Marriage advice please?

Of course. It probably changes your mood and outlook toward most things but I would assume you notice it towards your wife more because in general you are more loving to your spouse than you are to strangers on the street, or acquaintances.

Stress can change a person’s mood towards anyone. Why put genders in there?

Oh yes it does.

There are some scary statistics. In a econ class we had to read a study done by Johns Hopkins University and this stat always stuck with me. For every one percent increase in the unemployment rate the rate of male admittance into mental institutions climbs six percent.

edit :: The rate for females pretty much stays the same.

Absolutely. He may need help in managing his stress if he is having trouble in controlling his emotions.

my husband has been like this since he went working back abroad. i have been very patient and understanding towards his ever changing moods but still i don’t understand why he would do that.

Welcome to fluther @alex_85! We’re really glad you’re here, and I hope that you find the help you’re looking for! One tip about fluther is that we usually try to construct the subject of our questions to give the reader a general idea of what it’s about, so that the people who can answer it can find it easily, and those who can’t help don’t have to click on questions that don’t apply to them. This helps keeps fluther at its best! I hope it helps!

To be perfectly honest. The odds of us knowing why he is behaving that way are pretty slim. You know him and your situation a lot better than we do, or ever will.

A marriage counselor might not be a bad idea.

@johnpowell is right. It sounds like it’s time for professional intervention. It can really help, if one is motivated.

question of whether he’s having a cold shoulder on me? because he’s not been like this before. like when we set a time for us to have a conversation, he’s saying excuses to cut off the time together.do you think that he is having an affair or something? or maybe i’m jumping into the conclusion. he was very affectionate before and he is not now. there’s a lot of changes that has been happening and i can’t explain why?

@alex_85 You’re married. Marriage has a lot to do with communication. Ask him about it, gently? That’s not to say you should accuse him of infidelity, but just approach him about the sudden change in emotions. Ask what’s going on in his life, etc.

i have tried a lot of things. but everytime i do he turns away. he refuses to commuicate with me.he even told me ( is there any other topic rather than that ). i loved him even more and i’ve pushed myself to the limit just to try to understand but he never changed a bit,now even worse..this is driving me crazy!

@alex_85 If communication has broken down, then perhaps counseling, as others have mentioned, really is a good idea.

You can go by yourself, if he refuses to go with you. That is not an empty gesture: you may learn a great deal.

Stress can do lots of things. But you can do more. By that I mean, stress can’t defeat you if you have the right mindset. Either way, stress shouldn’t be used as an excuse to treat someone badly.

There could be so many reasons why he is behaving this way—financial stress, an affair, psychological problems. The fact that he refuses to talk about it is worrisome. He may also be ashamed of something he did (other than an affair).

When people refuse to talk, it’s often because they think the person who wants them to talk will come down hard on them for whatever it is that they don’t want to talk about. It can be helpful if you express to them that you can accept hearing about anything they do, and you will listen without criticizing.

Then you have to listen. When you hear what he says, I hope he will also listen to your feelings about this. Always use “I” statements instead of blaming him for what you feel. If he has had an affair, you should say, “that really hurts me. I’m afraid you don’t love me any more and that you’ll leave me,” etc.

You don’t say, “You’re hurting me. You’re making me feel so much pain.” That is a blaming approach, and even if it’s true, it doesn’t help foster openness.

Let him know that you are worried and that you care about him. Let him know that you think this is a relationship that goes both ways, and you want to know what’s going on so you can figure out what to do. You want him to be honest with you. That means you have to hear him out, and not stop him with all your feelings and blame before he finishes.

If you can’t do this, then counseling can help you. If he won’t go to counseling, then, despite your love for him, you may have to face the fact that something has come between you and you may not be able to remove whatever it is. You will have to decide if you want to continue in a relationship with someone who is not honest with you.

Oh yeah, stress tries to ruin everything between a couple and often times affairs happen which also cause the behaviors you’ve listed.