How do you deal with a best friend who has become consumed with their significant other?

I say “fuck them”. If you aren’t worth their time, they aren’t worth yours. This stuff has happened often to me. Ain’t cool.

I’m just bitter. Don’t follow my advice. Seriously.

what do you expect people to say?
you’re going to get two answers.
fuck it, it’s not worth your time because you’re awesome and deserve better
or
try telling him/her how you feel, let them know what’s on your mind and hope they come around

Deal with it. They have a right to be consumed with their significant other. Take what time you can get with your friend and don’t get between them. Just accept that things have changed.

Wow, you seem very bitter Corey. Moderation in life is a good thing.

@ABoyNamedBoobs03 I don’t find your reply at all helpful. This question allows plenty of room for discussion. I’d like to see people’s perspectives on what they’d do in this situation and why. Why should you write them off? Or, why should you stick around and let their relationship run its course? Why should you remain loyal? Everyone has a different way of thinking and their own way of handling things, to dumb it down into only two possible frames of mind is over-simplifying the matter and frankly, it’s obnoxious.

@Corey_D Hmm yes I sense the bitterness as well. Perhaps you lost a friend or two due to your tunnel-vision on your girlfriend?

@Corey_D I agree with Corey and don’t sense any bitterness at all… it is the friend’s decision whether or not they want to be consumed with a relationship and disregard their friends. It’s @le_inferno ‘s decision if he/she wants to take it personally and end the friendship over it. I don’t think there is a right or wrong response, just go with however it really makes you feel. Most of the time you can’t even help the way something makes you feel.

No no, @Corey_D is right on. Leave the lovebirds alone. If they’re lucky that spirit will last them their whole lives. One day when you get the right babe, you may vanish too.

The reason why I can never just abandon the friendship over something like this is because one of my best friends did this to me, where I became sort of a permanent third wheel and she spent all her time with her boyfriend and it seemed like she was done with me. However, later in their relationship, it changed. She became more willing to include me in what she did and not just treat me like a third wheel. I had no idea that was going to happen and to think I almost decided the friendship was over. They are still going out and the three of us (with the addition of my boyfriend as a fourth member) hang out and it works out well. I hate to say “see what happens”, but that is kind of what I do. I certainly didn’t try and impose myself on her if she was with her boyfriend. I understood that this is someone she’s in love with and it’s different than a friend.

@BBSDTfamily How can you not take it personally when someone close to you stops caring?

Maybe it’s just best to do what you feel is right. I’ve been in plenty of situations like this, and I hate to say it, I tried to talk to my best friend about it, and the second time it happened with another best friend I just waited to see what happened.

I didn’t have any best friends for quite some time.

The grim truth is that people love to obsess over significant others, and sometimes I guess their infatuation causes them to lose their rational thinking, so maybe not all do it on purpose.

But it is funny how someone you’ve known for years suddenly forgets you when they fall for a complete stranger.

I agree with @Corey_D and @Zendo

You just have to accept the fact that they have something more important in their life at the moment and hopefully be there for them when they need you.

That is what it means to truly be a best friend imo.

First of all, remember it is nothing personal. Let them have this special time together. It only lasts a while even if they end up married. They will resurface and look for their friends again. It is like keeping your friendship in tact during an inordinately busy semester at school. Your friend is consumed with school, but the fog lifts at the end of the term and you’re still friends. Just accept that the next few months will be slow on the friendship front and be ready to pick back up when the time is right.

Good friendships will withstand diversions and the test of time. You should give your friend some space while he/she is going through the lust period of their new relationship but let them know you are there for them and be there for them. This may be a lasting relationship for him/her but things will cool down some. Or the relationship may not work out, so you certainly don’t want to make an ultimatum or burn your bridges. Besides, tables can be easily turned very quickly at which time you’ll see their perspective and how engrossing it can be falling in love, or lust.

In an ideal world people would always place their significant other above all other people. I do. That doesn’t not mean that I relegate all friends to an insignificant place in my life, just that I share time appropriately.

Regardless of how you intended to appear, to me you appear less than a good friend to this person. Jealousy is not a part of any true friendship, and your attitude is that of a jealous person.

Just be patient and wait until you too discover the intoxicating feeling of intense love. I don’t know if you’re a guy or a girl but if you’re a guy, don’t go whining to your friend that you feel left out, he’ll probably think you’re a pussy and will lose a good deal of respect for you.

If they’re at the beginning of their relationship (and you’re all young), then they’re in that blissful period where they’re going to be consumed with each other right now. It happens all the time. After the “honeymoon period” wears off (and if they stay together that long), they’ll remember that they have friends and should ring them up. Please don’t take it personally.

I myself have never been in that place where I stopped calling my friends, but that’s me.

I agree with the masses. You can’t win this. You have to wait it out.
I should mention that I am happy for your friend. It’s nice to feel that way.

It’s normal for two people in a new or turned serious relationship to become consumed, almost expected. I’m happy for my friends when this happens because that experience doesn’t always last or it changes but I am always there for my friends and they extend the same patience and space with me. Same thing happens when couples marry or have babies or buy a home, they need “them” time.

Add me to the people that say just wait. A new relationship is going to take a lot of time, but it doesn’t mean your friend doesn’t care anymore. Eventually the new will fade away and they’ll be including you. Being jealous and angry will just ensure that the friendship goes away.

Is it not possible that the friend in question is oblivious to how much this is bothering you? Yes, you may claim that such only indicates a lack of care but in my opinion this is not necessarily true, I myself am a very unobservant person and have (unfortunately) hurt the feelings of others in the past through sheer ignorance. You can care about people without being able to accurately read their feelings on a matter at all times.
Why not discuss the matter and if you’re not willing to then just disregard the mater and continue with your life enjoying the time you do spend with this friend (as mentioned previously by Corey). Those are the only two realistic options available to you that occur to me.

punch his girlfriend straight in the nose,

happened to me too just go with the flow get on with yer own life and they will probably turn up again eventually any other action will just make you loose them

Thanks everyone… your replies really helped a lot.

Be there for your best friend.

This has happened to my best friend and I numerous times. We have known each other since we were in 1st grade. We are 38 now. I can go months without talking to her but when I do talk to her it feels like it was just yesterday when we spoke last.

We both have our moments when we are just consumed with our relationship with our significant others and we tend to let our friendship take a nap. We are always there for each other though. Especially when we need help or want to share a funny story.

I would be lost if my best friend didn’t stick by my side when I ignored her for a guy.

You were there before the other person, and your buddy is treating you like an acquaintance? You’re going to have to let them go as friends. Don’t stress it too much. Life is about rooting out your fake friends and keeping around the real one’s. In real friendships both parties work to keep the friendship going. Once you get it in your head that rooting certain people out of your life is part of life, it won’t seem like such a big deal. Also, try to be more social, and make sure you’re being a good friend yourself, so that no one roots you out.

-Link

It happens quite a bit. My best friend did the same thing, and while I was angry and annoyed, I eventually realized that the best thing to do was “wait and see what happens”. I hung out with other friends and my boyfriend, and when she would call the once in a while to hang out and I was busy, I think she felt sad and left out that I had developed friendships and a life outside of her. She came around and we hung out more, but at the same time, when intense relationships become lasting ones, some of those once all important friendships aren’t as intense anymore. It sucks :) Best thing to do is find other friends and people you can spend your time with, no use sitting around and sulking! Best of luck :)

i’ve had friends who get infatuated with their new boyfriend, and basically become shitty friends.
just put your energy into the relationships you have with friends who seem to value your friendship. if said problematic friend is making no effort to include you in their lives, let it be. chances are, they’ll realize you’ve been absent, and start to wonder why they haven’t seen you in awhile. if they don’t, then that’s their problem.