Fluther grudges: Do you hold them?

Not really. Hold grudges that is.

I’ll admit I have gotten in arguments with some jellies. But I don’t hold a grudge, it’s just the internet. But it really depends on what we were arguing about.

No I don’t but I adjust my expectations of warm and fuzzy receptions.

Sure. I keep a big cardboard box specifically for them.

Seriously?

No, not at all, by the next day I have usually forgotten all about it. After a while I might tend to regard one or two specific people as having some form of limitation and not respond to those persons.

Not really

I can’t say I’ve had a grudge or an arguement…..yet, on here. But, I do feel some users just like to crack lame jokes that go on and on, rather than adding anything of any signifigance to a discussion. I have a specific annoyance for seemingly constant insincerity from some people. I prefer honest, intelligent, sincere communication. Some humour is OK, but not everything is a set-up for someone’s comedy act.

Not that I know of. I’m lurvacious, not grudgacious. (:

I don’t (at least I am 98.99% sure I don’t), but I know for a fact there is at least one person who does. I am the grudgee. Is that an okay term? I don’t know. Anyway, I am the grudge recipient.

No, but there are certain people who are repeatedly nasty to me and I just want to have nothing to do with them. So no, I don’t seek them out and continue the argument or anything, but I also don’t seek them out to apologize to them. I just try to ignore them and it works.

Sure I do, at least until the person I am begrudged against somehow redeems themselves. Usually I am likely to just let it go as a difference of opinion and leave it at that. Depends on whether or not they come across as malicious assholes. There are probably two people on here I despise enough to take them out of my fluther. The rest, well, at most I take the high road and ignore them.

Ignoring them is by far the best reaction. I am against an ignore feature as well.

Not really. There are a few Flutherites I appreciate more than others though.
However there is one or two that I’ve seen post nothing but rude comments to people’s questions- so in my mind I think less of them but I don’t really do anything about it, nor do I want to as everyone’s entitled to their own opinion.

It’s really not worth time holding a grudge. That doesn’t stop me from worrying about something or feeling hurt for a while. Eventually it recedes into the past. And really, there was only one incident, and it all came out in the wash in the end.

I notice when people are incapable of discussing certain topics reasonably and when people have an axe to grind. I also notice when people are complete idiots on a certain topic. I try not to get involved in conversations with these people.

I don’t think it’s really holding a grudge, any more than carrying an umbrella when it rains is holding a grudge against the weather.

Some people i simply prefer not to interact with.

I keep a list of people I will not help. I’m not joking. Anyone that expresses homophobia is on the list.

A few times have popped up where someone on the list has asked a computer question I knew the answer too and I just sat back and laughed.

I was surprised by an insult from someone I had respected. It hurt my feelings a lot. I have to admit that I am not as generous with lurve for that person. I approach them with more skepticisim. I don’t trust their motives as easily. If that’s holding a grudge I guess I do, but I don’t engage in or seek out arguments or anything. We are pretty much in agreement on most discussions.

What’d be the point?

The internet is not serious business. To quote my friend quoting the Joker, “Why So Serious?”

Other than the grudges I hold against Judi and Facade Ive nothing but love for everybody here.

Grats on 20k, AstroChuck, when’d you get that? Last time I recall seeing you you were at 19500~. :o

@AstroChuck :(

No. I do remember which people are offensive because of their beliefs, I never forget.
I also know which people refuse to look at things from other points of view, but I still interact with them.
Oh and I know of people that dislike me, but it’s for baseless reasons. I find it more amusing than anything.

I don’t hold grudges for very long…however, previous answers to threads my impact someones credibility on future questions.

Usually ignorant people I out right ignore, or will call out on a thread when I have the chance. Or if someone just rubs me the wrong way on a thread, I will ignore them.

@AstroChuck , What the heck? I thought you were my friend!! Sulks away, feelings hurt….again.. ~

I don’t recall ever getting into an argument with any other jellies…

A couple religious zealots have irked me at times; but I know better than to feed the trolls, so I’ll skip those questions, or Stop Following if I had been watching it.

Nope, not now. One got me pretty PO’ed, but it turned out to be a troll and he’s(?) gone. I learned my lesson about feeding trolls.

Like @eponymoushipster said, there are just people I don’t want to interact with. I get bad vibes from them at nearly every turn… so I choose not to respond to them.

@poofandmook Like that one guy? ;)

@Tink1113: LOL no, he wasn’t even worth my time. Good for a laugh though!

@poofandmook Ah, good times, good times :)

Holding a grudge, like frowning or hating, requires negative energy, and there is no room for that in my life. I once got into a significant argument with a fellow jelly, but it was handled honestly and respectfully, and tho neither of us backed down from our position, we became and remain good fluther friends. See ya….Gary/wtf

@Judi @Facade- No, no. You don’t understand. When I say “grudge” to a couple of hotties like you two, I mean it as a euphemism for something else. I’d explain what it is but there might me minors on this thread. 

I never hold a grudge on fluther. Hell half the time I forget who I fought with LOL. Fluther is for disagreement and debate.

If I feel during a conversation/argument that things are going down hill, or that I might have said something offensive I usually say something right away either on the thread or in a private message.

@Judi Do you have any desire to make it better, to say something to the person who offended you and clear the air?

I will remember certain people as not interesting or worth bothering with, yes…but I won’t hold grudges…I will try hard to start anew each time but it seems that they keep repeating themselves to be an idiot, most of the time, anyway..

Yeah who should I kick out of my fluther.
I can’t tell the difference between love and hate.
I wrote a Haiku using only the word never.
I’m not a person, I’m an AI
I used to wander around hoping someone would rescue me,
Looking for a lost friend.
Rescue me from what?
Don’t thank me, I don’t know what I did.
No

@AstroChuck blushing

I am still too new to have any grudges or at least I think that is true. I was amazed to read all these posts about mishaps with other jellies…I am still learning the biology here. If a fluther is a group of jellyfish, are there different jellies in one fluther or do jellies group together by some organizing system? I recently saw a documentary on some kind of jellyfish that is incredibly small and deadly but there was no mention of grudges.

@JLeslie ; Actually, I tried on the actual thread. Although most other jellies came to my defense (which was nice) I never got an apology. It wsa sort of like seeing another side to a person that I didn’t realize existed. I’m not really holding on to a grudge, just in a “Once bitten twice shy” mode.

Eh, forgive and forget. And then eat some ice-cream. That always makes the bitterness go away.

@judi Sucks that he/she did not apologyze also. My in-laws don’t/won’t apologyze, it is awful. And, makes me insane. They just leave things like a big elephant in the room, never clear the air and make up. Sorry to get my own venting in there :).

I don’t think I’ve ever had a fight with another jelly as a jelly, though some have been angry with me as a moderator. The only people I don’t interact with (as a jelly) are out and out trolls. I don’t have to like someone to help them.

@augustlan hates me, just ask her.

Do not. Now, behave!

whats a troll

Troll.

!!! ok duh thanks…...

There are many different kinds of love, I’m the kind of guy that goes into a Baskin Robbins and says, hit me.

I don’t really hold grudges, but there are certain people that I won’t interact with at all, after some discussions. Like @johnpowell said, I just won’t deal with people who are homophobic, racist, sexist, or who I feel are just negative and bad in general. I won’t compromise my core beliefs to get along with someone I feel is stupid.

That said, I know I’ve probably pissed off quite a few people on here, and I know some people think I’m an idiot, but hey… I share the feelings. So whatever, I move on.

@Judi If you’re referring to me, I’m sorry. I think you’re a good person, I just don’t agree with doing certain things. Would I say you’re bad or mean? Not even a chance.

No, I don’t hold grudges online, because that’s just silly. I have more important things going on with my life than to allow myself to get my panties in a bunch over some e-argument.

No. Honestly, I’ll forget about any disagreement or negative behavior almost immediately. I could be chewing out a jelly one minute and answering another of their questions the next.

I really have to see a pattern of negative behavior before I change my opinion of someone.

I withold Lurve for a while, and if that doesn’t work I find their address and.. well let’s just say you might have noticed some users aren’t logging in no more..

I don’t think I’ve been around long enough to hold grudges yet, but I definitely had my share of: ‘Ugh, typical @username comment’. Funnily enough though that makes me notice their posts more. I can’t avoid annoying people or conflicts in real life, but I have noticed I sometimes hold back on Fluther or just walk away.

You’re going to pay dearly for this.

Nope, not worth the energy, but there are some, and you know in advance which questions they will be involved with, you just say, here we go again and bail!

| can’t abide people who are cruel or bullying (physical or intellectual) to others and if I think I see examples of such behaviour,here on Fluther, then I do find it hard to overlook or forget.
That said, I won’t let it get in the way of answering a good question, if I can help it.
If I cause inadvertent annoyance or upset, I do make a point of apologising. I also respect others doing the same.
The worst that will result though, is non-engagement.

No. I’ve forgiven the few Flutherites who once became a little personal.

@AstroChuck too bad you’re only a kid :P

@DrasticDreamer ; Nope, not you. You have always been respectful. This wasn’t about a disagreement, it was a personal attack to my integrity.

My feelings towards someone stay in that particular discussion and I consider the next discussion that we are both a part of to be a clean slate! There are plenty of people that I have strongly disagreed and challenged (or they have done so to me) in one question and then in the next I am agreeing with them wholeheartedly. I too don’t believe we should have an “ignore” feature of Fluther.

I wouldn’t call it a grudge, but I do observe people’s behavior and store it away in my brain. People generally get lots of chances with me before I decide I’m over it and add them to my “not worth it” list.

So, I don’t hold grudges for having a heated debate or argument here on Fluther. It may take me a day or two to stop feeling aggravated, depending on how heated it was, but generally I get over it with no hard feelings. However, if someone continuously shows a pattern of behavior I disagree with or dislike, such as being argumentative for argument’s sake, or goading, or snide, or they treat people poorly, I will be far less apt to converse with them, give them lurve, or generally feed into the antisocial behavior.

People who are hateful, bigoted, homophobic, sexist, -ist in general.. well, I have a super short fuse for that sort of thing. Generally those people don’t get a second chance.

As an aside, I actually would like an “ignore” feature, but honestly, I don’t think it’d work here. You can’t really ignore people like that here, there are too many occasions where a would-be ignored poster gets referenced in non-ignored people’s posts. What if there were some sort of user flag situation, though? Like, if someone is just an obnoxious troll that contributes nothing, you could click the flag, and at a certain number of flags, they would be looked into as a potentially disruptive member.

I thought I would when I first came here, and in fact, I asked if there were a mechanism for blocking people. I was told, among other things, that one can often learn even from those one does not fully admire, and I have found that to be true.

There are times where I have asked myself: ”Is he/she f#@%ing serious?!”
But grudges? What’s the point of having one? Only the immature and childish hold grudges, not adults.

@PretentiousArtist Here no. No point.

Yeah I meant on here and on the internet in general. I apologize for not being clear enough. I only hold a grudge against one person in the “outside word”, but that’s because it’s very personal to me.

I like to check which fluthers I am not on, and then go back and read these sorts of questions just to figure out which Jellies hate me. Not that I care, but I have the sort of mind that likes to keep random lists of useless information in order to give my passive aggressive personality trait something to do. =)

It’d be much easier if the people that “ignore” me would just come straight out and say so, but I guess that would be too much to ask for, eh?

@evelyns_pet_zebra I cannot believe Jellies hate you?! I love your answers.

Online grudges are a waste of energy… I’m much like @Leanne1986, in that whatever the discussion is… is where my thoughts of people stay… new discussion, clean slate. Once I log off, I don’t give negative comments a second thought.

@evelyns_pet_zebra I agree with @JLeslie !

There’s only one member I truly hold a grudge for. I’ve had arguments with various jellies, and in the end I still respect them and our disagreements fade away… except for the one. There is such a thing as “too far.” I can’t help if that makes me immature.

I think there should be an “angry mob with torches and pitchforks” feature,
that could curve the lurve

@AstroChuck <——how the flip did you do that?
I copy an paste(:

@bumwithablackberry I like your user name…I am not sure I like my Blackberry (irrelevant, I know).

I was wondering why there was not an opposite, but equal, choice to Great Answer. Even though I haven’t been part of this fluther long, it does seem some comments are the opposite of great.

Something I am really enjoying is the clearly independent thinking that is obvious in what is posted. Even in the arguments, for the most part, there is considered thought and consideration.

@Rozee We’re all about the lurve, baby! Glad you’re enjoying the site. :)

@evelyns_pet_zebra Yeah, I can’t imagine people being angry with you.

Fluther grudges, or fludges as I like to call ‘em, are stupid. Grudges are stupid.
Anger gets you in trouble; pride keeps you there.

@Zen pride keeps you there.

You nailed it.

@Zen: Anger gets you in trouble; pride keeps you there

So true! Did you just coin this phrase, or is it attributable to someone else?

is it still a grudge if someone is consistently an asshole, so you just consistently dislike what they have to say, and you know when you see “x is crafting a response” that you know they’re probably going to say something asshole-ish? Is that still a grudge, or is it common knowledge? LOL

ya, I just got another one added to my grudge list
maybe i should make a list
lol

There’s someone I kind of admire who I think hates my guts. I wish I were wrong. We did have an argument, but the fact that I disagreed did not lessen my admiration.

@pdworkin Suggestion: Just gently nudge that person towards this question. Then get the Fluther gods to delete my suggestion before it’s seen.

I’ve tried to adjust things in private messages. This person has no interest in wasting time or thought on me.

@pdworkin….Only one? The way people naturally fear facing reality, I would think you would have alienated several by now, by merely being a knowledgeable, succinct messenger.
Now get lost, buddy~.
Sending you lots of lurve….Gary/wtf

I have to look for it again, @hearkat – it was from a very good book of business quotes. John something Italian sounding last name.

@Rozee You said: Even though I haven’t been part of this fluther long, it does seem some comments are the opposite of great.
There’s always anti-lurve.

@pdworkin I love ya buddy, but I think you might hate me in return.

@evelyns_pet_zebra There is no one on Fluther I hate, or am even sore at. There are many I don’t know and so I don’t care too much about what they think of me one way or another.

@whatthefluther I am sure I have alienated people by being blunt, but generally I don’t worry about it. I don’t like to injure or alienate anyone whom I admire.

No grudges here. If I find someone to be rude and they continue to be rude I just ignore them. I’m not going to waste my energy on them. A fluther grudge sounds like high school drama to me.

Of course I’ve said things that have upset some people. If I feel that I have hurt someone’s feelings, or if I’ve had a bad day and may have said something I shouldn’t have, I try to make every effort to apologize.

@Zen: I just got on my desktop and tried a web search… all I found was the anonymous quote: “Temper gets you into trouble. Pride keeps you there.” I appreciate you trying to find it for me, but don’t sweat it. :-)

—@hearkat When I deepened my search, I found ano old question of mine here which included his name in the title: John Capozzi. He might have coined it, or quoted it himself – but it’s from his book (which is great!)

No.

This is really stupid… Despite telling myself not to hold grudges, I still find myself holding a grudge against a Flutherite, feeling angry whenever I see their avatar and feeling like a fool whenever I realise that I’m getting angry over a person I don’t even know…

Is it me?

Nah, you’re too likeable.

It’s probably me – I have a talent for pissing people off.

(Trouble is I have forgotten it by the next day and can’t work out why they feel that way.)

It ain’t you either mate, else you wouldn’t be in my Fluther.

Is it just me or are you devious people trying to figure out who this soul is through deduction?

Could I assist in patching things up between you and said fludge (fluther grudge)?

PM me?

Fact from fiction, truth from diction. I never hold a grudge of go to sleep angry at any Flutherer though quite seem to think I rubbed them the wrong way. I don’t argue I see it as a hard spirited debate. Do I challenge them? Sure, as I expect them to challenge me, but with CIVILITY. The moment you have to result to insults and cat call it has to be because you could not make your point. I know there are several who no matter when they pop up 97% the time they are spoiling for a fight. However, I will be as civil to them as I can, often more than their actions deserve but I try to stay out of the gutter that is where the unwise children play.

@johnpowell

Are you that insecure that an online community gives you your self worth?
So if it wasn’t homophobia what crime have I been guilty of? I’ve actually addressed you on more than one occasion and you haven’t answered questions on your own threads. Or will you show your omnipotence by ignoring me? So tempting. Can you leave this be? Do you risk an ego scar?
Will your fractured self be tortured and forced to find an outlet for your rage? Will you laugh and deny me in your godlike position of exalted grandeur?
Oh the erotic thrill of omnipotence!

@SeventhSense JP actually never clears out his ‘activity for you’, so often never comes back to a thread, even if it’s a question he asked. Now, I don’t know that that’s why he hasn’t responded to you, but it’s a definite possibility.

http://i.imgur.com/EuvTa.png

I never check. I don’t keep track of old stuff. If it is important send me a PM. I only browse the new questions that I haven’t read unless a old one sticks out.

To be perfectly honest I don’t even know who you are. You are like the guy I always see in the store that I only notice. I know nothing about you, and now I don’t want too.

And someone had to point me to your quip. I would have never seen it.

[Mod Says:] Flame off folks. Personal or off-topic remarks will be removed.