My 40 year old virgin buddy is thinking about losing his virginity to a prostitute. Good idea or bad?

Uh, bad.

Paying for it doesn’t really count. He will still be a true virgin, yet will no longer qualify as candidate for humane sacrifice to bring good harvest, or whatever. I’m sure there are a handful of other good causes he will be exiled from, as well.

It is a popular misconception that prostitution is legal in Las Vegas. It is not, and the vice squad there is quite active. Getting him arrested for his first time sexual experience woulnt do much except scare him off of it for life. Do your homework.

@Buttonstc You’re incorrect about Vegas – Vice mostly casts a blind eye there.

You’re not a 40 year old virgin, are you? It’s his decision to make and It sounds like he’s not planning on saving himself for that special someone no more. Are you asking if this is bad in general, or if this is bad because he has emotional baggage?

If by emotional baggage you mean the ex that dumped him, it could help him stress less. I can certainly see how it might be even harder for him next time, when he is under the false impression that he needs to perform in order to have a shot at his relationship. Having sex might help him get rid of some of the stress (which is usually the source of his problem).

A sex therapist might prove more useful for that matter, however if the guy has never really been in a relationship, what’s the point?

@peedub “Human sacrifice”? What are you talking about?

@markyy Sure it’s his decision but sometimes we need a little push from those around us who care about us. As long they’re not pushing us into moving traffic, which I hope I’m not. That’s why I asked the question. To make sure I’m doing the right thing by encouraging him to go ahead with this.

I doubt any revelation will be gleaned from having intercourse with a hooker. Sex isn’t like visiting the Eiffel tower, snapping a photo, and subsequently checking it off on a list. It’s especially not as cool if you have to pay to get in.

Tell him not to give up, if he’s determined. Maybe there are good reasons for his past choices. Sex can and does complicate things like emotions. If he has ‘baggage,’ he should work on that first.

@JollyTiger

I don’t know where you see getting your info about the blind eye. I got mine from a recent documentary in which they interviewed ACTUAL members of the Vice Squad. By recent, I mean within the last year.

Regardless, it is still definitely illegal in the county in which Vegas is located.

@Buttonstc I have a lot more research behind my belief than watching a single documentary. Besides, while you may feel it’s important, I don’t think we need to get into an extended back and forth about who’s right or wrong on this issue, if you don’t mind.

@JollyTiger Ok, just wanted to know if you were genuinely worried for a friend or condemning him and looking for arguments to support your case. Apparently I did not read that part of your description, you seem legit :) Sorry about that.

I doubt you will get any insightful responses with that little info about his background (e.g, is he a virgin by choice? Is his virginity in the way of finding a relationship? Or is this a midlife crisis and he just doesn’t want to die as a virgin?).

Anyway I don’t see a problem with him visiting a prostitute as long as it’s in a clean, business like environment with a professional that is informed about his background. Not him cruising down main street picking up a can of sexually contracted diseases.

@peedub, make up your mind if you want to respond or not, you’re giving me a headache lol. My screen keeps scrolling up and down.

Did he figure out why he couldn’t “get it up”? That’s an issue he should probably look into before seeking out anyone for a sexual relationship, lest it come back and haunt him again. If it was an anxiety issue, there’s a definite chance of it resurfacing in his next encounter.
Also, losing your virginity to a prostitute is definitely not as glamorous or fun as portrayed in the media, and he will have to live with that for the rest of his life. That can’t be his best shot. Have you considered taking him out to a club / bar, or setting him up with a hookup site? In the case of the latter, at least he won’t feel pressured into a relationship.

If he’s really considering this, tell him to at least visit Eastern Europe first, and I mean deeper than Poland or Czech Repulic. If he can’t get some (non prostitute) action in the Ukraine, he’s doing something seriously wrong. The only thing is that the Eastern European mafia tends to be a bit rough on outsiders. Just show respect and don’t agree to go on any walks, especially none involving the words cash and machine.

@peedub He wants to do it in the good ol’ U S of A with a slice of apple pie waiting nearby.

Have you seen those girls? Just sayin…

@rabbitheart No he didn’t figure out why he cant’ get it up. Performance anxiety? I dunno. Yeah, we’ve tried doing the club thing with him but he always finds excuses to avoid hitting on chicks. He insists pretty strongly that he’s not gay but I’ve had my doubts at times. But he has gone on quite a few dates. Always finds something wrong with the girl – she’s usually too old or not attractive enough or not an ideal match. Maybe he’s just really picky. I dunno.

@peedub Dude, I’d be all over Eastern Europe if my wife was ok with me having sex with hookers. She’s got an issue with that though.

@markyy You’re right. It’s not easy to diagnose this problem over the internet, especially since it confuses the heck out of me and I’m his best friend. I don’t really know what his problem is except that he’s a workaholic and a perfectionist and he’s got really high standards when it comes to women. So maybe it’s just the fact that nobody’s good enough for him. That’s been my guess. He also likes younger women and that hasn’t changed as he’s gotten older. So the women who are most available for dating him he’s not interested in because they’re too old and the women he’s interested in are getting less interested in him because he’s getting older. The funny thing is, when I tell him to look in the mirror and tell me how old he thinks he is, he say he looks like he’s in his late 20s. I’m like, dude, you’re not in touch with reality. Yeah, he’s in better shape than me and I’m the same age but there’s no way he looks like he’s under 35. It really pisses me off. And then he backs it up by saying other people tell him he looks really young. I’m like, dude, they’re lying to you – no one wants to tell you that you look like a 40 year old (I actually think he looks more like early 40s). The thing is he’s got a good job, makes lots of money and gets a lot of respect for his work so I think that keeps him going even though he’s been becoming less and less happy with his situation. Sometimes I just want to beat the crap out of him it makes me so mad. He’s got so much going for him but in this one area that means a lot to him he just doesn’t seem to be able to do what it takes and I have no idea why.

@JollyTiger I have friend with similar ‘standards issues.’ You have to start somewhere. I’m going to sound like a pig, but the ‘slump breaker’ phenomenon is true. He needs to lower his standards, for the time being, and get the plane off the ground. Women have a way of sensing things. They can tell the difference between a guy, uneasy, who is a virgin, and a more confident guy who just got laid, even if it was by (insert unattractive female). Desperation is a stinky cologne.

@JollyTiger That certainly changes the image I head in my mind. What you just said makes me think that for him to visit a prostitute could only feed his disillusion more. Making the problem worse. You obviously want your friend to be happy, but being a virgin might not be his biggest problem right now.

If I was a shrink I would call it the ‘Hugh Heffner’ syndrome, I bet he’s a subscriber.

@markyy You’re right. It could be a bad scene if that’s what’s going on. The funny thing is he doesn’t like porn at all. I think he has such an idealistic view of women. So maybe that ties into the fact that he can’t get it up as well as the fact that no one is good enough for him to date.

Losing his virginity is not his problem – it probably ranks quite lowly among the various other obvious and subtle problems he has. Losing his virginity will make little difference to his relationship issues.

@DarkScribe Why do you think so? He would claim that his virginity is his biggest problem.

Why would he be any different if he had paid for sex with a hooker? How would that change him? He is forty years old and yet to experience an intimate relationship – that is the problem, not a technicality about status.

@DarkScribe I think he feels he’s missing something by not having experienced something that most “normal” people have experienced and that gets talked about so much in our culture.

Is there a chance he is gay? Perhaps he doesn’t know how, or want, to tell you and others? If so, maybe he fears it could have a deleterious effect on the ‘high level of respect’ he’s used to among coworkers and various peers. I know a people that fit this description.

@JollyTiger I think he feels he’s missing something by not having experienced something that most “normal” people have experienced and that gets talked about so much in our culture.

Then imagine his disappointment when its over and nothing has really changed.

This is a bit like worrying about where to put the trophy before training, qualifying and winning an event.

@DarkScribe The way he has explained it to me it has given him some feeling of being a “loser”, left out, so when you say nothing will have changed once it’s over, I think you’re underestimating the power that this idea has over him. I think he will feel relieved and that in fact everything has changed.

@JollyTiger The way he has explained it to me it has given him some feeling of being a “loser”,

He doesn’t think that paying for sex isn’t the epitome of loser status? Most others would.

@peedub I’ve confronted him about whether he might be gay on numerous occasions but he has been pretty convincing on the matter. So I would say no even though I have had my suspicions that that might be underneath this. (by the way, “peedub is crafting a response” is getting annoying” – the page keeps bobbing up and down for the last half hour)

@DarkScribe He’s not happy about it but thinks it’s less loser-ish than being a virgin.

I don’t know why it does that. I guess it happens when I stop writing. I should just hit random keys, better yet, go to bed.

See the thanks I get for providing infinite, compelling, and incisive wisdom?
Your friend should just sleep with the hooker. You know he’s going to anyway. (JK)

@peedub Just letting you know what’s happening. Don’t take it personally. I appreciate the comments.

@peedub It happens when you clear the message box (unless it’s some kind of bug). Just leave 1 letter in there if you want to reformulate. It’s not really annoying, but tiresome for the eyes. While I’m writing this you’re still doing it :(

Since when is being a virgin such a horrible thing? I suggest you leave your friend alone.

@J0E He doesn’t want to be a virgin. He thinks it’s horrible.

Oh, he will regret that. It is important to be proud of yourself, and even though he might feel bad about being a virgin, I don’t think he will be more proud of that. If he is suicidal it could help, but all in all; bad idea.

IT’S A GLITCH, or the moddies are effing with us. I wrote something earlier and it immediately disappeared. It was right after JT’s question about my ‘human sacrifice’ comment. I can’t see it but it would annoy the shit out of me.

I thought it had been modded, but could not figure out why. I never start writing a response until I have at least a few words to put down, hence there has never been this issue.

Weird…

For some people, virginity past a certain age becomes a bigger and bigger thing, where it’s their main concern and becomes consuming. I’ve also observed that the longer people wait for their first time, the more anxiety builds up, they start wondering what’s wrong with them, why they can’t connect with women/men. If your friend is one of these people, and “getting it out of the way” would be helpful (proving he can do it, taking some of the weight off the virginity thing), I don’t see why not.

It’s probably not going to help him if he’s got some illusions about his perceived attractiveness and is only holding out because he feels he deserves better.

Why doesn’t he do it the old fashioned way and just go to a bar and have meaningless sex with the first person who is willing to put out?

I think that having no sex is preferable to having sex you have to pay for.

The problem here is that he’s not capable of an emotionally intimate relationship with a woman. The lack of sex is just a symptom of that. If he hires a prostitute, it will allow him to check off that box, but it won’t fix his intimacy problems.

@JollyTiger- I don’t see anything wrong with it. But have your friend visit a brothel in one of the smaller neighboring counties. Prostitution is not legal in Clark county (where Las Vegas resides).

Wait. This virgin friend says he does not get turned on by women? Is that right? Does he masterbate? Or, did I miss reading that on this thread? I would want to know if he feels sexual at all?

Bad idea. There’s nothing wrong with him being a virgin.

this is a stupid idea. no good will come of it.

if he is willing to spend that kind of money on a hooker, maybe he should save it for a psychologist instead! if he has performance issues and high standards and dating anxiety or whatever it is, going to a hooker isnt going to fix any of the deep seeded problems. it will just create more problems.

and didn’t you learn anything from the movie 40 yr old virgin, he does it with his wife on their wedding night. it was way better than sexy with a hooker or hoochy mama

@JLeslie Yes he spanks the ol’ monkey and is turned on by women and feels sexual according to the reports I’ve heard.

@JollyTiger And why is he a virgin? Was it for religious reasons or something? Or, he just never dated a girl? What? I’m missing something. I can see how once you are that old the idea of losing your virginity might be kind of overwhelming. Is he freaked he won’t be good at sex or something? He just has to get out there and start dating. I mean, generally, adults have sex when they are in a relationship, it just happens. If anything I would think it is not that big of a deal for a man, he doesn’t have to worry about it causing any pain or anything.

This is just sad…. And it’s a horrable idea.

What’s the deal with all of you? BFD! It’s just sex. If it’s legal and safe then who gets hurt? And don’t give me the whole “exploitation” BS. These girls aren’t underage runaways. The majority of them are college students who make a descent living.

@JLeslie He’s picky about women’s looks but he has gone on I’d say maybe 20 dates. But none during the last 10 years. He’s just been working on his career. And I mean working. Like 10–12 hour days every day. His health is falling apart from the pressure he has put himself under but he has been watching his diet at least. I guess he has just put a higher priority on his other goals. He’s also not the most cuddly guy you’re ever likely to meet. There’s definitely a no-touchy kind of atmosphere around him and I think probably chicks get that feeling and think he’s not interested. Combine that with the performance issues and you start to see where the baggage builds up. There are no religious issues here – he is an atheist. Generally though he’s extremely tough on himself. Maybe that’s scary to women too – I don’t know – although there’s plenty of women with high-achieving guys. It doesn’t make much sense to me I have to say. He’s also very intellectual so any common sense explanations you propose to him get churned into some kind of super philosophical debate which frankly I don’t have to intellect to keep up with. In my world things are a lot more straight forward than in his: you’re horny – you like a girl – you ask her out – she likes you – you have sex – get married – get old and die. In his world, you have 10,000 goals you have to achieve every day. He subscribes to lots of academic journals and feels ne needs to keep up on everything. Plus he thrives on the validation he gets at work and is a true soldier. He really lives for others. In some ways I wonder whether maybe he’s better off with the life he has. It’s actually pretty good. My wife and I, on the other hand, can’t go a day without wanting to rip each other’s heads off. Still, he tells me he’s unhappy so I feel it’s my job to help him to make some kind of change – I just don’t know what that would be. After reading the comments in this thread I’m rethinking my advice to him about getting a hooker. As others have said, this might only make things worse. But what would make things better? I’m at a loss.

Maybe he has Asperger’s Syndrome?

@AstroChuck: I don’t think anyone is getting hurt; I think the guy in question has a problem, and the solution he’s chosen is not going to solve it and is likely to make things worse.

edit: decent

@JLeslie Wow, that’s a pretty good guess!

I’m watching this documentary about Asperger’s. Didn’t know what it was before but it definitely rings a bell with my friend.

Thanks for the tip.

@JollyTiger glad it might be helpful. Although, keep in mind he may not want to be “diagnosed.”

@JLeslie Oh I’m sure he doesn’t. But that doesn’t mean it’s not my job to do it anyway.

@JLeslie I brought it up with him but it didn’t go over well as expected. I still think it could be correct though.