How can I show the one I love that they can trust me again?

Let’s step back and look at this objectively. You break up with a guy that you profess to love, and get back together with him within two weeks of the breakup. During the time span of two weeks, you have meaningless break-up sex with some guy, and then lie to your boyfriend about it. Someone either told your boyfriend that you had sex with someone else, (which means either you or the meaningless sex guy have been blabbing around town about it) or your boyfriend didn’t trust you in the first place and went around asking questions.

This does not sound good for you.

Be honest with him. Tell the truth about lying, tell him why you did it, and stand up for the fact that you two were broken up and you only owe him so much detail, after that it is your privacy.

This is a hard situation. You should just talk to him. Tell him all this and tell him everything you’re thinking and why you lied and why you had sex with another guy. If you wanna be back with him, if I were him, I’d want to know why all this happens and why I SHOULD trust you again. But I’m sure you can work it out if you’ve gotten over lumps in the relationship before. Give it time.

The “hard times” you allude to…have there been other episodes of infidelity?

First understand the possibility exists that he might never trust you again. You can’t make him trust you.

In the past, I have always been true to him. This is the first time I have ever hurt him. Having break-up sex was a very weak thing to do on my part. I am ashamed I had let myself sink to that level, but I know who I truly am, and I know that he can trust me again. I just don’t know how to make him see. Or how to make him believe me. I understand how it is hard for him to trust me right now, but I want to make sure I do the right things, so that he can once again.

If this is the first time, then only time will set things right. There is no immediate way to make this right, except to apologize and to tell him that you withheld details, because you regretted your actions.

If you truly thought you were broken up, he really doesn’t have the right to all the details. If alcohol was involved in making it seem like a good idea, that changes things a little too.

He’s probably really hurt, and sometimes when you acknowledge that the other person has a right to those feelings, it can help right the situation.

Try to avoid making the situation a topic of discussion with other people, and keep it just between you, even if he’s talking about it.

Edit: Maybe describing your actions as withholding details rather than lying will help a little.

Thank you very much. When you say alcohol changes things a little, what do you mean by that?

If you had too much to drink and slept with someone, it’s a little different than being sober and sleeping with someone. Breakup sex guy should know better than to have sex with a girl who’s had too much to drink. That makes him what’s historically known as a “cad.”

Tell your bf calmly that you withheld particular details because to you the act of the breakup sex was destructive and regretful enough, knowing that it hurt him to admit and you wanted to not hurt him further. @The_Compassionate_Heretic is right though in that your bf has every right not to forgive, he’s got hurt upon hurt right now. A lot of people have breakup sex in order to feel wanted and desired when those things were questionable in the original relationship, maybe you and bf can discuss how secure each of you feels about the other in that area.

He told me he understands why I did it, but may not be able to get past the fact that I lied. But I know part of him does believe in me because he still talks to me. I guess all I can do is wait and try to show him he can trust me. But I have one question. Would it be better to give him space, and limit how much I talk to him, or would it be better to talk to him as much as I can? Some people tell me to give it some space, but I’m afraid that giving it space will make him feel like I don’t care. But then again I’m afraid talking to him too much may push him away. ??

@oatmeal1642: as to giving him space, take your cue from him, what he says he wants. Don’t give any more detail or re hash the breakup time if you can help it. Instead re affirm what’s important to you, why you still want to be back together with bf, take this time to share what insecurities you had in the relationship that made you act out the way you did, what it is you two have broken up over before. I really feel when people break up over and over again it’s because they haven’t learned to weigh out their words to each other or the actions they choose when together as if there might not be a tomorrow together. When you get to the point of jockeying and gaming each other, you’re losing each other bit by bit.

Thank you everyone for the comments. If anyone else has any other opinions or agree with something someones already said I’d appreciate the comment.

You need to voice your concerns with your boyfriend. Only he can tell you what he needs. Trust me, I’ve been married almost 18 years and we have had “moments” in our relationship. It took us more than a decade to realize that honesty is the most important part of any relationship. Don’t be afraid to talk to him and ask him what he needs.

Can that be any worse than him leaving you because you couldn’t communicate? At least you tried. Right?

Good luck!

time.

( i realize you asked a detailed question. and, my bad, i didn’t even read the details.)

but yes, the overall answer is “time” when trust has been broken.

You have to be completely above suspicion. If you lie again, it will probably be over completely.

Time to move on. Learn from YOUR mistakes. Start a clean slate with a new man.

It is not right that he has to “try” to trust you again. Even if he does, it is just baggage that will bite you on the but down the road. Him using it as reason not to trust you in other ways.
He will never forget it. It being something that could always be festering in the back of his mind.
If you truly made a mistake. And, that is a whopper.
It is the price you will have to pay.

Don’t do it again!
There I slapped you on the wrist.

Let me start by saying, “I luvre you”.
Now, you may not like me for what I have to say.
Both of you sound immature; it sounds like high school drama. You say you have a strong love for him, but you keep breaking up and getting back together. This is not love, it is an infatuation that has been complicated because you have had intercourse.

Now you may think I am nuts, but I don’t think a man and a woman should have intercourse with anyone or each other until they are married. Your boyfriend isn’t jealous because of the time you spent with another guy, he is jealous because you had sex. You could be married today to this fella and five years from now this could rear its ugly head. Let’s pretend that you and your ‘love’ never had intercourse. Would he still be with you? If not, that is NOT love. Would you still be with him? If not, you have misconstrued the purpose of a meaningful relationship.

As far as regaining trust. Trust what? Are you two married? Would you marry him right now? If you tell me you are only a teen, I would say forget about him and keep your clothes on. If you are an adult and say, “no”, I would say forget about him and keep your clothes on until you found a man who would be willing to commit to you – marry you – then consummate your love.

I think that he is upset because you slept with someone else, not because you omitted some details (which is different from lying). I mean, what possible details could have made any difference? He was only torturing himself by asking for the details after a certain point. Some of the details are important for him to understand why you did what you did. Others—such as what you did during sex—are just self-torture.

He probably wonders if this other guy is better than he is. He probably was asking himself several questions. How did the guy get you to sleep with him so quickly? How good is he in bed? These things bring up all kinds of insecurities,

In addition, when people are in a relationship that is both emotional and physical, they feel a sense of ownership of the other person. They feel a sense of privacy; a sense that sex is something special between them and no one else. When someone else traverses that intimate territory, it seems less special. Perhaps it seems soiled. ‘I don’t want to put my dick where someone else’s has been.’ It somehow seems demeaning and like too much intimate contact with the other guy.

And some other things he may be thinking—now you’ve had experience that he hasn’t had. Things are no longer equal. You know more. You’ve had more fun. It’s not fair. He should have a chance to fuck someone else, too. Why was it so easy for you?

Like @charliecompany34 said, the only thing that builds trust is time. He needs to mourn the loss of the specialness you two had. He needs to see if he believes it is possible to build that sense again. You have to be constant. Proving over and over that you are trustworthy, even when he continues to doubt.

Like others have said, it sounds like you are young. Perhaps this is the first time you’ve been in a serious relationship with someone? Maybe even the first person you had sex with? If so, the first time-ness makes it even harder to overcome these things.

Finally, the relationship before your breakup and having sex with some other guy (technically, not infidelity), is of concern. If you were breaking up a lot, it is important to think about what that was about. Perhaps you have some fundamental incompatibilities or miscommunication. Perhaps you are bound up with each simply because of being loyal to first times. In any case, you need to think about whether you understand the problems that went on before the breakup, and figure out if you can fix them. What were those problems? Why did you break up? What was that past that caused so much problems for the both of you? How did you sort out those problems?

@daloon: you’re so good at calling the most painful points to mind!

@hungryhungryhortence Is this a good thing???

@daloon: yes, people should know the dark and ugly consequences that lurk behind actions

You lied to spare his feelings, but realise now lying was in fact worse! Try telling the reasons why. Beg him to forgive you, Only he can do that and theres nothing more you can do. I’m really sorry for you. Try maybe, although risky, offering to walk away from the relationship if he can never forgive. It worked for a friend of mine. good luck

Thank you. I’ve been doing the best I can to show him this last week. Things have been going alright. He’s said that he wants to try to move on from what happened and try to trust me again. Hopefully, all goes well.