How to deal with this big change in my life?

What kind of location or community is your law school in? City, village, remote area, north, south, east, west? I think that’s a significant data point in thinking about your question. Also, how far away from home will you be?

@Jeruba – It’s a major city. The apartment is in a great location (right downtown). It;s definitely not a village or remote area. I’d prefer not to name names of places just for privacy reasons.

o.k.
First, if you are 100% sure that your decision will not make you happy, don’t go for it, remember, law is going to be there for the rest of your life, if you are not going to be happy with it, you’ll feel bad, very bad
Second, being alone is a challenge but remember, the most difficult thing in life is to enjoy your own company, you will be able to get to know yourself better, you might even discover things about you that you had no idea! After you pass that phase, you will become a wiser person, solitude can be the best friend ever, if you know how to treat it. Being alone will help you to grow, just remember, stay away from drugs, insane quantities of alcohol and easy chicks… (and learn how to cook) :D

OK, that was a lot. Welcome to Fluther, by the way.

Let’s take this in sections.

First, the career. There are pros and cons here.

Pro: Even if you found that you did not want to practice law after you complete law school, that degree will help you in other fields. My husband worked with a woman at a newspaper who had a law degree from Georgetown. She got top-notch grades and a job with a top firm, but just found she didn’t care for it.

Con: Your summation for why you chose the career sounded awfully lukewarm. Law school, and then the career track of joining a firm as an associate are hugely demanding in terms of hours sucked from your life. Associates generally have no social life. Is this the right move for you if you want to change the isolation that you feel?

Other career choices: I get that nothing calls to you right this minute. That, in itself, seems like a message from the universe. Why not take a year (or more) and explore the world of non-school? You could travel. You could work. I hear you that you feel behind in life, but 22 is very young. I did not know what my passion was then. I could do a lot of things well. You could also work with a career counselor and have some testing done (you might still be able to do this through school.)

The Virgin Thing: Don’t even think about it. There are a lot more out there than you think. If you have not yet seen it, rent Steve Carrel’s the 40 Year Old Virgin. It will help you laugh at this a little. Also, women don’t care and in fact would be charmed. It is not something you have to blurt out anyway. Just relax and date and if you are attracted to someone who is attracted back, do what comes naturally.

Other Aspects of Your Life Following along with career above, I guess I am wondering if taking down your support system right now is the best thing for you. There would nothing wrong with changing your mind and staying in the city you are in.

You said that you had taken steps socially and in counseling. It seems a shame to start all over. Still, if you decide to go ahead, ask your counselor or counselors if they do phone sessions. It will probably only be transitional until you find someone, but it will give you one thing of constancy in your sea of change.

Whatever your interests are look for meet up groups in your area. They have them for almost everything. (just google meet up and the town).

I think it is really important that you take the time to stop and think this through carefully through the filter of is this really the right step at this time in my life. If it is not, do not be afraid to pull the plug. See doing that not as failure, but a courageous move in carving out your life path.

Good luck. Please keep us posted.

I suspect it doesn’t help that much (when an experienced guy advices a less experienced guy), but let me tell this anyway.
Not all boys/men “get laid” when they are 15.
I had my first real love-sex-affair when i was 25.
Okay, i was not overly happy when i didn’t had it yet, but in hindsight i have no problem with that at all.
It comes when it comes, and then it’s good.
It’s not a competition (although you’ld get the impression sometimes).

@rebbel Do you think it is worth going after someone purely to get experience? I don’t have any interest in one night stands or hookups with people that I don’t particularly like so it would definitely be a divergence for me. But I also balance this with the fact that I am embarrassed about my inexperience and this would be a surefire way to clear that load off my shoulders. Looking for a one night stand, albeit with someone who likely isn’t in it for the long run if they are that “easy”, has its advantages and disadvantages. I obviously won’t know if it was worth it or not until I try it. Your post kind of reminded me of this “debate” I constantly have in my head… Thoughts?

Hello Number Cruncher. You must be someone after my own heart. Love data.

Welcome to Fluther. Hope we can help.

So, what was the question again? How do I handle being isolated? Is this the right move for me? Why am I feeling so lifeless?

Man, that is a bundle of stuff.

As Steely Dan said, “When the demon is at your door, in the mornin’ it won’t be there no more. Any major dude will tell you.”

Nobody knows what they will be doing when they are 40 when they are 22. Very few end up doing for a living what they studied in college. Very few people have more than one or two really close friends. Chicks are just as worried about being overlooked as guys. All this hullabaloo about being worried about your direction in life is overblown and a bit self indulgent. Immature. But, you are young.

LIVE YOUR LIFE AS IF YOU ARE DOING IT ON PURPOSE.

Go to college. Watch the people. Learn. Talk to lots of people. Find the few who are worth getting to know better. It takes a long time in life to learn there is truly very little to be afraid of. Until then, do your best.

@ Marina… Thank you for the big + helpful response. Thing is… I think part of the reason why I still have a lingering sense of anger and frustration is that I feel kind of sheltered and risk-averse so one of the benefits of breaking free from the support web is that I could challenge some of those thoughts/beliefs and maybe it would make me feel better. I still have loving and caring parents who are just a phone call away. If I decide to stay around, I feel like I may just be delaying the inevitable and that’s dealing with being away and being more independent when it comes to taking care of myself emotionally.

I guess by that load off your shoulders you mean, people asking you about your sexual encounters?
If so, i think it depends if it would be a good idea to “go after someone” just to get experience.
Imagine you’ld pay for a hook-up, would it make you feel comfortable then when classmates/friends ask you about your sex-life?
You’ld say yes, and their second question would be with whom.
Awkward probably.
But if you have a one-night-stand with someone that you have chemistry with, that would be a different story all together maybe…..

@number_cruncher You are welcome. I hear you about the breaking free. Just don’t make law school the only possibility for that. You could still move and do something else. Or if you decide on law school, just take a bit of time to look around at other options during that time. Going to law school does not mean you are locked in. Whatever you decide, I wish you luck. I know that you will be fine. It is clear that you are thoughtful person. Take care.

You know I am going through a shitty break-up right now and honestly I want to move away (possibly to a new city, maybe even a different state). I just want a fresh new start with meeting new friends, jump start my career, and meeting a guy. I know change is different and difficult but maybe it’s what you need right now. Plus the women that is right for you won’t care if you haven’t had sex before, she will like you for you!

Reading your post lots of those things you wrote seemed like things I would write as I feel like I am going through the same thing

As for being sheltered and the social isolation I had lots of really bad anxiety about meeting new people until I realized that new people I meet didn’t know I had no self-confidence whatsoever. So I just pretended that I did and it sort of worked. I act how I want and pretend like Im not worried about what other people think and it seems to work. They way I see it they way other people act isn’t the only “right way” so what I do is just as “legit” as theirs.

For the lack of sex, well im 21 and I lost my virginity about 48hours ago to a girl I knew for two days before hand. I tried to whole playing along like I knew what I was doing thing (and yeah there were some real awkward moments but I figured I probably wont see her ever again anyway). I figure I can just trial and error my way through it with random hookups until im eventually “good” at it, either that or find someone to relationship with who I could trust and who could help me learn that stuff. If they like you I think they would be understanding

I don’t think the whole “not having had a relationship thing” is as rare as you think it is. I just dance around questions about my romantic/sexual (as I have had no relationships and until very recently no sexual history to speak of) history and equivocate like mad to avoid awkward conversations. So people who haven’t had any relationship might not really advertise the fact that they haven’t done any of that yet, as our society kind of expects us to have done so by now. A few people I know (who were 19 and 20 at the time) said they never did the relationship thing yet either and I thought they would be people who had lots of opportunity to do so, its not like you are the only 22year old who hasnt had a relationship.

tl:dr just play things out as if you had no self doubt.

I dunno, I hope that helps

Rather than writing a bunch of stuff (hopefully), I’m going to link…

A. Your purpose

A1. The other advice I’d give to you is try rather than not try. As you say, you don’t know what questions to ask. Trying and failing, muddling, or succeeding is almost always better than not trying and will bring those questions to the surface so long as you are paying attention.

B. Chicks If you apply 10% of what you read, you will do 50% better. Whether you have or haven’t doesn’t matter so
much as your confidence and clarity in what you want. (I didn’t until I was 22 and my weeklong crush jumped my bones.)

C. If your therapists are worth anything (and if your problems aren’t crazy severe), then they should have given you some tools to handle your issues. Hopefully, you have them to rely on.

D. So long as you are able to find some enjoyment in this situation, I am willing to bet that being on your own will catalyze solutions to your social and behavioral issues. So long as it is good stress (like when you enjoy a good competition), a healthier persona will emerge.

E. Law school is a tough experience. Law students are more competitive by nature than the general population. The coursework is demanding and will probably require that you collaborate with your classmates. So you should expect a pressure cooker experience with guys and girls who play to win. You don’t have to fit that mold
exactly, but it helps to be aware, and it’s probably not the time to be timid.

F. As others have said, you don’t have to be a lawyer when you get out, (and as junior attorneys have told me there are much more efficient ways of making money). You do get to put “Esquire” after your name though, so that’s something.

http://www.google.com/search?q=things+you+can+do+with+a+law+degree&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en&client=safari

Thanks for the help all… I think I’m getting more and more freaked out about moving out as I slowly inch closer to the start of school. :(

Keep talking to us. Let us know what’s happening with updates. PM people whose responses you found helpful.

Apart from the “just lost my virginity”-thing and that I’m 19 years old, I can second all of @benjaminlevi‘s answer. Just doing stuff even though inside I was thinking of a lot of things that could go wrong often turned out ending up well enough, which has boosted my self-confidence.

The same goes for no longer assuming everybody else is “normal”. As far as I’m concerned, the other person can assume (and mostly will) assume the same about me. That’s very important to realize when it comes to self-confidence. From there, I suppose the rest will come in due time.

So, be freaked out, but just do it unless there’s an objective reason not to do it (i.e. something other than “things could go wrong”).