Can a relationship survive without "SEX"?
Asked by
jayconn6 (
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)
September 20th, 2009
Can a relationship survive without “SEX”?
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69 Answers
Just as much as they can survive with it.
In a “loving” relationship, I don’t believe so. If I lived in a sexless marriage, I’d be history.
If the relationship is based on more than “SEX”, yes it can survive.
If “SEX” (why is sex in all-caps?) is all there is that’s holding two people together, the relationship won’t last.
@jayconn6: I have known many long-term partners whose sex life has diminished or disappeared. (By the way, what is the difference between sex and “SEX”?)
@gailcalled What, you never had “SEX”?
Believe me, it’s way better, everything is bigger doing “SEX”.
Of course it can. It may not be the favorable outcome to most but it’s do-able.
I think the happiest couples have an active sex life. I know people well into their 80s who enjoy sex with their partners. Sex doesn’t need to fade, it just requires some tending.
I exclude, of course, people for whom sex has never been important in their lives. That’s a normal state of affairs for some, but not many.
I found that “bigger doing ‘Sex’ ” was uncomfortable. I prefered average.
And it is true that sex for older couples can be very different, but just as pleasant, than the youthful juiciness.
Eww old people having sex
<hurls>
@gailcalled I understand that, but note that everything gets bigger.
Even the cigarette afterwards.
And who is gonna have a 20K party in some days?!! :-)
@teh_kvlt_liberal Do you think you are exempt from getting old? Look at me and see yourself, way sooner than you imagine. That was an ugly, uncaring, ill-considered remark.
I was in a marriage that went for 6 years with sex only 3 times and that was for the second child. Total the sex averaged out to 3 per year of the 13 years. It ended 1.5 months shy of 13.
It was a problem for me but I stayed true. It isn’t the reason it ended. Only my wife knows that.
I would say that sex is only as important as the two people in the relationship openly discussing it, think it is.
Depends on the people in the relationship.
I didn’t say anything bad about turning old, I just thought it’s kind of disgusting seeing old people having sex. And calm down, it wasn’t supposed to be taken seriously
Oh, thanks. I’m glad I’m not inherently disgusting. Only when my beloved and I are making love. Then we’re disgusting.
@teh_kvlt_liberal PD is right. Let’s see how you feel about it in 40 years. It may not have been meant to be a serious comment, but it’s a steriotypical remark.
Fine. I’ll just leave this thread with this
@teh_kvlt_liberal no one said you had to leave the thread. Just be a little more accepting.
It depends on the people in the relationship. Some people are less sexual than others and could be fine with this arrangement. Also, it could also depend on whether there’s a valid physical/medical/psychological reason, say, if the other person loves their partner and is patient and understanding.
However, given normal circumstances, I think most people would find it difficult. I can see many possible problems arising, such as infidelity, resentment, etc.
It could survive, but it would probably be miserable.
Honestly, I couldn’t do it. I need that physical intimacy.
Sex isn’t everything , lots of people survive a sexless marriage . Some people never have sex ever , they seem happy why does sex have to be part of everything .
All living and no sex makes sandy a dull boy, All living and no sex makes sandy a dull boy,All living and no sex makes sandy a dull boy.
Funny because my friend and I were just joking about dating each other because of our mutual loneliness, but we were wondering how the sex would work out…
@teh_kvlt_liberal: “Eww old people having sex>
<hurls>”
That remark was unrealistic, uncalled for, untrue and unfunny.
Adding “And calm down, it wasn’t supposed to be taken seriously” gives you liberty to say anything and add that sentence.
You are an immature, insensitive clod.<Hurls>. Calm down. I am joking.
It can survive but I don’t believe indefinitely and the dynamic of being a couple will change, for sure. I’ve been abstinent within a marriage but after several years, we started to have raging hormone issues and eventually admitted we weren’t cut out to be monks and divorced rather than resort to an “open marriage” which would have just been us having other partners but not each other which was unacceptable to expose our families and mutual friends to.
Yes, but it sucks. I have had physical health problems that interfere with sex in my relationship and it is very upsetting and stressful. I have a lot of guilt from it, and really miss sex during times that we go without for long periods.
I believe that we all need a certain amount of “touch” I’m sure you have heard of studies on infants who are not held enough, that adults have lower blood pressure and other positive health signs when they have touch, or pets, or get messages, etc. I do believe there is a balance, there is a such things as too much, like when a new mother has an infant on top of her all day and just wants her body left alone, but I digress from my original point. I think most adults accomplish their touch needs through sex.
If both partners are just not interested in sex, I guess it wouldn’t matter.
Didn’t think of this before, but JLeslie‘s post reminded me. I’ve been in two relationships affected by medication-induced sexual dysfunction, once on either side, and it’s not easy. The lack of desire, ability, and/or libido put a serious strain on both relationships.
As someone married to a disabled person who is too ill to have sex or “physical intimacy” I can tell you that a marriage without sex can survive just fine as long as there is love, caring, and mutual respect. Touch needs are accomplished amazingly enough through touch, as in holding hands, helping him bathe or dress, and playing footsie under the table. As far as sexual desire goes, that is why some wise person figured out masturbation eons ago.
I see my parents in their 80’s still hold hands, too, although I suspect that due to my mother’s Parkinson’s and dementia their sex life is extremely limited or non-existent. They obviously love each other, and sometimes that is all you need.
@Darwin My husband and I are very physically close. We still hold hands, I lay my head on him when we watch TV and he touches my brow, and we play footsie too. But, I miss being able to have rip-roaring sex without worry of being physically hurt. I wonder if it is harder for me than him psychologically, because I am the one with the physical problems?
@AlenaD I have less desire now that I have had troubles, I think maybe it is a form of coping, but I WANT to want it. I miss it. I miss the desire and activity. I know women who have no desire and don’t care. They are happy to never have sex again.
i feel that the OP giggled after posting this question….
Ask anyone that’s married.
How many elderly couples have mirrored ceilings?
My aunt and uncle always stay in motels that have mirrored ceilings, and they are in their 80s. Does that count?
Think of how Christopher Reeve was for years. Dana was asked once in an interview if she missed sex. She grinned & said there’s more than one way to have sex. Good for her. I’m sure a lot of couples with one partner having a physical disability has figured it out. :-)
That was supposed to read:
Me like sex.
I suppose it could happen, it depends on what your definition of sex is. Is sex copulation, or simply cuddling, with some oral or touchie-feelie thrown in? I’m not sure how it would affect my wife, but I could please her even if my penis fell off. Please, Evelyn, don’t let that ever happen.
I think it would be difficult, but like all things involving a couple, it is possible. Anything is possible. Look around, even the non-attractive people find love. it’s just scary when they have kids.
My answer is for me and if my own relationship could survive without sex. I think that if it was a voluntary lack of sex, I’d have an extremely difficult time with this. I’d see it as a symptom of something else wrong in the relationship, and long term, if that doesn’t resolve, then the relationship can’t very well happily survive. On the other hand, if there was a medical condition that caused sex to be impossible, then I’d be fine with it. That said, there are plenty of ways to still be physically intimate without intercourse. Even if one of us became a paraplegic and were unable to participate in sex, I’d be okay with it as long as the rest of the relationship was still as fulfilling as it is today. I believe sex is a very important part of a relationship, and is important to staying close to your loved one and in tune with them, but it isn’t so important that I’d leave my husband if we could no longer enjoy that… a long as it was because we couldn’t, and not because we just didn’t want to.
@XOIIO because there isn’t a Fluther icon for the two half bent finger wiggle thing that people usually do?
How many couples of any age have mirrored ceilings? Or do I mean “MIRRORED”?
@pdworkin: Always a pleasure. (Forget phoning Verizon. What about the store…Columbia Plaza… at 204 Fairview Ave.? At least there you will have a real neck to throttle.)
Yeah, I thought of going there, but I like to do everything on line, including piss and shit.
@Darwin: Excellent answer!
@gailcalled: I stayed at a hotel with a “MIRRORED” ceiling once. It was fun. I’m still not sure what we had was sex or “SEX” though…
@La_chica_gomela When it was over, did you think That was fun or did you think That was “FUN”?
I know hundreds of people and almost all of those relationships do not involve “SEX”
Well, a bunch of relationships work better without sex, but its different for boyfriend/girlfriend, finacees, or married people.
For them, I guess it could work, though I wouldn’t want to do that. Right now, I only get sex once or twice a week (If I’m lucky) just because of my husband’s schedule. You watch, I’ll finally land a job once his schedule becomes reasonable, and ours will conflict.
I’m with @jmah though, I need the intimacy.
Look I put. The word sex like that to draw attention to the question. How could there be a diference between sex and SEX?? Its the same freaking word just one is put in bold and all caps. You all are so petty for making a big deal out of nothing.
@jayconn6: Welcome to Fluther, Lurve.
When you’re 18, it’s SEX.
When you’re 40, and we are talking about your SO, it’s sex.
When your 60, it’s sex.
When you’re 80, it’s SEX again.
There are always ways to have sex.
Titillation and release. Then pizza and a movie!
I agree with @juwhite1
If something happened and my partner or I were unable to have sex as we used to, then yes we’d survive it, we’d figure it out…but I would not remain in a relationship where my sex needs aren’t met. period. especially if we talked about it, a lot.
@jayconn6: Sorry if we offended you. We’re just amusing ourselves. It’s not that common on fluther for users to draw attention to their questions like that. Most of us stick to standard punctuation, so we’re just having a little fun. Please forgive us.
I still don’t understand why the word sex is in quotes though?
I’m sure having a hard time with the no sex thing. My partner doesn’t want any, she’s almost gone completely cold. We stopped having sex after we concieved our first child. Her sex drive never came back and it’s killing me. I’m starting to feel like I’m in a half ass relationship. Although loving someone is not all about sex, intimacy is an important thing for me, whether it just be foreplay, cuddling or just straight up sex. Sure I’m surviving, but it’s damn tough!
Diminished libido, especially when it causes distress in a marriage (and it certainly seems to be distressing to you) is an issue that can be addressed in couples therapy, or sex therapy. One assumes that your wife cares about the health of your marriage; perhaps the two of you should seek some assistance.
@dapett you have talk about it or it won’t get better
Simone De Beauvoir, talking seems difficult, anytime I try I get “you always want more from me” as an answer and I’ve started to feel like I’m always the one complaining/trying. I believe there’s mulitple issues going on though. Insecurities, tiredness, irritation etc. I know I don’t always communicate very well. We do make progress in our relationship and sometimes we take two steps back.
BTW what is the difference between “SEX” and sex.
@dapett – Sounds like mis-matched sex drives, a need for medical treatment, or hidden resentments. If you can’t talk about it, things will only get worse.
Sex is a central component of being human. It’s something our body asks for and it is a main component of a relationship. I’m not saying you get into a relationship for just the sex, but eventually, down the road, the main idea of why we need another being is to satisfy that need to have sex. Again, not saying that the initial attraction is purely sexual. It’s just part of the whole. 0=)
SEX is lust and sex is love
Humans, like animals, were made to have sex. In fact, the body needs it, and increases your health. A relationship without sex is called friendship.
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In .02% of the time, it can survive without sex.
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