Whats the craziest thing someone has said to you?

A potato is a journey. Journeys can be used to cook tuna casserole.

“Wouldn’t she be happier with her own people?”
a former coworker regarding my soon-to-be-adopted Chinese daughter

“I am the bull!”
my wife, fingers to her ears like horns, while sleep-walking one night

“Agent Orange killed your father and I’m gonna sue those bastards!”
my mother insisting this was the cause of his cancer, despite the fact that he was stationed on an aircraft carrier ten miles off the coast during the Vietnam War

“George Bush was the best presiden we’ve ever seen, and now we have this spear-chucker in office thanks to you liberals.”
guy I worked with about two weeks before he was fired for gambling online at work

Microsoft are the greatest . :S To my knowledge they are the freaking worst

“You’re pretty for a black girl”. What the fuck is that suppose mean? Am I suppose be flattered? No.

One day several months ago, a guy came in the library, looked around & said “is this the library?” I couldn’t help it. The devil was on my shoulder. With a straight face, I said “no, it’s the vet’s office. I have animals in the back room.” He says “hhhhh, you’re funny.” I thought like saying “yeah, & you’re a frickin’ idiot!” He then asked me if he went down to Casey’s & got a pizza, could he eat it in there! I said nooooo, you can’t.

Like the old saying goes. You can’t fix stupid.

@perplexism what a horrible remark!

@perplexism: Should’ve said, “You’re amazingly ignorant for a dumbass”

then punched him

I had a boss. Before working for his company. He informed me that he and his wife were nudists and on weekends would do inventory in the nude, besides office work. Wanted to make sure that was not a problem.

They were and they did.

@perplexism I used to get “You’re pretty for a dark-skinned girl” a lot when I “tanned” over the summers. Idiots…

I think the craziest remark I’ve heard came from a child with racist parents. We were both at vacation Bible school and all the girls in the little cabin were painting our toe nails. Of course, I was the only Black girl there. The girl goes, “I didn’t know the bottoms of y’all’s feet were white! I thought they were black like the rest of you!” My little 9 year old brain didn’t know what to say.

Back in school days , i used to get called and shouted at You nigger this you nigger that . I was born white , i just tanned too freaking fast and easily . It’s also the reason for my bullying, mentioned in the bully thread

I briefly dated a man from Germany who insisted he could “taste” the native American in me and it turned him on. I’m not native American.

I ran into someone I had previously worked with while out shopping. I asked her how things were going. In a very loud voice she answered “My Dad died.” I said how sorry I was to hear that. She answered even louder “I’m not! LOL! I got $2,500 and I bought a new computer and a diamond necklace!” As people were turning to look, I was slinking down and trying to walk away…but not before she told me that the shoes she was trying to return her boyfriend had stolen at another store and he does that so often that she pretty much didn’t have to work anymore. Holy moly. I couldn’t make the stuff up that she told me if I tried.

“Someone’s gonna make a great mommy!” after I aced this parenting quiz on facebook. It made me chuckle.

@ChazMaz I sure hope they didn’t sit in your chair!!!

I was driving the car with my mom in the passenger seat and my husband and kids in the back. Tom Petty’s song, “Last Dance With Mary Jane” came on the radio, and my mom said, “This song is about me.” I just kind of looked at her, and then she said, “No, really, I swear! I was in Indianapolis, staying in a hotel by myself, right near Market Square Arena. I was having a good time, listening to some loud music and dancing around in my underwear. All of a sudden, I realized the curtains were wide open, and a man in the hotel across the street was watching me from his window! It was Tom Petty! He was in town on tour. I about died. When this song came out, I knew it was about me.”

Normally I just ignore my mom’s stories, but I had to question this one a bit when she said, “But you know, that was like 20 years ago and I looked a lot better then.” I said, “I’m pretty sure the song isn’t that old. I think it came out when I was in college. Isn’t it actually about marijuana?” She said, “Oh, maybe it was more recent than that. I guess he was too far away to tell how old I was. Still, that’s my song. Your Mama inspired a Tom Petty song!” She also told me that she and a friend were responsible for turning the Black Panthers into a peaceful group, that she gave them the idea to promote Sesame Street for urban children, that Mel Gibson felt her up in an airport, and that when I was in jr. high a boy pulled a knife on me but I karate kicked him down a flight of stairs. When I said I thought I’d remember it, she said I must have blocked it out.

“Funny, you don’t look Jewish.”
“Some of my best friends are Jews.”
“There are too many of those people at that school.”
“Who did your nose?”

@gailcalled- Funny, your flowers don’t look Jewish.

@AstroChuck: Hey, someone here just asked me privately who did Milo’s nose. Milo laughed. I was offended.

It’s gotta be right here on Fluther more than one user says they see nothing wrong with breaking laws they disagree with, or picking and choosing which laws they will follow, and they think everyone should.

(Not trying to derail this thread!)
@YARNLADY I think its crazier to think we should follow every law regardless of whether we agree with it or not.

“They (the terrorists) hate America because of our freedom”.

@Kraigmo: Isn’t that the most self-serving statement ever?

So many to choose from…

Loopy says:
my kitty agrees with me that you’re a betch
Loopy says:
I know she does cuz she just put her paw on my boob and said “purr”
Loopy says:
that means “kal’s a betch” in kitty language

@MissAusten That is so funny. I absolutely love Tom Petty and whenever I’m in the car listen to him and I have someone with me I have to tell them that just about every song he wrote was about me! Ex. American girl even though I wasn’t born yet, Free falling, and Honey Bee was all about me. I didn’t even realize that there are people out there that are as crazy as me. Yay I’m not a total outcast!!

Ok I had just sat down with a friend at a bookstore. There was some papers and various things on the chair I was going to sit on so I looked around made sure that there was no one around that might have been sitting there to which the papers might have belonged to. I don’t see anyone so I sit down and start talking to my friend. Then a lady comes up to my friend and I. This is the conversation that ensued.

Crazy lady: (as she rips the papers from my hand) This is my GARBAGE!

Me: Oh I’m sorry ma’m I didn’t mean to take your seat. I’ll get up.

Crazy lady: No that is not my seat but that is my GARBAGE!! I NEED TO THROW IT AWAY!!

Me and my friend: (laughing nervously and very confused)

Crazy lady: Why are you laughing AT ME!! Do you think that I’m Garbage?! I don’t know what is funny about that?? Why would you say that?!

Me and my friend:(Are laughing comes to a halt. Everyone in bookstore is now staring at us and crazy lady.)

Crazy lady: I don’t know what’s wrong with you! GOOD DAY! (Walks off in a huff)

Me That bitch is crazy. Anyway at work yesterday…

Well, one time I was talking about HIV with some friends in study hall couldn’t tell you why and one girl looked over at us and said, absolutely straight-faced, “My dad says the government has a cure but they will lose too much money if they release it, so they’re suppressing it.”

@sjmc1989 Thanks for making me LOL :)
@KatawaGrey That’s not hard to believe

@Facade Yeah me and my friend had to leave the store because she kept looking over her shoulder nervously to see if she was coming back for us. I told her “Thats just crazy Betsy she comes in on Tuesday and Thursdays. She might me crazy but serial killer she is not!” We laughed the whole way home. :)

I’m the person that says the crazy things, like there’s a guy that services the vending machines, and he was having a really horrible day about a month ago. I explained to him about Evelynism, and it made him laugh. Now whenever i see him, I tell him “Evelyn loves ya, baby” and it just cracks him up.

My off the cuff remarks are sometimes so out there that I wonder where this stuff comes from. Color me crazy.

Riding a greyhound bus somewhere in the American south: “Do you have cars in Germany?”

@evelyns_pet_zebra okay…you’re crazy. ’-)

I once had a co-worker ask me if I always talked in paragraphs. It appears I’m just a little too loquacious for my own good sometimes.

“Are you crazy, you can’t do that?” Of course, it was obvious to all that I am “crazy” and I was going to do it. And I did and will. No regrets.

Ha good one.
Some 50 yr old used to watch me at a coffeeshop. The creep. & One day he started talking to me. He told me he knew he’d always talk to me, that I’m an angel (like a real one lol) that he always feels my presence when I leave & crazy stuff like that!

This wasn’t said directly to me but I heard it and it was probably one of the dumbest things I ever heard to date. The product wasn’t selling so the girl suggested lowering the prices, she suggested a price which was less than what it cost to manufacture the product. When someone told her the price was less than it cost to manufacture the product and they would lose money, the girl replied with all senserity, “We’ll make it up in volume.”

I had been living abroad and had been married to a Swede for the past six years when we moved to the states. We were soon in the process of getting her green card at the Dept of Immigration and Naturalization. Besides the ridiculous application questions concerning former participation in the Communist Party, there was one that I broke out laughing at:

“Have you ever committed a crime for which you were never arrested and which you’ve never revealed until now?”

Then there was the ridiculous initial interview. We were separated into two different interview rooms. As soon as I sat down, the guy asked me what kind of underwear my wife was wearing. I was genuinely shocked and laughed at him. He told me that I could either take the process seriously, or apply for another interview which could take months. I wanted to lean across the desk and break his nose. Instead, I told him the truth, that she had dressed that morning while I was in the shower and I had no idea what kind of underwear my wife was wearing at the moment, but if he would like, I could leave the room and she could come in and satisfy his curiosity herself. He moved on to another subject.

***

One night I was adjusting the morphine drip on a hospice patient while the charge nurse was talking to him about Jesus. The patient was end stage and had never shown any affinity with Christianity before. The charge nurse was a well-known raving Christian chauvinist and very popular on this particular floor. I was surprised when he asked the charge nurse if she thought he would be barred from heaven because he was gay. The charge nurse prefaced her answer with a creepy spiel on how sorry she was, but Jesus would never allow him into heaven. The guy seemed genuinely devastated. I couldn’t believe my ears. He and I later had a little discussion about how trivial sexual preferences are once off this mortal plane, but I’m unsure if this helped. He died the next afternoon. I have never reported a co-worker for anything, but I reported this damned fool and it went to peer review and she was reprimanded. I was eventually driven off the floor in revenge for reporting her. I still can’t believe they would allow someone like that anywhere near patients.