Is it weird to call women you don't know, "Miss?"?

I use “Ms.” because at any age and marital/social status, it is appropriate (like “Mr.” for men); and that is what I prefer to be called, also.

I was called “miss” just yesterday by a server in a restaurant. I didn’t mind it a bit, although I thought it was a little funny. That used to be reserved for young women.

I can see “Ms.” as a form of address with a last name, but I would think it very strange if someone addressed me as “miz,” as in “May I take your order, miz?”

Everybody’s so hypersensitive these days. People expect to have their minds read and feel entitled to take offense if someone doesn’t. Do I hold the door? Do I not? Do I say “ma’am”? Do I give her my seat? Honestly. I think we should strive to show courtesy to one another and appreciate it when someone tries to show courtesy to us, and not expect them to guess how or in which language we would prefer to be addressed with respect. This used to be the value of conventional polite forms—everyone knew what was expected—but that all went away with the feminist movement.

I treat everyone equally and call them, “Hey you!” It’s gender-neutral.

Otherwise, I don’t see anything wrong with it, but I’m a guy.

Yea, when the lady isn’t quite elderly I might say Ms., too but I think that title is what you call divorced women, right? Or widowed?

I say Young Miss to any girls under 12, then Miss to any woman under 40, then Ma’am.

I also say Young Sir to any boy under 12, then Sir after that.

I worked at starbucks, though.

My mom is 51 and got called “miss” at a parking garage. She wouldn’t stop talking about…lol

I find nothing wrong with it. “Ma’am” seems to be more regional, but there’s nothing wrong with either one. I find that I usually don’t say “miss” or “sir” and instead just say “excuse me” close enough to them and with eye contact so they’ll know I’m talking to them. Seems to work for me. I didn’t start doing that on purpose, but I haven’t stopped doing it.

It kills me when someone says it like meees

I mean, it doesn’t sound like your trying to flirt, do you think? Because thats what people claimed it appeared to be

I use Miss for people under forty and Ma’am for people over forty. I’d rather be polite, and wrong, than be rude, and right.

@NowWhat—flirting would be “Hey Baby!” or some such other pick up line.

This may make me unpopular, but I think people just like to be offended. You’re not even safe calling someone Mister because you may get: “Don’t call me Mr. Wilson; that’s my father. Call me Penrod.”

Not that I mind being called “mister,” but I prefer “My Lordship.”

“Ma’am” is usually seen as being more… mature. People don’t like being called old. Miss is probably too immature. Ms. sounds a like like Miss, unless you draw it out and stress the fact that you’re saying “ms.” and not miss. Until it sounds like, “Mzzzzzzzzzz Crabapple.”

I think it’s much ado about nothing.

Also, I’m working on limited sleep. Please mentally edit where appropriate.

@mrentropy though the most hilarious “i’m gonna get offended for no reason” thing to tell someone when they try to address you is to say “Hey! Don’t call me by my slave name!”

This is especially funny when you are from Denmark.

@aphilotus It’s funny in theory, but I’m not going to try that out. I’ll wait for someone else :)

Miss is fine in that context, because you can’t say ‘Ms.’ without a name, and it avoids offending someone due to age (I don’t think people get offended by being termed younger), as has been pointed out. You do usually need to append some sort of title to get someone’s attention, and, without a name, your only options are Miss or ma’am.

@aphilotus HAHA

I am called both and am offended or put off by neither. I’m called “ma’am” more often when I have my husband or child with me. I have a tendency to say “Yes/no, ma’am” to all women in public, even though I wasn’t really taught to do that. But, if trying to get a younger girl’s attention, I’d probably use “miss.”

I don’t like being called “M’am” as I feel I am way too young for that. But, calling a waitress “Miss” is appropriate in my opinion. It’s the polite thing to do when you don’t know someone’s name.

If the woman is an adult, yet still young, I’ll say “Miss” to get her attention. If she’s an older woman, I’ll say “Ma’am.”

I’ve always really called women i don’t know either ‘Miss’ or ‘Ma’am’, and men i don’t know ‘Sir’. I’ve never gotten any negative comments on it. I also worked at a convenience store for several years, and I always found that if someone was upset at something, calling them sir or ma’am tended to calm them down, so I always thought it was a good idea.

Whenever I address a woman I don’t know, I use the word “ma’am” on each of those occasions. I have suffered no adverse reactions from women up to this point. I suppose there is always the potential for a lady to get perturbed from being called “ma’am” but until that happens, I’ll continue on the course that someone else has set for me.

There’s nothing wrong with Ms or Miss, those words are there for social purposes just like you were in, no one’s supposed to take them to heart or be offended. Some “old fashioned” social practices make a lot of efficient sense, no need to pry and find out what the server’s name is, no need for clucking or whistling or calling out, “hey” or “can someone stop that girl?”.

~I think it’s weird to call women you don’t know under any circumstances.

Not unless they want to take it the wrong way.

Some people just look for opportunity to make a statement.

I call everyone ma’am. I even get called ma’am. I’m only 19, and I look younger than that. I might be put off if you called me miss because it feels like something reserved for children to me. I wouldn’t care enough to say anything or think anything else about it, but ma’am seems to be the usual for me.

I was also raised in Eastern Kansas. I wonder if where we’re from has any impact on how we feel about it?

I wasn’t sure exactly what I usually say, so I tried it out in my head, imagining that a woman under middle-age had left a wallet behind by accident. I’m pretty sure I would have said, “Miss, you left your wallet.” For an obviously post-menopausal woman I think I might say, “Ma’am, you left your wallet.”

It all depends on where you live. In the NE I would never use Ma’am. I don’t know if you are married or what? So nothing or Miss. When I say nothing, I mean you can just say, “excuse me,” to get someone’s attention, you don’t have to add ma’am or miss onto it. In the south they use ma’am, it is very strange at first if you are not from here.

Now, if you are talking about Miss, Ms. or Mrs. That is a whole different thing. I think if you use any of those they go with a last name. But, in the south they use Miss firstname, which sounds awful to my ears. But, I am willing to call someone by whatever they prefer to be called, I think that is the most respectful.

Personally if someone said that too me I wouldn’t think twice about it.
And @evelyns_pet_zebra I melt when guys use “ma’am” or “miss” when they are flirting with me. I don’t know what it is. I even say “sir” to guys when I am being particularly cheeky. :)

I believe that “hey, bitch” is a neutral substitute for “excuse me, miss” or “excuse me, ma’am” when one is in doubt.

I do that all the time. It’s not wierd

Down here in South Texas kids call every woman they don’t know “Miss.” It seems strange to me in that at some indefinable age or once a woman has children I was taught to use Ma’am, where Miss would apply to someone young enough to most likely not be married or a mother. And then my husband, having been in the Navy for 20+ years, calls all women who are old enough to be officers “Ma’am.” Basically that means anyone over about age 20.

OTOH, down here girls have children very commonly at age 14 so that rather destroys that differentiation.

@Darwin LMAO!. I would assume Ma’am is from Madam which is for women, married women who have had sex. Although, I really have no idea of the origin actually, and I don’t know the French definitions. But just thinking in English the difference between a Lady and a Women, or at least the old time definitions, that is what I would extract. So, the 14 year old with a baby probably should be a ma’am technically.

@JLeslie – I would agree, and you are correct about the origin of the term Ma’am, but down here we are all “Miss,” whether 16 or 60, childless or pregnant.

@Darwin It is surprising and I like it. I would never have guessed TX would use Miss. I would have lumped y’all in with the deep south. See, you never know.

In the West Indies it is a common use of the word “Miss”.

@JLeslie – It seems to come from the strong Hispanic culture in our area. We are not so much Southern as we are Northern Mexican.

@Darwin LMFAO! Mi esposo nacio en la ciudad de Mexico, DF, y no se que dice?

@JLeslie – Piensa Matamoros o Reynosa en vez de Mexico, DF.

No conozco matamoros ni reynosa. Do you live near the border? I guess TX is so big it might vary within the state, seeing as TX is like its own country.

We are in extreme Southern Texas, just north of the Rio Grande Valley. Our local hispanic population is a blend of folks from the state of Tamaulipas and folks who have lived in this area since the 1700’s. Our local Spanish is not something you would hear in Mexico, DF, or even Monterrey.

Parts of Texas are more Southern, parts are more Western, and parts of Texas are more Northern Mexican.

@Darwin And I had y’all bunched up as all the same in that big state. Just Kidding.

Since I was in high school people have always called me Miss Beth. I don’t know why, they just always have. Even people that didn’t know that was my “nickname” call me that. I have never been annoyed by it or anything. I’d prefer to be called Miss over Ma’am or Mrs. I get annoyed when people ask if I’m Mrs. Edwards, I always think, No that’s my mother in law!

@knitfroggy Are you in the south?

Nope, Kansas.

See, all of these myths in my head being put to bed for me tonight. Thanks.

How about “yo bitch!”

suits any age and these days gender as well!

Yes, very weird. Fräulein became extinct more than 25 years ago where I live.

They still call women Fräulein in New Braunfels, Texas, though.

@Darwin – Yes, time moves slowly in good ol’ Texas ;-)

That’s what happens when you are isolated from the home country.

@Darwin – Yes. The Amish in Pennsylvania seem to retain a special form of German, see

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pennsylvania_German_language

My stepson is half “Pennsylvania Dutch” (German settlers from the US Revolutionary War who decided to stay)

@mattbrowne, what do Germans say now in place of Fräulein?

In Trinidad, any female of under 40 but out of her teens is called “Miss”. Once you pass fifty, they start calling you “Tants” or “Tanty” (Fr. tante). My mother, who is over ninety, rejoices in the name of “Granny”.

I personally don’t take offence to being called Miss or Ma’am etc but for some reason Ma’am makes me feel a little uncomfortable. I think it is more of an American thing though.

When I was about 16 I was working at a supermarket deli department and a woman was looking at shaved meats with her daughter who looked to be around 6 years old. The little girl was pointing to the meat she wanted and the woman said to her daughter “Now ask the lady what you would like.” It blew me away at the time. I remember thinking “I’m a lady, hmmm, a lady. Does that make me a grown up?” I realised that I was so used to being called a girl.

@Jeruba – Frau

Frau always sounds so… elderly to me. But then all the women I have known who have been referred to as Frau have been elderly.

Well, 25 years ago young female activists (their slogan was ‘Wer sich nicht wehrt landet am Herd’) told young men, either you call us Frau or we call you Herrlein. That settled it.

http://www.fanmarkt.de/catalog/images/5041RL.jpg

Today Frau doesn’t sound elderly at all.

Herrlein?

That’s a nice slogan. I must remember that, although in our house before my husband became ill he was the one always at the stove.

The American equivalent might be “A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.”

Well, Herrlein is also a surname, but at the time it was meant to refer to unmarried men.

The English version of that is “Master,” for unmarried or non-adult males.

@Jeruba – Great answer. I’m glad someone brought up the hypersensitivity issue.

Your friend sounds a little judgmental. There’s nothing wrong with calling women you don’t know “Miss”.

@Jeruba – GA!

People are way too sensitive these days. Honestly, if a guy calls me “miss” I think it’s sweet that’s he going out of his way to be polite. They could be rude instead, and that would irritate me far more than an attempt at being polite (go figure!)

And who says that no one says “miss” anymore? I hear it all the time!

@NowWhat You did exactly the right thing. Your friend is an overanalyzing PC idiot. Keep up the good work.

Now, I think it would be weird to call women you don’t know “Fred.”

Not creepy at all.
What does creep me is something I notice lately where people use the term “Dear”. I felt like saying WTF, why are you using a terma of endearment like “Dear” to someone you only know casually!