How do you get over issues of jealousy in relationships?

you dont…you end it!
If a guy tells you you’re beatiful, believe it!
at least for that moment…
make sure he’s looking straight at your eyes!. You might be the most beautiful person he has ever seen..the rest would be pretty, but that will just be just…pretty!

I can tell you what you have to do. You have to build up your self esteem. That’s all you have to do.

You want to be able to say “If he left me for her, that’s HIS loss!
.

And, BTW, he loves the entire package with you. Not just the sex parts.

Building up your self esteem is hard when you’ve had people tear it down.

Oh, no one said it was easy. But it IS the solution.

@kelly8906 I’ve been there and still am. I constantly am studying the room to see how I compare to the other females. It is very hard to build up self-esteem when so many others have taken the time to tear it down. I act overly confident to hide how self-conscious I am and it has actually helped with this. Acting confident has made me actually build my self-esteem over time of course. I would talk to you BF about this in a calm manner just explain to him how people have torn down what confidence you had and that you don’t mean to be jealous and your trying to work on it. I’m sure if he cares about you he will gladly reinforce you doubts and I usually do not say this but I enlarged your avatar pic and you really are gorgeous and hopefully you will realize that too. Good Luck sweetie and remember it’s a process it won’t come overnight.

Work on something that is meaningful to you. Accomplish something difficult but worthwhile. Dedicate effort to something you think is important. Your accomplishments will build your self-esteem. It doesn’t come from superficial things like appearance or from pretty words and Hallmark cards but from what you do. And that’s something within your control.

There are two things that create jealousy. Low self-esteem and trust are those things.

The hallmarks of a great relationship are: honesty, not only with each other, but with yourself, compassion for each other, and others in your extended family as well as people outside your group, communication, as you should be able to tell your partner ANYTHING with no fear of recrimination or embarrassment, and trust. If you can’t trust your partner, or trust yourself, you are never going to have the sort of relationship you think you deserve.

It’s pretty sad that you think he is so shallow that he only likes you for your appearance. I know that even if my face were smashed by a truck my husband would tell me I was the most beautiful woman in the world because he looks at my heart.

Sigh, sadly I am in the same boat with you, @kelly8906. It is very difficult to overcome, and at times you wonder what is wrong with you, but I think after reading all of these responses so far, I think I personally am going to try what @Jeruba has said. Find something that makes you happy. Something that you don’t have to share the happiness you gain with anyone, not your fiance, friends, or family. Maybe it’s going out for a walk every night and enjoying the sunset by yourself. Re-Center your mind,body and soul, breathe, and know that you can find the beauty in life by yourself. Then I think you will feel better. And I hope I do too haha. Best wishes to you!

@Allibaby808 It seems from your answer and Question that you are having a rough night. I really do hope that you can find happiness and peace in your life. Im right there along both of you girls and it’s not easy. Your beautiful as well and I’m sure you have plenty to offer may it be in a relationship or friendship. Anyway I hope you have a lovely night and Cheer up! :)

The women that I know who are truly beautiful have a hard time establishing long term relationships because men view them as a one night stand. The only men that really show any long term interest in them are old, and with money. Several of them have been divorced—their husbands left them because men constantly hit on them, through no fault of their own. Being physically beautiful is not all it’s cracked up to be.

If you think looks are all men are interested in, you’re attracted to the wrong sort of man. There really is a lot more to it than that. Men do look at attractive women—the way women check out other women’s shoes.

Unless your guy is a serial cheater, or cheated on someone else to be with you, you have got to get a grip on this, or your jealousy is going to show in your physical appearance. You need to figure out if he’s actually untrustworthy, or is this all in your head, and take the appropriate steps before he decides a relationship with you is tiresome. It is all too easy to set up a relationship to fail by creating unrealistic expectations.

@kelly8906 You need to recognize that the problem here is your own perception of yourself. To make that change, you are likely to need some counseling. This is so not about your boyfriend. It is something that you are going to need to do in order of ever achieve peace of mind or happiness.

Did you pick your boyfriend because he was the handsomest man in the world? Or did you pick being with him because you loved his smile, he was sensitive and caring, he made you laugh, he was kind to children and old people. (Substitute whatever his good qualities are.)

Now, if you are at the mall and you see a gorgeous guy would you immediately dump your boyfriend and attempt to hook up with this guy?

Well, do him the courtesy of assuming that he is not totally shallow either.

The problem is that you are not accepting what he says. He can’t tell you enough that you are loveable and he loves you.

The whole is in you. He cannot fill it. If you continue looking to the outside to fill it, you will eventually foster resentment. he will get tired of telling you. Then, he may eventually look elsewhere—creating a self-fulfilling prophecy for you.

It won’t have been your lack of looks that drove him away, though, it will be your lack of self love.

Please get some help with these issues so that does not happen.

I second @Marina. Perhaps people tore at your self-esteem in the past, but you are an adult now, and you are responsible for you – for how you see yourself, for what you do with your life, for whom you love and what work you do – the whole shebang.

Very few of us get through life without suffering “the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune”, and the lashings of a few tongues (some of them in the mouths of people who are meant to love and support us). If you are having trouble overcoming your past, some good therapy, whether short-term or long-term, and in whatever modality you choose, could indeed be the answer.

In whatever way you choose to do it, the best thing you can do is take responsibility for your attitude and your perceptions. Alas, the old cliche is true: You can’t experience real love, until you love and accept yourself. True, it can be quite difficult to learn to do this, but it’s possible, and it’s essential…lest your self-doubts eat away at you and your fiance, and turn the feared demise of your relationship into a self-fulfilling prophecy, indeed…

Good luck. You’re very fortunate to have someone in your life who truly loves you; perhaps try believing in that…

Trust.

Its a frequent problem because it takes a lot to build, and very little to destroy. People who are often jealous may have trusted someone in the past and have that trust destroyed. In general, when that happens it makes us question everyone, not just the person that ruined that trust.

Unfortuatetly, I have no idea how to build trust other than the not doing anything bad. I got lucky, I married the first man I loved, and I am his first love. Neither of us want to ‘play the field’, and are lucky to have found each other. We’re happy where we are.

If its a bother, you might try to spend time with the people your significant other hangs out with. Its a lot easier for jealously or suspicion to enter if you’ve never met the people he’s hanging out with or vis versa.

We have discussed it. Its a difficult thing to discuss, and the discussion can cause problems by itself (especially if the trust isn’t already there), but for us it built confidence in our relationship.

I still don’t trust him when he says he’ll take out the garbage, though. :P

Also, I don’t know who taught you about men, but they aren’t all tongue-lolling, Don Draper-ish, skirt-chasing sluts. That’s a rather shallow belief to have. And if you grew up around any men who acted that way, it was about them, not the women. You’re an adult now and if you think about it, you have indeed seen men who behave properly and who love their wives/partners and who aren’t out there trying to get at every PYT in their path.

If you think you’re actually affianced to someone so childish, you’ll have to ask yourself why. But if he’s not like that, you have to ask yourself why you’d believe that of someone one you’re about to marry. Either way, it’s back to what you believe and seeing that those beliefs have to change, in whatever way you need to do it.

The only reason a man dumps one woman for another and another based on her looks is if he is only interested in the sex. It’s like when a man reads a Playboy magazine – after awhile you get tired of the same ol’ pictures and need a new issue.

Is this the reason you want HIM? For the sex? And maybe you are sexually interested in other men because of that? And you are projecting your feelings of unfaithfulness onto him?

Understand, I’m NOT saying you are. I’m just trying to look at all angles. If a relationship is not based on love but, instead, lust, there will be problems.

@Quagmire- No, that’s not why I’m with him. It has nothing to do with sex. Sex, although important, isn’t everything and I could do without. :)

Well, who doesn’t want to look at a beautiful girl? Why should you feel bad about that? He’s with you. Maybe he fantasizes about the girl, but so what? That has nothing to do with you and him. You can’t run around and fuck every girl you think is sexy. Even if you could, what would it mean?

What you have is a relationship. Fantasy has nothing to do with relationships. It’s about internal thoughts. Really, who cares? Fantasy is not reality, and it is very rare that fantasies become reality.

Perhaps you should just talk about this with him. Tell him how it feels to you. Let him talk about how it feels to him (without judging). Then, as therapy, walk around and openly discuss the looks of people you find attractive. It will desensitize it for you.

I mean, a lot of men are pretty much repetitive thinkers. If you lived in my head, you’d hear “I wouldn’t kick that one out of bed” about thirty times an hour (if I were walking around outside). If anything, it’s really annoying. All this fantasy and nowhere for it to go. Unless your wife lets you pull her into a dark corner and you…. well… do what you do.

Although, personally, I think those people who say “get a room” have a point!;-)