I don't want to spend the rest of my life with my boyfriend. Should I break up with him?

I don’t know. Why not give him the time you can. You are leaving sooner or later anyway. Try to have a good time. The sex is good, and you seem to enjoy yourselves enough. If it becomes a real problem for you, I guess you’ll have to break it.

Close your eyes, take 10 deep slow breaths, counting each breath.
Then when you get to 10, answer the following question out loud:

“What do you want to do?”

There seems to be a vast amount of noncomunicado, meaning, do you talk much with him, have you talked about this? This is probably the hardest thing too talk about, and seems to me the most importante at the minuto. Well, your going to have to, don’t think you have to completly squash the friendship with this guy, threesomes are cool, real trendy with the young crowd. Sorry for being insensitive, but you maybe can still go on this cruise. Whew, I really blew this one.

You’re still young if you’re not ready for a serious relationship then tell him before it’s too late.

If he say s he loves you than it mean that the relationship is not real.

I’ve told him in the beginning that I don’t want to settle down because I’m still young; we haven’t talked too much specifically about where this is going but I think we both get the feeling it might end when I leave. I’ve said things like “what if I have to go back home?” and he’s just said “then I’ll be really sad” and we’ve both gotten a little teary. @bumwithablackberry threesomes are out of the question :P he definitely would not be into that; I’ve checked, lol.

@The_Compassionate_Heretic
I want to wait until I leave, and leave the relationship behind as well. I’d like to remain friends so we can still dance if I visit or if he visits.
At the same time, as the guy I’m attracted to will be in this country as well, I won’t have the chance to pursue anything with him. I’ve been attracted to him on and off for more than a year now. But then again, he’s not as important as my boyfriend at the moment.

I feel really selfish and greedy. :(

@puddle If you decide to break up, keep in mind that staying friends might not be an option.
Be ready for that.
Good luck to you in whatever you decide.

Forget the “other guy” because you will have the same situation with him as you do the current one: You want to go back to your home country, and you don’t want a long distance relationship.

As for the current guy, ride the wave while it lasts. Don’t lead him on like there’s a great future in store for the two of you, but realize that young romances do end. You already know this one will end, and he will find out eventually. There’s no point making the social life awkward for the next few months. Continue with the current plans and give him all you can until it is time for you to go home.

In no way am I encouraging you to plan MORE cruises, etc. with hime since you know you will be leaving him in a little while. Just enjoy the remaining time together and start pulling back slowly. When it’s time to leave, he will probably say he saw it coming.

Above all, forget the new guy. Cheating sucks ass! My second wife cheated a lot. It sucks balls to be on the other side. I just seduced my married ex-girlfriend into cheating on her husband, and I feel like crap for doing so. Like I said, just ride this wave until it is done, then go home.

It sounds like you’re using the guy, which is often the risk guys assume when they are the “break-up boyfriend.” Break up with this guy because you are leading him on by staying with him. Find girlfriends to go salsa dancing with, and give the guy your cruise ticket as a consolation prize for having who he thinks is the love of his life break up with him. That way he can take someone else, go with a guy friend, etc. You can chalk the price of the ticket up as the cost of doing the right thing.

If I were him, I’d want you to tell me your real feelings sooner rather than later and quit playing with my feelings and emotions. Maybe he’ll say you two should break up now, maybe he’ll say that he’d like to stay with you until you leave. You never know, but at least you should be honest, and respect him—- and yourself.

You don’t have to perform with him 4 months from now. You also don’t have to go on a cruise with him, and you certainly don’t have to share a cabin if you do go. Staying with someone for those reasons is silly.

This guy deserves the truth- I don’t want to be with you forever. If he is ok with a passionate fling with an expiration date, cool. If not, let him go.

Forget the other guy too, unless you want to just date casually and everyone is on the same page.

YES

I agree with the majority of the threads here. It’s no fun to be led on, and it’s better to be up front with the guy than squish his heart in a few months. If he is ok with a fun fling, then great! If not, you can’t be selfish and ask this guy to be your friend if he can’t be. I’ve tried this, and it’s not fair to ask someone who feels like they want to be with you forever to just be a “friend”. In telling him, you do risk losing him as both a boyfriend and a friend, but at least he can move on with his life. Forget the other guy too, fleeting crushes are fun but it would be more trouble than it’s worth, especially seeing that you are having trouble with making up your mind about your boyfriend as well. You are young, have fun, don’t stress, but also be aware of your fella’s feelings.

I think the ethical thing to do would be to tell him the truth about what you feel and what you are thinking. He is probably deluding himself about the future, and I hope you will make it extremely clear to him exactly what your plans are.

Right now, it sounds like you are just trying to protect yourself, and while that is understandable, it probably is not helping you, and it certainly isn’t helping your boyfriend. It is also understandable that financial considerations enter into your thinking, but in my experience, when you vacation together and relations are strained between you, the vacation is hell. You will probably have to kiss that money good bye, or pay a penalty to release your room or something. Or one of you will have to not go.

Think about how you would want to be treated if things were the other way around. Think about why you asked this question. You know the answer. You just are having trouble getting up the gumption to do what you know is the ethical thing to do. It will be hard. You will hurt him. But that is far better than letting things go on and using your trip home to break up with him. Please tell him the truth.

Thanks everyone… I’m going to talk to him tonight. I don’t know what is going to come out of it but I hope I’m doing the right thing.