What would you do with an off-hand remark from a 7 year-old about his friend being abused?

I don’t know. Since I have had CPS sent to my door because of things my son lied about at school I can see that being inflicted with CPS is a real pain, even if they agree that what the child said didn’t happen.

What I would do is keep a closer eye on Joey just to see if you so see any unusual bruises, and I might later on try to approach your son about it again. He may have shut down because Joey told him not to tell, or it could be he used the word butt and thinks he’ll get in trouble, or even because you perked up your ears when you heard him say it.

Here is a site on how to recognize different types of abuse and report it if neccessary. Maybe you can be low key and look for signs next time Joey comes to visit?

I agree with Darwin and limeaide. Don’t assume anything. Even your son’s quietness. Just try to get a closer look at Joey. He may have signs

You know your son. What are the chances he said it to impress his brother? In what context did he say it?

@Judi I don’t think he would say something like that try to impress his brother. He said it while he and his brother were sitting together building with Legos. I was wondering about exaggeration on his part or on the part of his friend. I know that, as @Darwin said, calling CPS can start a huge nightmare and if there is exaggeration involved I don’t want to start the ball rolling. Then again, if this kid is being abused it needs to stop.

@all, I like the idea of keeping a closer eye on Joey just to see if I notice any behaviors or anything else that might be a red flag.

Maybe if he goes swimming and takes his shirt off or something you can see. Just be careful not to start a rumor.

Ugh, I cringe every time I hear something like this because you just never know… It’s so hard. I had a friend who went through what @Darwin did.

It’s possible that your son didn’t really mean that his friend’s mom beats him, and realized what he said could get someone in trouble, so he tried to take it back.

You could also have the talk with your son about which secrets are OK to keep and which are secrets that you must tell an adult.

My nephew finally still reluctantly told someone at school that one of his good friends was suicidal. They got the girl help in time. people praised my nephew, but he still felt he had betrayed her.

@ubersiren
That’s what I was thinking

There are different ways of discipline that in kids; eyes may seem extreme. If you have never used corporal punishment and his friend gets an occasional spanking that may be translated into a butt kicking in kid talk,

My daughter was a very amenable little girl and the worst punishment she got at 7 was a time out, Her best friend was pretty sassy and really tested boundaries, One evening we were over and as the adults were talking the girls went to play. The mother called “Remember your punishment-no TV” My daughter talked about it for days, how could a mother be so mean? No TV for a week!

You could mention your concern to a mandated reporter—his teacher, daycare worker, coach, etc. Mandated reporters difffer from state to state and are bound by law to report suspected abuse. They should also have some training as to what other signals to look for.

that’s hard to determine. i agree with everyone elses’ advice, but keep in mind that kids might misinterpret things. maybe his friend’s mum spanks him when he’s bad, or yells at him, and your son translates that into “kicking his butt”, or maybe that’s how his friend referenced it, etc. but do keep an eye out, and talk to your son about, like @marina said, what secrets should remain secrets, and what should not.

Maybe she just kicks his butt at checkers or a video game or something too and your son didn’t understand what he was talking about

It is such a hard thing to decide. A 14 year old came in here and showed me where his mother in a drunken rage, took a piece of glass and cut him from his waistband to his armpit. I told him next time his mom gets drunk he should go stay at another kid’s house. I also told the local authorities. They took him and placed him with relatives in another place. This mob is worse than his mom and as long as he was here, there were safe places where he could go. I really feel as if I made his life worse by interfering. I never know what to do! I know what you are going through trying to decide.

Before I finished reading all of the responses I was also thinking along the lines of what Judi said about the butt kicking being metaphorical. Without further info it’s difficult to know for sure.

The problem with relating this to someone who is a mandated reporter is then that choice and nuance are removed because the teacher etc MUST report it to authorities and that’s when bureaucracy takes over.

You would prob do best to do your own observation over time.

Beating ones butt is unfortunately one of the slang phrases du jour right now so it’s difficult to know without further observation.

Also if it is literally being spanked ( rather than beaten) on the butt that carries with it it’s own set of difficulties as she is his parent so it’s really more of an internal family issue.

It’s a really difficult judgment call for you to make. But absent any marks anywhere else on the child it’s probably best to err on the side of caution. Once outside authorities are in the picture….

This question made me think of all the things my kids have said about me. :) My five year old, who has a bottomless pit for a stomach, has claimed I never feed him. The kid has never missed a meal in his life.

My daughter will sometimes say that her brother, who is four years younger and much smaller than her, “beats her up,” “kicks her butt,” “punches her,” etc. Sometimes their fights become physical, but her descriptions of them are much, much worse than the actual scuffles. I’ve had to talk to her and explain that she shouldn’t be dramatic and just be honest. She doesn’t know what it’s like to actually get beat up or punched (unlike the way my brother and I used to fight, which was much more violent). In her mind and in her experience though, getting into a wrestling match where no one even gets hurt is the epitomy of a brawl.

So, I’m not saying you should just dismiss your son’s comment or your concerns about his friend, but try not to jump to any conclusions. Keep your eyes and ears open, maybe invite the friend and the friend’s mom over for lunch one day. Get to know that family a little better, and see what your instincts tell you.

Do you know the mother of this child? Is it possible that your son has heard Joey’s mum say something along the lines of “if you don’t behave I’ll kick your butt”? I only ask because my mum used to threaten my brother and I with “if you two don’t behave I’ll bang your heads together” or “if you don’t stop that I’ll knock you into the middle of next week”. Of course she never did these things but she said them a lot!

@Leanne1986 My mom’s threat of choice was, “Cut it out or I’m going to hang you up by your toenails!”

@MissAusten Cooooooool! I’m sure we’ve all got memories of little gems our parents used to come out with!

My nephews and nieces always laugh when they recall how I used to threated them with “severe beatings” which involved me tickling them to death.
They would frequently remark how they hadn’t had a “beating” in a while. :)

I would pay attention to it, if the kid does get spanked he probably does refer to it as kicking his butt, I personally believe spanking is abusive

@MissAusten My personal favorite threat was I was going to tie them to the ceiling fan and turn it on high!

Or I’m going to hang you by your toes and beat you with an organic carrot.

I would look closer next time the child came over, but I wouldn’t say anything at this point. Could just be talk or it could actually be something. I wouldn’t rush to confront the mother, nor to call DHS. If I noticed the boy behaving as if he had been abused or if I noticed marks, then yes, do something, but not until then.

Actually…I’d tell his school.

A lot of young children say things they don’t mean. That’s why they’re children. I wouldn’t take it too seriously unless you see physical evidence first.

Nobody here to read this, but when my son was 3 he’d often repeat phrases that his father and I used.
One time, as we were walking in front of another family, my little son piped up “I’m gonna beat your butt when we get home!” Just out of the blue. It was a throw away “threat” my husband often made (which had tried to get him to stop saying, even before this,) but nobody ever, literally, “beat his butt.”