely don’t any longer and probably stopped by the time I was 8 or 9. I don’t kiss my siblings on the lips except for one of my little brothers, who is 7 and insists on all goodnight kisses being on the lips. I don’t know why he insists on this, but if you kiss him on the cheek he’ll grab your head in both hands and give you one right on the mouth. I never felt weird about it, it’s very enthusiastic and cute. The other sibs get kisses on cheeks or heads.

I wouldn’t do it, I think it’s gross. I see nothing really wrong with it though for others. If parent and child are comfortable with it and there’s no tongue action involved. It’s harmless!

I have never kissed my parents on their lips. At least, not to my knowledge. In fact, I don’t remember my father ever kissing me, and I don’t think my mother has kissed me in any form since I was a pre-teen. I have kissed my son on his lips (he is the one who initiated this), but not my daughter. I’m not opposed to it, but I’m not very comfortable with it, either.

In general, I associate lip kissing with intimate relationships of a non-familial nature. I am not currently comfortable with kissing my daughter on her lips, but I think that’s because she doesn’t seem to be comfortable with it. She has never initiated it, anyway. I am a tiny bit more comfortable with it as far as my son is concerned, but I think that is because he’s younger, and hasn’t yet gotten those kinds of connotations about it. Eventually, he will catch on, and then I think it will stop.

@MissAusten I don’t think it is odd to bath with your daughter up until being a toddler, Also, my mother was nude around my sister and I and it was normal. The kissing thing is different to me, but I think that is only because we don’t do it in my family.

Most children I know don’t want to be kissed or to kiss adults in my experience, not even on the cheek. Parents and children are different, because I think it is very normal for children to curl up in bed with their parents or to have intimate, non-sexual, moments between parents and children. Breast feeding and bed time seem most obvious examples. I don’t like the idea of children, especially girls, being told they have to “kiss” an uncle,cousin, or friend of the family, even on the cheek. I want girls to be raised knowing they have control over who touches their body and not to do anything they are uncomfortable with…that is why I wondered if other relatives kiss on the mouth also.

@JLeslie I’ve actually been made to kiss and hug some adult my parents know. I didn’t want to, but I was an obedient child. Now I let them know, frequently yet passively, that they don’t control me :) passive aggression at it’s finest

doesn’t bother me

I always kiss my 3½ year old daughter on the lips. Just a quick peck, obviously. I never thought people would even view that as weird.

I was at a party Saturday night and one of the women I was talking to started talking about her husbands family (I actually know her husband a little better than I know her) and that they all kiss on the lips. They try to kiss her on the lips, and she hates it, she turns her head so they get her cheek, but some of them actually grip both sides of her face. She said that she feels like they talk about her, that she is “cold.” I know this question is about kissing your kids, but since I had asked earlier, if people kiss other family members, I thought I would throw this in. If my husbands mother or father kissed me on the lips—it seems so weird. And, I would never kiss his 17 year old nephew on the mouth, its hard for me to imagine.

@JLeslie My husband’s extended family are “kissers” quite a shellshock for someone from a family that doesn’t do that sort of thing. I used to avoid the goodbyes, but now I just give my cheek..I don’t actually kiss anymore because it grosses me out lol. I’d be pissed if someone held my face to make me kiss them!

For the most part it depends on your culture. Heck, we Russians get kissed by pretty much all adults when you’re little, when you get older -older women kiss you. Like I said, it ALL depends on culuture whether its gross or not..

Coming to this question a bit late here (I have a few weeks worth of questions to catch up on). it’s not gross at all, I don’t find. In our family, I can’t quite remember what it was like when we were younger, but, as adults, our Dad still gives his daughters a hug and a quick peck on the lips when we greet each other or when saying goodbye. My one brother does the same. No big deal.

I read something online a while back that said something like.. just think, right after your mother gave you a good night kiss she went and… put her mouth on your father.
Thats the clean version haha.
Only cheek kisses for children for me.

Fact from fiction, truth from diction. Why would there be anything wrong with giving your kid a soft quick close-mouth kiss? I think the big brewhaha is that people have been trained to think any kiss involving the lips is of a romantic slant. There is a kiss and there is a spit swapping kiss, just as there is a hug and a groping romantic hug. Too many people (mostly us Americans) take fairly innocent things and automatically attach sexual or romantic aspects to them. If the kids gets old enough and his/her friends make them feel weird about it I am sure something will be said about it or the parents will sense it.

@Hypocrisy_Central I don’t remember if I said it on this thread, or a different one on a similar topic. We who don’t like, don’t like is too strong, parents kissing kids on the mouth are not saying there is something sexual about it. We are saying we personally reserve kiss on the lips for people we are sexual with. There is a difference.

This question reminds me of this skit from SNL that recently aired. :)

OMG!! That is hilarious!

I about peed my pants, I laughed so hard!

I can’t believe the guys tongued each other down like that

Crap it wouldn’t load for me. My computer sucks.

@jonsblond if I could lurve you more I would that was FUNNY!”!!!

ive always thought this was gross as well. think of it this way, IMAGINE WHERE THE PARENTS LIPS HAVE BEEN. im not sure if my girlfriend kisses her mom on the lips or not i dont really stare at them when say hi, but when i think about (trying not sound vulgar but where all adults here) the things and the places on my body she’s explored WITH HER LIPS, i think its disgusting to kiss her mom with those same lips on her mouth…..UGH..same as amarried couple that engage in sexual acts then kiss their kids on the lips…...NASTY..

yes yes i know how it goes “they wash their mouths so its ok” but its just the idea of it that grosses me out.

@bigboss You know her hands are just as dirty if not dirtier right?

@facade yea they are, hands are the dirtiest spot on the human body, but one doesnt think of a handshake as something sensual as a kiss, i dont get turned on by playing rock,paper,scissors or watching a handshake on tv. thats one other aspect of the lip kiss, some may think its sensual and should be reserved for lovers. i being one of them.

by the way, whats your take on it?

@bigboss That is the rub, it is HOW people choose to see something. Legs are for walking but a toned shaply on a woman is seen as sentual/sexual same with the baby feeders. It is not what it is but how it is seen to be.

@bigboss Are you Italian?

@bigboss I think it’s fine. It shows how close and loving a family is.

it is the way one is raised i guess. its ok i guess if theyre young kids but i just cant get over the wierd feeling of seeing it… like i cant imagine having my wife just finish up ahem ahem with me, and then go into the next room and kiss my daughter goodnight…(dont have a daughter or a wife, just makin an example)

no im not italian…why? are they all againts familiar affection?

@bigboss I am sure if you had a wife and she serviced the dumbstick then went to kiss the kids good night she would at the very least wipe her lips. Why wouldn’t she? People wash their hands after using the loo, they don’t just go back to the kitchen and finish making the sandwiches with out doing anything. ;-)

@hipocrisy, ALOT of ppl dont wash their hands after finishing up the bathroom lol. its just gross the amount of ppl i catch in the act.

but still…even if she whipes her mouth…THE ACT MAN THE ACT..thats not right! my innocent little girl shouldnt be subject to that. its just like….near incest! thats just my opinion. (not trying to convince anyone)