Should a parent allow their teen to have sex in the house rather than behind their back?

No, they should not.

No. A parent needs to be a parent, not a pimp.

Yes teens will have sex, but it is the parent’s responsibility to teach their children about protection and patience. Not that it’s ok to have sex while mom is cooking dinner.

@Facade I saw you give an answer with no back up about giving your child a vibrator, I am curious why, so you would rather them go behind your back I see?

I completely agree about teaching them, and I would rather know they are safe and ok then going out doing it and having no clue

sorry it was a steve wilkos question, not maury

Only if they charge them by the hour. No, that won’t work – they’re teenagers – for most teenage boys you’d need a stopwatch. Maybe a linen service rate?

After a certain age and maturity level, perhaps. It probably depends on the situation, but I’d say college (17/18/19+) is an appropriate time to allow a kid to have a special friend stay the night.

I consider myself fairly sexually liberated, but I would not want to know my high schooler is getting laid at this very minute. Part of being young is learning where and when it’s appropriate to do something. It’s not appropriate to do it in mom and dads house when you’re young, imho.
However, I did. My mom knew I was sexually active, helped me get birth control, and talked about it a lot but didn’t allow it in the house. I think she did the right thing, and I’m going to probably follow her standard in that regard.

Even if a parent doesn’t allow it in the house, it’s so important to educate, talk, and educate some more.

I’m sure all parents don’t like being told what they should or should not allow their children to do. In other words, I don’t see how that is any of anyone else’s business.

@tinyfaery just a question, and I stated my own

Parents should be aware if they’re kids are sexually active and teach them safety and protection. But I don’t think that…

“Honey, where’s Debbie?”
“Oh, she’s with Johnny. Bumping uglies.”
“Again?! Those kids…”

…is all that acceptable. Parent’s don’t need to know when and where, in other words.

i don’t’ really think it’s a ‘should’ or ‘should not’ thing; neither seems especially right or wrong to me. it depends on what the parent is comfortable with. often, the kid’s gonna do what he or she is gonna do, but i don’t think it really matters where. as long as it’s not like in an alley. ahha.

@tiffyandthewall I was so going to go there with “the alley” but didn’t.

How is it not safe? Most teens know about protection. Most teens have parents that work and are not home. They are already having sex at home.

Okay, before becoming a parent I would have said something quite liberal such as “They are old enough to decide, and as long as they use protection it’s okay.”
But the thought of my little angel having sex shut up, he’s only two and will never be a teenager is disturbing, especially under my roof.

But, I am much more liberal about it than my husband. I was allowed to have sleepovers with boyfriends quite early on. My parents had to know I was sexually active. I also had an older boyfriend starting when I was 16, and I’d sleep over there quite often (I was not in high school anymore) I did take advantage, and I feel very bad about some decisions I made. I should have been more respectful.

I prefer that my children use discretion and respect for me and their father when it comes time.

@casheroo Nailed it on the respect aspect.

“why would rather their child do stuff safely in the house and not behind their back?”

Could you please elaborate? I’m not sure what this means…

My parents were absolutely against me having sex at all—and would definitely not have condoned it in their house, especially. I wanted to have sex, but didn’t because I didn’t have a place to and was not willing to do it in a car or something.. So, I would say, no—parents do not need to supply a place for their kids to do that. That’s what college dorm rooms are for… Let them have the luxury of the awkward conversation with the roommate instead :)

It’s too late for me to edit… but I think I’ll want my future kids to do the sexing safely and behind my back.

@Saturated_Brain I think they are using the same argument people use when it comes to allowing their children to smoke pot or drink…but sex is much much different. Other than protection, what does a parent need to um, supervise when it comes to sex? I dunno, the question is sort of weird.

I once housesat for a family, and the 12 yo daughter had a “vibrating pen holder” in the drawer by her bed. It was the only thing in the drawer. Essentially, it was a vibrator, so obviously girls will make them if they can’t have them. And, yes, I was snooping.

I think it’s ridiculous to stave off such impulses and behavior and that full education is the way to go.

My personal experience
was that I was allowed to spend the night with my 15/16 yo girlfriend when I was 17/18. It was an accident the first
time it happened (we fell asleep), but became the norm over summer break. Obviously, we could have had plenty of sex sex, but didn’t because I was a good Catholic boy. I have regretted that profoundly for much of my adult life. I
feel it was an important connection and experience that I missed. It doesn’t exactly help to know that she passed
away three years ago.

The two unrelated thoughts I will add are: 1) that Ghandi who was married as an adolescent wanted his father, who was on his deathbed when Ghandi was 13, to hurry up and die so he could have sex with his wife (something he later came to regret), and 2) I think it’s ridiculous that teen sex is thwarted for what I see as purely economic reasons. It’s a shame that our society doesn’t honor biological imperative.

I suppose I would allow it, but that doesn’t mean that I’d be comfortable with knowing that it’s going on. Also, I don’t want my kid to do it if he/she is just sleeping around with people randomly. I’m one of those who believes in sex in a committed and loving relationship. Besides the value I attach to it, it’s also safer.

@casheroo Hmm.. I don’t think you managed to get it. Unless… You think she’s trying to say “What would they rather their children….”

Eeew no.. If I was a teen I would NOT want to have sex at my parents house while they’re in the living room watching TV. I probably wouldn’t even get turned on knowing they’re in the next room and they know I’m about to have sex. Are you kidding me?!

If I was the parent, I think it would just be one those “don’t ask, don’t tell” type of situation. I’d be okay with them having safe sex, just not while I’m around.

@Saturated_Brain I’m saying, I’ve heard this argument before when it comes to raising children and allowing them to do certain things…such as drug use, or whatever. Some parents believe it’s best to let them do it in the safety of their own home rather than out somewhere else where they could get in trouble or worse. That’s the way I took it.

@casheroo Hmm I get it now. Danke danke.

@casheroo I think drug use is different though. If you’re smoking pot or drinking at your parents’ house, they have some control over if you will then get in a car and drive or do something else stupid. They’re not going to be there making sure he puts a condom (or whatever) if they’re having sex at home. At least, I hope not…

@Likeradar haha, I know and that’s why the question is confusing me. Maybe because she meant it as something else…but why else would you want your children to have sex in your home instead of “behind your back”

No. Did I ever have sex in my parents’ house? You betcha. When they were home? Sometimes Did I put a sock on the door as a prearranged signal? No.

My mom put me on birth control and made sure I knew how to be responsible, but I was on my own from there. I had too much self-respect to have sex just anywhere that was available. I knew I was worth more than some trashy quickie in a slum.

I imagine I will handle it in much the same way.

I don’t think it’s right. But then again, one of them is bound to be your child. Personally, I would have some major issues. Next if it was my child at the house of the person who said it was ok, I would hurt them.

@Likeradar You can also get arrested for letting your teen smoke pot and drink alcohol with friends while you are sitting at the kitchen table. this just happened to my neighbor last weekend. Great parenting eh!

@jonsblond, wow. That’s a /facepalm for sure.

@jonsblond Yup, you certainly can… but that would lead to a whole new discussion about why some things are illegal, and about instilling the value of following the law vs doing what someone might think is right regardless of the law…

@kevbo My neighbor told me all about it. I can’t believe I missed the ruckus. We were having our own party in our backyard, sans teens.

no, you shouldn’t condone that behavior. it’s disrespectful.

@jonsblond

My friend had a birthday party and her parents were smoking pot with her and her friends. It’s bizarre.

@mistered

I disagree with this whole notion of things that are “universally disrespectful”. You say “it’s disrespectful”, but what if the parents simply don’t find it disrespectful? I think if the parents are okay with it and they have adequately educated their child on the subject, then they can allow them to have sex in their house. I don’t see anything wrong with doing that in that case.

I don’t think anyone has to allow it, though. It’s an individual choice.

My house is big enough that you could have sex in it and no one would ever know about it…

@DominicX Hmmm…... Convenient place for you to live in eh?

@mistered okay, well my choice is to not let my children have sex under my roof. why would me finding it disrespectful mean I am not educating my child on the subject?

@DominicX Does your friend have two dads? ;)

@Saturated_Brain :P

@mistered I meant that if a parent is okay with their children having sex in their house then they should educate their child fully on the subject, but so should everyone else, even those who aren’t okay with their kids having sex in their house.

@jonsblond Cheech and Chong are hilarious…and no, she just has hippy parents and this is San Francisco… :P

well.. are you gonna supervise them to make sure they’re using a condom/birth control? (ew.) because it doesn’t seem like it matters if you’re letting them do it in your house unless it’s 100% assured that they’re doing it safely. This is what sets this apart from letting your kids drink in your house and you taking away the car keys.

I would definitely never let my children have sex in my house, let alone if they are younger than 18! I would show them about protection and tell them about sex and whatnot,but letting them have sex just seems like saying- you can have sex whenever you feel like it no matter where…

HELL NO, isn’t it one of the reasons that we meet people who have their own places? There are those of us who can wait. And I was one of them. I really think that it is beyond disrespectful.
But my question is if your letting your child have sex in your house, are you also letting them use your car? Cause I think you might change your mind when you have baby batter all over the inside of your car.

Absolutely not. Yes if your child wants to have sex they will do it regardless, but that doesn’t mean that the parent should allow that behavior! Any parent that does should be put in jail!!!

@BBSDTfamily Should be put in jail? Why? Because people that are around 16 don’t have completely normal desires? It’s not illegal for teens to have sex, you know…

If I was a parent, I would probably allow it, but only once they reached a certain age, and only if I thought my kid was mature enough to make responsible choices. For instance, I would only allow it once I personally saw to it that my daughter was on birth control. If I had a son, I wouldn’t allow it unless A) her parents knew about it and B) I personally knew that she was on birth control. I would need proof through prescription or something like it. I would also make sure condoms were available.

All of this “respect” talk is kind of far-fetched and ridiculous in my mind. That’s like a parent saying it’s disrespectful to have sex in the same house their child lives in. People might argue about being married, but so what? I’m sure most people don’t only acquire the desire to have sex only once they’re married. And I’m sure most people don’t wait to have sex until they’re married. There’s also the point to make that not all households have a mom and dad. Sometimes there’s a single parent who dates. And what? Out of respect for your kid, you aren’t going to have sex in the house unless they’re gone? That’s crap.

People in their late teens have the same desires as people who are older than that. Sorry, but it’s a fact of life.

Any parent that does should be put in jail.

Yeah, moral police ftw. Everyone loves good moral policing. Why don’t we just institute Sharia law while we’re at it…

I don’t know what I would do to be honest. From the age of 15 my brother was in a fairly long term relationship (he is 19 years old now and they broke up two months ago) with a girl of the same age as him. Once they both turnd 16 years old my mum allowed my brothers girlfriend to stay at our house (in my brothers bedroom) and so she must have been aware that they were having sex. My brother was allowed to stay at his girlfriends house but they were ever allowed to share a room and Luke (my brother) had to sleep on the couch. This didn’t stop them having sex though.

Like others have said, I don’t think there is any right or wrong with this and both parents (my mum and Luke’s girlfriends dad) both felt they were doing the best for their kids.

Luckily, when the girlfriend stayed over they never shut themselves away for hours and the door of Luke’s bedroom was usually open. Obviously night times were probably very different but they never made anything they were doing obvious. I seem to remember that they spent most of the time eating pizza and watching crap movies!!!

I had moved out of my mums house by the time I had a steady boyfriend but I wonder if it would have been different rules for me being a girl?!

I don’t think my mum made a bad decision by letting the girlfriend stay with my brother at all.

if they get caught having sex in my house, they better know how to dial 911 with their noses,because i will break their arms

What are you all so afraid of? Breaking arms? Calling Police? Your kids are already having sex, and it’s none of your business.

I really don’t want to know the details of my kids’ personal lives, but if they want a friend to sleep over, their friend is welcome. If they have sex while their together, I can’t imagine how it impinges upon me in any way, as long as I’m not forced to hear it, or hear it discussed. I don’t discuss my sex life with them, but I can’t imagine they believe that my girlfriend and I don’t have a sexual relationship.

Sex is normative and private. Let’s keep it that way.

I plead the 5th. This is a great question and FWIW, something BOTH parents should agree on. That hasn’t happened in my house. And, there is probably a double standard, having a boy and a girl. Can’t wait til that comes up. No pun intended.

I think parents are generally really uncomfortable with the idea that their children have sex. It’s probably just as bad as the feelings that children have when they realize their parents have sex. So most of us develop a sort of denial or deliberate blindness to this issue. Kids run around having fun finding places to secretly have sex (ah, the discussions about which cars are best), and adults try really hard not to catch them at it (unless they have religious issues).

Should a parent allow it? Depends on the comfort level of the parent. Obviously parents have a responsibility to teach kids about sex and how to avoid unwanted pregnancies. But I don’t think parents have an obligation to allow their kids to sleep with boyfriends/girlfriends in the same room. We all play the game. They sleep in separate rooms, and we don’t go roaming the halls after we go to bed. As long as they are in their separate rooms in the morning, comfort is preserved. There is plausible deniability.

Me? Let’s put it this way. If my daughter wanted to have a boyfriend spend the night, I’d probably have a discussion about it beforehand, in private. I wouldn’t forbid it. I would be extremely uncomfortable about it if she were under the age of 17.

I would certainly want to get to know the boy in question fairly well before I allowed him to be an overnight guest. I would express my concerns with her about whether she’s ready to take this step. However, based on what she says and how she behaves now (age 13), it probably won’t be an issue. Either she won’t do it at all, or she’ll do it secretly. If she’s like her parents, she’ll be a fairly late bloomer.

I feel that my children, as teenagers, should have a safe space to have sex with others and if therefore they need someplace to have sex and we, the parents and their siblings are away (privacy is important, I think) then it’s perfectly all right with me and yes I would provide education from very early on and condoms and dental dams and lube would be available in my house in a specified location…I wouldn’t find it disrespectful…

Sixteen-year-old boys or girls can decide what’s going on their bedroom. If parents want to get involved they should worry about unwanted pregnancies, not sex as such.

@facade So you need someone else to give you your reason for your opinions, instead if no one else does your statements just stay blanked with no reason…..

This for me is along the same vein as asking if kids should be allowed to do drugs or alcohol in the house and my answer is the same:

The kids are going to do what they’re going to do but I feel the home, the place where the greatest amount of love and respect is ( should be) should be off limits.

@hungryhungryhortence do you really think sex is like doing illegal or legal substances?

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Yes because it is something they are going to do if they want to

@justus2 well sure but that can be said about anything teenagers do, no?

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Yes it can. To my fiance and I though sex is a natural thing that humans do and will tell our kids once they feel they are ready and we will educate them on it

@Simone_De_Beauvoir: I think sex is better than drugs, legal or otherwise.

I think marijuana and sex are both perfectly fine

@justus2 and @hungryhungryhortence definitely agree

I used to have sex when my parents weren’t home, but I would use my brother’s bed so that if my mother found anything incriminating on the sheets she would think it was just him masturbating and say nothing. No parent can stop their kids from having sex, kids always find a way and a place.

My 20-year-old son is having sex with his 17-year-old girlfriend in his room. I need to meet her parents and discuss it with them. However, neither of them will even tell me her last name, much less allow me to talk with her parents! How do I find out this information? I am worried sick and do not approve of their behavior. I have a 7-year-old daughter in the house, as well, and they are not discreet. My family says I should kick him out. It’s very tempting, but my husband died years ago and I want Luke to finish college. Please help!

@Debbief16477 stalk her!

@Debbief16477 I’m sorry to hear about the death of your husband. But what does it have to do with kicking your adult son, who clearly doesn’t respect the rules you set (or you, in general from the sounds of it), out of your house? He is an adult. Finishing college should be something he does for himself,. not for you.
The next time you ask this girl her full name and she doesn’t answer, stand up for yourself and you home and tell her under no uncertain terms that you will not tolerate her lack of respect and that she is not welcome in your home. It’s time for you to be a parent and draw a line in the sand about what is and is not acceptable under your roof.

Better in the house then on a park bench, like I did.

An attorney told me that if parents allow teens to be sexually active in the home; that IF the girl becomes pregnant ; the parents in whose house it happened are at least partially FINANCIALLY responsible…..

Also; IF a teen girl get pregnant are YOU as her parents going to foot all the bills… ? OR; are you as the father of the “Father to be” going to be willing to help pay medical bills etc for your new addition to the family ? Just WHO will pay for all the pre/post natal care , hospital bills, baby items , follow up medical care etc… baby furniture… ?

What happens IF their sex gets out of control and then SHE claims he raped her ? As it is YOUR home; YOU are financially responsible and legally responsible…. YOU can also be charged with conspiracy to comit rape…. what an atorney told me….

Maybe parents should think TWICE before allow their kids to get their jollies in their homes before they have theri ownplace to go…

@HighShaman Sounds like this “attorney” lied to you. No one is financially responsible for a baby other than the biological parents.

@casheroo Not to me exactly ; he was on a local Florida news program about a year and said that IF you are on a lease / mortgage etc of a home and allow Juveniles to engage in sexual activity ; that YOU are also Financially responsible for the child and can even be charged Criminally… wheather you are the parents or NOT….

Personally; I don’t think it is worth the RISK ...

That’s absurd.

Kids are gonna going to (sheesh!) find a way to do what they want to do anyway. That doesn’t mean I should allow them to do something they shouldn’t be doing in my house.

Why not light a joint for em them while you’re at it.

(Got any porn?)

^^much lurve^^

Surely you jest! One of my daughters was visiting from Japan and brought her fiance to meet us. The slept in separate rooms. There have to be standards. I hate that heterosexual couple just have kids without the commitment of marriage. Surely the children are raised in an uncertain environment.

Actively allowing teens to have sex in your house is criminal abuse.

Oh nonsense, it’s quite normal and acceptable. If you have control problems, or sexual fears, I can’t stop you from visiting your illness on your children, but I’m sure glad you have no authority over mine.

@pdworkin I agree with you on many subjects, there is no way that we will see eye to eye on this one. I had two daughter and many boys hanging around. My girls were too passionate and the boys too aggressive. No way, not then, not now, never.

I guess this sounds o.k. for people that have boys but as a father of two daughters, I find the suggestion of this disgusting. Think what you want and raise you children anyway you want but your kids better stay away from mine.

I wouldn’t mind them dating but there will be NO SLEEPOVERS for my kids or grandchildren. It is just to perverse to think about.

They most definitively should. For one they’ll do it anyway, so why putting them in unnecessarily annoying situations while you simply could let them do it at home?

That aside, it’s flat out dickery to tell your children about how to have sex with practically no risk and then not letting them. Of course i don’t mean going to them and telling them “you can have sex at home if you want”, mainly because in my experience knowing your parents know you’re having sex sucks all the fun out of it, but leaving the house free for them and stuff like that is always welcome.

When me and my girlfriend first had sex, her father took her brother out to dinner so we had the house to ourselves, my GF also asked him if he could buy us condoms and he jokingly (i hope) asked her “what flavour?” Then again he’s a ladies’ man, so…

@Thammuz I find that story very creepy. I think your girlfriends father need counseling.

@Ron_C He doesn’t, he’s clinically depressed, he already knows and that has nothing to do with it.

For the record i’d do the same, there’s nothing wrong with allowing your 17 year old daughter to have sex with his boyfriend. And before you get all huffy, the age of consent in italy is 14 as long as there is consent, so don’t bother saying stuff like “that’s illegal”

But then again seeing your previous replies and how you define a NATURAL behaviour as a “criminal abuse”, i’m not surprised that you’d define thinking differently form you (Read: respecting other people’s will and freedom) as a mental illness.

There’s a reason if with puberty come sexual urges, and there’s absolutely no reason to prevent them, expecially seeing how anyone with half a working neuron is able not to have consequences from it.

And about your little excursus on marriage: Marriage isn’t worth shit anymore and, seeing how many divorces happen nowdays, i’d say that being born in itself grants you an unstable scenario to grow up in.

You’re the product of an era gone by, you’re still entitled to your opinions but don’t expect them to be taken seriously, society has evolved, you apparently haven’t.

@SABOTEUR Yeah, why not?

I can assure you, not putting any mistery and aura of rebellion around drugs, alcohol and sex has been the best thing my parents could ever do to me. I don’t smoke, i never got drunk (except once, and the drink had been mixed with too much vodka, i wouldn’t have drunk it if i knew) and i never once did drugs. And it’s not like i didn’t have the occasion to.

99% of the things you said “kids are going to do anyway” are that inviting expecially because you forbid them.

Except for sex, which is inviting because it’s natural, reinforces self exteem, makes you fit, strenghtens your heart, enriches relationships… i could go on but i won’t.

Why shouldn’t they be doing it, by the way? It’s what they want, isn’t it? Who the fuck are you to tell them that they’re not really in love, that their partner is not worth giving themselves completely to?

It’s their bodies and their lives, and wether you like it or not they’re gonna do it, so drop the bullshit. There’s nothing worse for a son/daughter and its self esteem than to constantly be reminded how little their parents consider them to be able to make their own choices.

The only resonable thing a parent might have issues with is unprotected sex, and even then it’s just because pregnancy is a hassle for those who bring home the bacon.

@Thammuz: Your opinion has been duly noted. Thank you.

I suggest it has been “dully” noted.

@dpworkin I LOL’d hard

@SABOTEUR I wasn’t talking about the teenagers age of consent, I remember what it was like when I was a teen. I am referring to responsible parenting. If, I am saying if I was to give my teen permission to have sex in my house, I would at least insist that his/her partner had permission from their parents and that they had a full medical work up. Although I grew up in the midst of the “free love” period I still have standards. When we were having unmarried sex there wasn’t a possible death warrant attached. I would also object to my kid motorcycle racing. Your duty as a parent is to keep you kids away from as much risky behavior as possible.

The teen years are very emotional, especially for girls and boys are on a testosterone high. Actions have physical and emotional consequences. A parent’s job is to at least try to temper the consequence, not encourage them.

I believe your actions are an example of why standards are dropping and why the divorce rate is so high. I married the girl that was my teenage sex partner, and we’ve been married for almost 45 years. Maybe you should think of more than helping the kids gratify their impulses.

Uh…did someone flip the Make SABOTEUR the Focal Point switch?

I’m no authority of what other people should or should not be doing. As far as my daughters are concerned…

…there’ll be no screwin’ in my house.

They can “gratify their impulses” somewhere else.

@SABOTEUR your are right, somewhere I got confused about who was supporting the promiscuous sex for his teenagers, I should have addressed the above comment to @Thammuz because he doesn’t seen any danger cause by effectively encouraging his kids to have sex. I find this quote particularly troubling “The only reasonable thing a parent might have issues with is unprotected sex, and even then it’s just because pregnancy is a hassle for those who bring home the bacon.” Apparently he never heard of aids or drug resistant STDs.

@Ron_C lol…not a problem. Not that anyone cares, but there is a deeper reason why I hold this particular perspective, though I never talk about it and I hadn’t planned to share it until now.

Somewhere during the time I was actively studying spirituality, it was mentioned that we form lifetime spiritual bonds with everyone we become “intimate” with. I believe I have enough karma to work off without creating additional karma through irresponsible sexual practices.

Needless to say, I definitely wouldn’t encourage my children to do anything I refrain from doing myself.

Hopefully I wouldn’t raise a teenager that “needs” to have sex anywhere before they’re 18.

I’ve got no problem sending my future children somewhere if they decide they’re responsible enough to have sex (and possibly have a child of their own) before they can vote.

I’m so surprised how many people think its okay for their CHILDREN to have SEX. I’ll never have children without being able to afford some kind of private schooling. This is insane.

Um, remind me, @meagan, what are the terrible consequences of someone’s CHILD having SEX? I’m someone’s CHILD, and I have SEX as often as possible.

@Ron_C Of course i heard of them. I also said “there’s absolutely no reason to prevent them, expecially seeing how anyone with half a working neuron is able not to have consequences from it.”

It takes half a neuron to put on a condom and use it. It takes a whole neuron to be smart enough to decide to use it, provided sex ed is done properly.

Oh, and condoms work. Sorry “Abstinence only” supporters. They really do.

@dpworkin Are you serious?
Do you want to have a teenager that knocks someone up, or do you want a teen mother living with you?

@meagan Are you serious? Do you really think they are going to refrain from having sex if they can’t do it at home?

@dpworkin I didn’t have sex until I was eighteen. Just because they’re teenagers doesn’t mean they don’t have control over their bodies. Some magical force isn’t just going to throw them in a room with someone else and make them have sex.
Its a freaking choice. So excuse me for being wise enough to not make “adult decisions” until I could at least vote.

Besides, I’d never want to burden my family with an accidental child. Especially as a “teen mother”.

I’m glad you don’t get to choose for others.

@dpworkin Because abstaining from sex is such a terrible thing?

Because hypercontrolling people interfere with other people’s lives.

@dpworkin Its hyper-controlling when you’re still this person’s legal guardian? Haha, okay.
Walking away

I have four children, and I cannot imagine how their sex lives are any of my business. Mine is certainly none of theirs. If you are so insecure that you can’t trust your child to behave responsibly, perhaps it’s because you know how badly he or she was raised.

@dpworkin That’s not fair. I think we should all step back and take a deep breath.

All of us have different opinions about this issue, but we don’t have to make the other person “wrong”.

(I apologize if I’m out of line…)

EDIT: Sorry for the wall of text, it started out being a brief comment, then i just couldn’t stop

@dpworkin @meagan: you’re both right, to an extent.

meagan is right because it is, in fact, a choice. It was YOUR choice not to have sex until you were 18. And it’s because of how you were raised that you decided so. Or not, i don’t know, and it doesn’t matter. What matters is that it was YOUR choice.

And from that point on dpworkin is right. It’s up to the person to make that choice therefore the parents, like dpworkin, should stay the fuck out of it. You said it yourself: it was YOUR choice not to have sex, if you wanted to have sex you would have had sex. And this goes for everyfuckingbody, wether the parents approve or not. The difference when a parent doesn’t approve is that if the child does run into some trouble he/she won’t have anyone to ask for help to, because he/she will be afraid of the consequences.

So ridlle me this @meagan: Would you prefer a child that, should something happen (e.g. knocks someone up, gets and std, breaks his dick, rips a condom open while having sex) will come and tell you, so you can help him/her, without fearing you, or a child that does nothing and ends up fucking his life up for good?

Because, in reality, these are the two choices you’re most likely to end up with.
And even if this wasn’t the case, even if you actually ended up having a child that like you has urges that he/she wants to control (everybody can control their urges, unless they’re mentaly ill or something like that, it’s all a matter of wanting to, in the end) unless you put your child in a position where he/she is safe to tell you the truth without fearing any consequence from your part, you’ll never know.

Also another point i’d like to make is this: people grow on expectations.

If you treat your child like an idiot, and assume he/she can’t decide for him/herself (i’m tired to withe “he/she” everytime so i’ll go on with “he”, read it as if it was a “he/she” since it’s true for both) he will eventually be like that.

I have been grown constantly reminded by my parents that i was expected to organize most stuff on my own: homework, studying, then later picking what to do in (our equivalent of) high school and college. I always ended up satisfied with my choices, and when in doubt i knew i could ask my parents without them forcing my decision afterwards.

To reinforce that point, I’ve been a better-than-average (not the top of the class in everything but in two or three subjects i was) student since elementary school, i never had to repeat a year (and here in italy repeating a year is quite common, i don’t know about the US) and never had an insufficient grade in my report at the end of the year. I also don’t smoke, drink very little and have never done drugs, this without my parents having to tell me anything more than an answer to “what does smoking pot do, exactly?” What smoking cigarettes did, i knew since i was little, since my father is little short of a chain smoker.

On the contrary, my best friend, who has been smothered half to death by overachieving and overprotective parents ended up with low grades, chronic migraine, a smoking habit and being held back a year in a school he hates, even though, in reality, we’re just as smart as eachother.

But i digress. The most important point is that i have been having sex with my girlfriend for more than 2 years now: she’s not pregnant and i haven’t broke my dick in half yet.

The only incident we had was when once the condom broke, and thanks to the aforementioned “creepy” father who rushed us to get the morning after pill we’re safe. If her father was like you she’d have had much more issues with telling him what happend and we might have not gotten the morning after pill, seeing how the hospital wasn’t exactly within walking distance. Had that happend she might actually have got pregnant. Also we wouldn’t have been at home, making this even more of a mess.

Granted she might have got pregnant anyway, but the odds are very reduced, and this happend once in 2 years, at the very beginning when we were both completely inexperienced.

So in conclusion: make known to your child that you expect him not to fuck up, and he probably won’t. In case he does, let him also know he can talk to you about it, otherwise not only he will have fucked up but he probably will also not tell you untill it’s too late to do seomthing about it.

It’s really just common sense: when it comes down to it you can’t really prohibit anything, you can push someone to make an effort to hide things from you, and punish him if you find out, but if he wants to do something prohibited, he will.

as a daughter of a single parent i had sex when i was an early teenager with a guy that was much older than me but nonetheless we had sex behind our parents back and because of that i would skip school just to have sex in his house when his parents weren’t home. but i always used protection no matter what. we lasted 5 years together. so in the end boys would be boys and girls would be girls but its important to educate,motivate, and encourage teenagers to have safe sex. and that there’s a place and time for everything so my answer is yes but with proof that both girlfriend and boyfriend are using protection. but what raises a question, do u think ur daughter or son would feel comfortable knowing that the parents are right next door or around the hall???so this question about having sex not only pertains to parents but also to teenagers,i mean how do they feel and think !

As a parent I would be concerned about allowing my son to have sex with a 17 year old under my roof. If the girl’s parents did not know, did not approve or she (or he) were not using birth control I would be contributing to the situation. If both are over the age of 18 I think that would be less problematic.