What do you think of exes who share animals?

One of you has to say goodbye to the dog.

Hmm dogs are tough.

Me and my ex had a goldfish. My tank and fish supplies, she kept the fish in her house.
She kindof took responsibility for it by cleaning the tank etc. because she wanted it so much.

Not too long ago the fish dies on us. You could say that pets with short lifespans are suitable for young relationships ((I was 21).

I think one of you should just give up, or give it to someone else that you know would take good care of it. This pet will otherwise always create some kind of link you don’t want/need right now.
If it’s at a 3rd party (friend?) you could both visit it separately and unknowing of each other.

About the only thing you can do is talk it over with the ex. Was either of you closer to the dog? Does he know what all is involved in keeping the dog healthy? Has he moved on to a new relationship, too? You need to find out what his perspective is before you can make any decisions.

Eventually, one of you has to give up access to the dog if sharing is not going to work. The dog will miss the one he/she doesn’t see any longer, but dogs are optimists and will get over the loss.

People have had custody of animals built in to their divorce agreements. Why not? They are beloved members of the family.

I think you should say goodbye to the dog. It’s one of the crosses you bear in ending the relationship.

It’ll help you move on as well.

@andrew What about a kid? Ever loved a dog? That’s a pretty casual bit of advice.

Have you sat down with the dog and explained that you are mad with your ex, and not with the dog?
This kind of situation can mess up a dog for life. He/she will have troubles maintaining relationships and employment. You need to make sure the dog is in therapy or counsiling to work things through.

If it’s the dog or the current relationship, I’m saying goodbye to the dog.

@pdworkin I realize I came off a bit brusk. I had to do the same with a cat of mine.

@shortysith Was the dog yours before or did you get it together? Unless you’re willing to give up the dog, you’re going to have to deal with the fight. I think it’s only going to get in the way of both of you moving on if you don’t resolve it one way or the other.

we got it together (split right down the middle). One of those things I wish I had waited to do until I got married. But, c’est la vie.

My ex husband and I had a dog we got together when he was a puppy. When we divorced, I had weekend custody of the dog. This went on for about a year, but in the meantime, my ex started dating a woman who thought I was just wanting to see my ex, so I suggested picking the dog up at the in laws. My ex married this woman and she cried every time I got the dog. It had nothing to do with my ex, as I had not seen him for ages but I called it off as I didn’t want to be the one causing problems with them. It was very hard, but I moved on. My ex did call me 9 years later to tell me the dog was dying and asked me if I wanted to see him. I did, but only at my ex-inlaws. I was glad that I got the chance to tell him goodbye.

@shortysith I think you have a really hard choice, then. Best of luck.

It is an excuse to avoid severing the relationship.

I spoke with a friend today who told me he got his most recent dog from a vet, because the original owners were divorcing and neither one wanted the other to have the dog. It’s a great dog, a white standard poodle, named Sam, and he is a really sweet dog. I fell in love with him in the hour I spent petting him as my friend and I talked. I stayed a little longer than I planned, simply to spend time with that so-soft and well mannered animal.

You have a tough choice, if it were me, I guess I’d look at it as which place would be best for the dog. Wo can give it the best care and attention. Hard to do with things you are so emotionally attached to, but that is probably the best way.

When I read your question one thing that stood out was you stating the current setup is inconvenient. I’m not sure if you meant because of having ongoing contact with your ex, or because it sounds like right now you’re the primary owner other than actual physical custody.

Not knowing the dynamics of your “pack” or what her breed/age and overall health are would be helpful to better answer your question. My suggestion is for you to both discuss your short term and long term life goals, and figure out who can realistically meet your dogs emotional and physical needs for the long haul.

One thought is the other person can always step in and be the caretaker when the main owner goes away on vacation.

The good news is that ten months is a long time, and by now your dog is used to the idea of spending time with both of you separately. As @Darwin pointed out, dogs are optimists, and you should not feel guilty that the current setup is going to end. Use your dog’s optimism to fuel your discussion with your ex, and maybe set it up so you meet in a public place where things won’t get too heated.

No matter what decision you both reach, I’m sure everything will work out, and your dog is very lucky to have 2 humans who care so much about her.

It is a very weird and difficult situation, one in which I don’t recommend for anyone. I am finishing up getting certified as a vet tech, which I feel would be very beneficial to this little dog because I could provide adequate vet care and at a good cost for the remainder of her life. I don’t know if that’s me being blinded by my love of this dog, but I felt that this fact would aid in our discussion of who she should be with in the long term. We aren’t friends, and he refuses to discuss the point further until I decide to move farther away (we live about five min from one another), which is reality in another few months when I am done with school. I guess I feel it’s inconvenient because we aren’t friends, and I know it is hard for him to have contact with me. Like @mcbealer said, I am open to the concept of one of us taking care of her when the other is on vacation or needs some help etc, but I guess I just don’t know how to talk to him about one of us taking her because every time I have tried it is resulted in a very heated argument. I like the idea of meeting in public, so thanks @mcbealer

@shortysith – There are so many other dogs that need homes in this world that perhaps you should think of moving on. As long as you feel your ex will take care of the dog adequately, then it would be simplest to turn the dog over to him and take in a dog who doesn’t have a caring owner.

As a vet tech you will see a lot of dogs that need you more than this one, even though this one is in your heart. The fact that the dog is loved by your ex means you can move on to help another dog.

@Darwin I do agree with your statement, it is something I have thought about actually. I felt selfish for wanting to hold on to this dog when I see many dogs everyday without homes and people that love them. My dog is very lucky she has myself, my ex, and my parents and family who love her so very much. I guess I just get tripped up because it is much easier to say “this is what you should do” than actually having to let go of someone who you love and that brings a lot of sunshine in your life. Inevitably, it is something I will have to face soon. Thanks to all of you for your insight!

@filmfann Whaha! hilarious.