What do you think about "baggage"?

If it is a red flag to you, then get out, or actually don’t even start. Having a past is not an issue, we all have one. But since he terms it baggage means that he is still carrying it around with him. That past will probably effect any type of relationship he has now. He needs to put it in the past and let go of it.

Tell him to turn it into storage rather than baggage…

I guess you need to know what exactly the “baggage” is.

Most people have baggage and dramatic past relationships. I would go out with him and ask him to elaborate.

I think life is too short to get sucked up in someone else’s drama.
It would be a big red flag to me and I wouldn’t go out with him. But if you are really interested, you could go on one date to find out what is going on with him and decide from there if he is worth the drama and baggage.

Wow, giant red flag.

The fact that you haven’t even gone on a date with him yet and already he’s warning you about his “baggage” would be a huge red flag with me. I’m not saying don’t proceed, but exercise caution if you do!

So he’s starting with drama right out of the gate? Not a good sign.

Sounds to me like getting into a relationship with this person would be unnecessarily difficult. I’d find someone else.

@The_Compassionate_Heretic – Right? I wouldn’t expect much, @photographcrash.

In my experience, I have baggage means, “I’ll hang out sometimes and sleep with you, but you aren’t going to get a full-fledged relationship out of me. I just want someone to validate my sexual attractiveness while I lick my wounds.”

Now if that doesn’t matter, carry on, then. But if you want more, eh, tread very carefully, if at all.

Of course we all have baggage but you don’t tell people that right off the bat usually. In this case I have baggage means he’s probably not over his ex, he’s going to be bringing the drama big time, and you don’t really need that before you’ve even had a date.

He’s saying he doesn’t want to hide anything but refuses to elaborate any further? I dont know why you would want to bother.

Depends on what the baggage is. If someone is honest and up front about things – I would try to be as understanding as I can and try to handle the situation in such a way that wouldn’t hurt my partner.

With that said, I dont know how I’d even attempt to be understanding if the person wasn’t giving me anything to understand – or leaving it all to open interpretation. Not very comforting.

Baggage and Drama:
Psycho ex-wife and children with multiple women? (Are you dating Kevin Federline?)
He’s in the witness protection program?
He did jail time for a white collar crime?
He sells luggage and is into musicals?

Baggage could be anything. It might be that he’s had a difficult relationship, and has been burnt and has trust issues. It might mean that things are not quite over with the last relationship. It could mean he’s being stalked, or that the old girlfriend just won’t give up. It might mean that he has psychological issues of some sort. It might mean he has a child he’s responsible for. It really could mean anything.

I don’t know you, and I have no idea what kind of guy you’re looking for. I think he should get points for honesty. I think that, depending on your feeling from your current interaction, you may want to hear what his story is. It may or may not be his fault. Even if it is a mistake he made, he may have learned a lot from it.

On the other hand, it could mean he’s a drama addict. I used to do things like this when I was mentally ill (bipolar disorder). I’d warn women off, and it usually seemed to have the opposite effect. Like they wanted to somehow take care of me instead of running away. But, when you’re needy, I guess you attract women who want to be needed.

So he might be telling you this to see what kind of person you are. Perhaps you will be attracted to someone with issues. Perhaps the drama will pique your curiousity. Sometimes warning someone is a way of attracting them. It all depends on what kind of people you each are.

What is your feeling about this? Does it attract you? Do you want to help? Or do you really think it’s a red flag, and you’re just looking for confirmation that you should stay out of it? It’s hard to be involved with someone who has drama without being sucked into the drama. You better like it if you want to date this guy. But it’s not a bad thing if you do like it.

Given my past experiences, it would definitely warn me to stay away, far away.

When I was attracted to this sort of behavior and wanted to help out or fix it I was always getting myself into bad relationships! Took a lot of counseling to get me out of that mode but I am so much happier now!

Everyone has some sort of baggage. Bad childhood, bad relationships, whatever the baggage may be. It would be a red flag to me. He’s probably got a lot of drama in his life if he really wanted to point this out to you.

@knitfroggy If everyone has baggage, and baggage is a red flag, does that mean you have no relationships? Or just that you always have to deal with baggage? Or that since he talked about it, his baggage is a little bit more than average?

@daloon I think if he pointed out that he had baggage then it’s probably a pretty heavy bag.

@knitfroggy While that may be a good deduction, I think it is one that needs to be checked out. One person’s heavy bag may be another’s briefcase.

Some people are a little fearful to start dating after a bad run, his baggage could be anything so go on the date and you think you’d like to see him again then ask if he’d share with you a bit of what he considers this baggage to be. It’s not fair to write someone off because of bad luck, crazy ex’s, children and divorces.