What the hell does "no offense" mean?

“No offense” says to me that the speaker/writer did not and does not intend to offend, but just in case the listener/reader might take offense, best to warn them.

I often put warnings on things I link, such “not for the squeamish” or “adult content” or “some might consider this objectionable material”, but only as a precaution.

We never really know how someone else might take our comments, do we?

“No Offense” is weasel-wordish, yes, but I think there are definitely times where it makes sense to use it, like when you want to say something vaguely controversial, and qualify it immediately afterwords, but want to get people past that initial statement, hence “no offense.”

I said “No offense” in my answer because I did think the author of the question seemed to have a very juvenile view of relationships, but I didn’t want her to take it as an insult. It was an observation that led to the rest of my response. Hence the “no offense.” I do agree with you for the most part though. I think people tend to say “no offense” when they want to say insulting, hurtful, or rude things and not have to deal with the consequences of offending someone.

“No offense” has a proper usage. Offense is about intent. If you’re not meaning to offend someone but you can predict that what you are about to say may be taken the wrong way, then you should say it. I use it as a disclaimer or a “before you jump to conclusions, consider…such and such”. People abuse it, yes, but it does have a proper usage. You can’t just avoid saying anything that might possibly offend someone. People can be offended by practically anything. At least saying “no offense” shows that you weren’t trying to offend someone. I’ve met with many people who were deliberately trying to offend me and there’s a difference.

If what you’re saying is an insult, “no offense” is useless. Insults are by nature offensive. “No offense, but you’re a complete idiot”. There’s no point in using it there since you’re meaning to insult the person.

I only say no offense when I’m going to make a mildly to not actually offensive comment like “Your face doesn’t match your head, no offense”. Obviously if you say something that’s really offensive (like the N word) and say “Hey no offense”, it’s not going to soften the blow.

I interpret it to mean “no offense intended,” to which an appropriate response would be “none taken.” The right time to use this is when you perceive that your remark could be construed with some personal intent but you really do not mean it that way. For instance, if you were addressing several friends, one of whom is chronically late, you might say, “No offense intended, Ronnie, but I really do not understand why some people wait until the last minute to do everything.” Your disclaimer would indicate that you did not mean your comment to be taken as a personal criticism of Ronnie but rather as an expression of puzzlement about a common shortcoming.

You seem to be speaking of cases where a person is obviously using the expression as a kind of carte blanche to disclaim responsibility for an offensive remark. There is no carte blanche for offensive remarks. The thing to do with offensive remarks is (a) not to make them or (b) apologize if you do, and not deny their offensive nature.

I say ‘no offense’ when the thing I say will offend the person but in my opinion it shouldn’t

@Jeruba I find your example to be another case of trying to weasel out of being offensive. You say it’s about puzzlement, but let’s get real. You’re pissed off that your friend is always late, but you don’t want to take the heat for being angry. No offense, of course. (Blah. “No offense” = I love you and respect you Jeruba, but I think you blew it on this one).

Perhaps there are better examples, but I remain skeptical.

@daloon Nope, the offensive is on the receiving end, not on the giving end.

What a dumbass question. No offense.

@daloon, I don’t actually use the expression myself. I find it offensive.

If it comes at the beginning of a statement, it usually means what follows will be offensive to some (and the speaker doesn’t want to deal with those people). At the end of a statement, I think it means the speaker belatedly realized they said something that could be offensive and don’t want people to get offended. Either way, I think it is an admission that on some level, to some person you are addressing you believe they will find what you’ve said offensive.

It is useful in situations where, for example, your reference to someone contains the phrase “shit-faced pig fucker” and you don’t wish him to interpret that phrase in a perjorative sense.

As you know, I have no problem offending people. I know I can be blunt. But there are times when I know someone might be offended even though I don’t mean to be offensive. If I mean it, I don’t dismiss it.

It reminds me of when in the Military (or Star Trek) someone says “With all due respect Sir, [Insert comment that totally disregards any authority held by said Sir]”

I actually had someone use this properly with me just earlier this evening. She was going to comment on my complicated family tree and said, “No offense, but I think you need to write down your family tree so I can follow our conversations.” I can completely understand why she would think that, but I can also see how she might think I would be offended. I honestly believe she had no intention of offending me.

I do understand the usage you are talking about though and it is a valid point. A comparable statement in the south is, “bless your heart.” You can say anything insulting as long as you attach that to the statement. “Bless your heart; you have just never been able to make a flaky pie crust.”

@daloon – haven’t you ever had something you wanted to say, something that you felt was truly justified, that you knew that if you imparted the intended meaning (how it sounds in your head, what you intend to convey with what you are saying), that it would seem perfectly reasonable and inoffensive, but yet, you know that the words you have at your disposal run the risk of being misinterpreted in some small way, which if that were to happen, may end up sounding kind of bad to the person to whom you were trying to convey your thoughts? Like maybe you’re talking to your wife/girlfriend, and you see some sort of eveningwear that looks nice, but is just maybe it’s a size 22 and your woman is a size 8. And you’d like to say, that would look great on you, but I don’t think it would fit, your gal might take that to mean you were calling her fat, and what you meant was that it was too big. So, you maybe throw out a no offense. I use it, and to me it just means “I’m stating something honestly, this is not intended as an insult.” Like if your friend is a genius, but hates clubs and organizations, and you are walking along and see a table with a Mensa application, and you’re thinking, “my friend wouldn’t want to do that because he hates hanging out with groups of people,” but you first might think, OH, my buddy’s a genius, I should grab him one of those, and before you think about the other part of it, you say something like, “want me to grab you a Mensa membership application….” then it occurs to you that he very much would not like that so you say, “you know what, I’m thinking Mensa’s not for you…” then you think, oh shit, I just insulted his intelligence, so you add “no offense, I just know you don’t like groups of people, I’m sure you could get in if you wanted to.” I think it’s pretty logical why people say it, I’m surprised you don’t….no offense.

I think it is when you want to understand something, and you know or can reasonably assume the person you are talking to will be offended when you ask or comment, but you do not want the receiver to have a knee-jerk defensive reaction. You want them to be calm and actually consider the words. So, I agree what is said is probably offensive, but if you want to know the answer, or the person has asked for your advice, there may be no other way.

Honestly, I’ve always thought when someone says something like “no offense” to me, what they are really saying is, I know you’re going to take offense to this, so in effort to prevent you from biting my head off and spitting it back out, I’m going to say “no offense” in hopes that you take it better.

I hate when people say it, just say how you feel.

It means:
“let me have my say even though it may anger you, I want to be heard that bad”.

no offense, but your wife’s a money grubbing whore…

best line I’ve ever heard in public. I literally got up and high fived the guy…

I thing it came up on football game from

@pathfinder No offence, but you need to make more sense

@Saturated_Brain It makes perfect sense. In a football game, a team with no offense could easily lose the game. You have to have both a good defense and a good offense.

@YARNLADY Ah yes… But he has yet to tell us where and when this football game which started the phrase was. Hence, no sense bordering on nonsense.

GA by the way

I completely disagree with @YARNLADY on this. IMHO, being somewhat jaded and cynical, but not too much, I try to take people at their word most of the time, and even indulge in a little etiquette and even netiquette now and then. I’ve even been politically correct to a fault, and honestly try not to offend the other person, even when they are being stupid, boring or otherwise ridiculous.

Having said that, when someone says the proverbial “no offense” after insulting you, with or without an actual wink, what they mean is – look at me, how clever and witty I am and how I can offend or insult you, twice. Once, when I gave you that back-handed compliment, the second time when I said “no offense.”

I have to disagree with myself here, though. No offense, but I really don’t see why the opinions I hold and can express at any given time should be restricted by who is present.

Let’s just say (for a hypothetical example) that I was a big believer in public education and I was discussing its merits in a group that included a rabid homeschooler. Should I have to stifle my views just because I know there’s someone present who disagrees with me? Can’t I still say what I think? Is the worst imaginable offense to be out of accord with The Group? And if so, how does that other person get to be out of accord? I might want to be able to voice my opinion without its being construed as personal one way or the other, toward anyone. So then, mightn’t I say “Please don’t take this personally, Lucinda [= “No offense’], but I think kids really must learn how to function in a large-group setting or they’re not being prepared for life.” Isn’t this a reasonable way of softening your remarks without disowning them, on the one hand, or seeming to criticize or attack someone, on the other?

This is an example and is not meant to start a discussion on education.

Using the “advocate’s devil”, “just for argument’s sake” ,ight be a little more polite than the awkward and sometimes mean-spirited cynicism of “no offense”. Or is it just me?

@Jeruba When you say, “don’t take this personally,” is it reasonable for the other person to think that your criticism does not apply to them?

Criticizing should not be perceived as “attacking.” I think that it often is perceived that way, and I get that these phrases are designed to separate criticism from attack, now. So I guess these phrases can work that way, although I wonder when criticism became synonymous with attack?

I am struggling with this idea of not taking things personally. When I do something creative, I may ask for criticism as a way to improve the work. When I express a political view, I am implicitly criticizing people who do not share that view. However, since these kinds of views are often based on ethical beliefs, how can they not be taken personally?

This is why I don’t have any Republican friends (that I know of). Their views, in my opinion, are an integral part of their personality, and to espouse Republican views, for me, is a moral failure. I suppose I should forgive people their moral failures, and seek to point them out in the hopes of getting them to see it my way.

Can people be good people in spite of moral failures? Now there’s a question!

@daloon,

When I express a political view, I am implicitly criticizing people who do not share that view….how can they not be taken personally?

Is that really true? Are you then saying that all expressions of opinion are automatically and necessarily ad hominem criticisms of the people who hold contrary opinions? Haven’t we always been taught to argue against the opinion but not the person, or to hate the deed but love the doer, and any number of other ways of expressing the idea that we should separate the view from the person who holds it? Are you saying that you consider them inseparable?

I have sometimes thought so myself and wondered exactly how much of a saint it takes to echo Voltaire (“I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it. ”), but I think it would take a brutally honest person to admit that he cannot separate them. Are you that person?

——

I agree that criticism should not be perceived as attacking, but I think criticism comes closer to attacking than mere expression of an opinion comes to criticism. I should be able to say that I believe wholeheartedly in Republican values (you know I am speaking only hypothetically here, of course) without your inferring that I am therefore personally criticizing you.

Also I do think that some people’s espoused beliefs are well integrated into their personalities and some are not. On all sides we have true believers who hold deep convictions, and we also have shallow believers who wouldn’t extend themselves very far to defend their beliefs and who change their position with the shifting winds.

Generally, it’s used during a discussion and since everyone is entitled to have their own opinion (and may want to express it without angering the person they’re having the discussion with), the term is used as a precursor to their statement. The whole thing is perfectly acceptable to people who care whether they hurt someone else’s feelings or curtail the other person’s right to free effing speech.

@Jeruba I think one can criticize another person (via a criticism of their ideas), yet still defend their right to think and say what they say. I can get along with people who I disagree with, even if I believe their point of view demonstrates immorality. But I don’t think I could make friends with them. I do think that some opinions demonstrate a basic set of assumptions about humanity, some of which justify what I believe to be hurtful behavior towards others.

I’m happy to defend their right to say it, because I wouldn’t want to be in the group whose speech was suppressed. However, I’m not sure I can fully respect people with some points of view. It’s even harder to be friends with someone whose views differ starkly from mine based on an issue that I think is very telling.

I certainly believe in good manners, and that it is worth, for purposes of politeness, I think it is a good idea to attack an idea rather than the person. But I find some ideas so distasteful, that they make it impossible for me to respect that person. The fact they they say they think what they do seems to overshadow just about everything else they do or say. On the other hand, actions do speak louder than words, and a person might say they believe something and yet act in a way that belies that belief.

When someone says “no offense” that show they are aware that what they are about to say or what they have just said could be offensive to the other person. They are aware the other person might take that statement personally. They are aware that the statement is an implied criticism.

In such a case, I think people should try to be polite, and refrain from saying that thing. Sometimes, it pops out of your mouth before you think, and I guess it makes sense to try to cover your ass by saying “no offense.” But to say if before indicates that you know you are criticizing another person in a situation where they may not have asked for criticism. Usually people find this offensive. I think that if you’re going to be impolite, you might as well own it.

Here’s your answer in chart form.

I have read each and every answer…and, will go forward in life unscathed by attempts to “not offend me”!

It’s not an adequate phrase in expressing my views. I might be more apt to say, “You might not agree with me…” or something ‘less offensive’.

Interesting.