General Question

Grisaille's avatar

To the phallus bearers out there, do you ever feel your biological clock ticking?

Asked by Grisaille (12048points) August 8th, 2009

I asked this in the fluther chat.

I don’t know why, when, what sparked it or whatever, but for the past month of so, I’ve been feeling an emotional tug. A sinking feeling. I’m in my mid-20s, and would be the worst father in the world – but goddamn it – I think want a kid.

Help.

SUBSTANTIAL EDIT

For women, how would you feel if your significant other told you that he wanted a child, but you did not want one? How would you go about talking about it and such?

totally alienated a gender. sorry folks :]

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26 Answers

Grisaille's avatar

Question was edited

richardhenry's avatar

Women could qualify as phallus bearers too, depending on to what degree they “wear the trousers”.

augustlan's avatar

What makes you think you’d be a bad father? Clearly this isn’t something you should just jump into, but if the feeling persists give it some serious thought.

derekpaperscissors's avatar

Your genes are probably acting up. Having a kid is one way to pass down the seed, a legacy you can leave behind to the world. Sometimes, I’ve also imagined having a kid who I would love and raise up to be better, to grow up in a better world and contribute to its fruition. And with all the experiences we’ve been through, we sometimes feel that we can share and teach so much to our child.
What bugs me though is that some parents, instead of embracing the experiences they once had and sharing/revealing this to their children in a responsible way, end up sheltering them from it for fear of being hurt and what not.
I’m not entirely sure how to handle that part yet, to give my son or daughter worldly experiences but at the same time not over exposing him/her or, on the other hand, sheltering him/her.

Grisaille's avatar

@augustlan Well, various reasons.

A. I leave to the USMC in about a year.

B. I’m barely surviving on my own, financially.

C. Most girls I know are skanks. (Adoption, yes, I know)

D. I rarely remember to bring my cellphone with me when I walk out the door. Forgetting to feed a baby sounds like a bad thing.

E. Me? I drink five cups of coffee, smoke a pack of cigarettes and live eternally in my pajamas.

F. The Marine Corps.

Seriously, the rest is partly joking (based on truth, of course), but there is a battle here. Personal Agenda vs. Intrinsic Tug.

It’d be selfish to start to raise a kid – exactly why I shy away from relationships. I’d never do that to a woman, let alone my child.

Typing “my child” actually gave me chills. Oh dear. Might be worse than I thought.

drdoombot's avatar

I feel it. I don’t want to be too old a father. Plus, there are so many babies around me and I want my own…

In all seriousness, I love kids and want my own. But I also grew up in impoverished circumstances, so I want to be careful about being ready for the financial burden of several deadbeats running around my house and eating all my food.

Grisaille's avatar

@drdoombot Hey, at least I’m not alone in this.

drdoombot's avatar

@Grisaille If we didn’t feel the urge to reproduce, nature would totally give us a failing grade.

mea05key's avatar

i suggest giving yourself a little more time to think about it. ^^

Its nice to have a child around in the family but raising it… its totally a different thing altogether.

Lupin's avatar

Clearly, you are not ready now. But don’t worry about it. You’re a Y chromosome holder. You can have ‘em any time. You can do it when you are 45. Isn’t 45 the new 25? You can do it when you have a pension. You can be this guy. (Lucky b*stard.)
That said, there’s an awful lot of low life out there every day, spreading seed and they are not half as intelligent or capable as you.

Grisaille's avatar

Lucky bastard, indeed.

Thanks for the compliments.

I just fear that I’ll make a career out of the Marine Corps. and never look at civilian life again. One or the other.

DarkScribe's avatar

No, not really. I’ve already got five daughters – now every time my biological alarm goes off – I hit the snooze button.

Lupin's avatar

Even if you make a career out of it, you can retire in 20 years and be, what, 45? You’ll be more physically fit than 96% of the population, and will have a pension and medical benefits. You can be one of the most eligible guys on the planet.

AstroChuck's avatar

Guys don’t have biological clocks. We can go forever.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

I’m a female but have never had the drive to make babies which has come into conflict with more than one partner. They start off saying they don’t want kids then somehow it creeps into the mix that they want kids and they want them with me and blah blah. My argument has always been that I’ll only make a baby if I can afford to raise it and educate it in the way I most want and with a man I feel will be an excellent father whether or not he remains my partner. I’ve lost a few partners because they want to get married and have babies so maybe you guys do have some kind of biological urges ;p

Deepness's avatar

Yes, I do feel my bio cock tickling…clock ticking. Oops.

Seriously, I’m about to hit 34 in 6 days. My gf turns 30 in 7 days. We don’t live together. We have no kids and we’ve been together for 4 years. Yes, I don’t want the opportunity to escape me and neither does she. We both want marriage and children. What’s stopping us? Me.

I’m terrified of doing it and regretting it due to a bad divorce. I’ve witnessed thousands of bad divorces and so few great marriages.

casheroo's avatar

It’s because you saw pictures of my adorable kid, isn’t it? He makes you want to procreate. Don’t be fooled, they’re a lot of work! If you aren’t ready then hold off for the right woman

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Maybe I’m biased but you shouldn’t have kids till you stop using the word ‘skanks’ to describe ‘most’ girls you know…if my partner wanted a child and I didn’t want one, it would be a problem, yes, we’d have to see if there is a compromise

Grisaille's avatar

@casheroo But of course. I want a little dude that’s as awesome as your little dude. Or little dudette.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir No, no. I know. It was a joke and a lame attempt to inject lightheartedness into a very miserable feeling time of my life; I didn’t mean to offend.

Though, in reality, saying “you shouldn’t have kids…” for whatever reason is awfully judgmental. ‘sides, even if I did feel that way, you don’t know these women. What if all my friends are prostitutes?

I’m kidding. It was in poor taste. My female friends, exes and acquaintances are class acts.

The girls that I have relations with? No where near ready for a commitment.

@Deepness So many obstacles, huh? Ain’t easy. Good luck.

@hungryhungryhortence Hey, I never knew the urge would be so strong. I thought women were being overdramatic when they say they feel their biological clock. Pfft.

@Lupin Well… when you put it that way…

@everyone

Yep. No where near ready to have a child. I already know this.

I suppose I posed this question just to let out some frustration. I did, however, want to know if I was alone in feeling this.

Quite honestly, I ain’t used to this shit. It is a strange feeling – I never even wanted a child. And now, out of nowhere, my hormones are rushing to places, my mind is getting all screwy and I view babies – instead of being little booger factories – to be the most beautiful thing in the world.

It’s like I’m 10 again, and I just kissed Michelle behind the handball wall. What is happening to my body? This tingly sensation.

It feels funny.

Now where’s that snooze button so I can get on with my life?

Saturated_Brain's avatar

If that’s the case, kudos to you for wanting to have a kid. And further kudos for realising and being mature enough to know that you shouldn’t have one now. I think that all guys will probably have it in passing at one point or another. We all want to settle down sooner or later, man or woman.

Plus, I know someone who’s 16. And he wants children. Then again, he’s always wanted a family of his own. His clock’s probably working in overdrive..

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

@Grisaille been there, done that. it does eventually go away, this feeling of wanting to have a kid. I have my reasons (and they are very good reasons) why I would be a lousy father, so I decided to place my selfish emotional desires against my logical thinking and realistic ideals. You probably know which one won out.

I am childless, but I do have a couple of nephews (for lack of a better word) that could fulfill my end of life desires and handle my estate. I’ve approached one about it, and he has agreed to be executor of my will and POA of everything else. All I have left are the legal details.

And after all, besides the whole leave a little piece of yourself behind, isn’t that why we have kids, so the state doesn’t get all of our inheritance?

Some days the desire for my own offspring is strong, but like my desire to fly like a bird without an engine and a plane, it is truly unrealistic. You are not alone, my friend.

Grisaille's avatar

@evelyns_pet_zebra Great answer.

Though, admittedly, I don’t have much to leave behind. I live outta my goddamned luggage, for christ’s sake.

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

@Grisaille but in twenty years you might be wildly successful. Life is a crapshoot after all. I know a guy who has a wife and three young boys, and he just left for Iraq last week. He’ll be gone at least a year. Not sure how this applies to your question, but I do remember telling him to ‘make sure he came back, and to call me when he did.” he promised to do so, and I hope like Hell he does, no kid deserves to have his father killed in a war he didn’t start.

If you love your freedom, thank a veteran. They make sacrifices automatically that we might never have to personally face, ever.

Grisaille's avatar

@evelyns_pet_zebra Oh, I do.

Grandfather partially raised me. Master Gunnery Sergeant, USMC.

Trust me, I know their sacrifices.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@Grisaille I don’t think there is much wrong with prostitutes, sorry. Nor do I need women to be ‘class acts’ and of course I can tell plenty of people not to parent…there are many reasons for this…and of course it’s a judgment on my part, I completely do not deny that.

JeffVader's avatar

Ive never felt my clock ticking…. I doubt that I even have one.

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