How did your "first time" affect you?

I think its all in how you approach it. I lost mine when I was young (15ish) but I didn’t go into it thinking “this is my magical gift” or whatever. The girl who I lost it to, I partially regret ever having known but thats another topic. I think so long as you’re safe you should just get it over it. The faster you do, the faster you can start enjoying it.

On the flip side though, my gf didn’t lose it till she was around 20 when one day got sick of it and ended up just getting drunk and doing it with some random guy at a bar. That, she kind of regrets.

I think out virginity are WAY too blown up and bloated in our society. If you like the guy then just go and do it with him, you’re both old enough, you should be enjoying life and everything it has to offer.

I think you might be best off getting it over with now, with this guy you like, before you head off to school. I think it is def just too built up in your mind. There is indeed just one “first time” but out of all the times you’re gonna have, its probably gonna be the worst and most boring one.

Just get it over with.

Dooo it.

19 is not a “long time”. Don’t fool yourself. You’re still a kid.

I was exhausted.

@MrItty In this day and age, being a virgin at 19 is commendable.
@dazedandconfused Doing it just to do it is not a choice to make. Are you prepared to be a mother right now? Have you both been tested? Are you prepared for the possible emotional attachment to this boy? There are many questions you need to ask yourself first.

@Facade Way to put the fear of god into the poor girl. Use a condom, be smart, be careful and the chances of most of those happening are nil. If one of those does happen there are always options. As far as emotional attachment, whats wrong with that? We are here for experiences and that is one of them.

Dear Dazed,

Sex is wonderful, tremendously pleasurable and transformative. For these reasons, it is not something you just want to “get behind you.” It IS something you should wait for because it bonds you to the person you orgasm with.

Guys, especially 19 year old guys i was one once, have practically nothing on their minds besides getting some p*ssy. So if you want to give yourself away, you won’t have to look far.

But, you can do much better than that.

Wait for someone you care for and truly cares about you. Wait for a time when the tenderness and passion are properly mixed so you can truly make love with one another. That will be the right time for you to experience the true beauty intimacy.

@InspecterJones I’m just stating the obvious. And being emotionally attached to someone you may never see again is unnecessary.

Technically, my first time was by rape. I do not count this as my first sexual experience though.

My first time was when I was young, but instantly in love with my boyfriend. We were only going out for a month, and we decided to have sex. We got the protection, and lost our virginity together. It didn’t hurt, since I had technically already had sex, so it was enjoyable for me. I do remember it as a nice experience. I probably should have waited until I was older though, because I really think I was too young…and I think I started having sex because of the sexual assault.
If I could have a do-over, I would have waited until I was at least 18. But, it was not a negative experience. I’m glad I had it with him.

I felt like I had sold out my dreams. I regretted it immediately.

Complete anti-climax, pun sort of intended.

I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 20. I knew from a very young age that I wanted to wait to have sex until I was in love. The idea of having sex with people that I don’t love just grosses me out. I don’t look down on people who feel differently, but I know myself and how doing that would make me feel. I lost my virginity to someone who knew that I was a virgin and knew how I felt about casual sex. When it came down to it, he actually denied me the first time I said I was ready! When I asked why he said it was because he wanted me to be positive that I was truly ready, which was so awesome. I had to say I was ready a second time before anything happened, because he wasn’t even willing to try and take it far on his own.

I’m glad I waited, because I was being true to myself. I would have felt like crap if I’d had sex with just anyone. The question you have to ask yourself is, “How important is it that you have sex with someone you’re in love with?” You’ll know, from your gut reaction, whether or not you should continue to wait.

I was 14, but I was in love. We met when I was 12 and we were together until I was 18. I was so happy when we had sex. He was loving and
careful. It hurt the first few times, but after all that was
over…well, I haven’t looked back.

My advice is to lose it when it
will ache too much to keep it. When you are in the moment:
happy, aroused, wanting so much to just insert word(s) here your lover. When you no longer care if it’s the right time is the right time.

i think its different for everyone. i never planned when i wanted it to happen but when it did we both just knew. we were watching star wars. it was the last time i would have thought it would happen, but thinking back it was adorable because he was a big star wars nerd. but a really cute one :)

@deni I am honestly jealous. That sounds like the most awesome first time story I’ve ever heard.

@InspecterJones hehe thank you very much. i tell that story with pride.

I was 19 and a half when I lost mine and I still wish I had waited! I’d like to preface this by saying I was a monumentally stupid person about love/sex/guys. Here we go.

I lost my virginity to a homeless guy in a house full of drugs and lesbians. I wish I was kidding. But, there’s a reason (a weak one) behind it. At the time, I had been dating this guy for about a year and a half. His penis was huge. I mean, it could be used as a telephone pole, seriously. I loved him and wanted to have sex with him but I couldn’t because of his dimensions. We tried and failed many times due to the pain and awkwardness. Even the big sized condoms didn’t fit him properly and were uncomfortable. We were both virgins. Over a few months, I decided I needed space from him because he had been staying at my apartment, in my twin bed with me, eating my food for a long time and didn’t contribute. I told him I still loved him, which was true, but that he needed to grow up a little. He was 2 years younger than I. So, on our “break” I meet this guy and we hung out, and I thought he was a cool bad boy type. He lived on the streets or friends’ couches, and played guitar for change. I ended up sleeping with him at an acquaintance’s house because I was too embarrassed to bring him around my roommates. This acquaintance had many shady friends and I saw lots of naked lesbians. Not hot ones either. Anyway, this guy’s penis actually fit normally, which I thought was a good enough reason to pick him to break me in. Then he got real needy and weird. I finally broke it off after he was arrested for drug possession and put in county. I mean, I went to the jail to tell him myself and everything.

So, I soon got back together with my boyfriend and we could have sex, even though it was still like screwing a sequoia… ouchy.

I really still wish I’d have waited for someone I was actually in love with. Even a little bit in love with would’ve been better. It’s funny to me now, but I still have trouble telling people even bits of it. It’s like 0% romance and 100% stupidity.

I lost mine when i was 17 dating my high school sweetheart. When we decided to it just didn’t feel right at the time and thus i was thinking about it too much and i wasn’t able to enjoy it. Even after that I couldn’t find myself to enjoy the act but my girlfriend loved it so i went along with it because it made her happy. I’m not saying this was the right thing to do, and i did turn her down often which led her to cheat on me and ultimately the end of our relationship. Since moving on, i think that now, i will wait until i find the person i will spend the rest of my life with before having sex again.

Sex is a nice part of a relationship, but it makes things alot more complicated down the road.

Going against the crowd here…my first time was one of the best experiences of my life. Long planned, romantically executed, and plenty of cuddling afterward. True, it was in my car in a deserted parking lot, but I’m okay with that. :)

I was six, it wasn’t pleasant. Yeah, it really screwed me up.

mine was pretty good. I had fooled around a solid amount before losing my actual V-card, so I wasn’t really awkward for the most part (as little awkward as a skinny 13 year old can be, rather…)

it was actually kind of different, I noticed that most people’s first time is missionary, but with me and mine, she was on top, I didn’t really expect that lol.

I was dazed and confused for so long it’s not not true. I wanted a woman, but never bargained for her. Lots of people were talking but few of them knew.
I learned from this that the soul of a woman was created below…

The effects from my first time were a pregnancy and subsequent failed marriage.
Yes, that right. My first time.
Talk about luck.

I think it’s different for men and women. My first time (and second time right after that) was with a friend who had just lost her virginity herself, and decided to “teach me”. It was more of a science class than sex. The next couple of thousand times though were amazing, and consisted of a variety of positions, places, moods and times, with a super-sexy girl who also happened to be a nymphomaniac, and was my girlfriend for the next three years. I got a lot of practice, but also got enough sex to last me a lifetime, which in fact affected me in all my future relationships, since I was not as deprived as most men, and don’t care about sex as much as they do. So I look at different things instead, and have had more balanced and long-term relationships as a result.

It granted me bragging rights for several years.

He’s twenty-three.. and we’ve been “together” since January, with a few month break in between. I wouldn’t get attached to him or commit because I’m going away to school for the first time and have this grand idea of what it will be. I promised myself that I wouldn’t go away while attached to a boyfriend somewhere else. Believe me when I say I’ve given this a lot of thought. I guess I just don’t know if I should invest that much when the odds of us being together are not so great… especially since I seem to change on a day to day basis. I guess what I’m asking is how big of a deal is it actually? Did losing it to that person ruin your whole outlook on sex, or make the person you’re with now feel less strongly about you? Did it make you feel worse about yourself? I sound really stupid by asking these questions, I know :)

It’s very mature of you to have thought this through so well. It shows character to not let the passion take you over. Really, you can wait to be on the safe side, and if he continues to visit you through the school year and show some devotion, you can always reconsider. There’s never a need to do something just to do it.

Fluther, I’m so sad to hear that so many of you had unwanted sexual experiences before you were ready.

It’s as big a deal as you make it. Some people can have sex for fun and pleasure alone, others cannot. Follow your heart. Trite, I know, but true anyway.

i dunno. if it means a lot to you its better to wait

My first time, I was 20 and she was 19. We were both virgins. I didn’t want to wait until I was 20, but it took me that long to find someone who was interested. I was certainly in love. We were together for a year and a half, and then I graduated and she used that as a way to break it off.

It was tough the first time, since neither of us knew, really, what we were doing. She was probably quite anxious. It wasn’t earth-shaking or anything. It took a bit of practice to work up to earthshaking.

I wouldn’t put too much stock into a first time. There’s a big myth about it, but a few years later, you will have forgotten entirely what it felt like, except for a general kind of thing. I think we need training for sex. Lots of time to fool around and learn how to please each other before we actually have intercourse. I think that love really helps. I wouldn’t do it just to get rid of it. I’d do it with someone you want to do it with because it expresses how you feel. But I’m an old fuddy-duddy.

So let me see if I have the whole story right.

You have a guy, who you really like, and feel very strongly about. This same guy feels very strongly about you. You weren’t sure if you wanted to date him because you were going away to school, but now you’ve come around to the idea (which only reinforces the idea that you really like him), and there’s a good chance that you’ll date for at least some amount of time. He’s older, and more experienced, and hence would know “how to handle” a virgins first time. He’s committed to you, crazy about you, and would do anything you wanted to make your first time exactly (or as close as possible) to what you imagined it. Moreover, he would be supremely honored to be your first, and wants very badly to be intimately closer to you, and make love with you….. It sounds like exactly what you have been waiting so long for…. so, why not do it now that it is how you wanted it to be?

@westy81585 Wow… what a compelling statement and ridiculously accurate assumption.. Sounds really good written down, and now I somehow just have to get out of my head it seems. Hopefully a little bit more time will make it more clear.

My first used me. He told all of my friends and they tried to use me too.

It made me feel that guys only wanted one thing from me. I think it affected me greatly.

My first time was awkward and just plain weird. I was suppose to just meet up with her at my house for a quiet game day, as a play date, turns out we weren’t going to play any games I had in mind. We started normal she came to my house and I was welcoming enough. Honestly I can’t really say I was surprised/scared/nervous/confused… etc. It was normal actually… Before I thought my “first time” was going to be the most amazing transformation of my life, changing me in ways I couldn’t imagine… (mentally…)

It just turned out to be something… normal as in it didn’t affect me at all. It’s great… just not world changing great. (use protection)

Now to answer your question not asked. No… I don’t think you should have sex with him just because your moving away. Honestly if he’s the right guy for you, TRUST ME you’ll know. how? because you actually see yourself thinking about him and you in that situation. If you can’t picture yourself with him or don’t feel comfortable with that, then don’t.

@malcrony welcome to fluther. Lurve.

I don’t think losing my virginity really changed anything about me other taking a solid chunk out of my sexual ignorance. Falling in love, getting your heart broken, those things will change you.

Of course those things are not infrequently related to sex.

@filmfann Thanks again.

@fundevogel sort of the exact thing I’m saying… but not exact… makes sense? (lol)

@Malcrony I think we’re on more or less the same page :)

@fundevogel Pretty much :D

I waited until I was 18, which everyone thought I was a giant prude for. But really, I wish I had waited a bit longer. I was in love with my boyfriend, it was my first year of college…but I don’t regret it. I was with him for six years after that. I take sex very seriously. Just make sure it is your decision, and that this person is worthy of it.

My first time story is pretty horrible. I was really young (in my eyes). Only 14. I had been dating this guy for 9 months and he was always trying to pressure me into sex. Shortly after our 9 month anniversary passed I thought maybe it was time. I snuck out of my house at 3am and walked all the way to his house. He had no idea I was planning this. So I got there, let myself in, found his bedroom, and had very awkward first time sex for what felt like hours. But that’s not the bad part. I went home shortly after and called him the next morning…But the phone was disconnected. Strange. Maybe his mom didn’t pay the bill. I waited a day. Still nothing. So I decided to stop by his house and see what was up. His house was completely empty. Everything was gone. I later found out from his friend that he had moved out of state with his mom and was too upset to tell me! He literally moved the day after I lost my virginity to him. I was crushed. I recovered and I’m stronger now. But I still think to myself from time to time if only I had waited one more day…Everything would have played out different. My advice to young girls is to wait. Wait as long as you possibly can. Once it’s gone, you can’t get it back.

I was 19 years old when I lost my virginity to the man I am still very much in love with (I’m 23 now). I promised myself that I would only lose my virginity to someone I truely loved and trusted. I hope we will be together forever cliche I know but regardless of what happens in the future, I know that I won’t ever regret losing my virginity to him.

I’m pretty sure I made the right choice :) Thanks for the input everyone

It seperated me from my virginity.

The guy I lost my virginity to, was a friend with benefits for about 10 years. Him and I never had a real relationship, but be were always friends, who sometimes had sex. I don’t regret any sex I had with him

@Violet: There needs to be more people like you

@mass_pike4 – I am one of a kind! lol (and thank you very much). I really can’t be compared to any other chick

Well, the first time (read ‘attempt’) was pretty disappointing I’d say, but the second and third… Now that’s a story to tell!

I was 13 when I lost mine, and I have never once regretted it. I wanted to have sex then. I had no illusions that I was ‘in love’ with the man, no desire to have a relationship or romance. It was just sex, incredible sex, pure and simple physical pleasure. I possess the ability to disconnect sex from romance and emotion, and to enjoy sexual pleasure on a purely physical level. Not everyone can do the same, however.

Next morning , I felt like a Real Woman and happy . Which surprised me since I had been told I’d feel Rotten. LOL ! I think it helped a lot that the guy was very sweet , came from a good family and I liked him a lot. We lasted a long time too! About six months. lol I was 18.

I think this entire page would make a pretty good book. Really. After one finishes reading the Classics, of course.