If you drink alcohol: Does it make you uncomfortable if the person/people you are with aren't drinking also?

Nope. Designated drivers make wonderful drinking companions.

It doesn’t matter to me if we are somewhere together and you choose not to drink alcohol. I am more interested in spending time with a friend or acquaintance, and having a good time doing what it is we’re doing, whether it’s enjoying food, entertainment, karaoke, or especially each other’s company. And I agree with @DarkScribe about designated drivers. When my wife and I go somewhere, I am much more likely to consume alcohol than she is, but I always offer to act as driver designate.

If I am drinking, I am probably drinking with at least one other person who is okay with me drinking or wants to let loose and enjoy the same as I do.

With that being said, I am a social drinker and it doesn’t necessarily bother me if the people I’m surrounded by are not drinking – the idea of drinking though just becomes a lot less appealing and therefore I probably wouldn’t drink in the setting anyway.

In reference to the people you’ve described, one thing I would never do is try to pressure/coerce people into drinking if they chose not to. I’m never so determined to get drunk that I’d start begging or forcing other people to drink with me. I really dont mind spending most of my nights sober and if I’m with a good group of people I’d probably have more fun that way.

When I didn’t drink, it didn’t bother me if other people did (unless I had to deal with a bunch of rowdy, puking drunks). However, it did seem to bother the drinkers when I didn’t join in. Now that I do drink, it doesn’t bother me when other people don’t.

I do not need it that badly. If I am with people that don’t, I wont.

A little bit.
I get a little louder and sillier when I drink, and it makes me a little uncomfortable when the other people at dinner aren’t getting a little tipsy with me. So usually I just won’t drink when I’m with non-drinkers. No biggie.

I have about 3–5 drinks a year. Don’t feel bad about it people. I don’t care. If someone gives you a hard time just call them an alcoholic. :)

I don’t drink much at all so usally one (alcoholic) drink is enough for me. For this reason I don’t worry about whether the company I am keeping is drinking because it’s not like I’m drinking the amount that would likely get me drunk or even tipsy. I wouldn’t want to get drunk if everyone else was staying sober (although usually it’s the other way round: everyone else is drunk and I’m sober!!!) but one malibu and coke isn’t going to offend anyone.

It doesn’t bother me. However, I despise people who keep pestering me to have a drink when I don’t want one.

When dining with others I usually do not order a drink if they don’t.

I would never try to get someone to order a drink and find this wrong on many levels.

I chose not to drink out of respect to them. To ask them to drink is disrespectful.

No. More for me!

three is my limit, two is typical

Nope. The more I drink the less I notice….. ;-)

Nah. People have lots of reasons for not drinking—physical health, mental health, medication, driving, money—and it’s none of my business. Doesn’t bother me a bit. The only exception might be if I’m meeting someone at a bar or a pub. I once had a first date at the campus pub—I got a beer, he got a coke, and for some reason that did make me uncomfortable.

I am curious about the opposite question: for those of you who don’t drink, does it bother you when someone you’re with does order a drink?

@nikipedia But many times I am at a bar or pub and not drinking alcohol. As I said in the original question I am fine if someone else orders a drink. The only time it would bother me is if that particular person got piss drunk to the point of needing help every time I went out with them, but a few drinks, or wine with dinner would never bother me.

It is interesting to me that some have said that they will decide not to order a drink, when they usually would have, if they are out with me. I don’t know whether to appreciate that, or to feel bad that you have felt you needed to alter what you would prefer on my account.

@JLeslie: That’s interesting…it sounds like a bar/pub isn’t the best meeting place for someone like you or your husband since you don’t drink. Why not meet somewhere else?

Well, because I am there to be with my friends. And, especially when I was younger I loved to go out dancing, most dance clubs have a lot of alcohol flowing. I actually met my husband at a nightclub. Sometimes I meet other MSU alumni in a bar for the football game, I would not expect them to change location because of me. I think people who drink pick a bar when they meet with people so they can drink, for me it is irrelevant. I also go to wine tasting parties at friends homes, because I love their company. Alcohol is at almost every social get together. I don’t drink, because I just don’t bother. It is not a temptation for me, or something I hate to be around.

I usually decide based on my relationship with the other diners. If I know that my drinking makes them uncomfortable, then I’ll skip it. (For instance, I have a friend who is a recovering alcoholic, and we make an effort not to drink with him). However, if I know them well enough to know they wouldn’t be offended, I’ll order a glass of wine or a single drink.

My Dad’s cousin doesn’t drink… when they go out to dinner as a group, he gets offended when people do, not because of the alcohol, but because it will jack up the bill for dinner and if you’re splitting the ill equally, he feels he’s getting ripped off (then he bitches about it)

My father and step-mom have cut way back on going out with him and his wife socially, and when they do, the decline any “adult beverages” just to keep the peace

@christine215 As someone who ends up paying for all the bar bills and restaurant bills that involve alcohol, I don’t blame him. If they’re splitting the bill “equally” (i.e., total up and divide by 4) then he’s getting royally screwed.

The costs of drinks at a restaurant or bar is insane. I’ve seen places where a glass of cheap, no-name, house wine costs as much as a bottle of fairly decent wine in a grocery store. Start getting into mixed drinks and you can really see the total add up.

@christine215 Well, the bill is getting way jacked up. Many people I eat out with take care of this without me saying anything, they pay extra because they drank, even if we are not counting down to the last penny, they throw in more to make it more fair.

it all depends on the situation, if I’m somewhere I’m not sure my company will be ordering alcohol I’ll just order last and follow suit.

No worries on my end. People can drink or not drink whatever beverage they like, if they’re adults, AFAIC.

I have a couple of drinks now and then and it doesn’t bother me one way or the other if the people around me drink as long as they aren’t drunk and stupid. I’m not much of a drinker, so it doesn’t make much of a difference to me what others do.

@JLeslie It’s usually the opposite way around for me. I’m the non-drinker in the group. For the life of me, I can’t figure out why this makes “them” so uncomfortable.

I have maybe two drinks a year. First of all, I’m allergic to sulfites. Second, My dad was an alcoholic (I say was, cuz it killed him). I have had to say both to people when they are insistent I have a wine/beer/drink/shot with them.

Why are they insistent that I drink?

I’m there (at a party/dinner/gathering) to have fun and let loose just as they are. Yes, they have made me uncomfortable enough to not want to hang out with them again.

My not drinking is like a weird experiment in sociology that I didn’t sign up for.

For me, it’s situational.

There are situations where you’re likely to have one or two drinks over the course of a couple hours, such as a barbecue or dinner in a restaurant. In that situation, I don’t care whether my companions are drinking or not, because I’m drinking the beverage for the flavor and not for the alcohol content.

There are other situations, such as a party, where you’re likely to have several drinks. In this situation, it’s best if everyone is drinking (except the designated driver) or if nobody in your group is drinking, because people interact differently when they’ve had a few drinks and it’s likely to lead to awkwardness.

Even in the latter situation, it depends who the people are—some people have a temperament and personality that can handle being sober in a room of buzzed-to-drunk people.

Also, it’s important to note that there are a lot of gradations between stone cold sober and incoherent falling-down-and-probably-puking drunk. It’s unlikely to lead to productive discussions if people assume that those are the only possible two states.

Nope! I just drink for them!

@cwilbur “There are other situations, such as a party, where you’re likely to have several drinks. In this situation, it’s best if everyone is drinking (except the designated driver) or if nobody in your group is drinking, because people interact differently when they’ve had a few drinks and it’s likely to lead to awkwardness.”

See this is the thought I can’t understand. If I’m at a party, I’m there to have fun, but not to drink.

My fiance does not drink. I like to encourage him to have a sip of mine or a glass of whatever because it is something that I enjoy greatly—the taste, the texture, the creativeness of various cocktails—and accordingly something I’d like to share with him. But it does not make me uncomfortable that he does not usually drink.

Just as there are things he does that I know he would very much like to share with me and have me join him in that I simply have little or no interest in. It is pursuit of shared experience, and not some feeling of being uncomfortable, that drives me to continually offer my beverages to him.

@SpatzieLover I think you and I must have similar tendencies. When I didn’t drink, I still had loads of fun at parties and such. I never felt out of place because I was sober. The only thing that became a drag after a while was always being the default designated driver, and having to cart extremely drunk people to and fro.

That hasn’t happened yet because I really only drink with my man. If it did, I might feel a bit uncomfortable because I tend to get giggly and flirtatious. I’d wonder what the other person who is not drinking would think.

@SpatzieLover I’m like you, I’m the non-drinker. That is why I am trying to a get a read on what the drinker is thinking.

@JLeslie I must be a backwards reader today, sorry ;) I got it on the second read

@cwilbur so the designated drivers can be sober, but odd if anyone else is? That statement makes me wonder if the typical DD is actually not drinking, or just switching to soda towards the end of the night? And, to your point about a couple of drinks being different than being totally trashed, I agree there is a big difference, but either way I am sober.

@SpatzieLover No apology needed, just wanted you to know from what perspective I was coming from, seemed you might have misunderstood what I had written. :) I am actually pleased to see so many don’t care much either way, but it is curious that people do admit to being uncomfortable when they drink and others aren’t. I have to admit that as I get older very few people try to pursuade me to drink; rather, they are more surprised, “you don’t drink? Ever?” It feels like they want me to drink, but that might be in my own head. Although, it seems from some of the answers at least a few people do kind of want us to drink, or why are we at that party? The most shocking is when they ask “why” (not here on fluther, on fluther we all ask everything). What if I am a recovering alcoholic and I don’t want to say. Or, maybe their question “why” is innocent and just curiousity? But, the answer might be an emotional one for the person not drinking.

On the contrary. As I continue to drink, my companions become ever more witty and attractive. I think I may be a magician.

Well some people don’t like to drink alone. I have no problem with it myself, but for others it may even feel taboo.

@Anon_Jihad taboo? Never heard that word associated with it. Can you explain?

@SpatzieLover: Alcohol loosens people up and serves as a social lubricant. People who are stone cold sober simply don’t interact in the same way, and the difference leaves a lot of potential for awkwardness. If you can be sober, fit in just fine, and interact positively, while hanging out with people who have had 4 or 5 drinks, you’re in a rather small minority.

@JLeslie: It’s entirely possible for a designated driver to have a drink or two, provided he or she allows one hour for each drink to metabolize before he or she is required to drive. I personally find it far simpler to just plan on taking the train or a taxi home.

The point is not that it’s “okay” or “not okay,” though—the point is that when you mix people who are drinking heavily with people who are not drinking at all, it’s likely to be less than optimal for one side or the other, and in my experience the side that gets the short end of the stick is the sober side. If you choose to stay sober, that’s your call to make, but I know that when I choose to stay sober, I find drunk people incredibly irritating.

And again @JLeslie—“taboo” is a good word for the behavior. When I was in college, and drinking more heavily than I ever had before or have since, there was an incredible taboo against drinking (or using any drug) alone—and the reason was that if you were doing it socially, your friends would be a check on your behavior before it got self-destructive, but if you were doing it alone, you had no such check. Depending on who your peer group was, this could work better in theory than in practice, but in my circle of friends, it actually resulted in people getting help when they needed it.

@cwilbur Oh, I see now. Thanks for explaining.

No, I don’t need other people to drink if they don’t want to and I would never bug them about it. But I wouldn’t be drinking in the first place if no one else is drinking. It’s a social thing for me; there has to be someone else doing it in order for it to be enjoyable. I don’t see much point in doing it if no one else is going to be drinking or drunk with you. So my answer to your question is “yes and no”. :P

No. A few of my friends are diabetic and can’t drink even if they wanted to, a few more are on medications that go wonky with alcohol and none of them has an issue when any of the rest of company drinks.

Some people feel guilty about themselves because they can’t stay away from drinking to have a good time, so they want to pressure you into doing it so that they can reassure themselves that you aren’t better than them. That’s how I’ve observed things. I’ve been on both sides – guilty.

Not at all.

It doesn’t bother me at all. I’ve been the person that isn’t drinking (many, many times. I’m usually the designated driver) and I can’t stand it when others pressure me to have “just one drink”. I know the feeling and I would never do that to my friends. We have a friend that doesn’t understand why I don’t want to have a few beers with everyone and let loose and it just frustrates me. I want to shake him and tell him that not everyone needs to get hammered to have a good time.

I am the teetotaler in my group of friends and have definitely noticed a moderate (sometimes more than moderate) discomfort when I am with them in a drinking situation. My aversion to drinking has become strong enough that I rarely accompany anyone to bars, and will usually leave a night out sometime between the restaurant and bar.

I know that it is more complicated than I’m trying to make it, but I can’t help but think that my friends recognize an inherent wrong in their drinking. If they were completely comfortable and confident in their ability to drink without problem, why should the company of a non drinker cause any issue?

As for a restaurant bill when with drinkers, it has to be the more infuriating part of splitting the bill. Just the inclusion of alcohol can more then double a non drinkers bill. And especially if you aren’t drinking due to your beliefs/values/morals, it makes paying for someone else’s alcohol that much worse. The only way around it is either making yourself the A-hole at the table that refuses to split the bill, or order an expensive meal and appetizers a plenty to make up for what you aren’t getting in alcohol. But then you are the pig at the table ;-)

@Noon: I don’t think there’s inherent wrongness in drinking; I think there’s a disconnect between people who enjoy drinking and teetotalers. You have an aversion to drinking and drinkers; would it be reasonable to claim that this is because you recognize an inherent wrongness in teetotaling? Or is it because you and your friends enjoy different things, and expecting other people to participate in what you enjoy when they do not enjoy it leads to discomfort?

Also, if these people are friends, it shouldn’t be difficult to say, “Hey, not everyone here is drinking (or, not everyone here is comfortable buying alcohol)—can we either split the bill proportionally or get separate checks?” I don’t think that makes you an a-hole; I think anyone who insists on someone else subsidizing his cocktails is the a-hole.

Hey @Noon, long time no see!

@Noon: I think it’s more like if you all decided to go to a park, then all of your friends started a game of tag football and you were like, “No, I’ll sit here and read a book.” I guarantee they would try and get you into the game. And if you continued to refuse, there would probably be a bit of awkwardness. Especially if they know that you aren’t playing tag football because you find it morally wrong. Because then you are inherently, at some level, judging them.

Having said that, if you are out with friends, cwilbur is absolutely right. You should be able to put in the money for what you ate and drank without subsidizing anyone else. Personally, I would be very annoyed if I went out with friends and had the soup and salad combo, but ended up subsidizing a friend’s porterhouse or whatever. Booze is no different. I actually very strongly feel that everyone should put in for what they consume.

@EmpressPixie Not to say how I interact with my friends is any better than anyone else, or that I really should put up with bar culture if I have made it clear It’s “Not my thing”. But I’d like to take your analogy, and paint a better picture of what I see from my friends when I go out to bars/restaurants with them. (Hopefully this will also clear up why I sometimes feel as though they feel there is a problem with drinking.)

So my friends invite me to the park to socialize. They happen to know that I have a strong aversion to tag foot ball but invite me anyway. I know they will probably be playing tag football, but I haven’t seen them in a while so I decide to go.

So the game starts, and I’m on the side lines watching. While they are playing, friends feel the need to come up to me (and just me) and say things like:

“I don’t play tag football all the time, just you know today cuz the sun is out [It’s the weekend, it’s been a hard day, that cute guy bought me this ball, It’s monday, It’s wednesday, it’s friday etc. etc.]”

“I was so good, I didn’t play ball all month last month. Well except for that one time, or that other time, but you know mostly haven’t been playing ball much.”

“I’m only going to play two games of ball, I’ve got stuff to do. (three games later) Just going to play a couple more, I can sleep in tomorrow”

“Jim over there playing ball all the time, isn’t that just wrong, that’s why I only play a few games, well except for last weekend, I played all day, but that’s rare.”

…..

So I just kinda sit there wondering why they feel like they need to provide me with excuses for their behavior. I would probably have a much better time if they didn’t feel the need to make excuses due to my my presence.

We used to hang out with people that got drunk every weekend. I’ve tried a few things, but in general I don’t like the taste of alcohol. I’ll drink a smirnoff, but that’s about it. And even then, I get sleepy, and end up wanting to go home and go to bed. So I don’t drink. Sooo much cheaper to get a Cherry Limeade or something anyway.

My husband drinks every now and then. He’s more of a social drinker, we don’t usually keep alcohol in the house.

I always get pressured by people to drink. Its annoying and makes me mad. I don’t know what it is, maybe its because most of the people we hang out with are young, or that they’re Marines & spouses (Marines and alcohol seem to get along really well… the alcohol selection at the PX on base is about 4 times bigger than that at Walmart). My husband’s uncle pressured me too, and some friends back home asked me if I wanted some, they didn’t pressure me though. I’m an introvert, so I guess people just want to see me not be shy? I don’t know, one guy that used to pressure me doesn’t anymore because peer pressure pisses me off and I let him know that. Now all he says is, “We’re going to see you drunk one of these days.”

I don’t really care to hang out with people if they plan on getting smashed, either. Drinking games seem stupid to me too. I also don’t like knowing that people are driving after they’ve had a drink or more. I don’t mind being a DD, but I don’t like for it to be excessive, and smokers are annoying if I have to be a DD (they want to smoke in the car, and I don’t let people smoke in my car. I’m not going to drive someone else’s car).