Is hiring a Private eye going too far?

Do you usually treat her like she can’t be trusted? If you are over-bearing and accusing of course she would want time apart from you. Even if you don’t normally behave this way I think hiring a private detective is going WAY too far. It’s a complete invasion of her privacy. You just need to accept whatever decision she makes like the rest of us have to on a daily basis.

If you two aren’t together, yes, I think it’s going too far. You just have to respect her wish for more time and see what happens. Hiring a private eye to spy on your ex is kinda creepy.

She’s your ex-girlfriend? not your wife, hiring a private eye is an invasion of her privacy and makes you look like a raving stalker. If you are thinking of hiring a private eye, then you already know you can’t trust her, whether because of her behavior, or your inability to trust. My advice would be to walk away. Don’t call her, don’t text her, don’t visit her. If she comes looking for you, then you can talk to her about what bothered you about her behavior and decide if you want a relationship or not. But she probably won’t, and you will probably be better off that way.

Uh, yeah… she’s your ex. You put dating in “quotes,” which to me means you’re still sleeping with her? And since she’s your ex, it’s none of your business if she’s sleeping with someone else. Use your head, wear a condom, and give her space.

I’d let it go man. If you by chance end up getting back with her, and still think she might be cheating or seeing other people on the side. Then I’d hire a private eye.

If you are dating and only trying to get back together and at the same time contemplating to hire a private eye, then you’re waisting your time.

You don’t seem to trust her. Regardless of whether you are justified in your mistrust, if you need more certainty than can be gained from just asking her, then you need to stop.

Relationships are built on trust. And respect. You seem to fail both. (I am not saying that you are wrong in that… I dunno notin’ bout that.)

i love her like a wife… It just destroys me to think she can look at me in the eye tell me she is not dating anybody else or interested in it and then goes out and dates somebody else and lies about it…. I can give her space but not if she is lying to me… and you’re all right i do treat her like she’s seeing somebody else but only because she gives me reason to. can nobody see any sense into this? guess i’m in one of those crazy “im madly in love’ irrational phases

@funsack Why is she your ex?

Look, I am not your ex-girlfriend and you are scaring me. I wish you would give me her address so i could call her and let her know she needs to cut off all communication with you and get a restraining order or better yet move somewhere anonymously.

What are you thinking? You “must know”? No, really you don’t need to. She is really telling you that she is not interested in you. She is probably only doing the minimum contact because she is afraid of what you might do to her or yourself.

Look, do yourself a favor. Take the money you are about to commit to the PI and see a therapist. You need help. You are obsessing here. That is not healthy.

You two no longer have a relationship. She is not involved sexually with you. It is not your business who she is dating.

If you really cared about your girlfriend, you would walk away. Your obsession is not about her, it is about you and about control.

Get some help and stop this now before something terrible happens.

@Likeradar i broke it off 2 years ago. she came back, now she wants to go away.

i think i know i can’t do this and i am obsessed =\ i just hope she is not lying to me

@Marina can we talk more? you seem to know how women think, i need this.

@funsack Sure. Private message me. I am happy to try to help.

@funsack Sounds like an unhealthy relationship, imho. Don’t make it worse by spying on her. Is this really who you want to be and how you want this “relationship” to progress?

“having some issues w/ my ex-girlfriend, who i am still ‘dating’.”

She is a GF not a wife. If the trust is not there move on and save yourself a few dollars.

And, a few headaches.

@funsack i think i know i can’t do this and i am obsessed

Yup. That’s exactly right. Obsession is a form of mental illness, and you’re not thinking as you would if you were straight. In such a situation you are much more likely to make decisions you will regret. Hard as it is, you must put this decision off. You must work on yourself—trying to understand this obsession.

This is about you, not her. This is about your feelings of insecurity and neediness. Nothing you can do with her will change that. You can only fix that within yourself. If you can’t fix this on your own, a good therapist can really help.

To put this as a cliche, you have “trust” issues. Who knows where this comes from, but it may not even matter where it comes from. What matters is that you deal with it yourself. If you do, you may well be able to have her trust you enough to open up the relationship again.

You must know this in your heart of hearts, or you never would have asked this question. Follow your good instincts. Don’t hire the Private Dick. Instead, face yourself. Even if you can’t save this relationship, it will help you save another one.

If you care at all for this girl, leaver her alone and let her get on with her life. She obviously brings out the worst in you.

I heard Spencer’s for Hire

Oh that brought back such great memories. I really miss Robert Urich.

That was such a great series. I watched every single episode when it aires.

Also the character of Hawk was such a much better fit for Avery Brooks than Sisko. So nice to see a role for a black actor that wasn’t full of stereotypes.

I loved everything about that series. They don’t make ‘em like they used to :)

Spencer for hire is one of my role models for life. And Thomas Magnum.

Btw guys, it’s Spenser (with an s—like the poet) as he was fond of pointing out to everybody :)

Thanks, @Buttonstc Been a while since I saw the show.

Hey welcome to Fluther, btw.

Obsession is not love. Jealousy is not love. “Needing to know” what your partner is doing is not love. These are all examples of distorted thinking, and are damaging to both parties.

My suggestion (very hard to follow) is that you instantly cut this loose, and never talk to her or see her again. It will be so much easier on the both of you. However, I know this may not be possible for you, so may next suggestion is at least stay away from the snooping, sneaking, dissembling and by all means ditch the detective.

She’s pretty much telling you that she’s not interested in you. She is probably lying to you because you creep her out. Move on, because if you continue down this path, it will end in restraining orders and jail time.

By hiring a private eye I think you’re making yourself look very desperate. She’s not your current girlfriend or wife. Therefore she is technically allowed to date whoever she wants. Even if she ISN’T lying to you, the fact that you feel the need to hire a P.I. to spy on her shows me that you’ll never have the level of trust with her that is needed in a relationship. It’d be best to cut your losses now and move on.

She is your ex-girlfriend, and is not taking your phone calls. You are not “still dating.” Move on. Hiring a PI is really a creepy, stalker thing to do.

@Marina Help him now if you like, but over the next few weeks keep an eye in the rear view mirror for a private dick (not the fun kind).

…..she’s creating a safe zone with you for a reason. now the question is why. What was the cause of your split? when you two split who long was it before you two got back on this page? it seems like she took the break up /split as a relief but still have feelings for you. However if it was your fault the split happened, it seems that you now realize that you fucked up…it is possible that she can still love you, and you her but you just missed the boat. In relationships, you can burn eachother out, especially if you two smother eachother and are around eachother and pretty much isolated yourselves with eachother. now you guys have split and she like it but he remotions are still with you but you cant make her be like it was. hiring a PI is only going to move her away. She;s not cheating on you but because of your persistance, it seems you two broke up because you thought she was, and now, you still do which shows your trust is warped a bit. I would suggest you two stop pecking eachother so your emotions can have time to heal while you assess with you really want her and if she really wants you. she seems to love you as a person but isnt in love with you anymore. shes used to you but dont want to be with you anymore. sometimes NO is hard to accept from someone who usually tells us yes….

@Imacatch welcome to fluther. Lurve.