Is being gay a choice?

No.

No.

Is being heterosexual a choice?

I definitely don’t think it’s a choice.
Just as I didn’t choose the colors of my eyes or the color of my skin.

The one gay friend that I’m very close to had confided in me that he’s always felt gay since he was very young, he was always attracted to guys. Not that he decided one day “Eh I’m gonna start diggin’ the cock for a while”.

No.

Nine

not a choice.

No. Think of sexual orientation this way, as a sliding scale between Black and White. Many people are more along shades of Gray. Gay isn’t always completely homosexual.

Nope.

No.

Behavior is a choice. Orientation isn’t.

No.

All of the scientific research I’ve read suggests that it is not a choice. There’s a part of your brain that’s involved with sexual behavior (the interstitial nuclei of the anterior hypothalamus). It is significantly different between homosexual men and heterosexual men. The scientists who found that believe that it suggests that sexual orientation has a biological substrate.

This is one of many documented brain differences between homosexual and heterosexual men, but I believe it is the best replicated and least disputed.

These arguments from biology are consistent with the subjective reports of homosexual men and women who do not believe it to be a choice. So the preponderance of data suggest very strongly that no, it isn’t a choice.

@Sampson nein*

Haha, that’s what I thought, I just didn’t want to make claims that I couldn’t back up. I kept trying to think, did a straight person seriously think, well I think I’ll only be interested in the opposite sex? Many times I heard the “if I were gay i’d marry you” line, and its coming from the same people who say its a choice.

@uberbatman I was referring to the number. I don’t know why.

Of course not. Who would choose living a lifestyle where society has shit upon the people within it?

I just tried really hard to be attracted to guys. I mean really hard. It didn’t work.

I guess I can’t choose who I’m attracted to.

Generally I would say no, but I’m reminded of the time a woman said to me “I’m a lesbian for ‘political-feminist’ reasons”.

@FutureMemory Thats like saying, “I’m gay for rights!”

I don’t believe it’s a choice. Even though sometimes I wish I was gay, just because women get on my nerves sometimes, but being with a dude is right up there with my wants to be hit by an 18wheeler doing 75.

No, it’s not. Being gay isn’t something you can choose. All you have to do is think about it. How can you train yourself to be aroused by something else if we’re all naturally straight? How would a 12 year old kid do that? Why would you choose to do that?

You don’t choose to have a sexual preference. It’s just an attraction that you feel within you; no one chooses to feel that attraction. I don’t know why it happens, but it does. They can choose to act on it, but they don’t choose to be attracted to the same sex in the first place. No one I’ve ever met who claims that it’s a choice has ever been able explain how you go about choosing what arouses you sexually. It’s ludicrous.

I’m gay (not bisexual) and I’ve known it for years and I most certainly did not choose to be this way. However, I do not wish to be straight. I am perfectly fine with who I am.

A lot of people who believe it’s a choice are simply ignorant and aren’t radically against it. I’ve explained it to people before and I feel I did help people understand it. Some, however, are going to stick to their belief that it’s a choice. Not much I can do about that, but I know that I didn’t choose it and I have to prove it to everyone.

I think in most situations, it’s not a choice.

Please hear (read?) me out.

I think if you were traumatised at a young age (or an old age!) by someone of one gender or the other, you might be inclined to think you didn’t like people who reminded you of that person. It might not mean you’re actually gay, but you might have some issues that may “cloud” the issue.

But I think, in general, no, it’s not a choice. Unless you believe in the soul mate theory. (Does that even count?)

I have no degree in human brains, so it’s just how I feel. Please don’t hate me too much. :(

no, I don’t believe it’s a choice. A kid that I use to babysit, you could tell. No if’s ands or but’s about it.

@DominicX that should read on the last line “and I don’t have to prove it to everyone”. Damn my tendency to leave out words. Damn it to hell.

@Sarcasm

With a little delving into my past, I realized that I showed some kind of attraction to other boys as early as 9. I remember this one boy I had a crush on (I didn’t really realize what I was feeling at the time) and I remember feeling sick/nervous around him and such. No way in hell I chose any of that.

No, I don’t think a person chooses what they are attracted to.

No.

It’s not a choice which sex you are attracted to. It is a choice whether or not to live a gay lifestyle. I know some homosexuals that struggled with the decision to start living a gay lifestyle, and some who still refuse.

Yes. I choose to be better than you.

Yes.

Just wanted to be the one little dissenting voice you always have to get whenever you get questions like this. Isn’t it true that there’ll always be that one person who’ll disagree with the majority just because?

Good, now that that’s over and done with, let’s have the real answer.

No.

Yes.I mean only for sexual gratification,fact is if you can’t get a woman or man then the only alternative is same sex sex or masturbation.

@ASoprano That’s not being gay. That’s having sex with someone of the same gender, which is not what being gay is about. You also have to be sexually attracted to a person of the same gender to be gay, not just treat them like a sexual object.

What you’re talking about are most probably men who have sex with men (see wikipedia entry).

@Saturated_Brain please read my post again.It states for sex only and having sex with the same sex is indeed a “gay act”.

@ASoprano It does state for sex only. But committing a gay act doesn’t mean that one is gay.

WHICH IS WHY I STATED SEX ONLY!!

@ASoprano Then the issue is your choice of words within the given context. I don’t think it’s fair to say that you can ‘be gay’ only for sexual acts and expect others to get it as there’s so much room for interpretation (heck I still don’t get it).

Unless I’m wrong people?

I would also recommend doing a Fluther search for this subject. The archive on “is gay a choice” must be incredibly huge, and can provide hours of entertainment without stirring up current drama. The topic is, you may realize, a recurrent ‘favorite’.

No.

I do know a young woman who at 23 that had no good experiences with men. They just didn’t seem interested, and she had no obvious or huge flaws. She became active in politics and then gay rights and she choose to live as a gay woman. I know that is not truly gay, but I thought the situation was unique and worth sharing.

No. Most likely there’s some significant influence of hormone activity during pregnancy wiring the fetus’s brain.

The Bible consistently tells us that homosexual activity is a sin (Genesis 19:1–13; Leviticus 18:22; Romans 1:26–27; 1 Corinthians 6:9). Romans 1:26–27 teaches specifically that homosexuality is a result of denying and disobeying God. When people continue in sin and unbelief, God “gives them over” to even more wicked and depraved sin in order to show them the futility and hopelessness of life apart from God. 1 Corinthians 6:9 proclaims that homosexual “offenders” will not inherit the kingdom of God.

God does not create a person with homosexual desires. The Bible tells us that people become homosexuals because of sin (Romans 1:24–27) and ultimately because of their own choice. A person may be born with a greater susceptibility to homosexuality, just as some people are born with a tendency to violence and other sins. That does not excuse the person’s choosing to sin by giving in to sinful desires. If a person is born with a greater susceptibility to anger/rage, does that make it right for him to give into those desires? Of course not! The same is true with homosexuality.

However, the Bible does not describe homosexuality as a “greater” sin than any other. All sin is offensive to God. Homosexuality is just one of the many things listed in 1 Corinthians 6:9–10 that will keep a person from the kingdom of God. According to the Bible, God’s forgiveness is just as available to a homosexual as it is to an adulterer, idol worshipper, murderer, thief, etc. God also promises the strength for victory over sin, including homosexuality, to all those who will believe in Jesus Christ for their salvation (1 Corinthians 6:11; 2 Corinthians 5:17; Philippians 4:13).

@seVen Exactly how much do you know about homosexuality?

I have not read the above responses, so sorry if this is redundant. I think sometimes it is a choice and sometimes it isn’t. Why do people care? I respect gay people whether they were born that way or chose it.

For some it is, for most it isn’t – sexuality is fluid as is gender. Point is it is irrelevant, to me, whether it is a choice or not, people shouldn’t be treated any differently regardless..so I’m with @jleslie, I realize

Yes and sometimes.

I am attracted to males and females although, I don’t kow if I would consider myself bisexual because so far I have only had relationships with men. I have fooled around with women and been very attracted to them but I haven’t waned anymore form them than that.

Anyway, I have never chosen to be attracted to anyone, male or female. BUT I have chosen to act on my attraction to both sexes which leads me to the conclusion that the only choice involved is whether you do something about it or not.

NO

For some… For most it’s not. There is no absolutes in people’s sexual behavior and preferences. But I guess you knew that.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir @whitenoise @JLeslie

So, when you say for some it’s a choice, what does that mean, exactly? How do some people choose it? How come some people can choose it and others cannot?

Imo and from what I’ve seen people choose what labels apply to them and that choice can change over one’s lifetime as can the attraction to certain bodies – so in one’s adolescence, it’s possible to be attracted to male-bodied people and then sometime later in life to realize that female-bodied people are sexually attractive to you as well…and it could be because one may feel less restricted and can truly feel what they’ve always felt or it may be because yes our preferences change

@Simone_De_Beauvoir

Well yeah, I agree that preferences can change and that people change the labels they apply to themselves. I thought you meant that people choose to have an attraction that wasn’t there before, which is what most “pro-choice” people claim and they’ve never been able to explain to me how that is done. So if it’s possible, all I want to know is how.

@DominicX well, no, I don’t think one can force themselves to feel anything towards anyone – if the attraction isn’t there at the moment, it won’t just appear – point is, it shouldn’t matter…this whole ‘it’s not a choice’ paradigm shouldn’t be the main reason WHY people shouldn’t discriminate…the end to discrimination of non heteronormative sexualities should simply be logical

@Simone_De_Beauvoir

Agreed. Some day…but like I pointed out the Bahai thread, even some of the most “progressive” religions don’t accept homosexuality, which leads me to believe it’s the final frontier. Though, maybe it comes before transsexuality…

Of course, I am of the school that anyone above average intelligence should realize it’s a not a choice, so it’s barely even relevant.

If not a choice. What s the reason?

When I was in college, it seemed like there were all these “political lesbians.” They didn’t feel a natural urge to be with other women, but they felt like they ought to be, to be in solidarity with their sisters. So they did. No one ever complained that it didn’t feel right to them. I have no idea if they were actual lesbians that stayed lesbian for the rest of their lives, or if they eventually gave it up and got married to men. I do know that some who claimed to be (and acted like) lesbians in college later ended up married to men.

I also know a couple of guys who had similar views, and tried sex with men. Similarly, I know a couple of gay men who tried sex with women. All of them either hated it or found it lacking in interest, and never did it again. So I’m of a mind to think it’s not really a choice. You can act like it’s a choice, but in the end, you do what is natural to you. I don’t believe anyone would stay gay if it didn’t feel like it was the only thing that was natural for them.

@daloon I’ve known similar people and situations. When I was in secondary school (high school) it almost became fashionable for girls to say they were gay and soome even had gay relationships. However, only about two of those girls actually “stayed” gay.

I see nothing wrong with experimenting, after all, you may never know unless you try but I got the impression that a lot of these girls were “gay” for attention. That annoyed me because my best friend, who is gay, was having a really hard time coming out and getting people to accept her at the time and many people claimed that she was jumping on the bandwagon.

@ChazMaz to confuse you, specifically
that’s why I’m queer

No not usually, I know there are some women who choose to go lesbian though, but it is usually not a choice.

Not confused. Just enjoying the ride. ;-)

Nope. As early as five I had crushes on other girls. The crushes continued through elementary school into high school. But, I dated boys because I come from a Catholic family (rather strict, in fact). The thing is, I loved my family so much and was afraid to lose them (knowing my Mom’s views on homosexuality), that I “stayed in the closet” , dated fellows, and was miserable. Finally, I came out (not until 30)... and was rejected for years. I couldn’t even go to my Grandmother’s funeral. A Grandmother who lived a door down from me as a child and who helped raise me. I did drive by the cemetery the day of the funeral and saw the funeral procession. Sad, huh? Not sure if anyone saw me.

My Mom didn’t accept my lifestyle, and, wouldn’t have my girlfriend over – ever. Actually, denial isn’t just a river in Egypt, folks. She didn’t want to believe that I was gay. Now, why on Earth would I choose a lifestyle which in turn would cause me lose the most important thing to me in the world (besides my g/f)—my family ?? I didn’t.

The year that my Mom got sick; actually six months before she died of Ovarian Cancer and before we even knew that she had cancer, my Mom and I made peace. She told me that she accepted me and loved me. It wasn’t so much a religious thing for her. She just didn’t want my life to be difficult because I was gay. Anyhow, I’m so thankful that we were able to mend fences and became close again. You see, my Mom and I were extremely close when I was younger. My Mom, my sister and I, we were like best friends.

Nope. Didn’t choose it.

I think @jmah is a really good example of why it isn’t a choice.

For the people who say sometimes it is, sometimes it isn’t, I’ll use myself as an example. Maybe this isn’t what they are talking about, but it’s the only way I can think the yes & no answer actually makes sense.

I’m not really attracted to men or women by sheer looks or whether they have a penis or not (I kind of view people as though I am looking at art, and in that sense I actually think women are prettier than men). Both a man or a woman can turn me on, so I suppose in that way I am attracted to both? I’d never describe someone as hot or sexy. Looks just doesn’t do it for me, its more of whether I like a person (which is based on personality), and then the more familiar I am with them the more easily I can be attracted to them.

For me, you might say its a choice, but its a lifestyle choice, not me actually choosing which gender I’m more attracted to. I didn’t choose to see both men and women in the same way, but I have kind of chosen to live a straight life because I married my husband. I found someone I love very much, and that person happened to be a man.

Though if we were in a different society, and gays and lesbians were widely accepted (to the point that the general public doesn’t always assume someone is straight unless otherwise indicated), I could have easily ended up with my best friend. I think the reason I ended up with a man is because of how I was raised. My parents aren’t against gays or anything. They’ve even been good friends with a couple lesbian couples, but it was never made clear to me that were a couple until I was older. Disney movies always had a guy and a girl, and well, even now, most movies are about a guy and a girl. Even though I viewed men and women the same way, it had never occurred to me that I could date either one. I had simply hadn’t thought about it. I never really dated in the past (my husband was my first) and even though I had crushes, they weren’t due to sexual attraction, but more from my own admiration of that person’s personality that led to attraction. Now that I think about it, I have felt that way about a woman. It never developed into a crush, but I think that’s just because I had assumed I was straight when I was younger.

So, you can choose your lifestyle, but I don’t think you can choose what gender you’re attracted to. Even though @jmah chose to live as a straight person for so long, she didn’t choose to be attracted to females and not be attracted to males. I hope you don’t mind me using you as an example!

sure, just like being hetro is a choice

Dosen’t everything we do in life require some sort of personal decision?

@hartford3 Agreed. But to what extent? That’s the question. And let me assure you dear sir, being gay ranks very low on the “personal decision” scale.

@hartford3 Sure, everything we do is a decision. Notice your verb choice. You didn’t say that everything we “are” is a decision. In which case, being gay is not the decision made. But rather doing gay things is the decision.

@hartford3 Did you make a personal decision about your sexuality, or is it just who you are?

GA, @Sarcasm

I’m changing my answer to simply Yes.

I stand by my original statement: people who believe being gay is a choice can never ever explain how it’s done. Ask them and they will not tell you. Because they don’t know. Because it’s not true.

Fin.

Actually, the closest I ever got was a guy who said that he did choose to be straight. When I asked him “how” he said “fuck you”. Yep. They really know what they’re talking about.

We interrupt this thread with a message from the omnipresent and omnipotent one.

It’s not a choice.

Well, it’s slightly more complicated than that.

While homosexuals can choose to ignore their natural attraction to members of the same sex, they cannot deny that it is there any more than a heterosexual can deny their attraction to members of the opposite sex. They can choose not to act on those desires, butI personally could never trust someone who hides even from themselves like that.

Now, the way I see it, it isn’t who you sleep with that makes you gay or straight; it’s who you want to sleep with, and in that regard, homosexuality is not a choice. Then again, as long as they don’t ask me for a date, it’s really none of my business anyways.