Am I being jealous or is my concern justified?

It is hostile to give advice that is unasked for. She gets to decide what to do.

@gailcalled Lol. Yeah I was definitely hostile in my tone.

I’m sure she doesn’t care for these comments either way or they’d be happening not so opnely

Goodness. This is why I think couples should really talk to each other and get to know the dynamics of each other’s friendships before getting on each other’s social pages. It really could be innocent as platonic friends often feel comfortable to be sexually suggestive because they know there’s nothing going on. For example, I’ve got friends of many years who I banter about with and if my lover read our shenanigans, he’d probably flip his lid and think we’re up to all sorts of sordid when really we’re not.

To add to what Simone wrote about your girl maybe not liking the comments, ask your gf about them. I’ve seen people totally disrespect other people’s new relationships by blabbing on and on about intimate details that are no longer relevant (definitely not apprecited), especially in public forums.

Sticks and stones man… if she’s into it you may have a reason to be worried… if she just laughs it off then there’s no issue. He can be a jerk or not… if she’s not playing along you really have no reason to be concerned. Just tune him out…. either that or find sexy pics of @hungryhungryhortence (... trust me.. there are some very nice ones out there) and make HER jealous.

Just ignore the douche and don’t let it bother you.

You seem to be a bit more concerned about this than the situation warrants.

Are you concerned that some remote guy making slightly suggestive comments is going to distract your girlfriend from you? Seems a bit paranoid.

Relax and talk to her about WHY you are worried. It is her Facebook, let her decide.

Meh, if she isn’t replying back it isn’t a problem, it sounds like nothing serious.
People can say what they want on the internet, you don’t want to be too controlling.

I think you are right to be concerned but be careful how you handle it. If I were you I would go back to her, apologize for being hostel, and explain that you think he has something in mind and that it would make you more comfortable if she drew a line in the sand with him.

She is not responding back in kind and you have no business telling her how to interact with her friends.

This is one of the big problems with the digital age – “significant others” think they have the right to know everything texted, emailed and posted. What they fail to realize is that everyone is entitled to some privacy and should not have to live under a microscope of having to justify innocent quips and thoughts.

@Dog: YAY!!!
I used to think couples should share everything and when e-mail, myspace, social site stuff got into the mix that became very messy- more explaining what I deemed harmless than was good for the relationship. Since then I do not share my social site activities or my facebook and I don’t ask for theirs either and it hasn’t hurt a thing. Where else can you share with your friends that you’re having a crappy day that can turn miraculously joyous the minute your love surprises you with something?

@Dog If there was a person trying to get into your significant other’s pants, wouldn’t you be concerned? Put it this way. I have a female friend from my elementary school years on my facebook page and she comments occasionally on photos I post or things I say but it’s never anything that’s sexually suggestive. Yet, her presence makes my gf raise an eyebrow at times.

You can’t control what other people do. So stop trying. You shouldn’t have done anything more than ask her about it.

@Deepness: if someone’s trying to get into your gf’s pants then doesn’t she have some power over whether or not that goes anywhere? Not meaning she would be interested but more that she would put that person in line as to what’s acceptable to post and what’s not. That’s something I figured most people do right off, let others know why some posts are going to be deleted or some chats not sought after.

@Deepness Obviously she knows his personality and is not threatened or bothered by his banter. Again- if she was flirting back then you have the right to call her on it. But she is not.

Case in point- @eponymoushipster who uses sexual humor to entertain us here on Fluther.

Why are you worried? Guys that talk about Naked Twister to a girl on Facebook are usually losers that can’t get a date. Any girl knows that.

@Dog She isn’t flirting back but we are all human. Being human means we are of a volatile nature and more vulnerable at times than others. You’re right. I can’t control her. I can’t even control the situation but I can let it be very clear how it makes me feel.

@Deepness: Yes, you should voice how you feel because you can’t unsee what’s been shared and she should understand that and maybe will take steps to change the activity or give you insight that re assures you.

I think you’re overreacting. You have to trust your partner. Yeah if something really suspicious comes up I’m not saying just accept it but I think a lot of people get really overly jealous about social sites like facebook and turn nothing into something.

@Deepness, why do you think she would have any interest in a guy that talks about Naked Twister? Is she the kind of girl that would play Naked Twister? Seriously. Girls have to put up with guys being jerks to them all of the time, and it’s easiest to just ignore them.

Here’s a Link to a news story about a study on the effect of Facebook on relationships. It’s rather interesting and it addresses jealousy directly.

I hope you don’t mind my suggesting that giving your girlfriend orders is not only rude, but it’s an ineffective strategy.

@pdworkin Thanks. I don’t mind. Deep inside I know it’s a bad strategy. A good short read. I think I’ve read a longer article on the same subject not too long ago. I personally don’t disclose too much personal info on FB. I notice people seem to enjoy raking up 200+ “friends”. I only have about 6 friends. I like keeping a small circle. I actually turn down requests from coworkers to be my friend on FB. I see enough of them at work. Hmm. I share more personal info on Fluther now that I think about it. I may have to cut back on that by asking hypothetical questions not involving myself in them directly. Thanks for the heads up.

You guys have some serious jealousy issues if thats all it takes to get you that upset.

I have commented like that many times in the past with many female friends, and neither their b/f’s, or my g/f’s, have ever given a damn. It’s just talk (not even real talk). Moreover, even if it was more than that on his end, she’s YOUR g/f. Do you not trust her enough to not fall for every guy that leaves a flirtatious post on her facebook wall? Have a little more trust for christs sake. Unless that’s how you picked her up, I don’t think you’ve got anything to worry about.

@westy81585 Pay attention. Yes, you have commented in a similar sexually playful manner with many female friends but is that the only way you ever speak to them? I said every comment this guy leaves is sexually suggestive or flirtatious. My gf replies but never reciprocating his vibe.

@Deepness Ok then pay attention yourself. The second half of my post mentioned how even if he means it sexually more than jokingly, she’s YOUR g/f. Do you not trust her? Is that all one has to do to get her in the sack, post sexual comments on her facebook wall?

If thats the case I would suggest finding a new g/f.

@westy Nothing wrong with trying to put a stop to something before giving it a chance to gain any traction.

@westy81585 A person draws their own line when it comes to friends and relationships. As such my gf has her own choices to make. I can only let my own voice and feelings be heard and felt as loudly and as clearly as I can get them across, without actually yelling. She can do what she chooses.

I guess I am going out on my own here, but it would bother me. I wouldn’t order my husband to remove a woman doing that from his page, but I would expect him to do that on his own or at least respond to her post with “I wish you would not say things like that” or “I find that inappropriate.”

He is publicly disrespecting both her and your relationship and she is allowing it. By allowing it, she is publicly disrespecting your relationship as well.

In answer to your original question, you are being jealous and it probably is not justified.

The simplest thing is to stop checking out your gf’s Facebook page.

Its amazing the level of insecurities some people have. I could never be in a relationship like that.

@westy81585 Lion’s are kings of the jungle. Even lions are wary of other lions. Watch the discovery channel. You might learn something. That said, if your sideways talk is suggesting that I and my gf are insecure. That’s cool. Maybe we have some of that lion trait in us.

If you say you don’t have a jealous bone in your body, that’s cool too. However, if you stay passive towards everything in your relationship (if you have one) in order to prove your point, you will eventually be walked upon. Some things deserve attention and need to be addressed.

@Darwin Suggestion taken. Thanks!

@Deepness, Lion? King of the Jungle? Why don’t you just club her over the head, drag her into a cave?

I’m half and half on this issue. @supacase has one of the halves covered – the other half just thinks that social networking sites such as facebook and myspace cause unnecessary tension for couples as it is and that if things like this can’t be ignored, both of your profiles should mutually just be removed to alleviate the problem.

What would really irk me is if my partner didn’t have the “in a relationship” status option selected and created the appearance that they were single and available. Anything else is just petty to me (unless they were obviously trying to initiate something with someone).

@Deepness You said “Nothing wrong with trying to put a stop to something before giving it a chance to gain any traction.”
that is for her to do not you and rather than watch the discovery channel about lions, remember we’re not just animals and talk to her

I am just amazed that the old-fashioned option of telling the guy that you don’t appreciate the way he talks to your girlfriend has yet to surface… why is it okay to put the burden of fixing your emotional issues on your girlfriend?

She appears to be immune to the “charms” of this lizard, yet it sounds like you must see some of yourself in this guy, and think that what’s he’s doing could actually work with your girlfriend.

I’m quenched for time right now, so no fabulous response from me, but I agree with Supacase.

(erm-“Pressed” for time? You can satisfy thirst or extinguish a fire, speaking of “quenching.” )

Maybe you should’ve talked to her about it first. Trust is always a good thing in any relationship. If you trust her, then you should’ve maybe asked her about it, and then stated your concerns!

I totally agree with you.

I’d be jealous too. If I were you, I would have a private talk with her in person, and make sure you tell her how YOU feel, not what she is doing wrong. Don’t make it out to be that she’s doing something wrong, she’ll respect you laying your feelings out for her.

My husband just doesn’t get the whole Facebook thing, he doesn’t see why I would want to get in touch with people who I lost touch with from High School (If you lost touch then there must be a reason)

I can see both sides to this, if you trust her though then it shouldn’t make too much difference to your relationship, if you are that uncomfortable with it just say, why do you have him as a friend if he is so rude? She just probably hasn’t got round to deleting him yet!

In the end nothing you do in attempt to control the situation will stop anything from happening or make the situation more positive. If a person wants to cheat they will find a way & being controlling about it won’t help – you just have to follow thru on whatever the consequences are cause there is no use getting all emotional about things. In my opinion if you are feeling this way it’s because you aren’t stupid. You know that guys intentions when it comes down to it, which is why you have to talk to your gf in a rational way about it. There’s nothing wrong with expressing your discomfort to her & asking her to come up with a compromising solution. She could tell the guy to stop because it is disrespectful to her relationship & gives the wrong ideas to others who may read her page – she could tell him if he doesn’t stop she’s gonna have to block him from being able to comment & if he switches to emailing her his intentions will become immediately clear & she can defriend the guy all together. As long as she’s being respectful to you by not egging him on then those compromises should be acceptable if not then a relationship assessment may be necessary.

no, you did the right thing by telling her.

@Jenniehowell You are awesome! Thanks. Great advice.

Only you know if you are jealous, asking someone is pointless. In the Facebook world, I would always be concerned as it is so contrived, frivolous, and should not be taken seriously as it is too fraught with lack of realism.

@deepness thanks for the kudos ;-)

My boyfriend used to be on my Facebook, every time I posted a comment that he didn’t know anything about he would be upset that I wasn’t being open with him…half of my postings are random thoughts and don’t have a lot of meaning to them (if it’s something meaningful I would rather talk to someone instead of making it public for everyone with access to see). The same goes for some of my friends that like to use inside jokes as comments and having to constantly explain the meaning took a lot of fun out things.

I understand that all the sexual comments would bother you…I would be PISSED but I think you should have tried letting your girlfriend know that the sexual comments were getting under your skin because it would have given her a chance to explain anything that may seem like something it really isn’t. It would have also given her the opporitunity to deal with the situation in her own way or deciding if it is something that needed to be dealt with period.

If she doesn’t want to do anything about the comments there’s really nothing you can do without coming across as jealous or controlling. Even if the guy saying these things is an odd personality and means nothing by it being confrontational isn’t going to solve a lot and being demanding or aggressive about it is only going to push her away

by the way…I have to agree with you on the fact that she should have done something about it without you having to call it to her attention. She should have considered that after a few of those comments. If I’m not interested in someone saying things like that I back away to send a subtle message…