Do you think mothers have great instinct when it comes to knowing their son is gay?

Oh hell yes.

They know, even if they won’t consciously acknowledge it.

We were watching a TV show and she said if you came home with a girlfriend or boyfriend like that I’d hit you.
Strange

I’m pretty positive I’d know. I think most mothers know their children very well, and can pick up on something like that.

@tartetin Are you saying you are gay and fear your mother might know?

I don’t think that was the case with this mother.

Yea, pretty much

@casheroo
Yes
She said I’m 90% sure your gay just tell me.

Those that aren’t in denial, yes!

@tartetin Sounds like she just wants you to confirm her suspicion. Don’t be afraid to tell her the truth, it may bring you closer together in the long run.

When I came out to my mom, the first words out of her mouth were “I was wondering when you were going to tell me.”

Yes.

see if you can find the song “Stranger In This World” from the Taboo musical soundtrack… either Broadway or London.

@payton_farquhar- That is both funny as hell  and sad as hell  at the same time.

I’m so glad this didn’t turn out like it would’ve on Yahoo! Answers.

It isn’t obvious for most people?
Of the 4 gay people that I’ve known for a few years, it was pretty obvious to me very quickly that they were gay.

@Sarcasm
In real life or online?

In real life.

Do you all think that it’s the same for lesbians and their Mom’s (for the most part)?

=) Aw, FlutherMother is going to answer..

Yep – we mom’s do have pretty good instincts! And those who say they were blindsided, usually look back and realize that they did know, they just managed to override the original feelings with a lot of rationalizations and second guesses. As my boys turn into big drooly doofuses around girls that they like, I don’t have to rely on mental “nudges” to guess what their feelings are, but I can say that 99% percent of these feelings (about any subject matter) turn out to be very accurate!

And for the record, I think that mom on yahoo is a dunce!

@jmah I think it goes for mothers with their lesbian daughters as well. For me, I think it’d be easier because as a straight woman I’d probably expect her to have boy crushes around at least middle school, I think that’d be my first clue. I’m sure there are other factors though. I do hope my children feel free to tell me, because they’d be completely accepted by everyone in the family…I can’t even think of why they wouldn’t want to tell, other than the general nervousness.

Yes. Gay sons and Lesbian daughters. Although I do have an exception, if you live in a place that is very unnaccepting and fairly unaware that people even are gay then I think you can be oblivious.

Moms always know. Everything. Even when they don’t want to know.

My parents had no idea, but my cousin said she knew it.

I think it’s possible for parents to be totally oblivious to their child’s sexuality. Many parents are clueless about the majority of their kids’ lives.

Well no, not all mothers would know – plenty of my friends’ moms don’t know. I hope I would know in that I hope my child would tell me before I have to ‘look for signs’ or whatever.

As far as look for signs go…my two girlfriends who have gay children suspected when their kids were around the age of 3. My relative who had no idea that her son was gay…well, they used to tease him that he wore faggy (sorry for that word, but that best translates what they were saying to him) shoes and made fun of him at other times for traits that are associated with gay people. His parents truly had no idea, because it was impossible, they are Catholic, and lived in a country where it is not accepted. From my perspective it seems ridiculous to me too that they didn’t know, especially with the story I just told you, right? I knew he was gay within two minutes of meeting him, but knowing the parents well, I do believe the mother was oblivious.

Back to my friends with the gay children. Both mothers were perfectly fine with their children being gay. It should be easy for their kids to know that their parents would be fine with it, because these two friends of mine have gay friends, other gay relatives in the family, have indicated indirectly to their children it would be fine, but still when these kids finally came out to their parents they were nervous wrecks, and waited a few years from when they knew themselves to tell their parents. If I suspected I had a gay child, I would ask them point blank so they don’t have to go through the stress of trying to figure out how and when to tell me.

I think they usually know, they tend to be more rational and sympathetic. But i’m sure a father that’s actually OK with it (and not just pretending to keep up appearances) is a rare find indeed.

@gottamakeart I know plenty of men that would be perfectly okay with having gay children. I don’t think that’s rare at all.

@casheroo

That is wonderful to hear. I was just referring to my own personal experience of being both from a rural area and a child of Republicans. Haven’t personally met too many enlightened straight men, but I am glad they exist. That is good news that there are plenty of fathers that won’t discourage their sons from doing things they think are not masculine enough, like being an artist.

@casheroo yeah definitely, I agree with you…I can think of at least 5 men who have discussed with me and in general that they won’t mind their sons being gay

Me too. I know plenty of men who would be fine with it.

@gottamakeart men discouarge their chidlren from being an artist because it is not masculine? I thought they might do it because they worry it won’t be a good way to earn a living, but I never heard it isn’t masculine enough? My grandfather was an artist, owned an art shop for a years, and also was a painter (sometimes my avatar is one of his paintings). My husband’s nephew is incredibly gifted at art, and great spatial ability, we always think he might go into architecture or graphic design, never occured to me to dissuade him from pursuing his talents. Maybe you need to get out of Dodge. I always wonder if I had children, if by the time they were entering school I would find some way to get back to a blue state.

@JLeslie you know you’d be surprised at what many people find ‘not masculine’...this is why the concept is really arbitrary…everyone’s masculinity is okay or not okay only when compared to one’s own or one’s father’s own

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I don’t think I could have children with a man if he were to be able to turn his back on his flesh and blood because of who they are. I really never felt it was an issue…but, I grew up in a liberal setting, with kids openly gay by middle school, and parents who talked about homosexuality and the rights they deserve…I hope if we raise our children the same way, they’ll be just as open minded.

@gottamakeart I can see that if it’s what you know, then it may seem like most people think that way. Come to the North. We have gays and cookies.

@casheroo already here :) (VT) partnered with my own home and husband, life is good now, just need to get the art out there more and fully enjoy who I was made to be. Glad at least my Mom was cool with my being “different”.