How would you react if your boyfriend told you he was bisexual?

I’m not a lady, but I’m more than happy to give my opinion/advice if you’d care to hear it. If not, I’ll gladly keep it to mysefl.

I’d love to @dalepetrie

my guy has done both, doesn’t bother me at all. As long as when he says its only me now, it really is.

I’d break up with him.

Another person in the relationship is another person in the relationship regardless of gender.

Act accordingly.

Are you sure he’s not just gay?

If they were just telling me they felt that way, I’d ask them if they wanted to act on those feelings or if they felt comfortable with me enough to tell me. As in, they didn’t know if the relationship was going to be serious and then it became serious so they wanted to share with me.
I’d actually feel honored that they felt they could share their feelings with me, because maybe it’s a struggle for them to cope with it or something. I would want to be a good friend, as well as a girlfriend.

Well, as I see it then, I can understand how a person could preliminarily get emotional about it, but fidelity is to me a far more important concept than sexual orientation. What I’d want to know is, will it be a problem. In other words, when I’m in a relationship, I’d like to think it’s for the long haul, and that demands exclusivity. If his being bi-sexual is going to present itself as a problem for him in that he feels he’s having chicken every night for dinner and every now and then he has to satisfy his craving for a steak (if you know what I mean), and he’s going to end up cheating on you…but only with guys…you’re all the woman he needs, but as a woman, you can’t satisfly that man craving, well then that would be a dealbreaker as I see it. Now if the person knew going into the relationship that he was bisexual and his ideal was to find a person, regardless of gender, with whom to build a relationship, then that’s one thing, that would engender a bit more trust. But a person with unexplored feelings might be more prone to act on them out of self discovery, and it’s very hard to make a person deny who they are. You can try, but chances are you will fail. So, I wouldn’t let a label define the rest of the relationship, I’d judge him by his actions, not by his tendencies.

@Facade whys that?

@Noel_S_Leitmotiv I should’ve been more specific. No one else is in the relationship. He still only has feelings for the girl, but just wants her to know he might be

@JONESGH Because knowing he liked men would completely turn me off from him.

Especially knowing where his mouth has been.

It depends on what he intends to do about it. If he just wants to warn me that he’s admiring people of both genders, that’s one issue. If he wants to use it as a reason to introduce a third party into our relationship, that’s not cool.

@JONESGH: Then he simply discloses his feelings. It’s the only way to see a happy result.

He’s really putting himself out there by telling you he’s bisexual. I’d be glad that he trusted me. This isn’t totally hypothetical for me- as I said in another question, I’m bi, and I’ve come out to people I dated before, and I also dated a bisexual guy but knew about it beforehand. There seems to be a very common misconception that dating someone who is bisexual means they will want to include other people in the relationship. Most bi people are serial monogamists just like most straight and gay people out there. We sometimes date girls and sometimes date guys, but nearly always one person at a time. A lot of us want to settle down eventually with just one person, whether it is a guy or a girl. (If anything, there seem to be more straight poly people out there.) A lot of bi people that I’ve met tend to be really sexually aware, so they care a lot more about safer sex and have less sexual hang-ups than others. If a threesome does come up, the healthiest way to do it is by not including the third person in the relationship. Respect them and be kind to them, but don’t form any kind of long-term attachment.

Hypothetically, if I was the guy in this question I wouldn’t be surprised if my girlfriend had questions or issues. If she reacted in a really closed-minded way, I’d probably lose my interest in her, though. It seems like guys are a lot more openminded toward bisexual girls than vice versa.

@Haleth – I’m well aware of the misconception that dating someone who is bisexual means that they will want to include other people in the relationship and that most bi people are serial monogamists. However as a human being with normal sexual desires, when you first discovered a new facet to your sexuality, isn’t it only natural that you’d ant to explore it? Which is why I’d make a distinction between someone revealing that they had been bi all along and someone who is just beginning to suspect he might be bi. To me, it would seem that the desire for self discovery would make it VERY hard, even for a person committed to loving one person regardless of gender, to deny the desire to try it at least once. Do you agree or disagree, just curious?

Personally, I prefer people who are more in the middle of gender stereotypes. I like men who are sensitive and women who are strong. I just feel more comfortable with each. In my life, I’ve found that the sensitive guys that I like are often gay, and sometimes bisexual. The women I’ve liked have often been bisexual.

So, no matter what gender I was, I think finding out that my partner was bisexual would make me feel more comfortable with them. Machismo and feminismo both turn me off. I don’t know how to relate to these ways of exhibiting sex roles. They just make me uncomfortable. What can I say? I just wish people were more open to folks being of whatever sexuality they are without freaking out about it.

@daloon: Confusing masculinity and femininity with sexual orientation is a serious error.

Hum.
I wouldn’t like it, but it wouldn’t necessarily be a deal breaker. My main concern is that there would be something he might need sexually that I couldn’t offer him (like a penis). It would lead to all sorts of soul searching about if I could expect him to hide that side of himself, or if I am open minded enough and ok with the idea of him having a male lover on the side. Right now, I’d say I probably wouldn’t, but I don’t know what the end result would be if this situation actually happened.

@cwilbur I concur.

@dalepetrie That distinction wasn’t clear to me from the the original question, but I see what you’re saying. That would probably be a lot tougher for most women to deal with than a guy who was already bi before you started dating. It’s also much, much rarer. Almost all of the bi people I know became aware of their preferences at a very early age, usually somewhere around early puberty. Most of us haven’t been in any relationships by that point, never mind committed, loving relationships. Your question is addressing a very specific hypothetical situation- a (probably adult) bisexual man begins to discover his sexuality while he’s in a serious relationship with a woman. I’d imagine a bi dude in that situation would act about the same as a straight guy who has an attraction for someone else- some would follow through, some wouldn’t need to. But like I said, that situation is exceedingly rare.
@Likeradar, like I said in my previous post, most bi people have really similar dating habits to straight people, except that we sometimes date guys, and sometimes date chicks. It seems like women in general have a harder time accepting that their SO may be bisexual. Whenever I’ve dated gay women, they just automatically assumed that I was also gay until I told them, and then some of them were threatened or put off. Maybe women are more likely to feel insecure about their partner’s faithfulness.

@Haleth – I agree that situation is extremely rare, but per the question asked, it seemed that this was indeed the exact situation we were being asked about, so I wanted to simply make it clear that I was not under this well held misconception about bisexuals.

I would be shocked to find out that I had a boyfriend.

Why should it matter? He isn’t breaking up with you or seeing other people. He just happens to be telling you he is also attracted to males as well as females. My boy friend knows Im bisexual and it doesnt make a difference. If you told me he was bisexual also I wouldnt care mainly because he is with me and no one else.

I’m with @casheroo on this, I’d be happy they felt so trusting and comfortable to share that with me but I’d ask them how they wanted to act out their sexual urges in relation to the two of us as in would they want the nature of the current involvement to change. I believe more people are shades of Gray on a scale of straight and homosexual and this hasn’t/doesn’t disturb me.

Hey ladies.. Once every blue moon I find myself attracted to males. I even made out with a dude once. I am 32 and have never cheated on someone.

With my current boyfriend, I be a bit surprised because we’ve had sexual orientation discussions before and nothing he has even said hinted to him even remotely being bisexual. However, I’ve been interested in guys who were bi and it didn’t bother me a bit. I think I’d be comfortable enough in our relationship that I wouldn’t worry about him cheating or leaving me for a guy- same as I’d feel in any comfortable relationship with a straight male.

It wouldn’t (and hasn’t) bothered me a bit. In fact, it’s kind of a turn-on. @johnpowell How you doin’?

How would you react if your boyfriend told you he was bisexual?

With total astonishment. I am not gay and don’t have a boyfriend.

Many gay people who I know well enough for personal reflection, both gay and lesbian, admit from snacking from the other side of the smorgasbord on occasion – or at least wondering about it.

I wouldn’t care at all, but I’d be surprised that he (or she, since I’d be more likely to be dating a woman) hadn’t told me earlier.

@Haleth My concern wouldn’t be if he would cheat, as I know he is simply not a liar or a cheater. My concern would be more about if I thought it would be fair to him to expect him not to act on a basic sexual desire.

I’ve had this come up a few times with lovers and here’s how it’s gone:

* I am a woman sexually aroused by women as well as men

* I am capable of acting on my desire to have sex with women as well as men

* I know myself to admit I could not commit to a woman as a life partner as I have in the past and choose for the future with a man. This is a biggie for me, not to enter something I can’t honor so I choose not to go there at all. My admitting of arousal out in the open becomes non threatening to my lover.

Bisexuality is not hypersexuality. So he’s in to both? So what? If he’s with you, and you trust it’s just you, that’s all there is to it.

@SarasWhimsy: EXCELLENT!!!

I’d tell him that it is impolite to talk with his mouth full.

wouldn’t upset me whatsoever. being ‘bisexual’ doesn’t mean you date more than one person at a time.
if i’m his significant other, i’d want him to be able to tell me that and feel comfortable and know he’s not going to be judged on his orientation.

its sweet to be honest, but it would bother me. I love gay guys psh i have so many gay best friends, but what if he cheats on you with a guy….not that would suck….it would affect the relationship

Well it wouldn’t bother me at all. In fact I told my fiance I was bi. He wasn’t upset by it at all. So if he told me he was, why should it bother me? It might even be kinda sexy. Don’t ask why though. =S