Social Question

Pat_thebear89's avatar

What should a person do if always turned down for a date?

Asked by Pat_thebear89 (92points) August 6th, 2009

ok if someone is one of those people that alway ask people out and never get a good answer like “im with someone”, or “im not into you” and “i only think of you as a really good friend”, and that happens to the person for a VERY long time, all the while he/she is being the perfect gentleman/lady they can possibly be?

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14 Answers

eponymoushipster's avatar

find a different kind of person to ask out.

marinelife's avatar

Take stock of yourself.

Ask a friend what you need to work on.

Consider a dating coach. If you use one, listen to them. After all, your way isn’t working.

@eponymoushipster makes a good point. What kind of people are you asking out?

1taster's avatar

Keep flirting. Hit on lots of people, not just the super-attractive ones. Make it into a game—but the purpose of the game is not to win acceptance, it is to pay very close attention to the people you are flirting with, and their reactions.

And why do you think they want you to be a “perfect gentleman/lady”? Maybe they want something a bit more exciting and real than that.

ABoyNamedBoobs03's avatar

human relations is a science. learn to read body language and voice inflection. the more aware of these things you are the more capable of saying and doing things at the right time you’ll be, it makes a difference.

Facade's avatar

Let people come to you

ABoyNamedBoobs03's avatar

@Facade if he’s a guy that doesn’t always happen.

guys go to girls all the time, girls usually don’t initiate, generalities aside, that is.

hearkat's avatar

Good advice above… and I also wonder about the line regarding being a “perfect gentleman/lady”. Nobody is perfect. Perhaps the individual in question is trying too hard to be something that they are not, and that is evident to others.

I have found that nature’s beauty lies in the imperfections that make us unique. We need to relax and be ourselves, and let our true characters shine through. After all, we all want to be loved for who we are not for who we think the other person wants us to be. Relationships built on pretense never succeed, and I personally suspect this has much to do with the high divorce rate.

If this person isn’t happy with who they are, then they need to work on themselves and forget about attempting to date. Because it is true that unless you love yourself, you can not truly share love with another. I learned this in a 7-year relationship I had, when neither he nor I had much self-confidence. And so although each of us loved the other very deeply, we were unable to accept or believe that the other loved us! We had issues with insecurities, jealousy, controlling and suspicions. It was not pretty.

Zendo's avatar

First this person should bear in mind that it is not their fault. The fault lies in the people they are asking out.
There are hundreds of millions of people on this planet, and surely one day s/he will stumble onto one.
Try online dating sites.

marinelife's avatar

@Zendo I disagree. If the common denominator is the asker, the asker needs to look at themselves. Also, there is no fault to someone who turns down a date. they have no obligation to date the asker.

Disc2021's avatar

I wouldn’t just “keep flirting” – that will make you seem desperate and often give off the impression that nobody wants you.

Relax and play it smooth. If you are a “nice guy” then perhaps you are being too nice initially. If you’re a nice guy you’ll have an easy time showing respect (which is very important) but dont roll over into submission to the point where you’re practically throwing yourself at someone. Show interest in the person – ask questions, listen actively to their responses. Read and interpret your communication well – verbals and non-verbals. Pay attention to reactions.

Most people just want someone that they can simply have fun and laugh with – not someone that tries way too hard to impress. Also, be aware of the chemistry and connection.

If you dont feel a connection – dont try harder, know when to throw in the towel.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

Perhaps you’re attracted to the wrong type of person.

NaturalMineralWater's avatar

If you strike at everything you’re bound to hit something.

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