Family members who stress you out; how do you deal with them?

For my own mental and physical health, I will deal with it once I move out by having very limited contact and not really thinking about them. Harsh? Maybe. But that’s what I’m going to do.

I always avoid negative people and make no apologies for it. Family or not, they can’t control your life.

by thinking of the future when they will not be here and how I will look back and say ‘man i feel so much more relaxed now’

In general, I don’t deal with them at all if it’s a major stress. If it’s minor, try setting some boundaries. For instance, you don’t always have to answer the phone if they call. Keep your visits short and sweet, and always have an exit strategy. Tell them at the beginning of your visit “I can’t stay very long.”

I remember why I love them, and how lucky I am to have them. Because when it comes down to it, family is family, you may not agree with them, hell, you might not even like them a whole lot, but when the shit hits the fan in your life, you should be able to count on your family, and they should be able to count on you, no matter what.

I just try to stay positive and try to let them see the bright side of things. I smile a lot and try to convey a happy image. Most of the time it distracts them and they start to think more positively or at least change the topic(which can get negative very easily).

My stepfather stresses me out; he’s verbally abusive and very conservative in his views, which clashes with my liberal ones. He also likes to argue or deliberately bait me.

It got horrible towards the end of living at home; eventually, I stopped eating dinner with my mom and him because I couldn’t keep my mouth shut (I tend to be very defensive or argumentative, depending on who you ask) about issues that my stepdad liked to talk about (politics, interracial and/or gay marriage, tattoos, piercings, hair colour, etc)

Although I miss the close relationship I had with my mom, I don’t miss having to deal with my stepdad. (And my mom is less of the happy, nice, kind person I remember because of dealing with my stepdad.)

So avoidance was key.

@evegrimm hair color?

I have cut myself off from my family completely. I only have a relationship with my eldest brother and my wife’s family is my family now. Life is too short to deal with people that are a drain on your energy.

@facade, yeah, my stepdad thinks I’m crazy for changing my hair color. Admittedly, it’s sometimes red (crayola) or pink or blond (naturally dk brown), but still. It’s hair. As my aunt says, better I color my hair than get a tattoo (not that I necessarily agree with that, either).

@evelyns_pet_zebra The situation must have been really difficult for you.

I earlier answered that I have no problem with any of my relatives and your question brings up the one and only exception, my FIL. He is so stubborn and inflexible that all the rest of us simply ignore him. He hasn’t ever taken the hint that no one listens or pays any attention to him. He complains, argues, and tries every other way to disrupt our gatherings, but no one pays him the least mind.

@evegrimm I don’t know why dads are like that. I “dyed” mine to be a bit blacker than it is and my dad flipped out…. parents

@Adagio my immediate family are either drunks or religious zealots. All are extremists. It was easy once I realized that life is too short to deal with people that are a drain on your energy. My wife’s family accepts me as I am, and never try to tell me what I believe is wrong. None of them drink much, so I don’t get that accusation of not being macho enough because I prefer not to drink myself into a stupor.

@evelyns_pet_zebra In contrast, cutting my mother out of my life was very difficult for me. It took me many, many years to work up to it, and I mourned the loss for quite some time. All that, even though I knew it was best for me. I still experience guilt over it from time to time, but can honestly say my life is much better without her in it.

@augustlan you have my sympathy, I can’t imagine such pain

@augustlan, I agree with @YARNLADY. I can’t imagine cutting my mom out of my life…although she drives me crazy sometimes, it’d be like cutting off my foot. I like my feet, even if they can be problematic. I feel so sad for you.

I moved 800 mules away. I love my family so much more from this vantage!
I should add that 7 days is my max visit. Day 8 always turns ugly some how.

Nice tags. Awwww Freddie. Don’t do this to your own kids, and tell your brother how the cow ate the cabbage.

@augustlan I have yet to cut my mother out of my life completely. I am still conflicted. She is my mother, yes, but she is also the biggest pessimist I have ever met. Visiting her (she lives in a nursing home a mile from my house) brings out my own pessimism and it takes days to recover. It’s an energy drain. I get the feeling I will be distraught when she eventually dies, but I simply cannot stand to be near her. I love her because she is my mom, but I dislike her as a person. She is the sort of person I cannot stand to be around. If we had no familial connection, she would be the type of person I would not associate with, because people like that are not a positive influence. She only lives a mile away, yet, the last time I visited her was Mother Day.

My second eldest brother is a drunk. He owns his own business, has a nice family, and he throws it all away because Beer is his God. He can only tell me he loves me when he is so soused that he is barely functional. It’s the booze talking. You cannot have a discussion about anything with him because he believes that he is always right. He will not consider anything that negates his first rule.

My younger sister is a religious extremist. God is the reason for everything,a nd she will preach to you just why that is. Sure, she doesn’t go door to door proselytizing, at least as far as I know, but she will never consider an alternative. My fake goddess Evelyn is an abomination to her because hse sees it as a form of ridiculing her belief system. She takes it as a personal attack. The God of the bible is real because she believes he is real. Atheists, like bisexuals, are simply people who stubbornly refuse to choose what she knows is right. She moved to Florida to get away from her family. The only thing we have in common is that we both have accepted our married families as our replacement families.

Yeah it’s hard to cut oneself off from one’s family. But watching my Dad; one of the smartest and most sensible men I have ever met, drink himself to death, was the hardest thing I ever faced. He died at age 53. (that’s four years into my future). I could tell you stories of my Dad that are completely true, and quite amazing. Yet, he abondoned his family because he gave up.

My family history is a book that should never be written. Too much pain. Too much bullshit, most of it based on religion and the Glory of the Liquid God, Alcohol.

@kikibirdjones God knows I want to break free.

Move far away and contact them only by email or letter. That’s what works for me.

Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative.

I interact with them as little as possible.

@evelyns_pet_zebra {hugs}

You don’t siblings anything. Walk away. Good family interaction is important. If they don’t try, eliminate them. (as a source of stress i mean. sounded less murderous in my head)

Sorry, it should say- don’t *owe siblings anything