How can i repair a relationship i destroyed or is it to late?

I think you need to look very hard at yourself and analyze your feelings. Are you sure you really want her now or do you only think you want her because she doesn’t want you? When she was with you and cared for you, you treated her like dirt.

When describing the past, you now only mention the cheating incident. She remembers every cruel word you ever spoke to her and each of your heartless actions.

If you really love her, it might be best to set her free.

I’m going to speak from personal experience… walk away, leave that person alone to go on with their life.

I know it sucks, but it’s the right thing to do. I was careless with a relationship with a person once… until finally he’d had enough. He walked away (as he should have, I was wrong) it didn’t take long for me to realize that I had screwed up what was (at the time) a relationship with the most decent, wonderful, loving person you could imagine.

I tried desperately to get him back, I lost his friendship, and his ‘companionship’ neither of which I deserved at that point, no matter how remorseful I was.

In the end, I finally realized that if I really cared about HIM, that the right thing to do is to walk away and let him be happy. I know it’s a schmaltzy saying “if you Love someone set them free…” but if you really care about a person, then their happiness should be what matters to you most.

You can’t always get what you want.

A lot of people get hooked on drama. All these emotional conversations make you feel like a lot that is important is at stake. It gives you purpose. A mission. People can fall in love with pain.

I don’t know what love means to you, or what your feelings of being “in love” are like. Are you desperate for companionship? For sex? For not feeling alone? Or is there something truly unique about her that fits uniquely well with your character and experience?

She may not know what she wants. She may be playing with you, either accidentally or on purpose. She may have a morbid attraction to you. She may still be dealing with the loss of self-esteem she felt after you cheated. She may be trying to figure out what is/was wrong with her. This stuff might all be going on without her being able to articulate it.

If you want to keep on struggling, then you can still keep trying. Eventually, time may heal things. You may want to take a break, and let her experience other guys before you decide to try again. After all, you’ve had experience that she hasn’t, and that makes things seem unbalanced.

If you don’t think you can handle all this trouble and angst, then you should walk away. You’ll find other love. Not every relationship is with a soul mate. There are lots of women out there that could be good partners with you. Don’t stay trying to work it out with her if you are afraid you won’t ever find someone else, or if you are afraid to be alone for a while. You’ll survive. It won’t be easy, but you will survive.

If it truly is her, and not these other things that make you want to stay together, then you’ll have to really work hard on your communication skills. You didn’t cheat just for nothing. You cheated because you weren’t getting something you needed from the relationship. You couldn’t figure out a way to ask her for it, whatever it was. Or you felt ashamed for wanting it. If you can’t find a way to talk about what you both really want from each other—everything; no holding back—then you can’t fix this relationship for the long term.

She has a lot of pent up hurt, disappointment and anger so she’s putting you off now. It’s incredible someone would have the stamina to be in an “unofficial” relationship for more than a few months before coming out to one another about true feelings of something deeper which you state there are/have been. See, first people go through hurt when they get dicked around for more than a few months then disappointed when nothing is declared around after that. If it goes any further that’s because one person really really wants the other one and is stubborn and willing to gamble but usually just a bunch of anger builds because they suspect you’re either playing them or you really care but don’t have enough balls to come out with it. I hate it when people supress “how much they care”, they end up killing each other bit by bit.

It sounds like she’s not sure where she’s wanting this to go. She may not want to let go of you and your relationship because it’s familiar and comfortable but she seems aware of how unhappy you both are because of the past and constant fighting, talking to guys online may be a way for her to explore beyond you while retaining the net to fall back on if things get uncomfortable.

Cheating has always been considered an ultimate betrayal that causes an immense amount of pain and an unyielding mistrust in the person. There is NO way to simply make that up to a person. Once you have cheated on someone its up to THEM where the relationship goes if you’re not wanting to leave. You are also giving her grounds to question every single thing you do from then on…no matter how long ago it happened. I’ve been cheated on before and I still haven’t forgiven the person and I’m still trying to figure out what part about me wasn’t good enough to remain faithful for.

By saying you need to “make it up to her” it sounds like most of your feelings for her are coming from your guilt about cheating on her. If I were you I would do everything I could to look at myself and just how genuine my feelings truly are. It sounds like the relationship wasn’t rock solid to begin with and the continued fighting and feelings being hurt is a good sign of what to do. When you try to end the relationship and then allow her to pull you back in you’re showing her that your feelings are whimsical which hurts both of you even more every time it happens.

In my opinion, you should end it. Resist when she tells you that she loves you (honestly, if she loved you she wouldn’t be chatting with guys online). If you both are wanting to try again after a break (by break I mean a month maybe two or longer) then it will be because you both consent to it and are willing to try working through any issues from the past or present.

@christine215 Great answer. I was in a very similiar situation and you’ve summed up what I would’ve said more or less.
It’s heartbreaking, but if you two are truly meant to be together, then that’s what will happen.