What is your reaction to total strangers when they say "smile!"?

I hate when anyone tells me to smile. I just snapped at a guy a couple days ago for doing this. To me, it is so patronizing. The person is saying, “There is something wrong with you, and you should fix it.” Why? Go bang your head against a wall, because it is bothering me. I don’t have to have a huge smile on my face all the time.

This is one of my biggest pet peeves. It makes me so angry. Just the idea of this makes me shudder in rage. Grrr…

People who are happy want to see other people happy as well. When I am in a bad mood, telling me to “cheer up!” or “come on, smile!” just makes it worse.

Actully, it makes my day!! I also return the smile… I admit I do the same, I always smile and make certain I make eye contact!!

@Ansible1 my point exactly.

usually:
o_O

Disclaimer: I am not a crabby person, really I’m not! I am actually quite a cheerful person!

When a complete stranger looks at me and says “smile” or “it can’t be that bad” or “chin up” or anything along those lines, I really want to smack them. If a checker, or anyone else for that matter told me I looked mean I would say “that’s because I am.” Seriously, there are so many better ways to cheer someone up. I like it when strangers smile at me and I always smile back, but ordering me to be happy? Not so much.

A guy said that to me the other day at the gym. We’re in a gym, no one is smiling! I just looked at him and he moved on. (No wonder I’m single.)

@sccrowell well, see, here’s the thing: i’m not having a bad day at all. my appearance is one of determination or drive. i need to get things done. i have things on my mind. i am not a mean person at all. when you say “smile” to me, i feel like i am light years ahead of you. you know? i mean, no offense.

Guy: Smile, Les!
Me: I’m eating rice.
Guy: But you look so sad.
Me: I’m eating rice. I’m not winning an Olympic Gold, or anything.

Another occasion:
Girl: Smile, Sunshine! Ooh…that grates on me, too.
Me: I’m trying to debug my code.
Girl: Oh, well it is a beautiful day, be happy.
Me (looking around): Not in here. I’ll be happy when I finish my thesis.
Girl: You’re such a grouch.
Me: ??

These are the occasions when people tell me to “SMILE!!!”. Not appropriate.

@charliecompany34
The girl in line was a perfect opportunity to flirt.
Her: “you look so mean.”
You: “Wait until you see me when I come”

@SeventhSense only thing was she was SO not my age or type. she was flirting though.

I didn’t realize “smile” was a come on. Missed opportunities…

Total strangers don’t tell me to smile.
If enough people tell you to smile, it’s because you look like you’re pissed off.
That’s something to pay attention to.

“Smile!”
“Fuck off”

I dislike it when people tell me to “smile!”

I am, generally, very calm and introspective. If I’m frowning, or heaven forbid, not smiling, it’s probably because I’m thinking hard about something. I might even be solving the energy crisis, with the carefully applied use of Pocky and anime, and your interruption just made me lose my train of thought. :P

So, yeah, it bothers me. I usually Spock-eyebrow them, or glare.

How awful is it, too, that many employers want their low-level, low-paid employees to smile all the time? It’s the worst sort of irony.

@charliecompany34
I flirt all the time with women I’m not interested in.
It’s actually easier and good practice to sharpen your skills.

It’s kind of a reality check for me.. sometimes I’m so worked up with school and work and chores and homework that I forget to smile and take it easy. Sometimes we just need to take a deep breath, relax, and look at the beautiful things in life. It’s sad when somebody else has to remind you of that.

You know that line, if you have a problem with something about me, that is your problem?

That is the way I feel about people telling me to smile. I am basically a happy person but I don’t walk around grinning all the time. For one thing, there are millions of flies in the NT, if you don’t keep your mouth shut, you swallow them, yukkkkkkkk!

I would not tell my customers to smile, they can look any old way they please as long as they buy something and pay for it.

So I guess if I don’t like it, it is my problem, hmmmmmmmmm, from now on, I will not dislike it, I will just ignore it!

I’ve never had a stranger tell me to “smile”. That’s kind of weird; I had never heard of that before. Maybe it’s because I’m just a generally happy person or maybe it’s just that I really have to contort my face to look sad; my default blank look is usually pretty “positive” looking.

When I am not paying attention to my expression the corners of my mouth droop, and so do the corners of my eyes. Thus, a lot of folks who don’t know me will look at me and assume I am angry. Since I don’t particularly like folks to tell me to cheer up, I make a point of raising the corners of my mouth in a semi-smile whenever I am out in public.

I have done this since high school, when I was sent to a modeling course where the teacher explained that no one is naturally perfectly beautiful. _Everyone- has to do something to look their best, from picking the best hair style, to wearing the right clothing for their body type, to remembering what expression is on their face.

However, I must admit, when someone is being particularly obnoxious, I scowl at them and say “I am smiling!”

Usually, because it’s some skeevy guy saying that to me as I’m walking past him, I’m thinking, “Oh, piss off, you fucking wanker!”

But I say nothing and keep walking.

I have been told I look angry when my face is neutral, I have thick not full eyebrows, that are well-shaped, as soon as I started keeping them up I got this comment more and more. When I let them go for a few weeks, it stops. Not to mention I have a curly cornered mouth, in some lighting it looks slightly down turned unless I’m smirking.

I am offended when people tell me I look mean. It’s an insult. Telling someone they have an unattractive quality or the appearance of one is always an insult.

I could care less if people think I look mean, just keep it to your damn self. My eyebrows are fine, I don’t think I look mean at all. When I’m told to smile, I see it the same way on most occasions. It depends on the delivery. If they honestly seem like a peppy happy person, maybe they’re just trying to make me feel better. Reaching out and whatnot. But when it’s said in other ways, telling me I’d be pretty if I smiled or that I have nothing to be sad about…. Well, I’d like to punch someone in the face.

:D

Actually, is what I meant to write! Dang….. I really need to learn never to post an answer, that is, when I am not wearing my glasses. <Blushing>

@DominicX see, you have that perpetual look of planted bliss. all people are not gifted with that “happy” or natural “content” look. i aint mad at nobody, but i hear this “smile” thing every once in a while.

dude, i’m just trying to buy some celery i need for the baked chicken. my needs need to be met right now. i have a purpose that needs to be fulfilled.

You guys all sound so bitter =P. Relax!

Really though, what’s the big deal? If you dont want to smile then you dont have to – just say “I tried and I can’t, life is too hard” and play it off as a joke or say “I’m just having a rough day/week”. I think it’s just a suggestion out of concern really. To me if you want to “smack” someone for telling you to “smile” – you’ve got some pent up anger brewing somewhere.

@Ansible1 How does it make it that much worse? If someone is pestering or mocking you I could understand – but if it’s just a friendly “cheer up” or “dont look so glum”, is it really that provocative?

Angry people rarely ever think they are angry people. Someone else usually ends up pointing that out.

It would startle me if a stranger ever said anything like that to me. I would probably frown and say in an angry voice “Do I know you?” I don’t like when strangers even look like they are going to talk to me.

@Disc2021 – It is the idea that someone cared enough about some problem of mine to tell me to fix it. Most of us aren’t saying we’re intending to look angry, or mean, it is just the neutral look of our faces. If I am sitting looking out of a window, I’m not scowling, or frowning, but I’m not smiling, either. By telling me to smile, it is just telling me that you think there’s something wrong with me. And that drives me crazy. Probably because I am a really happy person, so when I am just sort of “sitting and thinking”, people think I’m angry or something. I don’t mean to sound bitter about it; it really doesn’t happen that often, so it shouldn’t bother me that much. I just find it obtrusive for a person to ask me to correct something about myself. To me it is the equivalent of a person on a day I haven’t done my eyebrows to tell me I need to pluck my eyebrows. How is it any of your business?

@The_Compassionate_Heretic: I disagree, based on how little I get the comment when my eyebrows are different ways. I really think it also has a lot to do with face shape. People are built to pick up on muscle movements, placement, etc. If something is out of the normal range that they’ve encountered they may honestly think you look sad or upset until they’re more aware of your emotional and facial baseline.

Just sayin’.

@YARNLADY oh wow! that was my same feeling today! i was like, uh do you know me? i mean, i am happy at home. i’m buying groceries for the family i love. just got off work. but if you strike up a conversation with me, i will surely feel your vibe. telling me to smile just turns me off.

@YARNLADY: Have you ever made a single friend?

Also, I sort of feel about this the way Maya Angelou put it (best):

“If you have only one smile in you give it to the people you love.”

If I’m not a smiley person, I’m certainly not going to put the effort in for strangers.

No one has ever told me to smile because I rarely if ever give opportunities to do so in public (less funerals or extremely serious business) because I am always smiling. I do occasionally get asked what I’m so happy about, but I’m quite pleased to share those reasons (like I’m thankful just to have the strength and ability to make a rare public appearance and, oh yeah, the fact I’m still breathing). Now, I’m off to see The Killers at the Hollywood Bowl. It’s the first time I’ve been out of the house since my wedding day, June 19th, and I guarantee you I will have the biggest fucking smile on my face all evening, even if in pain. See ya….Gary/wtf

I f’n hate that shit.

I’ve been told so many times my neutral face looks sad or mean. I’m not. It’s just my face.

When a stranger tells me to smile (and it happens a lot ) I usually give them a nasty look or a really over the top, ridiculous smile. And it makes my day slightly crappier.

I’m not a mean person, and I’m usually not sad. I just don’t feel any need to walk around with a smile on my face to please strangers.

Generally, if I am not trying to read I typically ignore such people. But if they keep interrupting my time with a book I tend to growl at them. Just a little bit

“You’re on Candid Camera!”

It’s mostly flirtatious men who tell me to “stop looking so mean.” Apparently I look mean when I’m not smiling. People have the right to not smile if they don’t want to…....

@Disc2021
Yes very funny. It’s like a Seinfeld episode. My comical answer notwithstanding, if someone asked me to smile I would just smile..unless she was cute and I was interested in flirting with her :).
If I am resistant to smiling it usually means I need to change my attitude. If I resent someone telling me to smile it’s usually because I have control issues and am bent on being miserable. Either way it definitely behooves me to check myself and smile and let it go. I get tired of the foul eyesores too.
@asmonet
—How did you know @The_Compassionate_Heretic was talking about you?
@YARNLADY
Son of Sam called and he wants his personality back.

@asmonet @SeventhSense Friends and Strangers are completely different animals, and I do not trust any stranger who starts speaking to me without any form of permission.

@YARNLADY
Easy…easy…step away from the weapon maam…we just need to find out what happened to your husband. :)

@SeventhSense: I never claimed he was. It was a simple response.

@YARNLADY: Your friends were once strangers, dear. Or have you had them since before you were born?

@asmonet I met most of my friends through mutual acquaintances. It is very rare that a complete stranger speaks to me without at least a common interest, such as when I am with my family at the park or such.

I’ve had a creepy dude or two say that to me (when I was busy doing something or in my own little world – whilst out and about). I usually then smile nervously and get the fook away.

Mostly, though, I’m smiling. I find with strangers, when just looking at them, they give a smile, and then I smile back.

i happen to be a very public person. i am always in the view of others. first impression from those who don’t know me is “ooh, he looks like he’s mad.”

it takes a person who DOES know me to let that unknowing person, “uh, he is the silliest, funniest dude i know. just talk to him. he’s approachable—he won’t bite.”

and then they are like OMG! he is so fun!

@jmah Yeah, I return smiles too. Just not when someone tells me to.

@Likeradar I agree. Not when someone tells me to. I find that to be a bit rude.

I punch them in the crotch, they fall, I walk away… smiling…

At first impressions or before people know me in person they’re usually frightened. I have no clue why, but I find it amusing. I’m a real nice guy too, a bit of a smart ass, but nice nonetheless.

@SeventhSense “I flirt all the time with women I’m not interested in.
It’s actually easier and good practice to sharpen your skills.” Not a bad plan. I may have to put this in motion.

@ABoyNamedBoobs03
Reminds me of another smiling character

@SeventhSense um….. is that guy actually smiling? Because it’s creeping me out, lol.

@Axemusica
Ted Bundy serial killer..

@SeventhSense lol, it all makes sense now. It was creepy.

It is one of the very, very few times I use my condescending, ”Why are you talking to me, again?” look.

If I am having a bad day, I don’t want to be reminded. If I am deep in thought, I don’t want to be interrupted.

@YARNLADY: Wheres the fun in that?

I hate that! Hate it – when a random stranger on the street tells me to smile or that I look serious, I want to punch them in the face even if I wasn’t angry – who the hell are you again to tell me what I should be doing? it’s so condescending

You tell me: smile!

@asmonet damn, you’ve got sexy eyes!

When peeople tell me to smile or ask me what I am pissed about, I usually reply, “This is my normal look, I’m as happy as a pig in church!” When they ask what is so great about a pig being in church, I usually reply, “Ever been in a hog slaughtering plant?”

I was grumpy at the bank the other day (I was paying my property taxes a day late) and the three tellers in there could tell. But they worked their magic on me, two young ones and one about ten years my senior, and I finally responded with, “I should be happy, since I am in the same room with three beautiful ladies.”

Yeah, I’m a cad, and all those years in sales have made me that way.

It depends on my mood. If I’m peeved I’m liable to let out a good old Screw you! or if I’m just in deep thought or something I will probably smile. It all depends

“Why?”

I used to think like you. Then I realized that they may be giving me important feedback. I looked at my life at that time, and made changes as indirectly their message seemed to mirror my unhappy state. Do not shoot the messenger. Learn from them.

My boyfriend tells me that when I am doing something boring or that lacks much thought process my face goes into standby mode! Because of this people ask me if I am ok a lot or say something like “cheer up it might never happen” and all the other cliches. Usually I just smile politely and continue what I am doing.

@evelyns_pet_zebra: Thanks. :)

@evelyns_pet_zebra agreed.

@asmonet ;) 

@dannyc – That’s not 100% the case every time. If my face is on neutral mode, or heaven forbid, I have something important on my mind, and some passing man who wants to hit on me (because decent men don’t hit on women on the streets, not in the “Yo, mami!” way these men do), then I’m not going to take their opinion about how my face should look into account. I’m just not. I don’t get the demand to smile from passing women. Or any women. It’s always men.

Now, if someone really is concerned, chances are I’ll pick up on that and and a real interaction can ensue. But if it’s just some random dude looking for me to give him an ego hit, I can usually suss that out, and, well, he can piss off.

I wish men could be young women in the big city for a day, and then they’d understand.

@aprilsimnel I am polite and a tiny bit flirty with women I meet during the day, and sometimes they think I am hitting on them. But I’m not, I am just trying to get them to smile. Mostly its people working retail. If you work retail and don’t have a smile for your customers, then you either are in the wrong job, or you are bringing your home problems to work with you.

Just because I flirt, that doesn’t mean I want to get in their pants. I am happily married and have been for over 20 years. Hooking up with a new woman means I would have to train them. I don’t have the time to train a new g/f all over again. =)

@evelyns_pet_zebra – I mean catcallers on street, the “Yo, baby, whydoncha smile for me, mami?! Do fries go with that shake?” types, not someone being a bit flirty at the shops. On the street. Any big city gal knows what sort of rude fellows I mean!

If some random person told me to smile then I would.I like taking pictures and smiling! But it depends on the random person…...:o

I never get that since I always smile.
I get weird looks instead for smiling so we’re even(=

It’s the most farking annoying thing in the world to be told, I was harped at as a kid about not smiling and swore my mouth must have some natural resting shape of grumpiness. As an adult, I went into various “people” types of jobs where it’s to my advantage to smile, look friendly, at ease, confident, etc. Nowadays co workers greet me with “hey sunshine” or “hi smiley”. I really feel what at first was a conscious and sometimes uncomfortable effort on my part has become natural and I’m actually very okay with that, it’s served me well.

@aprilsimnel . Nothing is 100%, so I understand your point. I will ponder it.

@aprilsimnel well, those guys are Cro-Magnons and you can tell by the way their knuckles drag the ground as they walk. No REAL man ever shouts lewd remarks at a pretty lady. No REAL man with any class anyway.

Being told to smile is nowhere near as bad as when total strangers walk up to you and say “You know, honey, you would be really cute if you lost weight.” Happened over and over in Tucson – what is it about Arizona that attracts these people?!

@Darwin: Oh, ha…. Virginia too.

@Darwin If someone said that to me, I’d sock them in the mouth…how rude!

@Darwin, stupid people seem to migrate to warm places, I guess because a REAL winter in the Great White North (or even the Midwest) would kill them.

But no one ever said a thing when I lived in Miami!

@Darwin, does anyone speak English in Miami?~ Oh I am so going to get reamed for that comment.

@evelyns_pet_zebra – A few, but back when I lived there an awful lot spoke Yiddish.

And Spanish, love the Cuban beans and rice!

That whole “Smile!” thing is so rude and intrusive. It’s also uniquely American; I don’t know of any other culture that expects people to walk around with smiles constantly plastered across their faces.

Once, I was eating alone in a restaurant, reading the newspaper. I was absorbed in my reading when a woman came over and said, “You’re not smiling. What’s wrong? Is there anything I can do to help?” I told her that I was fine..just reading the news. She didn’t believe me, told me that I was very sad, and grabbed my arm to comfort me! I pulled away and YELLED at her not to touch me.

To this day, she probably believes that she was a lovely person doing a wonderful thing, and that I was mentally ill. (She didn’t, and I wasn’t).

@Primobabe I completely and totally agree. GA, and welcome to Fluther. :)

This whole discussion brought back an old memory. Many years ago, I had a colleague who often told me to smile.

My job involved reading, analyzing, writing, and advising about U.S. tax law. The work required great focus and concentration, and the subjects were hardly giggle-inducing. Every few days or so, when I’d be deeply engrossed in a project, this co-worker would stick her head in my office door, put a big, stupid grin on her face, and yell, “Smile!”. I simply ignored her. This wasn’t the sort of harrassment or intimidation that warrants a workplace battle—it was merely annoying—so I didn’t pursue it.

It turns out, though, that there was something seriously wrong with this woman. She’d been doing many bizarre things and making other co-workers feel extremely uncomfortable. She was fired.

Here’s a thought for anyone who believes that it’s acceptable, or perhaps even charming, to say “Smile!” to strangers in public—my emotionally unbalanced, former colleague apparently believed the same thing. I wonder if she proceeded to tell the Unemployment Compensation office employees to smile?