Have you ever really gotten over a relationship when the other person cheated?

I’ve definitely gotten over the relationship, but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive the cheating. It’s just such a dishonest betrayal, and it’s not something I would ever do. I mean, if you’re not happy in your relationship, then have the balls to break it off before you sleep with someone else.

After 30 years, Small ‘tender spots’ still remain

I was cheated on back in high school (so, what, 6ish years ago now?), and I’ve completely forgiven the guy. He was young and stupid and we never should have stayed together when he went away to college. I likely would have done similar to him if the situation had been reversed. So at this point I couldn’t care less, and I wouldn’t hold it against him were we to meet again at a reunion or something. Of course I’m kind of a lesbian now, and that seems to be revenge twelvefold on any straight guy’s ego… to think you never actually wanted them in the first place. :D So I’d actually probably end up feeling bad for him if we ever caught up with one another!

Like anything, you learn and you move on.
It’s entirely up to the individual if they want to hold on to past transgressions but it’s not recommended if being happy is the goal.

My first wife cheated on me and I got over it the day we were divorced. I haven’t seen or heard from her in 13 years and that’s a very good thing. What we had is so far gone that there aren’t any feelings there any more.

I never felt hostility towards her but instead, felt a little sorry for her because she could be such a callous person and that each person she was with after me was probably going to have to endure what I did. (My ex-wife had sociopathathic tendencies and unfortunately, I didn’t see and experience them until after we were married).

I would never, in a million years, engage in a relationship (or any other type of activity) with my ex-wife ever again. It’s a HUGE blessing that we never had children together. When I think back on what happened between us, specifically her cheating, I don’t feel much of anything. I was hurt back then but my life dramatically improved when we were divorced. Life is way too short for me to still be bothered about detrimental things that occurred over a decade ago.

I get over it, until that person calls me or I see them.
Then my brain gets scrambled for a while.

I cheated on my high school sweetheart. I kissed a gay guy. That’s all I did. He became distant and hateful for a very very long time. We continued dating off and on for another year, but he apparently couldn’t get past the fact that I had kissed a gay guy. (I was just about 15 when this happened, my gay friend was 17) The boyfriend became physically aggressive, and I couldn’t understand why he hated me so much…I tried numerous times after we broke up to just get him to even speak to me…not get back together, but just let it go. It took about 8 years for him to speak to me, and he added me on Facebook. So, I guess he has finally let it go, because seriously? this guy let it consume him it seemed.

I’m sure I’ve been cheated on, but no one has ever told me and I never had any proof. I’ve been lied to though, which I felt was the worst thing that could happen. I hope to never find out what it feels like to be cheated on.

Well it happened 3 times (I know it sounds a lot now that I said it).

The first time the girl was simply a nympho with very little self-respect. I kept her faithful while we were physically together (we had sex several times a day, everyday so she never got a chance to cheat) but when she went back home on holidays for 3 whole months she could not restrain herself and cheated on me. I forgave her and took her back, but the next year she did the exact same thing, and it was over. It took me quite a while to get over her (this is more than 15 years ago btw, when we were still at college) and yes, it left me with a lot of bitterness and a sense of betrayal.

It happened in a similar way the second time. Only this time I was much older, and we had been together with that girl for 3 years and had a great relationship. This time it was me who had to travel for about a month, and while I was away she got drunk one night and had sex with a guy. She told me the next day, but I thought she was joking and didn’t believe her. So it did not affect our relationship at all, because when we met again I really thought it was a joke and ignored it, and she assumed I was cool with it and forgave her (which I probably would have done anyway). It was only several months after we had broken up (in a friendly and civilised way) that I realised she had been serious. It came as a shock, but it was too late for me to care.

The third girl was someone I was going to marry, and I was madly in love with her. It was not the cheating itself that destroyed the relationship, but a series of lies and other inappropriate behaviour. I was extremely hurt by that relationship (probably the worst break-up I ever had) and yes, I was not over her for more than a year.

None of the little thugs I dated ever cheated on me, nor has my current beau. But I can imagine getting over something like that depends on how serious the relationship was and how deeply the person was loved.

I wonder about this question a lot. I had a girlfriend once who could have been “the one,” but I found out about some cheating going on (which she never admitted to me, though expressed “sincere” regret about to someone else). That pretty much ruined her for me, though when I broke up with her, I didn’t say it was because of the cheating. She had a very hard time letting go, which drives me a little crazy: if you want to lock someone in as a lover, don’t cheat on them! In any case, I still talk to her occasionally and wonder about what could have been if she had only had more self-control. We could never get back together now (she’s married and expecting) and I would never let anything happen between us again.

In the community I live in, husbands are almost expected to cheat on their wives. Women who are too sexual are branded as “sluts” and many women tend to just not be interested in sex (ingrained from childhood, I guess). So the men cheat all the time and the women don’t seem to mind it so much, as long as the husbands are being secretive about it and continue to raise their kids and pay the bills. I’ve heard my mother say as much about my father and a close relative of mine recently forgave her husband when he got caught.

I understand the desire to keep a family together and how important it is for kids to have their father around, but cheating is a type of betrayal I don’t think I could ever forgive. Yes, I would be civil and even friendly, but a relationship with that person would never happen again.

@Facade – Yes, exactly. I totally got over the guy who cheated on me. I don’t think his best friend did, though. I only knew the guy for six months. He cheated on me with his best friend’s girl, and he and his BF had known each other all their lives. We broke up and it was done. He lost his friend and it was a nasty, nasty business that dragged out for months as the girlfriend went back and forth between them.

It happened to me once during a longterm relationship and I tried to do the “forgive” thing and take them back but it only lasted a few more months and I decided my changed feelings toward that person weren’t giving me what I knew I could have again with someone new who might not be a douche so I kicked them out, again. No regrets.