How to talk to strangers at parties?

I would guess that we all can identify with your feelings. This would suggest that many if not most of the others at the gathering are equally worried about the same issues; that may be a partial explanation as to why we are not often approached at parties.

My suggestion is, nothing ventured, nothing gained. What’s the worst thing that could possibly happen? Go ahead, take a chance. You might maake someone else’s evening as well as your own.

Bump into someone; step gently on someone’s foot, spill some wine (white) on someone and then apologize and jump in. Everyone hates parties; that’s why so many get drunk.

There have to be some other people standing alone and not interacting. You can take the bull by the horns and go up and introduce yourself and ask how they ended up at the party. You can then do the standard stuff—ask them what they do. You could even make fun of yourself for asking that, but it breaks the ice and gets things going.

Another approach is to make some wry comment about the party. Or yourself. “I always feel too shy to talk to anyone at parties. Would you help me get over that?”

Part of this is the fear of rejection. Well, you will be rejected sometimes. Just expect that. But move on to someone else. If it’s a big party, it’s not like people are going to be talking about you after you leave, and even if they do, so what?

If people are on pedestals, then they probably want to talk about themselves. So just asking them to do that and admiring them is likely to get them to open up to you. Most people just want someone else to take an interest in them. You can always start by complimenting them—clothes, looks, attitude—all can be things to compliment.

It takes practice. It takes a real desire to connect. And it’s probably not as hard as you think.

A lot of times we think of saying something and then say to ourselves “Oh, that would sound stupid,” or “No one is going to care about that.” Usually you’re just overanalyzing in your head. Most things that pop into your head are just fine to say. It makes conversation easier if you don’t hold back so much, trying to think of the right thing to say. Most people won’t care, really.

Like daloon said, fear of rejection is a big thing. You have to, basically, not care. It’s just one person, no big deal. It’s their loss if they don’t wanna talk.

You really just have to put yourself out there. I’m kind of shy, but I’m working on it. You just have to be friendly and sociable. A lot of times I can just let someone talk, nod my head and interject sometimes.

As daloon put it, you have to practice, have a desire and it’s not as hard as you think.

I think that deep thinkers like those of us who gravitate to fluther are probably mostly crappy at small talk. That’s why we love it here. It’s easy to jump in to a deep discussion.
Have you connected with anyone there online? If so, maybetou could mention that you will be there and would appreciate a few introductions since you’re new. That should break the ice a bit.

- wear a funny hat ;)

- no matter what, try to remain towards the center of the room – it’s a power position – and you’re bound to strike up many more impromptu conversations

- don’t forget the importance of body language (smile, good posture, avoid defensive stances)

- think positive!

- set yourself a goal, for example that you’ll at least greet 3–5 people before calling it a night

Sure, i have this feelings too, every now and then.
What helps me is to tell my girlfriend (for instance) about it, before we go somewhere and when i have a shy-‘attack’.
Just that already takes the edge off it for me.
Another thing, like also @daloon wrote, is to ‘confess’ to a person that you start a conversation with, that you feel a bit shy or awkward at that specific moment.
People (most of them, i think) even like it when somebody does that, it shows you are human (with insecurities) and have insight in who you are/what makes you.
Still another thing, that i sometimes do (i admit, i do this when i feel just a tiny shyness), is to ‘pretend’ i am feeling pretty damn secure about myself, and i move like someone who is the man (is that called “stance”?).
Good luck and have a good time.

I’m pretty shy myself and I find that not over-thinking my approach helps. Just pick a random person from the crowd, and before you have chance to talk yourself out of it, march up to them and say, “hello.” The conversation will get started more easily than you would have imagined.

Sometimes our brains are the biggest roadblocks to getting over our fears.

@gailcalled I don’t hate parties!

I love this stuff. The key is confidence. Confidence, confidence, confidence. Walk up to somebody and introduce yourself. “Hi, I’m so and so. Have you come to something like this before?”

Sometimes people will be grumpy and blow you off. Who cares? Shrug it off and try again. You will get a really good conversation going soon enough.

Good luck!

Have a few lines ready, what you are going to say or talk about. You might introduce yourself to three or four people tonight and maybe you only really click with one or two, that’s fine. Some of it is statistics. I think your thoughts and input on fluther are great, I am sure whoever you strike up a conversation with will feel exactly the same.

I so feel ya on this one. I am not shy when I get to know people, but I am wicked shy unless someone talks to me first. However, I found myself in a new life situation this year and I decided I needed to approach it differentely. And, I found myself a new group of awesome friends! Put yourself out there. Try and meet at least five new people, and try out some simple conversation starters…“did you see that game?....what do you think of this movie?..., etc.). The worst that can happen is that you meet someone new! Have confidence in yourself, and people will prolly notice. Smile too! That always helps meeting new people :) Good luck!

Strategies to consider:
1) Don’t be shy about being a listener, at first. Talkative people need an audience. Walk up to a chatty group and become part of it by being a listener, with the appropriate nods, smiles, and laughs. Before you know it, you may find yourself contributing a comment…and then you can add, “Oh, by the way, my name is April.”
2) Ask questions. You may be stymied by feeling that you won’t make the most brilliant comment, so ask a question instead.
3) Move about the room. Don’t stand in one place for too long. That’s when the name “wallflower” applies.
4) Keep telling yourself you are having a wonderful time. It will enhance your body language.
5) Compliment someone and immediately follow with a question. It’s a great opener. “That’s a beautiful sweater. Do you shop locally or online?”
6) And if you can muster the courage, wear or carry something that others might notice: a piece of antique jewelry or a one-of-a-kind, hand-made anything. If you get a compliment or an inquiry, don’t just say “Thanks.” Introduce yourself.
7) And you will not be the only loner in the room. Keep an eye out for someone who looks uncomfortable or lost. Go up to that person and become the hostess. Introduce yourself and say, “Hi, I’m April. Are you new here? Really? Well, let me introduce you to some people.” Then lead the person to the first group of people you can find and say, “I’d like you to meet Jan. She’s new to the group.” If it’s a group worth your time, people will offer their names and then say to you, “Have we met?”

I am very shy and have difficulty in large groups as you described. I prefer smaller meetups or ones that are focused on a particular activity… whether it’s dinner, or wine tasting, or hiking or seeing a movie, because there will be something to discuss. Then I have found that I see many of the people from the smaller groups at the larger meetups, so it’s as if I’m already acquainted with many at the event.

Also, no matter what the size of the group, it is good to immediately seek out the organizer to introduce yourself and to thank them for planning the event. Let them know that it’s your first time with the group, and they’ll usually take you under their wing and show you around. I got to one craft-based event a bit late once, and everyone was choosing their materials for the project; once we all sat down, I apologized for being late, and that I must have missed the introductions. The organizer realized that she hadn’t done that yet! So you never know…

I’m a quiet guy by nature, so naturally I can be pretty shy sometimes, once I get comfortable with someone I’m great and can make new friends very easily, but I’m really bad at engaging people for the first time, I over think myself and end up falling over myself (only with girls, really) so I know what you mean.

I used to think that it was just because I wasn’t used to being like that (I was popular in highschool so most people I met already knew who I was, it made it easier), so now I just put myself out of my comfort zone, bite the bullet and walk up to someone. At first I figured it would get more fluid, you know? But after a couple years I think I’m just not that guy for whatever reason. I don’t have any major confident issues or anything like that, and I’m generally a pretty entertaining guy, but first encounters are just a little weird for me.

honestly, I suggest just putting your nose to the grinding stone, you might be someone like me, but you’re not going to know unless you try it, and even if you are, what else are you going to do, sit around and wait for someone to come along?

It’s only fair to update you all on how it turned out.

I did go, and I had a good time. It turned out that a person I’d been introduced to and spoke with very briefly at the BBQ meetup attended tonight’s event and spoke to me long enough to include me in another group. I met about 6 or 7 people, and I was fine. Thanks for all your advice and help!

Introduce yourself. Start small talk. Ask interesting questions.

Just go out there and be yourself. Be confident but not cocky. You will be fine and if the people are too snobby move forward!

I cant, its hard enough being forced to greet customers at work by threat of being fired.