I approached my friend about my frustration with our friendship, but she refused to talk about it, what should I do?

Its not worth it.

Approach her, tell her nobody likes a know-it-all, bossy bitch and if she won’t listen, check back with her in a couple of months.

It seems that you already know the answer to this… she is not a true friend, you deserve better. Put your time and energy into pursuing your interests, and that will ultimately lead you to new friends and acquaintances who share your interests. Good luck!

Friendship should go both ways. If you really do what she wants all the time, stop doing it! Stand up for yourself a bit. I would stop doing everything she says, and maybe she will get a clue that no one likes being bossed around. If she doesn’t reciprocate, then why bother putting the effort in? Often enough, we don’t know when to cut ties with people who bring us down, and put our effort into people who really deserve it. If she brings you down more than makes you smile, the friendships is not worth the stress. Best of luck!

I had a friend who always had to be better, even when she wasn’t. When I realized that it was an absolute rule with her that I had to know less, be worse, whatever at everything and that there was no room for compromise or me being allowed to feel good about myself and my accomplishments (and that she’s a very selfish person) I realized that it wasn’t worth my time to try and hang out with her.

Maybe the shock of you all of a sudden standing up for yourself and having nothing to do with her will give her the shock she needs to change.

Give up. If she does finally ytry to talk about, I think it’s fine to talk, I am not saying give up and never give her another chance, but you have opened the discussion and she is avoiding it. When people won’t communicate, and she is obviously very controlling, it can’t work well. I would say if you want to continue to be friends you can meet her, or be with her only when her plans suit you. If you don’t like part of the plan take a pass that day.

Why would you want to stay friends with this person? I would move on. She would not even compromise to each of you picking the place every other time. Nuts!

When she asks why you won’t hang out with her any more, remind of the conversation she did not want to have, but don’t go back on your decision.

@ronski there is no such thing as an unbalanced friendship.

Your “friend” is a selfish child and is not interested in anything but her self-centered interests. You have done the right thing by trying to talk to her about this and work it out.

But, since she doesn’t want to be part of the discussion, you really have only two choices: 1. continue to hang around and do whatever she wants, 2. find some real friends who want a balanced friendship.

@ronski, This is pretty simple. Since you now know that other people are equally frustrated, make plans with those people. Once those plans are confirmed, and everyone agrees what the group is going to do, then tell your friend what the plan is, and that she’s welcome to come. She will probably say no as an attempt to guilt you into doing what she wants, but if you hang tight and stick to the plan, she should come around, if she values you all as friends.

It’s really common for groups of friends to have a queen bee, and for her to have problems with friends outgrowing her dominance of the group. Most get over it, but it might not be pretty for awhile. Just keep in mind, if you give in, you’re handing her control of the situation.

@PandoraBoxx Good suggestion, thanks!

Obviously she doesn’t see it as a problem. I wouldn’t dump her, though. Most people have several friends, you should too. If you are really interested in doing something and she isn’t, call someone who is.

Get another friend. There are plenty of good people out there. If you are a glutton for punishment and want to keep her as a friend, then make a chart. Keep track of what you do and who suggests it. Tell her that you are going to take turns. After one of her suggestions, then it’s your turn. Show your friend this chart. Sometimes people need physical evidence of their selfishness. If you can show her on paper how inconsiderate she’s being, maybe she’ll give a little.

Good luck.

@galileogirl It’s partially my fault for letting it get worse and worse, and not saying anything earlier, but it has been difficult to figure out when and how to bring it up. I thought this time was good because I could bring up specific evidence…

I definitely don’t want to dump her, because we have been friends for a very long time, but I definitely can’t hang out with her until we talk about it. I am taking it lightly I guess. Anyway, until things change, we won’t be hanging out.

Something similar happened with my friend and her best friend. After years of dealing with it, they have now parted ways. My friend continually tried to talk to her friend, but it was basically talking to a wall. So in order to relief herself from the troublesom relationship, she told her friend it was fun while it lasted but that she could no longer be friends. Presently many of the other friends this person had had also separated themselves from her. So I say if your friend decides not to listen to you, she obviously doesn’t respect you and you should move on.

@Trance24 Oh fo’ sho. Hopefully this will not be the case since I love my friend dearly, but hearing everyone’s comments, and considering that my friend hasn’t even called me, I am guessing that this will be the same way, and that she will lose many a friend who just can’t take it anymore.

Though, in the past we have had times of separation, so perhaps a break will make our relationship stronger. I know my friend is strong enough to apologize since she has in the past, so I guess all I can do is wait and find out how important my friendship really is.

@ronski I do hope things work out for you in the end Good Luck!