Do you believe in the quarter life crisis?

Do I believe it’s a “crisis”? No. I think it’s known as immaturity, inexperience and being under 30.

NO

Okay, I should qualify this…

That’s just ridiculous. It is as ridiculous as most personality disorders and conditions.

Everyone wants to pin point their problems and solve them, when in fact most of them are just part of the human condition.

Everyone feels this way at some point. At this exact moment, I guarantee there are people representing every age between 8 and 98 who feel the exact same way, for slightly different reasons. For the quarter-lifers, It’s just happens to coincide with (generally speaking) another major change and a period of adjustment.

Sure, you’re not alone, and the suffering and symptoms are no less real, but let’s not get carried away. For the same reason PMS and drunkenness stereotypes are not great: buying into a new, titled condition tied to a specific age deemed natural for this state of mind only encourages others to match their own (or at least play-up) key behaviors, blame choices and feelings on the inevitability of a “quarter life crisis” and then feel justified in rejecting all responsibility for their actions (or in this case, inaction.)

In no way do I expect that the majority of people that can identify with the description have resigned to remain in such a state of mind, or even have a choice with regards to their experience, I’m just pointing out the danger of making anything like this “official.”

I feel much of the same way, but it is just another part of life, our reaction to change.

I wouldn’t call it a crisis, but I’ve been having a quarter-life… something, for years now. And it all has to do with uncertainty.

What do I want out of my life? Do I want to be happy or make money? Can I have both? Will I find the perfect woman to bear my children? Can I afford children? Etc, etc, etc.

My feeling is that if you can answer some of the bigger, longer, life-goal type questions, you can start figuring out the little steps you need to accomplish to get there.

“Will i die alone and live on the street with alot of cats and carry a garbage bags full of bibles or qurans and speak to myself endlessly on the subway.”

Yea, so. Join the club. You will think that way again when you get to your half life crisis.

Is this a yes/no or a cry for help?

Will identifying it as such help you move through and past it?

I would say that I experienced something similar in my 20s, although the despair kicked in well before graduation.

Here are a few things that worked for me:

1. Living and working independently- When it’s sink or swim, your mindset changes, and it gives back a sense of control even if your circumstances are meager. Possibly let go of your need for a “real job” for a little while and just live. If you feel trapped by family dynamics, move out of the area. You’ll become a different person unencumbered by your familial role.

2. Draw up some kind of plan- mine were usually financial. Having a sense of steps leading in a direction is grounding and will make you feel better even if your progression is slow or you ultimately abandon the plan.

3. Become an observer- ponder why all of these things bother you so much. Not why they are wrong or stupid (as much as they might be), but what is it inside you that makes you feel that way? Is your belief reasonable? If so, what changes can you make to accomodate your belief?

4. Do a little more and think a little less- this isn’t advice I took myself. Break some eggs, so later in life you can make an omelette. Stupid jobs have a degree of pleasantness about them whether it is commiserating with a fellow lost soul or developing understanding of group dynamics and power. Collect those little nuggets and put them to use in a more productive manner down the road.

5. If you’re depressed, get help from a good cognitive behavioral counselor- Chances are your perception is distorting reality (e.g. the feeling that everyone else is doing better). A good CBT therapist will help you “catch” yourself in the act of making these distortions and give you some thought-based tools that will help you put those to bed. It works, and after 8 weeks or so, you won’t have to go back. (The key is finding someone good.)

Also, maybe apply your political knowledge to negotiating the outside world. Yes, it’s repetitive crap, but what are the meta-trends or narratives, and what are the niches that remain unaffected by the crap? There’s a lot of bullshit, but that bullshit makes the world go ‘round. Why?

Poverty is in the mind. Read or watch “Into the Wild.” Read and apply Your Money or Your Life (please!!!). Read How to Practice by the Dalai Lama. Learn about the Law of Attraction as described in The Secret or Think and Grow Rich. If you open your heart and mind to receiving good—if you develop a deliberate and welcoming orientation toward these things, they will come into your life.

It’s definitely a period where one becomes a bit more self aware… at least for a moment… and folks don’t always like what they see. But a crisis? Not so much. So far for me, that’s been things like getting married, starting a family, etc (all of which are wonderful, but give you a different perspective on what’s important, your own mortality, etc).

yes…. x you’ll be fine x

No, I believe you need a vacation. Travel to a poor country and see you are really better off and with more opportunity than you think. You seem smart, so use that brain of yours to create your future.

It’s certain that for many priviliged young adults in our culture, the 20s are a time of identity confusion and seeking. I agree that labeling it as a “quarter life crisis” isn’t particularly helpful, unless it is a useful term to you. I do think there are periods of greater angst and periods of integration in everyone’s life, and the 20s can certainly be a time of angst.

Good luck with your issues and come here for specific suggestions (like kevbo’s) if they will help.

…

Sure, it sounds like an existential crisis, but some of us have those throughout our entire lives. It also sounds like depression. Then, maybe existential crises are part and parcel of depression?

Now, let me confirm some things for you. Yes, everyone is doing better than you. Yes, you do want children and you are lonely. Yes, you’re not good enough. Although, even if you had a good job, you still wouldn’t be good enough. Your relationships are for shit. You have no clue who you are. You don’t know what the future brings. You have no idea what your goals, plans or accomplishments are. You should be reevaluating your close relationships. And I don’t blame you one bit for being disappointed with your job and wanting to go back to a place where your responsibilities are minimal and you can dick around.

Now. Can you tell me one thing that makes you special? Or, if you can’t, can you give me one reason why any of these things are important?

Now, it’s nice to have all these things, but if you think they will make one whit of difference to your existential problem (which is really too ordinary to be called a crisis), you are quite mistaken.

Your satisfaction with yourself is not dependent on anything outside of you. Your satisfaction with yourself is completely under your control. If you want to, you can be satisfied. You can choose to change your attitude about yourself. But I think you don’t want to. I think you enjoy your crisis. I think it gives you a feeling of importance; of being deep. I think it motivates you to do something… well, something great—maybe even saving the world.

In any case, whining won’t help. It certainly won’t garner you much sympathy. But you probably don’t even really want sympathy. What you probably really want is love.

But you don’t have it. Or you don’t think you have it.

Well, here’s another way to look at your problem. Perhaps you can think of all these things as—well, pretty objects sitting on a shelf. Maybe even valuable objects. You can look at them, and admire them, and compliment yourself on your taste. You can show them to others and let them compliment you, too.

But suppose someone broke into your house and stole all those pretty things. Would you be any different at all? Of course not. You just wouldn’t have so many things. You might be sad, but you’d realize that you are still you, and you have your memory, and you can always get other things.

So here’s what you do. You take all your angst; all your questions and wants and expectations of your self, and you put them up on a shelf. You admire them. And then you turn your back and get on with your life. Those things don’t really matter in the end. They aren’t you. Sure, you’re attached to them, but therein lies the problem.

Let loose your grip on your image of who you should be. It’s a pretty thing, but it doesn’t matter. In fact, some day you will probably look at it and realize what a joke you were playing on yourself. Honestly, it really has little to do with you. It’s beside the point.

It doesn’t matter if you think you know who you are. Five minutes from now you’ll be someone else. All you can do is just live. Live your life. Put one foot in front of the other and see what happens. Your plans will never come out the way you thought they would. Not that you shouldn’t plan. It’s just that you can’t be attached to the results of your plan. You can’t be attached to the idea you have about who you are. Well, you can be, but it doesn’t help anything.

Crisis, schmisis. Live your fucking life. Stop watching yourself so critically. It’s really no fun. Believe me. I’ve been there. Hell. I’m still there, except what I’ve learned now is to just place those thoughts aside as best I can. They only make me miserable. And I go on and do what I’m doing. Everything else follows on naturally.