Is there a right and or need for personal privacy in a marriage?

Whoa. If I had a spouse who felt the need to read all my texts, emails, mail or anything else…then we’d have a huge problem.
Everyone deserves personal privacy. There’s no need for him to read any of those things, unless I want to show him. I would feel violated if he took it upon himself to do so, even if I have nothing to hide. We share passwords but not for the purpose of reading each others things daily…usually to check on order statuses or whatever.
You are still two separate people, you don’t become “one” in my opinion. You become a team.

I think couples do become one when they marry, meaning what’s mine is yours and what’s yours is mine. There shouldn’t be any emails, letters, etc. that you wouldn’t want your spouse knowing about.

My fiance and I share our passwords with one another but we each respect the other’s privacy. I do not send or receive any emails unless I am comfortable with the idea of his reading them. Does he read them all? Not as far as I know. Would I be fine if he did? Sure. Previous experience has taught me that in a marriage it is imperative to avoid even the appearance of something improper. Thanks Gimmedat for helping me understand that fact.

depends on a lot of factors, and mainly on the couple (though there are social norms and expectations too)

ideally, you shouldn’t have any secrets

I’ve seen my ex wife (and a couple of my more serious girlfriends) pee for example. And helped her do it when she was in hospital. I consider this to be normal.

I never hid anything from anyone, especially not my wife (though I never bothered to touch her phone for example). Which now turns out was a bad idea after all. One of my girlfriends was very secretive about her phone and deleted all messages. I also delete messages (and emails I’ve answered to), but that’s simply because I want it to be tidy so I can find the ones I save.

Overall, I think there should be some amount of privacy, some secrets that you won’t even tell your spouse. But this should range somewhere between 0.1 – 0.9%, with more than 99% being common knowledge among the couple.

I hate it when my boyfriend reads what’s on my computer screen, and would despise him reading my emails and texts, and would often leave the room if I am talking on the phone. Now, this is not only for my benefit and privacy but for the people who I am talking to. If I was having a conversation with a friend about his personal life, then I would not expect my boyfriend to be a part of or witness this conversation, because it’s not fair for my friend who might not have wanted anyone else to know (even if they were my husband). I wouldn’t expect my boyfriend to share everything with me, either. But that’s not to say we have anything to hide. I think it’s perfectly possible for a couple to be together, and to be close, and to share most things, and still maintain a sense of privacy as individuals.

@Facade and @SuperMouse summed up my feelings on this subject.

I would have no problem showing anything to my husband, but I would have a problem with him sneaking around spying on me for no reason. However, if either of us gave the other any reason to doubt our fidelity all bets are off. I would fully accept an invasion of privacy if he thought I was cheating on him or something.

@augustlan I agree. It’s the snooping around factor that I think would irritate me as well but like you said if there was a question of fidelity….

@notabridesmaid and @augustlan the “snooping around” factor doesn’t really occur to me. If I found out that he went to my email without my knowing it I don’t think it would bother me. I guess that since we have each other’s passwords I don’t really consider it snooping. I think of it along the same lines as opening mail addressed to my spouse but not me, since it came to our address it is fair game.

I had a boss once who had me open his mail. At first I didn’t want to open anything that said “personal & confidential” or some variation thereof. One day I told him I was uncomfortable with opening these things and he said “If it is that personal and confidential I shouldn’t be getting it at work.” I kind of look at this the same way.

We wouldn’t read each other’s emails, but we could. That subtle difference is the essence of marriage.

@SuperMouse good point!

I can’t see any reasonable need to keep secrets, but I would expect partners to respect the privacy of a “personal soak in the tub” or such.

My husband is a priest, and as such, has a need for privacy. If I ever had reason to suspect he was keeping non-ministry secrets, I would be concerned, but everything else is very open.

@YARNLADY What do you mean by “personal soak in the tub”?

Some times people are just insecure, and feel the need to search through those things, which will hurt a marriage because it makes the serchee feel like the searcher didn’t trust them, and maybe thats it. Trust is huge in any relationship.

My husband and I share passwords for the login screen for our computers, not because we want to search each other’s computers, but because mine sits on a desk in the kitchen/dining room so its more easily accessible (and his has a screwed up graphics card, so if he wants play WoW he has to use my computer) and his is in the living room and gets used to look up strategy guides (or pull up my email account when I’m playing games and he’s at work so we can still email back and forth).

I do have a list of all my passwords somewhere for him should he ever need it (like, if I die, because I’m the one who handles the bills and such).

@SuperMouse Regarding the mail… I open all of the bills and business mail, but if he receives a hand-addressed card or something I don’t open those. Of course, I do get to see them afterward, and would be very suspicious if he tried to hide the contents. He does have my passwords, but he never uses the computer. So if I found out he had gone to the trouble of logging on and searching my emails or facebook account, I’d want to know what I had done to lose his trust.

@dee1313 That would be my concern as well, that you mentioned about the insecurity and trust. I mean, if your spouse consistantly just looks through those things I would think it would come off as if they did not trust you.
There is a principal difference between that and your partner using your phone, or sharing email accounts, or opening mail that comes to the house. Maybe there’s a fine line here guys.
I appreciate all the food for thought!

I feel personal e-mail accounts should be respected. I want my partner to have the privacy to vent or confide to their friends and family members without censorship or having to think every step of the way how I might interpret what I read when they’re not around. I don’t have the mental stamina for all that tail chasing and wouldn’t wish it on my partner. In the past I was privy to partners’ accts. but didn’t bother to check up after them. Maybe I’d feel different if I thought my partner was up to something devious.

I think it’s healthy to have secrets of your own, as long as it’s nothing that would hurt your marriage. Ex: I write stories that, for now, I would like to be for my eyes only. I would be very upset if my husband demanded to read my texts, emails, etc. Some things are just not his business. I’m sure my friends wouldn’t want him knowing some personal things they share with me. However, if he thought I was hiding something harmful to our relationship, the first thing I’d do is let him read whatever he needed to to feel comfortable. I’m not sure we would ever have this problem, though. We try our best to be honest and open with each other. We’ve had much success with this.

@Facade When I close the bathroom door, and run water in the tub, no one is allowed in the bathroom – and I mean no one! If the house is burning down, I will go with it.

lol oh ok :)

I agree with auggie. We have all the passwords, but it’s for convenience not for snooping. We trust each other enough to be open, but don’t expect the other to pry.

I open the mail. Sometimes I ruin surprises that she has planned. I have opened surprise concert tickets, twice.

Like many others, my husband and I know each other’s passwords to everything from online banking to facebook. I even know his login information for the online forum he runs, both his regular profile and admin profile. The only password of mine he doesn’t know is the one I have for Fluther, but that’s probably because he isn’t interested (if only he knew what he’s missing!). But I bet he could figure it out if he wanted to because I’m not all that creative when it comes to passwords.

I’d be a little wierded out if I found out he’d been secretly reading my emails, using my facebook password to read messages, or anything else that could be considered spying. Not because of what he’d read (boring), but because of what those actions would signify. I could easily check into everything he does online, but I don’t have any reason to.

Marriage is not a free ticket to read your spouse’s emails or their journal. They’re still entitled to some sense of privacy if they want to keep something private or if only to keep to themselves for a while.

There is a need for privacy and personal space in every life.

@augustlan I’m in agreement with you on this. Unless you give me reason to be, I don’t even think about snooping around my significant others things. Personal space ( online and offline) should be respected at all costs.

It’s the very basic requirement.

@mattbrowne you seem to always have a way of so simply making perfect sense in your posts = ) love it