Modern Society question: Do you feel that being rude, abrasive, sarcastic, or apathetic are the new norms for acceptable behavior and ettiquette?

There has always been rude, abrasive, sarcastic, or apathetic people.

I would start with the need of a two paycheck household.
A child gets better direction when a parent is home to guide them.

Maybe among friends and family, but among strangers and or in a professional setting I don’t notice this at all.

Sarcasm is common (I have no problem with it and I actually appreciate it), but abrasive and rude is a rareity.

I’m suspicious of any “society these days” trend that isn’t quantified by actual data.

Also, @ChazMaz, what the fuck.

..maybe its mostly a New England thing…

“what the fuck.”
Ya got that right. And, good example.

There was a time when “Dad” went to work. “Mom” stayed home, taking care of the kids.
It provided structure, gave the child a better sense of self worth and respect was an absolute. The children were also watched by the other “Mothers” that were home in the neighborhood. That also taught respect and gave them a sense of security. Since rude, abrasive, sarcastic, and apathetic behavior is just forms of insecurity. For the most part.
Times are now the way they are. We all make the best of it. It is what it is.
But, latchkey kids, daycare workers raising your child, and kids being baby sat with DVD’s and video games. Takes away the time that was once available to them, to learn ands grow up the best way possible. Respectful and better prepared for what the future holds for them.

Snark has become more commonplace lately (or maybe I’ve just noticed it more in the past year or two?), and sometimes its hard to tell the difference between straight up rudeness and snark that’s supposed to be funny.

Sarcasm is cultural more than anything I think. Being rude, abrasive, or apathetic is something different.

@ChazMaz moms may have been home in the 50’s and the 60’s, but prior to that during WWII when the husbands were away women worked helping the war effort, and their children were not rude and apathetic like what we witness today. I think media, and negative examples like how parents might be treating each other in front of their children are more of a reason. Also, previously in history we had extended family mor epresent which I think added to respect towards adults. I was “latchkey” from the age of 9 on, and I was not overly rude or apathetic.

Well, @ChazMaz can yearn for the good ol’ days of stay-at-home moms, superficial politeness, institutionalized racism and misogyny, and McCarthyist witch-hunts. (Or are you takin’ it back even further to before women’s suffrage?)

I guess to each their own.

“women worked helping the war effort, and their children were not rude and apathetic”
No they were not. Other family members were there to pick up the load. Key word being family. Or other Mothers that were home. Home in a neighbor that was close nit.

“I was “latchkey” from the age of 9 on, and I was not overly rude or apathetic.”
I understand. You are special. :-)

I don’t think it’s the norm but I think more people ARE rude and snappy more than they should be.

“superficial politeness, institutionalized racism and misogyny, and McCarthyist witch-hunts.”
And that does not go on today?

Do not take it personal people. Like I said it is what it is these days. We make the best of it. We work hard as parents and love our children and were loved under the circumstance that we were raised.
But the basic fundamental still stands. A child that has a parent home raising them will most likely be better prepared and more well mannered then one that does not.

There are exceptions.

@ChazMaz “you are special” Do I detect a sarcastic tone? We are agreeing that family and good examples for children are important.

lol sarcasm in the thread bitching about people being sarcastic

”“you are special” Do I detect a sarcastic tone?”

Nooooo, please do not take it that way.
I was being sincere. :-) Sorry if it came off that way.

i went to latch key too. Can i bez specialz?

@ChazMaz Don’t sweat it. I was being sarcastic back lol. I was raised by Jewish New Yorker’s…lots of sarcasm in my house. I guess I should say thank you for calling me special :).

Europe is oh so steeped in culture and France is, literally and figuratively, in the centre of it all and, again literally and figuratively, have been for a long while.

I’ve lived in France and being “rude, abrasive, sarcastic, or apathetic” seems not to be far from the norm there – especially if you want something done with a speedy result (plummer, install phone, etc,).

Thus, to me, it seems likely to be the old norm rather than the new.

depending on your geographic location people’s interactions differ.

people are likely to be assholes and/or dicks pretty much anywhere, but i think in some places it is more or less likely (i.e. NYC very likely. Austin less likely.)

I disagree about NYC, it is not unfriendly. It is a big city, so people are not saying “hi” to everyone they pass by on the street. They tend to be helpful and outgoing. They are more sarcastic then say Nashville, TN, but the New Yorker probably has a better sense of humor also, and does not get offended easily. I find southerners to be judgemental and knit pick about every little thing that can be construed as rude. Tip Toe-ing around the south is annoying. It is difficult to be direct. And, many of them seem to be nice to your face with smiles and all, and then will talk behind your back. This is a total generalization, and I have met wonderful people in south, there are wonderful people everywhere.

I agree. I have lived in NYC
57th and 8th

Good people, great times. Never had any problems. And, plenty of laughs.

this not a symptom of a ‘modern’ society – in all societies and times people were rude to others, even more so in the past when certain races and classes were openly and blatantly insulted and it’s like that in many societies still, remnants of a past, I gather

Eat shit and die. Thank you very much.

Quite the opposite, I have found that politeness and respect have become more prevalent in their workplace and many places I go. Admittedly, I don’t get out that much, or come in contact with large numbers of the general public, but my observation in the Mall, grocery store, playground and department store is that the people are very considerate and polite.

The only place I consistently see rude behavior is on the public computer sites.

It’s supposed to be the new avante garde! Haven’t you heard? Only suckers and sheeple practice social courtesy, chivalry, manners, compassion and grace. ~

@hungryhungryhortence Well, only sheeple practice sexism chivalry, but the other ones are fine. :) /end rant

I haven’t noticed it so much. I’m polite to people and I’ve seen many people be polite to me back. It’s a karma type thing, I think. I also do think that where you live and what place you’re in can affect it.

@DominicX: I agree, in Boston, I always felt I was guilty until I was proven innocent. Yet, friendships started there have been the most enduring.

Today, people are being mentally masturbated with high tech gadgetry stuffed into, or to their ears, or whatever orifice. One week without, “abrasive, rude and offensive”?

@JLeslie @ChazMaz i was just in ny. everyone is always watching their back because they always think someone is about to fuck them over. i noticed a very “kill or be killed” attitude. i found it to be rude. esp. how they will rip people off without a second thought. (sorry nyc…. but i still liked it there despite the attitude)

We know so much more these days than people did in earlier times. TV and the internet and computers have made it possible for us to find out so much more about our culture so much faster than ever. We grow up “faster” as a result. New memes bloom and then become cliches faster than we can even learn about them in the first place.

If you want to be new; not hackneyed or cliched; then it seems like some of us turn cynical. We no longer believe in innocence. So anything that purports to be innocent—genuine friendliness to strangers, for example—seems like it is a con of some sort.

There is increasing pressure to show how in tune one is. So this means being critical of yesterday’s fashions. When white folks start saying “homey,” the black folks have to move onto something even newer, or else their culture is no longer theirs. There are actually professional “cool seekers” running around trying to identify the next emerging trend before it even starts to emerge.

I think that sarcasm, rudeness and apathy are common responses to these pressures. Sarcasm shows you are on top of things. You know it, and the other people don’t. You get to make fun of them for being clueless. This is a form of rudeness, and in response, the people the sarcasm is directed at get rude. Either that, or they tune out entirely. They claim that the “with it” world has nothing to do with them, and they stop taking an interest.

The generational thing is interesting, too. If your observation is accurate, I would think that older folks are more sarcastic because they are more experienced, and are making fun of the younger people who are trying to create their own culture. Yet older folks have to act like we’ve seen it all already. Of course young people would see this as rudeness.

But it goes the other way, too. Young people make fun of oldsters who are still trying to be hip. They know that we’re past it, and they know that trying to appropriate someone else’s culture is an aggressive act.

The problem is that far too many people are uncomfortable being who they are. Too many people want to try to be cool, drawing the barbs of those who believe they are cooler than the wannabes.

If there really is more rudeness going around, then it seems to me those could be some reasons. I’m not sure there is more rudeness, although I’m pretty sure that people think things are changing at an ever faster pace. I think older folks often find younger ones to be rude and disrespectful, even as perhaps younger folk find oldsters to be rude.

The answer, I think, is to increase our levels of respect for each other. We need to listen, and we need to all be more comfortable being who we are instead of trying to be like the cool people. Tall order, though. It flies in the face of cultural patterns everywhere.

I dunno. Does any of that make sense? Does it relate to your question?

that is a great answer….