Where should I look for alternative parenting resources (any kind)?

I've always been partial to Mothering magazine. http://www.mothering.com. What specifically are you looking for? Attachment parenting, vaccination info, cloth diapering, breastfeeding??

I am thinking about having kids and really, any suggested starting point is well appreciated. I don't have any particulars in mind, though I grew up in the Midwest in the midst of an unhappy marriage and as a result, I never really had a father to model after. It is hard for me to think of being a father and I don't want to be a patriarchal dictator for my children. That's the long and the short of it.

I would like to know about alternatives to punishment/rewards forms of teaching. Teaching children about racism, heterosexism, sexism, classism....

Perhaps something about the pros and cons of alternative education styles

To begin with, when you have a child, you start out with a very tender, vulnerable infant. So the first thing to learn would be how to help take care of that little person. There is plenty of time to learn about how to teach a child about all the ism's and you will be a different person by the time your baby is old enough to take some of that in. As you know, one of the most profound way children learn is from their parents' actions, so when you act open minded, reject racist, etc. stereotypes, you are teaching your child. A lovely new book about the brain development of children, and how to treat babies and children with respect is called The Science of Parenting by Margot Sunderland. It isn't heavy on the brain research, but gives wonderful ideas of how to treat children, understanding a bit about what is going on in their heads. There are other wonderful books about understanding child development, and from that understanding will come a sense of how to think about ways you would like to treat your child. Also, about education, there are so many books about education, but before you send your child off to a school (or daycare or whatever), make sure you spend some time in the place looking it over, seeing how they treat the children, what and how they teach. I guess being involved in the process is a great way to teach your child. How nice that you are thinking of all this before you even have a child!

A really great resource is http://www.loveandlogic.com/. I used their material when I was working with elementary students, and found it very helpful.

Thank you for your advice maggiesmom I, skfinkel, and b!!!

I also have a book by Alfie Kohn titled Unconditional Parenting that might be interesting to you all.

http://www.hipmama.com/

while not "alternative" i was pleasantly surprised by the helpfulness of What to Expect When You're Expecting. if you can set aside the rampant heterosexism of the book's pronouns, i think you'll find a comfortingly detailed description of what to expect, answers to common fears and questions - and just some simple assurance that everything is ok - or at least progressing like lots of other folks. at the same time, the book is also a good cue-point for asking your doctor questions (i.e. "I read in the book that....is supposed to be happening, but is not. What's up?"). 9 times out of 10 those were very helpful conversations...

I agree with skfinkel. The best way to teach your child anything - whether it's values and morals or "isms" or any of it - is by example. If you model behavior to your children, they will pick up what is & isn't acceptable. And you must be consistent about it. For example, you can't tell your kids that racism is wrong & then use racial epithets when somebody cuts you off in traffic; that kind of thing. And, you have to keep in mind that whatever the child's parents hold dear will probably be utterly rejected when the child hits the teen years. Just don't take it personally. ::hee::

There is such a broad spectrum of what can happen with your kids I'm not sure any book can really give you answers other than to console you that nobody has all the answers. I view parenting as the longest improvisational performance we will ever do. Just keep in mind that nobody knows your kids the way you know your kids, and even the most well-meaning advice must be adapted to your own needs. Parenting - tightrope walking without a net while somebody keeps poking you and asking "Are we there yet?"