If you find yourself with a great person in a relationship is physical attraction still as important?

For me it’s always been even if I wasn’t initially attracted, their personality and all they had to offer made them physically attractive to me. I think it is important to have that, or you’ll always feel like something is missing.

@hug_of_war has a good point. If you aren’t attracted to the whole person, maybe you are meant to be just good friends?

What you’re describing sounds like a great friendship that could have the potential to blossom into something else.
For me, the desire to see the person naked is a requirement for a relationship. It can develop if it’s not there initially but I would never enter enter into a relationship that’s lacking the “get nekkid” factor.

Physical attraction is a part of things. What difference does it make whether people think you are shallow or not? Does what they think change what you think? Are you in a relationship because of what others think? Attraction is attraction. I don’t really think you can separate physical attraction from attraction in other ways. If you love someone, it will be associated with physical attraction. If you don’t love them that way, then you love them as a friend.

Changing status of relationships is difficult. Feelings will be hurt. But if you’re not honest, feelings will be hurt even more. Talk together. You can try to be friends, but it’s unlikely you’ll be able to maintain a friendship. If you can’t, then cut it off completely. That’s the kindest thing to do. Don’t give the other person false hope.

When I feel that way about someone or have that much in common with them, I tend to be physically attracted to them no matter what. I couldn’t pass up an opportunity to have a phenomenal relationship.

However, some people don’t operate that way, and that’s just how it is. Don’t try to be with someone if you don’t think they’re everything you’re looking for. You’ll hurt them and you’ll feel horrible for it.

You can always be in a relationship with a person without the physical attraction. It is called a friendship.

However, you run the risk of having the other person attracted to you, making a move, and you being put in the position to explain that you are not attracted. (It is possible that the attraction will blossom as the lights dim.) It could be very awkward.

You need to decide what you want and go from there.

@Likeradar the get nekkid factor???!!! Love it

If I wasn’t physically attracted to someone, there could never BE a ‘relationship’. To me, it’s that important. I want the whole package or none. Otherwise, it’s just a friendship.

@DrasticDreamer I guess that is part of my problem. When I think of someone who may be “everything” that I am looking for, its an awful lot of criteria to meet. So I guess I fear I may pass up a good relationship in pursuit of a prince charming on a white horse who doesnt exist…But if so maybe that makes me a settler???Dang.

I wouldn’t have any issue dating a “not attractive” (physically) girl if we were great complements.
I mean, if she was 400 pounds, or had teeth rotting out, smelled like onions, etc. I’d have an issue, because that’s more than just being not attractive, that shows how little she cares about herself. anybody want to come here and defend the onion smells?

How old are you?

She is 26.

@daloon yes I am 26. So in theory I have plenty of time….it just sucks right now I guess.

For me, personally, physical attraction is NOT the same as attractiveness. I can be physically attracted to someone who, as far as the traditional concept of “beauty” is concerned, is not beautiful. Except if I’m repulsed by that person for one reason or another.

I don’t think it’s shallow at all, depending on how disciplined you are. For me, I need my girlfriend to be attractive because I don’t want to find myself “looking around.” If you are attracted to her personality, and can keep your eyes to yourself when a pretty woman walks by, then go for it. But I prefer that my girlfriend is the only one I have eyes for.

I would say give it a shot.. I’ve definitely developed feelings for people I wasn’t initially attracted to, based on liking their personality so much. It can go one of two ways, though, either you fall for them and become attracted, or you find yourself still not that attracted. In the latter case, from personal experience, it’s impossible to overcome.. physical attraction is key in a romantic relationship, and I find that if I’m not that attracted to someone, I want to have sex with them less, and that in itself can cause problems in the relationship.

Oh, and if you find yourself becoming unattracted to her (him in your case), just know that there are plenty of fish in the sea, and there’s nothing wrong with doing what makes you happy. But if you’re married, you already made your decision – sorry!

I’m going to throw something in the mix here which has even surprised myself…take it for what it’s worth.
I have recently found myself to be almost repulsed by an attractive woman who has betrayed me.
It’s the opposite of what you’re asking, but perhaps it can shed some light…

When I was young and dating I had no problem with physical attraction. The raging hormones took care of that. The question for me was, when the passions subside, will I still like this person? Is this someone I can hang out with for the rest of my life?

The only difference between a good friend and a lover is the sex. You can share your life with a friend if you wish. Personally, I like sex too much.

I wouldn’t start a relationship with someone to whom I was not physically attracted.

@notabridesmaid, you are not being shallow, but you are looking for magic and sometimes relationships don’t quite work that way. Sometimes people become physically attractive because you care for them. Something about them endears them to you. It’s not always magic.

Physical attractiveness is a must for me – that being said I have developed it for people that I wasn’t originally attracted to…my relationship with my husband started online, we only saw pics of each other…from his pics, he didn’t look like someone I’d be attracted to…but we had such a great mental connection, it didn’t matter…when I finally looked into his eyes via the webcam, I knew this was it, for me…then when we met for the first time, I loved him so much, I loved how he looked and he became literally my absolute favorite body type, hair type, etc. I am attracted to people now that look even a little bit like him

Physical attraction in a relationship is not the least bit shallow. If you are looking for a long-term partner, you must have all the attributes you need. To overlook any one of them is to ask for trouble.

I’ve seen too many relationships break up because one person decided to over look one trait that should have been taken into consideration. It’s not possible for any other person to tell which trait is important and which isn’t, but you have asked about this particular one, so it is the one you have to concentrate on.

This is indirectly related to this question. According to research, smell has a lot to do with attractiveness in a sexual partner, and being on birth control pills can impair a woman’s ability to choose.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir that is a great story. I really hope to feel that someday. That moment where you said you “knew that was it for you” that’s awesome…seriously. Thanks for sharing that!

@PandoraBoxx he actually smells pretty good. : )

@NowWhat nope not married yet : )

@notabridesmaid, now that you’ve gotten quite a few responses, have your thoughts about this changed? If so, in what way? Where did your idea about shallowness come from? Is it from that old bromide, “don’t judge a book by it’s cover?” If so, there’s a difference between judging someone else, and having personal preferences.

@daloon Well to be quite honest the trend in the responses here sort of gave me confirmation of the what I was thinking and I guess I was in denial about. That yes, it is important to be physically attracted to your partner. My thinking about trying not to be shallow was that there is so much more to what I want in a relationship than just being attracted (physically) to him and I don’t want to feel like I am becoming so superficial that I don’t value who he is inside any longer because that isn’t the case. The fact of the matter is I have been in this relationship for a bit and am trying to determine if the fact that I am losing my attraction to him (or I feel like I am) should make me jump ship now. And because I do value the person that he is and I know that he would be a great partner for life makes me really struggle with that decision. And as many of the responses stated about this sounding more like a “friendship” that is actually what it really feels like. But because it is already a relationship I know that I would lose the friendship as well if I walk away.

@daloon I guess when it comes down to it I dont want to look back later and realize I walked away from a good man because he wasn’t “hot” enough.

Wow! That’s tough. You never know what lies in wait for you.

If you stay there, and it doesn’t get better, then you could stop it later. The other thing you can do is present it to him as a problem, something you’d like to work on. Communication is the key to every relationship.

I was in two relationships where I lost attraction to my partner. I eventually married a woman who I thought was the hottest woman I’d ever been with. That caused problems when we stopped connecting (relationship-wise), years into the marriage. For her, it was as if I didn’t care because we no longer shared much, and for me it was like she didn’t care because she didn’t seem interested in my body any more. However, after a couple of years in couples therapy, I have to report that she actually does like my body, and I no longer have to hide how much I am into her.

I’ve found that breaking up is the worst thing there is, but eventually, someone else came along that I fell in love with. It was painful in between. Although, with me, there wasn’t that long a time inbetween.

I’m not sure exactly why I lost my physical attraction to those two. It could well have been a symptom of some other loss of connection. Maybe I thought we no longer shared as much as we had, but rather than thinking that, it got transferred into the feeling I was no longer (physically) attracted to them.

I think it can be hard to sort these things out. Perhaps our bodies are telling us something that our conscious minds are not willing to admit. I have one friend who got married because she wanted to settle. Later on he cheated on her, and she realized that she never should have married him.

You can’t know what will happen. I think that if you want it, eventually you will find someone you want to make the compromises that are necessary in order to have a relationship with that person. And do it joyfully. It is painful to let go of someone. Perhaps you can remain friends. Perhaps not. Perhaps later you will be friends. Or maybe he’s feeling something similar to you. All I know is you have to talk about it, painful as that may be. If you don’t, then you have no chance of working it out. But this is not the kind of thing you can hold back on and hope it will change. It won’t change by itself. You have to work on it. If you’re not willing to work on it with him, then it probably is time to let go.

@daloon your statements “Perhaps our bodies are telling us something that our conscious minds are not willing to admit.” and “eventually you will find someone you want to make the compromises that are necessary…“really hit home just now. I think at this point I have to stop running from the issue at hand and letting my fear of being alone out weigh my common sense. Thank you for the insite. It was truly helpful.

@notabridesmaid You’re welcome. Good luck!

When people couple naturally, they find the sexual attraction grow even where they might not have felt it so much initially. When a couple is together more because they’ve justified a bunch of values in each other then there is sexual tension, un natural tension.

I think it is different for everyone. I was with someone for a very long time that I lost attraction to, and he is a physically attractive man, but our relationship kinda went downhill and the physical appeal lessened. I’ve gone on dates with men who are extremely attractive, but the second they open their mouths, it no longer matters (I have several guy friends who have had this happen with girls they went on dates with as well haha). However, the guy I am with now is prolly the most attractive man I’ve dated. He is not really my type at all, but the way he treats me makes him very physically attractive to me. So I think it’s a little of both. I think you need some attraction to someone to make it more than a friendship, but in the end, it is your connection to eachother that makes the relationship work. Looks fade eventually, and you will want someone you can enjoy your time with.

Well, It’s simple really. Take from me…........lol I am an expert on that.
So this is how it usually is. Most guys who look reall good and hot and sexy…...are ******** and once in a while there is a hot and sexy guy….who is actually decent. Has nice personality and well the whole package. (but what are the chances of that?) I always had looks like the first thing on my list….and I am telling you it ain’t worth it. Do you love the guy? Or how much do you really care for him? If he completes you in that sence, makes you happy, loves you, cherishes you, makes you laugh, takes care of you, is always there for you, and so much more….............why would you even start thinking about his looks now? That is the first step on your side where you don’t love him the way you might say. That is not good!!! I mean trust me, I had that too but would you risk loosing him just for someone who’s got looks? If he makes you happy, and your happy with him but his looks interfiere with your happiness….....then my advise for you would be to take some time and figure out what it is you really want. Don’t stay with him and hurt him more if you are already feeling like giving up on him because of his looks. That’s sad…...but Hey. i know where your coming from. Another question for you…......when you first met him did you think he was qute? Did you think he was decent looking? If so…..then the problem lyes within you…...and not his looks. Take your time….....to realize that your happy with this guy…...do you really want to risk it by loosing him just cause you lost attraction to him? Maybe your not ready for a relationship like that…....then let him know. He deserves to know. But like I said before…...............YOU WANT TO BE HAPPY AND LOVED? DON’T LOOK AT LOOKS…....CAUSE IT WONT BRING YOU HAPPINESS AND YOU WILL JUST MESS THIS UP. BE CARE FULL. Even looks are important. But not as important as happiness. Good luck. I hope you make the right choice and disision.