What makes good conversation?

Here are some suggestions.

It seems to me that a lively mix of information, opinion, imagination, and humor make for a good conversation, which is, of course, give and take—listening, responding, and contributing new thoughts to move the thread along, much as we do right here. A certain amount of self-disclosure is part of it because that is how you share yourself, but it doesn’t have to be—shouldn’t be—all about you.

Listen to NPR for a while and you’re likely to pick up quantities of conversational material.

Be informed, be passionate, listen and care.

Maybe it should be your family that adjusts to you. Do you consider yourself an introvert? http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200303/rauch There is nothing wrong with it. It is not that you don’t like conversations. It is just that you would prefer to talk about things that are a bit deeper than the usual run of small talk. I am myself highly introverted and a bit shy. Part of the reason I visit Fluther is to answer questions that rise above the usual level of chatter.

The thing about small talk is that you need a bit of it to start things off, especially with new people, so you can get a sense of what that person is about. It’s intimidating to a lot of people to just leap into deep discussion without some sort of initial pleasantries. Also, anything you start small with can always be expanded upon, even something as innocuous as the weather.

don’t listen to them, small talk is overrated

Let me tell you. My friends know I rarely go to parties. I’m not party material. I don’t drink, I don’t like to dance and I HATE SMALL TALK!!!

I hate small talk worse than anything. So here’s my strategy: Ask something about them and actually listen. If you can relate, say so, and if not just keep listening or change the subject.

Usually if you share some information about yourself, people will share information back, and thats how you get past small talk. So here’s my advice- if you want to stay distant, don’t tell them anything about yourself. If not, just talk

It’s usually a certain wit. I say “certain” because I still don’t know what the fuck it is. I think it differs from person to person. Joyless conversations, unless they’re particularly cathartic or therapeutic or whatever, are the bane of my life. I have them too often these days, not quite sure how to dig myself out of them.

People will tell you to learn about different things, read a lot, etc. But that’ll only make conversation, at the most good conversation. You don’t have, or I’ve never had, “Excellent” conversations about Mugabe’s tache or the contemporary political scene. maybe i’m a freak lolol.

Common interests?

I have no appetite for small talk myself. I avoid situations where it is expected. When I find myself in them and am forced to converse, I go for something real as quickly as possible and am known for getting deep into subjects of substance (not all heaviness—just something with meaning) in environments of all kinds, from carpooling with coworkers to intervals between assaults by the dental hygienist. Often all it takes is one good question.

However, it can’t always be done. So far as I could tell, except for occasional business, my husband’s parents never engaged in anything but small talk. Around them I was mostly silent; it was the only way I could get through social occasions with them. My sister-in-law, adept at light banter and exchanges of trivialities, was always conspicuously their favorite. I have trouble talking to her, too.

Good conversation stems from a passion of the subject you are discussing or the learning that may come from what someone else has to say, otherwise you will become bored and what you have to say will be fake. Try something controversial, it usually gets people into a debate and don’t be afraid of your own opinion. Also if someone suggests that you have been having good/bad weather feel free to look at them in disgust and walk away. Conversations about the weather should be reserved for irony and extreme weather conditions.