If someone wished you well with your first wife, what would you think?

“Hey cool, thanks”

i would be offended that he doubts my cookig skills.

It sounds like a strained attempt at a joke to me.

They’re projecting

If it was a good friend I’d think it was a bad joke. If it was a person who might hold some type of ill-will, it might have been a snide comment.

I wouldn’t read to much into it.

Context: said person then mentioned that he hoped it would be as fun as his first marriage but without the unhappy ending.

That makes more sense. I don’t think it was ill-intentioned. Just clumsy.

Yeah, I agree with all. It was probably just a bad attempt at humor. SO many marriages do end these days.

I absolutely hate when people say that. It’s an old “joke” that isn’t funny at all.

What an odd thing to say. I understand the “good luck” part, but “first marriage” is rather specific.
I don’t think it was malicious, so I’d let it go. But, it was a stupid comment.

Did you guys set a date??

It would really depend on who said it and why and how he said it. Statistically, one in two marriages will fail. This is a fact. One in two will then re-marry, so talking about first marriage in that sense makes as much sense as wishing, say, have a wonderful monotonous monogamous life with the same person.

I’d say “Come back to me in 20 years when I can prove you wrong”.

So what if half of all marriages end in divorce. I think too many people use that as a cop out.

@jonsblond You may be right. I may be crazy. But it just may be a lunatic you’re looking for.

Cynicism aside: I like your answer the best.

@jonsblond exactly…in the past when divorce wasn’t such an acceptable option, people were still divorced…maybe not legally, but certainly in general…and even less married for love

“Never mind,” she said, as she erased herself.

My boss’ husband introduces her as “The Current Mrs. Smith.” It’s a joke with them, they have been married 25 years.

@chyna It’s probably a joke with him, not them.

But I digress.

It’s all good, as I’ve heard the joke for the umpteenth wherein the husband will say, “here’s my first wife” or “here’s my current wife” or “what do you think of this one – maybe I’ll keep her.”

Truth be told, they are probably more damaging and sexist remarks than any racism. They degrade women, and probably contribute to the sex trade, in some butterfly effect way.

Why is it always the “trophy wife” but not trophy husband?

Why is a woman a MILF, cougar, and what not, when an old fart with a young wife is, well, just that?

I say women: start talking back! When you hear this crap, say: “here’s my lucky husband number two. He’d better keep his shit together or I’ll be looking out for lucky husband number three.”

@Zen hahhah, I can say that.

I’d ask if he had any options for Wife No. 2 around, and he could email me pics and stats via my usual address.

I know the statistics on divorce. I can see many real-life examples in friends and family.

But it drives me flippin’ bonkers when someone recently divorced or in a bad marriage practically wishes bad on you if you’re in a good marriage.

Little asides, not-so-funny jokes, gloom & doom concern over little disagreements, broad (and nasty) generalizations about “all women” or “all men”.

Seriously, keep your bitter ju ju the hell away from me. I happen to love my wife. Sure fifty-percent of marriages end in divorce – while that’s sad…don’t begrudge the other fifty-percent just so you’ll feel better.

ok, rant over. sorry, just burns my bagel.

@cprevite I enjoyed the rant. I also added a bit a cream cheese to it. :)

@jonsblond: mmm…cream cheese.

@casheroo No, it’s at least a few years off. No reason to set a date yet. I think the comment was mostly a byproduct of him telling the guy we got engaged.

So he tells his friend, “Guess what…EP and I just got engaged.” – and this is how he responds?!?!

I really don’t believe cracks like that are only jokes. I think they mask feelings of ill will (either toward you or marriage in general).

Regardless, I’d drop his ass off the guest list. You should be surrounded on your wedding day by positive energy.

That’s very poor taste. The guys probably a loser, has been married/divorced a number of times and feels that this is normal and expects others will follow the same course. I’d just tell him that not everyone is a loser like he and to keep his idiotic comments to himself. See ya….Gary/wtf

MMmm cream cheese bagels and LOX! Now that’s a Jewish feast right there.

@EmpressPixie, I think it was exceedingly rude. It was meant as a joke, I hope. Putting it in its best light, I would say that your friend needs to learn some social skills and not let his own bitter experiences taint his associations with others. Its worst light would be considerably less forgivable unless an immediate and contrite apology were forthcoming. I doubt that I’d feel much like having his name inscribed in calligraphy on a cream-colored rag-bond invitation.

If your fiance defends him, you might have a thing or two still to work through.

I liked hearing a friend allude to his ex as “the penultimate Mrs. V—.” He was saying that his current wife was the ultimate Mrs. V—: there’d be none after her.

@Qingu, were you a party to this exchange? I wasn’t aware of the connection.

I’m assuming your husband-to-be is either recently divorced or in the process of getting one? The only way I could interpret this statement is that whoever said it is wishing him a clean and easy break-up so he can move on with his life. It’s not a joke, it’s an honest wish. Many marriages end up in disaster, and the ex can make life a living hell for both the man and his future wife/gf. So I’d just take it as an honest wish.

@Jeruba: I am engaged to @Qingu.
@Jack79: No, @Qingu has never been married.

Ah hold on, completely misunderstood the statement then! If they meant his first marriage to you, then yes, it’s completely different and the person is implying there will be more marriages (unless their english is really bad and they said it wrong). In this case it’s either a bad joke (and we need to know the context to determine that) or this person really doesn’t like you.

But the person made it clear, before the comment that he was genuinely happy for us. And “first marriage” could easily have been a sloppy point of comparison to his statement about his own first marriage: “I hope it is just as happy and fun as my first marriage, but without the unhappy ending.” A statement that, in my opinion, seems to preclude an interpretation where he’s implying this is only going to be marriage #1.

I think perhaps it would be best just to put it down to social ineptitude and let it go, but remember in the future not to let very much of your happiness depend on the goodwill and tact of this putative friend.

@Qingu….As quoted, I agree with you 100%. I would think he was excited, as can be, upon his first marriage and at the time, of course, would not expect that it would not be forever, and he was wishing you that same joy. However, the final statement is plain sloppy. It is quite something how context, tone or nuance can radically alter the meaning, or one’s interpretation of the meaning, of a statement. I previously had him executed, above…now, I feel like slapping him for his verbal goof. See ya….Gary/wtf

It would be dependent on the person saying this.
In my group of friends it would be taken as a joke and not an insult at all.
In my family it would be considered a snarky put down on the relationship disguised as humor.

“thank you.”

i guess it depends on the person and the way they said it, but i wouldn’t read much into it.

I’m not sure I understand which part of the sentence is bothersome.

If he said, ”“Have a great evening and good luck with your marriage” (just plain “marriage” instead of “first marriage”), would that bother you? Without the “first” there seems to be no implication that it will not be your last marriage.

Or was it the “good luck” part of the sentence, as if that shows hidden thought that it won’t be your last marriage?

I don’t know if it shows social ineptitude so much as just an unfortunate way of saying things. Certainly all of us have had moments where things didn’t come out right. Are we all, therefore, socially inept? Ok, don’t answer that question! It seems to me that, unless this is part of a pattern of behavior, it can just be seen as an unfortunate way of phrasing something, which does not belie the person’s actual, positive intention.

I took offense to the specification of “first”. To @Qingu, it was just this person’s view on marriage as tainted by his own experience. To me, it was going out of your way to imply something ugly.

Ultimately, it’s not that important—I’ve never even met this guy, @Qingu was talking to him for the first time in a while, we were just bickering over what it meant, so I brought it to the collective.

I think, in the end, @Qingu is simply too nice and prefers to assume the best about people.