Just why is it that parents always have to invade the life of their children?

How did she invade your life, when you were the one telling her you wanted to break up with your girlfriend? How is she invading your life otherwise?

Some parents handle the lives of their children differently than others.
You are an adult. If you don’t like how your mom handles the personal info you tell her, make the adult decision to stop talking about your personal life with her.
Your mother’s job is not to respond to situations in a way that makes you totally happy.

I don’t tell my mother all about my personal life. Why?

Because its not her business.

If I talk about it with her, it becomes her business to a certain extent and she has the right to comment on it. If she doesn’t know, she doesn’t feel the need to comment.

Well, Its just that, Me and my mom are soo close to each other and telling her stuff like these has become, a part of me I guess. This never happened between us before and she usually lets me decide things on my own even as a kid.

@casheroo: I guess I find it invading in the sense that it’s my decision and my choice and she wants me to change all of what i have decided.

“Mom, I don’t want to quit talking to you about my personal life, but please understand that I’ll ask for your comments and opinions when I want to hear them. It’s not an invitation for you to try to manage my business. If you can’t make the distinction, I’m just going to have to keep these things to myself.”

If you do want to hear, ask “What bothers you about the idea of my breaking up with Muffie?”

How does “This never happened between us before” turn into “Why is it that parents always”?

I myself think that talking to your mother about any relationship (for men) is a bad idea. In this case, your mother probably really liked her and that’s probably why you no longer do, lol. I’m not close with my mother at all, so I guess my opinion might be a little biased. I’m just speaking of observations I’ve seen and mothers rarely approve of most women, but it’s hard for them to let go of ones they like, or have approved of.

Lack of confidence in their kids.

you’re just upset that rather than taking your side and argument of breaking off the relationship because of “boredom” she got angry. She was probably only trying to make you see the other side of the argument. That is what happens when you let parents into your relationship. The adult thing to do would be if it bothers you to let her know. Stand up to her. Of course a lot harder said than done.

@blondie411 I guess so. Haha. Well. Lesson learned. Different strokes for different folks.

It sounds like she might have identified with your girlfriend’s situation, or maybe she really likes your girlfriend. I wonder if she ever had someone break up with her in a similar way.

On a side note- if you are living at home some parents still consider you a fledgeling needing instruction.

If this is the case once you have asserted your freedom and are supporting yourself your parents are far more likely to treat you as an adult.

@Dog I live away from my parents. LOL. I am not a fledgeling under their care anymore. lol

Gotcha- in that case @Jeruba posted an excellent way to open a conversation that will remind her that you are an adult.

I think you’re overreacting.

Maybe your mom is afraid that you will go on to treat other relationships like that, including any marriage you enter into. All relationships go up and down, and perhaps she was trying, unsuccessfully, to communicate that to you, that when two people are a couple there are times that one or the other isn’t happy. However, the solution is not to give up and go find someone else.

However, you are legally an adult and you don’t need to tell her anything if you don’t want. As a mom myself I try to listen whenever my kids talk, and I try not to offer advice unless they ask for it. My kids have never been an extension of me. They have always been individuals and while I can point them in the right direction I cannot make then head that way. I only get angry if what they are choosing to do will hurt someone and they know it will.

Of course, we haven’t heard your mom’s side of this, either.

@banzu Welcome to fluther. lurve for posting a question that gets us all riled up. :)

As a mom, I know what it’s like to fall in love with my son’s girlfriend and then have them break up. It can sometimes be like loosing a child. Your mom is probably upset because she knows she is going to loose someone who has become special to her. It really has less to do with you.

Or she’s projecting her own insecurities onto your and your situation.

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But really, you talked to her about it. Why are you surprised then that she has her own opinion of the situation? Should she just quietly accept all that you do? Or should she bring her wisdom and experience to the conversation?

Thing is, she might be right. She could very well be wrong. But if you don’t want her input, then don’t bring up the conversation.

I think it’s a good thing for you to have a close relationship. And I think it’s cool she’s willing to share her feelings with you (even strongly). You should consider respecting her opinion of the matter in much the same way that you want her to respect yours.

What is your purpose for telling your mother? To share with her what’s going on, or to seek confirmation that you’re doing the right thing? She’s reacting within the permission that you are giving her to react. If you wanted confirmation that you’re making the right decision, you didn’t get it.

My sons, both in their twenties, tell me quite a lot about their personal lives. We have always had pretty open communications, and sometimes they ask me for advice. Sometimes they just want to talk, and I’ll ask, “Do you want me to comment or not?” or “Would you like a different view on that?” If they say no, I say nothing. I’ll give an opinion only if asked.

I am always on their side, even if I think they’re making a wrong choice (and I will tell them so if asked). I had my parents side with a boyfriend against me, and I have never really gotten over it.

I do respect the line, though, and if they want to tell me too much, I remind them that I’m their mother and they really shouldn’t be telling their mother everything about their lives. I’m not going to tell them everything about mine.

When my son broke up with a girl I loved, I knew he had his reasons. I told him I was sorry to see them part but I knew he’d move on and find someone he could be happier with. I still miss her two years later, but this wasn’t my relationship. It was his.

In other words, parents do not always have to invade the lives of their children.

I think it’s great that you can talk to you mom about stuff like this. Unfortunately, she’s not going to agree with you all the time. Chances are, if she is disagreeing, she has your best interest in mind. She’s not doing it to try to make decisions for you, or invade your privacy (especially since you’re the one who brought it up)- she’s telling you these things because she wants to see you succeed at things, even relationships. She may not understand that it’s the best thing for you. Maybe she really likes this girl. Maybe more details would be helpful, but it doesn’t sound like she’s trying to make you unhappy.

In our family it is an “understood” rule that if anyone discusses a problem, they are “asking” for advice. If family members don’t want advice, they keep their problems to themselves.

Because they have a responsibility. “Invasion” should be kept to a minimum and privacy should be respected whenever possible. When kids are mature and independent parents should stay out and only offer advice from time to time.

@banzu This is not “invasion”, you were both having an open conversation. You said you and mom are close; she felt the liberty to tell you exactly how she felt about the situation. Be thankful that your mom has a real opinion.

I dated a girl for five years – I thought my parents liked here. When we broke up…they shouted for joy. They never voiced their opinion. Things may have worked out different had they said something. No communication.

“Invasion” to most children means: any time mom or dad go into your room without permission, looking through your room, wanting to know who you are talking to on the phone, checking what you are reading, where you have been on the internet…

I understand that some of this could turn out to be overbearing and obnoxious, but to some degree it is good parenting. “A child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.”

I learned that I could not discuss finances or employment with my mother because no matter what I did, it was the wrong thing. Maybe the solution is just to not discuss relationships with your mother unless you’re prepared to be offered advice.

Just some scattered thoughts—-
Did your mother really get angry and yell, or she just express her surprise at your thoughts of breaking up?

Many of those giving advice are speaking about all mothers as being understanding, reasonable and willing to do as you ask…if she is not like that, then you could try to tell her nicely that you would like for her to give advice only when asked.

For me, my 27 and 21 year old will always be my children. I find it difficult not to give opinions when I am not asked, but it isn’t easy.