Would you be able to date a guy who had a brother that you thought was scum?

I would not date him, what would happen if you two got serious and then marriage? Really if you cant stand him why would you want to be in the same family?

I don’t necessarily think it matters. Siblings can be very, very different people.

The most important thing to me would be my boyfriend’s opinion of his brother. If my boyfriend thought his brother’s behavior was acceptable and couldn’t understand why I would want to limit my contact with him, then I would be concerned.
If my boyfriend understood and acknowledged that his brother’s behavior was not acceptable and respected my feelings about him, I’d be ok with it.

I’m with @Likeradar on this one. People shouldn’t be judged by their families. After all, they didn’t choose them. How the individual views (and interacts with) their family would be the important bit.

You wouldn’t be dating his brother so i don’t see how your opinion on him should have any impact… Afterall you don’t really choose who your brother is. If the person in question was his best friend it would be different…

I would not trust the judgement of a woman who dates a verbally abusive man as a credible source for who you should date.

However, the person should be judged on their own merit. The family dynamics are more important than your friend’s opinion.

I agree with the majority, it depends on how the man you are dating feels about his brother. But, you should also know that if the “bad” brother ever gets into a really bad or desperate situation you might wind up having to help if you wind up marrying your boyfriend.

My husband’s brother murdered their father.

I guess my answer is yes. Although the brother is a good man now.

@JLeslie I’m not dating him, I’m not going either. I don’t believe I would even consider it because I agree with @PandoraBoxx I don’t entirely trust my friend’s judgement of men.

@IBERnineD I understood it was a hypothetical :) I was just saying if it were the case, that was what I would say if you asked my advice.

@JLeslie Ah I see! :) I read it wrong!

@IBERnineD It’s my mistake I use “you” meaning anyone, and I should use “someone” or “a person” to be clear.

@laureth
Intense. Good for you for not making generalizations.

@laureth that must have been very hard for your husband

It seems to me that there is a jerk in every family. As long as the jerk isn’t the one I’m dating I don’t see a problem. However, I do believe that @PandoraBoxx‘s point about not trusting the judgment of a woman who would stay with a jerk.

Yes siblings can be very very different people, my best friends brother is scum who is very very abusive to his younger and older sisters who have a learning disability and can’t think as well as the rest of the family, I am still friends with them and just ignore their piece of crap brother and when he is rude I give him a little piece of my mind

Since when is “being cute together” a valid reason to date someone? Shouldn’t you have something in common with the person o be attracted to them somehow?

Sometimes siblings can be very different people, but sometimes traits or viewpoints run in families. I would suggest that you a) decide for yourself if this guy is attractive and interesting enough to date, b) determine how he feels about his brother’s behavior and date him only if he also thinks his brother’s behavior is vile, and c) only get serious about him not only if he also thinks his brother is scum, but also if he prefers to stay as far away from him as possible.

However, since you have doubts I would skip over him and find someone that strikes you as attractive, interesting, and a good guy from a good family.

No definitely not…come to think of it I couldn’t date a guy.

There are plenty of other fish in the sea.

@Darwin I agree with all your points, I’m not going to consider him though because I know he is friends with his brother they hang out a lot, I barely know him, and he lives 6 hours away from me currently and I am not interested in a long distance relationship.

There are plenty of other fish in the sea, as has already been said, and a lot of them live a lot closer to you than 6 hours away. I think you are making a wise decision.

I know from my experience it is a bad idea. Family gatherings are a pain because of one psycho sister-in-law. If I knew then what I know now…
You are making the right choice.

Just because there’s one bad apple, doesn’t mean the whole barrel has gone bad. If you make generalizations based on one case, you’ll miss out on a lot that is good in the world. Everyone deserves a chance on their own terms.

This is not to say you have any obligation to go out with this guy. I don’t believe in blind dates. If your friend wants to have a party, and you are both at it, and get a chance to meet in an unpressured situation, then you can have more information to make a choice. But I would never go on a blind date, anyway—at least, I wouldn’t take it seriously, if someone did set me up.

While I don’t think you should necessarily judge someone by the behavior of their relatives, I do think that it makes more sense to judge someone by the behavior of their friends. If your friend has bad judgment in men, then it would make sense not to trust her to set you up with a decent person.