Can one person be responsible for making a good decision for another reasonable, normal adult?

If B expressed his/her intentions and lack of “romantic feelings”, A is to blame for any negative effects he/she may incur, not B.

My gut response is that if they are both adults B does not have to refuse continuing the physical relationship, because he/she has been honest of their intention. I guess you could argue that A is hopeful B will change, but that is A’s own fantasy. Personally, I would feel awkward in a realtionship where the feelings towards each other were very out of whack, whether I was the one who wants more or the one who wants less so to speak. Maybe both people need to move on.

I think it is highly condescending for anyone to believe they can make the best decision for anyone else. In fact, it’s immoral. It takes away the agency or humanity of the other person. People make their own decisions in life. B may think they are doing the right thing if they break off the relationship, but that’s not a given. Especially if B does it without consulting A.

If I were in B’s position, I would talk to A, and negotiate an agreeable solution. I’d want to continue the relationship with A, but I’d understand if it was just too difficult. However, I’d also point out that it is not unreasonable for A to continue the relationship in hopes that I, B, might come around to a different point of view.

The point is that relationships require communication, not decisions by fiat. In fact, @nikipedia, I’m quite surprised you take this point of view. It doesn’t seem like you at all. My answer does not change based on gender of A and B.

When the “relationship” gets to the point where A feels what B has offered up front isn’t enough anymore then A will probably cut themselves loose. B isn’t taking advantage- B isn’t deceiving anyone, A obviously wants whatever is going on enough to accept the terms?

A, regardless of gender, has agency and is responsible for the decisions that A makes, and must accept whatever consequences those choices bring. A has a choice whether or not to feel hurt by what B says, or to continue doing something that is not going to bring the outcome that A desires. If A continues a physical relationship with B, then at least A should be clear on why it’s happening, for A’s self.

To pretend that B has such control over A is to give B power that B doesn’t deserve.

I’m torn.
I mean, I feel it’s B’s responsibility, because it’s leading A on. But, if B made it clear they want no romantic relationship, then A is well aware…so I don’t know if B is really taking advantage. But, if they didn’t make it clear, than they’d definitely be an asshole in my opinion.
My answer wouldn’t change if I knew the gender, but I am curious.

Okay, then let’s step back a second:

Does anyone think it’s a good idea for A to continue the physical relationship in this situation?

Continue? No, I don’t reckon that’s a good idea.

I’ve been on both sides of such a situation, and I broke it off as soon as I knew what the deal was. Each time, the fellow and I were on different pages; so long, thanks and no hard feelings.

@nikipedia I think A should probably stop the relationship as I said above. I think most likely A hopes B will change, but of course I cannot know exactly what is in A’s head. Two people with very different intentions in a relationship doesn’t sound good to me on the surface.

@nikipedia Probably not, since emotions are already involved for B, and that’s not just going to magically change over night. I think some people can have sex and have no emotions, but B obviously has feelings and it would probably be emotionally painful for them to continue to have sex with someone that they know does not share mutual feelings. A may not know how much this could emotionally hurt B, and hinder B from finding the person that actually cares about them.

Isn’t that what governments do?

As difficult as it is to accept, the only person you can change is yourself.

Gender is irrelevant. Each bears responsibility for their own life.

@nikipedia‘s 2nd question: If this a friends-with-benefits situation and B is offering safe encounters then that might be enough for A to justify sticking around even though they aren’t on the same page emotionally. It’s tougher than most people think to pull off but sometimes it works out for a while.

As long as they’re both honest about what they’re feeling, and they’re not pressuring the other person into deciding things a certain way, they’re both adults and they are responsible for their own decisions.

I’ve seen several relationships where A is brutally honest about enjoying the companionship and the sex but not really being interested in a long-term commitment, and B thinking it’s really someday going to turn into wedding bells and true love forever. It never ends well, but B is the one that gets hurt.

That said, as long as A is honest about what he or she feels, B’s decision to stay in the relationship is his or her own decision and his or her own responsibility.

I don’t know but thank god I’m not A.

I think some people are mixing up “A” & “B”...

A is responsible for their own happiness but B IS a total jerk.

If I were A’s friend, I wouldn’t make a “should” statement until I had a much greater understanding of A’s feelings and needs. I might advise them to get out of the relationship, if I thought they were fooling themselves, or were a kind doormat person, who wouldn’t stand up for themselves. I would certainly point out that they were opening themselves up for a lot of pain.

However, I’m not sure I’d make a recommendation. I’d just try to make sure they had thought through the consequences of their actions as much as possible. Probably I wouldn’t even tell them what I think would happen. I’d just ask them a series of questions that would tell me what they had or hadn’t thought through. In the end, I’d tell them I’d support them whatever they did (if they were a real close friend). I suppose it’s possible that I might tell them that I couldn’t be a friend with someone who made such decisions (if I wasn’t a very good friend), but I seriously doubt that.

No.

@daloon I agree. I wouldn’t tell A or B what I thought unless they specifically asked for my advice. My answer on fluther is what I am thinking in my mind, not telling A or B. And, we are not in their heads, that is why I mention “on the surface.”

@jfos Whoops, that’d be me. Ehh, what I was getting at still stands true, just reverse the letters lol

In a purely theoretical way they are both adults, responsible for their own decisions. In a real life way, I (being B) have made that decision for A several times. The very minute a man told me he loved me, I was out if the feeling wasn’t mutual. It strikes me as cruel to continue in a relationship with someone who is hoping for something I can’t deliver.

If A doesn’t end it, B should.

B should bow out regardless of what A wants. B knows that A has expectations he/she cannot fulfill.

If B has a total disregard for A as a person, B should continue the relationships with A. However, B does not have knowledge that A really comprehends that this is a true statement. If A is a romantic, A may think that be B does not know his/her heart’s desire, as B continues want physical contact with A. A has every reason to hope that the situation with B will change over time as long as the relationship continues as it has been.

B has absolutely no obligation to end the physical relationship simply because some people judge that A is incapable of making a good decision. Both A and B have made their wishes and desires known. A should be smart enough to know that there will be no emotional relationship here, and if that is what they truly want they should end the relationship. But if A continues to fuck B, then that is the choice A has made, knowing that it is something B also agrees to.

The sexes do not matter in this case whatsoever. It is simply unthinkable to assume that B has to be in any way responsible for making “a good decision” for another person. There is no such obligation, nor does B have any right to do so. Adults are free to make decisions, regardless of whether they are “right” or “wrong”.

I cannot agree with your thought that B would be taking advantage of A in continuing the physical relationship. It takes two to tango, after all. By continuing the physical relationship knowing that B does not want an emotional relationship, A is consenting to continuing the physical relationship knowing full well that they won’t get what they really want. A would be foolish to continue the physical relationship hoping that an emotional relationship would spring out of it after being told bluntly that it will not happen, but oftentimes love is foolish.

It is patronizing. A is free to make whatever decision they want to. If A chooses to keep the physical relationship with B while secretly hoping for an emotional one, well they will learn the faults of such actions when B continues to say no and A continues to be hurt a bit. That’s love, people have to be free to make their own mistakes and learn from them, otherwise A will never learn what they really want and how to get it.

@dynamicduo but A should be aware or made aware the full implications of deciding to continue with the “physical” relationship with B. It depends on what kind of people they are really. No relationship is just physical. You need some emotional stimuli, some feel good factor. A and B shouldn’t be looking for superficial, waste-of-time-and-money relationships in the first place.

Caveat Emptor. Do any of us have an obligation to explain our personalities to someone else? Sure, we can sell ourselves, but isn’t it still the job of the other person to figure out what they think of our characters, and our honesty and good will? So many people are opaque even to themselves. One could believe one is telling the truth, and be far off the mark. I might believe I display absolute integrity, and someone else might find me to be a slimy liar.

In any case, none of us, as far as I know, can read anyone else’s mind. We can’t know what’s best for them. If we believe we do, and act on it, we are limiting their choices; limiting their humanity.

Unrequited love. Doesn’t every love relationship have one party who is more “in love” than the other? Nobody is being dishonest or disrespectful here. There is, obviously, a mutual physical attraction. And obviously the relationship is fulfilling some needs (perhaps it is convenient, or safe, or a satisfying friendship, or a respite from loneliness). So what if it doesn’t “last”? What love does? And what love affair doesn’t end “badly”?

The idea that both partners should be equally in love or the relationship is “superficial” and not worth while is a ridiculous cultural conceit. Why shouldn’t people live for the gusto of the relationships they can have, rather than “saving” themselves for some idealized notion of love that may never come or, when it does, inevitably disappoints? Why, indeed, should love have anything to do with it? This is absolutely nobody’s business but the couple’s own.

When it comes to love, none of us is competent to judge. All love is fraught with delusion and compromise, a fact that is seldom apparent at the time. To quote the immortal poet, Leonard Cohen:
A Thousand Kisses Deep
Suzanne
Closing Time
Alexandra Leaving
Chelsea Hotel
Avalanche

Yeah, but if you’re hanging around having sex with someone, waiting for them to love you, and you’re not getting what you really want out of it, then what’s the point? Otherwise, it seems to me that it’s just two people masturbating, but with the other person as a prop.

I’ve been the one not loved, and asked myself, “Then why is he here?”

I’ve been the one who didn’t love, and I asked myself, “Why am I here?”

Not saying that it’s going to be 100% equal between the partners, but jeebus, I’m not opening myself up emotionally or otherwise to a man who’s only interest in me is my body. And I don’t want to do that to someone else, either. I’d rather be alone.

@aprilsimnel well put bottom line. Lurve!

IF the intentions of A (hang on I’m confused) no its B. OK reword. If I have no feelings for this person right, and I have stated UP RFRONT to this person then the other persons decision is at their own peril. This is the problem with today. People don’t think they have a right to know another’s intention. When we do. So if we did, this argument would not exist right? I think it falls in line with this whole romance idea, the waiting, the wondering, the little clues here and there. Probably just being honest right from the start is far better. Of course we can only be honest when we are honest with ourselves.