How to get your partner to trust you?

I don’t know if you can force anyone into it… just be yourself, be trustworthy and let him figure it out himself.

Someone who has been betrayed is going to be very cautious to avoid feeling that that type of extreme pain ever again. Words, and your assurances, alone, won’t do it. It will take your actions and patience over a period of time to truly obtain their confidence and trust. I don’t believe it is possible to understand how someone who has been betrayed really feels, unless you yourself have been betrayed. And, I can tell you, it is truly agonizing.

@shrubbery You must find us a… shrubbery! xD Love it. Please say you know what I’m talking about.. otherwise it’s just weird.

@James17555 Nothing builds trust like time and loyalty. There is no magic cure.

I agree with @NaturalMineralWater. Time and loyalty. But may I add total and complete honesty. Don’t be afraid to expose your vulnerabilites and weaknesses to this person, because by doing so you show him that you trust him enough to tell let him see you at your worst, which will then inspire him to become even more comfortable with you.

Be yourself around him, so that he’ll know it’s safe to be himself around you.

I hope you are certain that you are not confusing trust issues with control issues. If it is the latter, you must be extremely vigilant for signs of abuse.

By earning that trust by being trustworthy.

Time and consistency, like everyone is telling you. Don’t beat yourself up about it, though. You can’t let his lack of trust make you doubt yourself. When he says these things, I don’t think it’s necessary to get defensive. You can understand it as an expression of his fears, and take it as an opportunity to comfort him, without saying anything. It doesn’t require a response. It’s just his thinking, and you can’t do a thing about it, except to help him learn to detach himself from the thought.

You let him have it. You can even validate it (“yeah, it’s horrible when people let you down”). But you don’t have to let it throw you. He’s talking about someone else. Not you. If you understand that, it should let you stop worrying so much about proving yourself. You don’t need to prove yourself (you know yourself), and further, you can’t do it. Only he can do it in his own head.

Time will tell. If he keeps on distrusting you forever, it means he’s trying to drive you away. This could be due to a thinking disorder of some kind, or it could be a lack of self-esteem, or even self-hatred. He may not believe he deserves someone who is faithful to him.

Anyway, like I say. You know yourself. Be yourself, and let him worry about his trust issues. If you fall into trying to deal with them, you’ll be trapped in an endless loop, and eventually it will become so hurtful, that you’ll prove he’s right by leaving him.

If this issue is your partner’s, which it seems to be from your description, your partner needs to do some of the work.

Since you have given your partner no reason not to trust you, you need to say something to him like, “I know you have been hurt in the past and you find it hard it hard to trust, but you need to work on separating the present from the past, and seeing me and my actions separately from the people who hurt you. If you don’t, it will be hard to us to have a future.”

This is the truth, because you can’t be perfect enough to alleviate your partner’s concerns if those concerns are not based on your actions, but on skewed perceptions from past wounds.

By being trustworthy and honest, even when it is difficult. It takes time to win the trust of someone who has been betrayed before. But if you truly love the person it is worth it, believe me.

It takes a bit of facetime and like wtf says, actions, lots of actions and fewer words. As a person who’s been deeply hurt and has dealt with others deeply hurt, the best path has been to save the talking, pledging, questioning for after two have had time just to hold, look, smile, breathe, relax, sleep, eat, etc. Just acclimating to the feelings going on when being together brings a great deal of clarity and builds trust to keep sharing, keep baring it, whatever it is.

I thank all of you for your helpful answers, especially @daloon. I think I can agree with most of you, and I shouldn’t try to force things. I just asked because I was a little worried at the time that I wouldn’t know how to deal with these things, and even if one can see this problem as “minor”, if it’s about the person you love, you’re really feeling his pain, too. Thanks for all the answers!