I’m with the “if you’re not comfortable with it, don’t do it” camp. You’ll have to negotiate this with him, but I would not marry him if he insists on having an open marriage and you don’t want one. This is a very important issue that you must both agree on, or it will kill the relationship. If you enter into such a relationship allowing him to sleep around while you don’t, it is a sign of possible low self-esteem. You may want to consider counseling if that’s the case.
I, too, believe what you said:
i feel that sexual relaitons between two people if they are in love is not just for gratification but a show of love for each other..he says that with others it is just playing for fun. i just can’t seem to seperate the two i guess
In my heart, I don’t believe they are separatable. Other people seem to believe they can separate a desire for physical intimacy from the need for emotional intimacy. I happen to believe that you can be emotionally intimate (and physically intimate) with more than one person, but I choose not to be as long as I am emotionally intimate with my wife.
Jealousy is impossible to live with if you want to keep a stable, comfortable relationship. Multiple lovers often lead to a lot of drama, so he might be addicted to emotional drama in a way. If you don’t want that, then don’t get involved in it. Also, I doubt if you could learn to be comfortable with it. It’s something you can deal with naturally or you can’t deal with it at all. It goes to deep psychological needs—things that are extremely difficult to root out and come to a different accommodation with.
I think men are programmed to want more than one sexual partner, more so than women are. He gets points for being honest about this, instead of sneaking around behind your back. That is an uncommon characteristic in a person. Most people cheat if they want more than one partner. They don’t do it openly and honestly. Be grateful for that.
I think he’s fooling himself if he thinks he can have emotionally significant sex with you, and purely fun sex with others. I think that means he has trouble connecting emotionally and he needs reassurance from other women that he is desirable. I think that means he has low self-esteem. I think it means he is not into investigating or understanding his own psyche. Does he drink a lot, or do any drugs a lot? Or even regularly, if you don’t think it is a lot? If so, that’s another warning sign that you will not be happy in a marriage with him.