Did you ever have a relationship that was just bad timing?

Yeah, there tends to be a fair share of that in my romantic life. I only had a few weeks with the most amazing girl I’ve ever met, fell head over heels for her, and then she had to go back to Germany. Despite our deep and strong connection, she didn’t want a long-distance relationship, so that was the end of that.

Two relationships ago, I met a girl I really liked, and then learned she was moving away in 4 months to do an internship. I made the decision to move also to be with her and to support her during a really horrendous time in her life, which ended up being a mistake in several senses. It also lead me to come to the personal maxim that one should not move in with an S.O. until after 6 months.

I guess it all depends on your connection and how you feel about the realities of the situation. I personally have found long-distance relationships to be trying and difficult, but other people seem to take them in stride.

Meeting someone special is all about timing. I fell for a girl madly 2 years ago and we were having a great time but it was just too soon after a breakup of a long term relationship for her so it didn’t work.

Come on, why would you break up something that is still going good ?
Of course, the separation isn’t going to be a nice thing, but your relation can stay strong, if you both know beforehand that it is going to be a bit more work to keep it good.
Long-distance-relations can work, if you put effort in it, both.
Does it not work out the way you or your boyfriend want it to go, you can always then decide (together) to call it quits.
Well, good luck.

Yes… a couple where it was too soon after a previous breakup for wither he or I, so it turned into a messed-up rebound situation. :-(

The key is in communication. Keep a completely open dialogue about it.
My advice is to not break up immediately. Try to keep your relationship intact despite the distance. Talk often, see each other whenever you can…but the most important thing is to keep an open dialogue about the status and quality of your relationship. As @rebbel said, the fate of the relationship should be the result of a mutual conversation, not the decision of either you or your boyfriend alone. I’ve had a successful long distance relationship; it really can work. But it’s not for everybody. You’ll just have to feel it out.

I’m curious, what does 34 mean?

You can consider it a long shot that it would last in these circumstances, but one doesn’t meet all that many people that it great with so why toss that away?

You could try long distance. If it’s not working for either of you, you can say so. Lefteh’s advice about communication is right on.

Should you make it through a year, then you can reconsider whether it makes sense for one of you to transfer.

@DominicX since you are the type of guy to number his boyfriends (34). Maybe it’s more fair to him to break up in advance ;) Just kidding of course, maybe you could talk to him about it. See how he feels about it, surely this must have crossed his mind too. Maybe you could agree to at least give it a shot until the first holiday break (assuming you return to your hometown). what @Marina said.

Love is more pragmatic than it’s cracked up to be. I was with a guy for 2 years who in all reality is probably my soulmate but I was 18 and leaving for college and wanted to enjoy life with no strings attached. Instead of being open about my feelings I stuck around and ruined a good thing. Speak the truth. The end.

Thanks for the answers, guys. The reason why I posted this was because I couldn’t see myself doing a long-distance relationship that well. Doesn’t mean we won’t give it a chance. I mean, like, he’s pretty perfect. Hard to just let it go like that. I don’t really want to break up now, I was just wondering if that’s what people do sometimes in those situations. Chances are we won’t just now. We’re definitely going to continue to keep in touch. It’s also not like he’s going to east coast or anything. He’ll be about 200 miles south of me in California’s central coast.

And I’ll let you guys figure out “34”...lol

I always like some free Lurve, so I will point out the obvious answer for 34.

200 miles isn’t too bad, really. You’re in SF, right? So 200 miles down the coast would be a lovely drive to take every once in a while! My advice would be just to see how it goes. Day by day…just do what you feel is right. If you can’t deal with the distance then just be friends. But if you really think he is perfect, I bet it will work out. There is always the chance that, if it’s your first year in a school, you might not end up staying there for 4 years. Lots of people switch schools after the first year, or first semester, so yeah, just follow your heart. Woo cliche.

@DominicX I hope it’s not inches.

Yes. I started dating a man I’d known only platonically for about a year and a half, we fell passionately in loved and decided to start a life together until an investment of his went awry. He put me on a plane home and went on to move around the county month by month. Had he let me stay with him, I wouldn’t have been able to support my mortgage and would have lost my own investment. To be told, “someday maybe we’ll be in a better place is pure heartbreak”.

Well, this is how I broke up with my last girlfriend, though I wouldn’t necessarily call it “timing”, because our lives just moved in different directions (geographically). Your question reminds me of one relationship that was actually extremely good timing: in 1993 (when I was still living in Athens) I had a one-night-stand with a girl in Zwolle (the Netherlands). She was actually from Gent (Belgium). Funnily enough, a few months later both of us got transferred to the same university in Coventry, in the exact same department. Unfortunately she was only an Erasmus student, whereas I graduated from there. But it was a great semester, at least as far as the sex was concerned ;)

Bad timing can be the reason for most failed relationships. But that’s usually because one person is ready for different things than the other one.

When I met my last boyfriend, I lived in San Francisco and he lived in New York. In some ways the timing was good—he had just finished college and didn’t have a job, so he moved to San Francisco to be with me. A lot of people thought we were crazy. He made the decision to move about a month after we met, and we had only spent about two weeks together in person. (We met while he was on vacation.)

Two years later, I had to move 400 miles away for school. We broke up. A year later, he decided he missed me too much and moved here to try to get back together.

So sometimes you do have to be practical. And sometimes your feelings will override what’s practical. I guess you have to sort it out on a case-by-case basis.

In your case, it sounds like you really dig this guy, but he is probably not the last person you will ever date. You are about to meet a ton of new, fascinating people, and so is he. Have you talked to him about his hopes/expectations while you’re apart? You are clearly a super bright kid so I’m sure you know, in all relationships communication is key.

Good luck with this, and with the beginning of college! Are you excited?

An ex of mine and I met at a summer program, and at the end, we discovered that we were from the same state. He then also told me that he was moving to Pennsylvania a week after we returned. We ended up dating two years long distance, and it was pretty awful. We were really good for one another, but the strain of just not being there did eventually get to us. I wouldn’t, however, trade those two years we did date for anything. My advice would be to go with what feels right, and don’t just end things if you think you can handle it. You’ll know if/when it just isn’t working.

Yes I did. It was my first marriage. Sometimes ancient history is a very good thing.

@DominicX, I have to third Lefteh and Rebbel’s advice not to break up yet. Unless you’re both going to college looking for another relationship, and I don’t sense that. You’re both going through the similar experiences, only in different places. The first semester of school is about learning how to look after yourselves and manage your own lives. Do you each think the other one will be easy to replace? If you do, go ahead and break up. Otherwise, keep the lines of communications open, share the experiences, and wait to break up until there’s a reason to. Accept the fact that you’re both going to meet new and interesting people. The litmus test of “is this person worthy of ending my existing relationship?” will keep you from doing something stupid.

The days are long, but the years are short. Semesters are short, too.

my goodness, if I was only 200 miles from my boyfriend I would be dancing in the streets.

I would say not to break up, but maybe I’m biased since I’m in a long distance relationship.

Yup. Was with a guy who was here for an internship and had to go home and back to school halfway across the world. We couldn’t even manage to be proper friends, never mind in a full-fledged relationship. Out of sight, out of mind.

Again, more great answers. :)

@deni I live in SF, but I ain’t going to college there; I’m not that unadventurous. I’ll be going to Stanford, which is in Palo Alto, which is near San Jose. And following one’s heart is the only way to go. :)

@nikipedia Thanks. And yes, I’m very excited. Two more days!

And for the finale. Here’s what happened: We talked about what we should do and we came to the conclusion that we are not going to break up now. We are going to continue to be in a relationship and we are going to communicate as much as possible (it’s great because we both have Macs so we can use iChat…lol) and of course we will visit each other. I’m in Palo Alto, he’s in SLO. Not too far. We talked about the idea of an open relationship as well because we both know a couple who is doing that right now and it’s working for them. It’s possible something like that might happen and it’s very possible that this won’t last or work out. But we have to try it because we both really like each other and don’t want to give each other up right now. To what @PandoraBoxx said, we don’t seem to think it’ll be easy to find a replacement, which is part of the main reason why we don’t want to break up right now.

But I’m expecting anything. I’m just going to ride wit it. ;P

@DominicX Stanford. Holy hell. Well, that’s pretty awesome, good luck! And many props for living in my favorite city ever, I’m rather envious!

@DominicX You two are smart guys. That’s exactly what I would do in that situation.
And how far is it between Palo Alto and SLO? Three hours or something? If you both drive an hour and a half and meet in the middle you could meet up all the time.

Heck, at least you’re in the same state. :)

I went off to college with a promise to remain faithful. For my first two years of college I stayed in a committed relationship to a boyfriend a thousand miles away. After I left school we broke up. Now I wish I’d been free to enjoy the spectrum of social life available on campus instead of having to turn down every date. In the end it would have turned out just about the same, but I wouldn’t have missed out on the fun side of college life.

I can see sustaining a relationship in your situation, but you might think hard about keeping it open.

Yes, all of them haha. My high school boyfriend and I were together three years and he moved to Cali for school, and now that I look at it, I wish I had been a bit more practical and thought things through like you are. If we had been able to break up platonically we might still be friends. The same goes for my last relationship. We are both in just different placed in life, and I ended things. The relationship I am is completely the “wrong” timing. I know him through my ex of six years, and though a lot of people think that dating an ex’s aquaintance is wrong, I followed my heart and did it anyway. I’ve known him for years, and it was actually the best thing I ever did for myself. Six months later, we are very much in love! My advice is to be open to whatever comes your way. Maybe things will work out! I know a girl who met her boyfriend two weeks before they went to colleges on different sides of the country, and this year they moved in together after five years of long distance dating. You are young, anything is possible!

YES! I know about bad timing in a relationship only too well and the best advice I can give is listen to your heart. It’s cheesy, I know, but despite the crappy timing of my personal experience I decided that my feelings were strong enough to try and continue the relationship. I don’t regret that choice for a minute.