If you were invited to a wedding where no children were allowed at the reception, would that affect your decision to attend?

That sounds like a wedding to go to!

Probably not. I’m not much for attending receptions unless:

a) It’ll be FUN!
b) There’ll be tasty cake ;)

I’d just plan to leave my son with a family member for the night.

BUT, in my family we think it’s not a good event without kids, as they need to learn our traditions, and see their family cutting loose & having fun

I have a child and it wouldn’t affect my opinion on the wedding at all. It’s not MY day, it’s their day and if they don’t want children then I wouldn’t be offended.

Plus, it would mean I could drink and not feel guilty if I went pregnant

I’d definitely go. If I decide to have an actual wedding, no kids will be at the reception.

No, I’d hire a babysitter. Some people don’t like children. And for good reason.

Yes. I’m not saying it would make my decision, but it would affect it. I might do it if it was in the area and I REALLY liked the person getting married a lot, but if I had to travel I wouldn’t do it because it would be too difficult to get childcare. Frankly, getting a baby sitter for long enough to go to a wedding and reception would be hard/expensive enough, let alone doing it while travelling. But really, who would ban kids from a wedding reception?

Agreed @casheroo it’s their wedding not mine!

It would only bother me (even as a parent) if I couldn’t secure child care and really wanted to go to the wedding, but I certainly wouldn’t begrudge them their right to do so. Often times it’s a matter of economics, not kid hating…I mean, people pay exorbitant amounts per plate for these meals, do you really want to pay $45 a head so your cousin can bring her 4 screaming yard apes?

OK, those of you who said it wouldn’t affect your decision, do you have kids and how old are they?

I have a four yr old. And as a few others have said, it would come into play, but wouldn’t affect my decision unless no family member could stay with him.

I think it’s important for kids to recognize there’s places they can’t go.
Kids who grow up thinking they can do whatever they want grow up to be adults with a peculiar sense of entitlement.

@The_Compassionate_Heretic So true. And, it’s easy for me to make him not want to go with us somewhere. All I have to say is that it’ll be loud and he’s out.

I ahve an 8 year old, and personally although I love him to death, I jump on ANY opportunity for a kid free night.

@gussnarp I have a two year old.

@The_Compassionate_Heretic Maybe that’s true for some, but my kids will know when there will be a “mommy and daddy” date, and they can have fun at their grandparents, or with their Aunt who also has a child.

@dale Same here!

No. I don’t think a wedding reception is an appropriate place for children. Have you ever been to a wedding reception? Drinking and sexual undertones might not be the best enviornment for children.

I don’t have kids and don’t want them, ever.

Certainly not. Adults only occasions abound in life.

@Facade – I’m guessing you’re in your 20s or younger? Scratch a parent who had their first kid when they were in their late 20s or early 30s, and you’ll find a person who had no desire to ever have a kid until they started pushing 30.

I don’t have children, and I think that’s extremely relevant to the question, because I’d be far more likely to go. I’m not fond of children.

@dalepetrie You guessed correctly. I don’t see my desires ever changing because my opinion is coming from logic rather than “feelings”

@The_Compassionate_Heretic (and @tinyfaery ) but when did wedding receptions become a place where kids can’t go? I can’t think of a wedding reception I’ve been to without kids, weddings are about family and kids are part of that. They may be imperfect, noisy, and messy, but so is marriage, so it seems like kids at a wedding reception are perfect. Then again, I wonder how weddings and receptions have become what they are in general. Everybody now thinks they ought to have the kind of wedding that once belonged only the very wealthy, and they spend more than they (or their families) have any business spending on ridiculously lavish events. I got married at the courthouse, but if I had had a wedding reception it would have been a barbecue/picnic in the park.

Something related: My friend went to a wedding recently, and she has a child my sons age. The bride and groom had a room set up connected to the reception with hired babysitters for all the children, so the parents didn’t have to get their own childcare and could check on their children whenever. Neat idea, but what an expensive way to accommodate some guests. Even if a wedding offered that, I would still rather leave my son at home. Unless it was a destination wedding.

No. If that’s the wish of the couple to not have children there, I’d respect that; it’s their day. I’d get a sitter.

I agree they have a right to say no children, they just also have to respect the fact that unless they’re my very best friend in the world I’m probably not coming. I have a three year old, and it’s just too much hassle. I also wouldn’t leave my child with someone else’s hired babysitters, I have to pick the baby sitter, and leaving a 3 year old with a total stranger is not just hard for the parent, the 3 year old is likely to freak out.

@Facade – I was right there with you until I started pushing 30. I saw the costs outweighing the benefits for what I needed and wanted to do with my life at the time. But as my life goals and desires changed, the logical answer became to have a kid, the benefits began to outweigh the costs. When I was in my 20s I would have (and did) argue up and down with anyone that it would NEVER happen, not what I wanted, not what I’d ever want, it was based on logic, and on what I wanted from life. But time has a way of changing what we want and what we think we want, you will be a very rare person indeed if you still feel that way when you’re well into your 30s, but you don’t have to believe me, you’ll find out soon enough.

@dalepetrie Yes, I will

@casheroo I think that is the best alternative for having a child-free wedding reception but still accommodating those with kids. Even if someone plans a child-free reception, there will still inevitably be people who show up with there kids unannounced.

If someone wants to have no kids at their reception, that’s their prerogative. It’s their party. I think our society is way too permissive about kids and their behavior in public- I hate it when I go to a nice restaurant and there are screaming children running around, or when kids have a meltdown in public and parents can’t get them under control. I’m also the oldest child in my family, so I nearly always end up watching the kids.

@dalepetrie I’m 35 and have never wanted kids. I still do not have any. Just saying. I think it’s very condescending to tell women, oh, just wait until your older, or wait until you meet the right man. I’ve heard it all. It’s rude and assumptive.

yes, it would inasmuch as I have two young children (a 3 year old and a 8 month old) and if I couldn’t find care for them, I wouldn’t go – but I wouldn’t think less of a couple if they didn’t watch children at their wedding, that’s their prerogative

however, your comment about ‘kids needing to know there are places they shouldn’t go…’ is weird, to me, because it’s not like my kids would want to go and that’s why I’d just have to take them to the wedding that has nothing to do with them…that’s unlikely

@dalepetrie well that’s not a very supportive thing to say, is it? people who make the decision to not have children will face the consequences, if need be, later on in life..but they don’t need to hear that they’re just young and don’t know life and will totally really truly change their mind around 30 when that magical biological clock will spring to life

Not even a little bit. That’s what babysitters are for. People with children cannot fairly presume their children are welcome or acceptable at every occasion.

@tinyfaery – I disagree that it’s rude and presumptive, because it’s based on my actual experience. I would tell the same thing to a man. But I also accept that not everyone on the planet will eventually want kids. I’m simply saying that in my experience, being a person who was dead set against the idea, who changed his mind, and knowing the thought procesesses that went into both the “never wanting” kids and “wanting a kid”, and having had countless friends, family and associates who at one time felt that they would never have kids, but who eventually changed their mind, I am pointing out that it is a natural human experience in our culture.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir – I never meant to imply that it would “magically” happen or that it would happen at age 30 like clockwork…I’m saying that’s when it happened for me, and that seems to be about the age that a lot of the people I know who have had similar experiences have come to this change. And I don’t think it’s a magical thing, it’s a natural thing. As I just finished explaining in another thread, in my experience, and this is all I’m talking about is that I and other people I know who were just as dead set against the idea as is @Facade, began to find that the things which fulfilled them in the 20s had lost their luster by their 30s. I’m saying that maybe she will change her mind and maybe she won’t, and time will tell, but if she turns out to be the one who actually never sees a shift in life’s priorities making the idea of kids be one where the benefits outweigh the costs, she will be a rare person indeed. And I stand by that, supportive or not.

I think it’s rude and assumptive. How do you know? I’ve dealt with this my whole adult life, and I always find it rude. And so do many other women I know. Just be careful when you say these things to people. You might get a reaction you are not expecting.

@tinyfaery It’s especially annoying when your parents say you’re not being fair to them…very annoying

@dalepetrie Well if she does anything drastic, and then changes her mind she can always adopt. You are not forever optionless.

@casheroo Or babysit other kids lol

@dalepetrie but you’re not basing it on an anything else other than your experience – that’s anecdotal and irrelevant in terms of a pattern…imagine, please, just imagine how often her and her partner must hear this from people

I don’t think @dalepetrie is necessarily being rude or assumptive, but may be overstating the point. I too once said I would never have kids. I am not a woman, and my “biological clock” didn’t start “ticking”, I must changed my mind. There is a saying, which I think all Americans know, “Never say never”. What I have learned in the course of my life is not that people will change their minds about having kids, but rather that people will change their minds about something. The folly of youth is to assume that what you think, feel, and believe now will always be what you think, feel, and believe, about any topic, not just child bearing.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir When my man goes home, people are always shocked that he doesn’t have 3–4 kids because he’s 26… how irresponsible and misguided can people be? (“people” being those who go around having sex with everyone and knocking people up, causing others to see that as the norm. Especially poor, Black people.)

@gussnarp but this changing of mind can come whenever, not just when one is an ‘adult’ and for so many of us when does that even happen? when is a specific time beyond which you are no longer young and all your decisions are final? this is just a tangent, your comment made me think o fit

@Simone_De_Beauvoir – a) I never offered it up as anything BUT my own experience to be taken for what it’s worth, and b) it’s not simply my experience, it is the experience of many others I’ve known and even observed from afar. Perhaps there is a REASON people are these days waiting until they’re in their 30s (on average) to have kids? People in their 20s these days by and large aren’t ready, there is a myriad of data to support this, and I’ve seen positively COUNTLESS real life examples of people who didn’t want kids in their 20s who changed their minds in their 30s, making what I say anything BUT anecdotal. I’m the first to say it’s your decision and you shouldn’t EVER have a kid if you don’t want one, and if that never happens, that’s just fine and dandy. But it’s NOT judgemental or rude and presumptive to point out that you don’t know what you don’t know. What those of you jumping down my throats for simply saying “never say never because neither you nor I nor anyone else knows what you will feel in the future” are ignoring is that I’m not trying to tell ANYONE what they WILL think or how they SHOULD live their lives or what WILL happen to them in the future. I’m pointing out the perils of being too absolute, and as I see it, the fact that @Facade moments later posted a question about whether or not to undego permanent birth control in my mind only validates my reasons for bringing this up. In short, if you want to disagree with me, then disagree with me for soemthing I SAID, not something you read into what I said because your parents and society are putting pressure on you. Again, if you NEVER want kids, and you may very well NEVER want kids, that’s honkey dorey in my book. Just beware when you speak in concretes about things you have no way of knowing (ironically that’s exactly what you’re tying to tell me, and I agree with you wholeheartedly). Capice?

@tinyfaery – I would also like to know what makes it “rude and presumptuous” to point out to a person that “you don’t know what you don’t know”? Just because the topic at hand is in relation to children? Is it my fault you’re angry because your parents won’t leave you alone about it. I speak the truth, deal with it.

@dalepetrie we all ‘read into’ what we say, I am not jumping down your throat, I happen to think you’re a great contributor but just because I said your remark is insensitive, you have to jump down my throat…why do you just write to validate your own experiences? because you’re still not listening

we’ve gotten quite off topic.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir – sorry, but I AM listening and that is what is inciting my ire. Your first shot across the bow came via this quip, “well that’s not a very supportive thing to say, is it? people who make the decision to not have children will face the consequences, if need be, later on in life..but they don’t need to hear that they’re just young and don’t know life and will totally really truly change their mind around 30 when that magical biological clock will spring to life.”

First of all, you mistake my intentions as someone who is here to validate the feelings of others, I am not here for that purpose, I am here to point out the logic or illogic in certain statements. Secondly, this accuses me of being dismissive of one’s decision as simply a folly of youth, which is not what I was saying, again what I was saying is, we don’t always know what we don’t know. Nor was I referring to anything magical or even biological, nor was my quip in my opinion soley “anecdotal and irrelevant in terms of a pattern” as you retorted later. It is none of my concern if a person hears 100 times a day ‘when you gonna have kids?’ I got that all the time, I dealt with it, that’s not was I was saying. My point was that what I’ve observed in our modern culture well beyond the reach of my personal experience is that people in their 20s OFTEN feel absolutely certain that they’ll never want kids, but far more often than NOT, they ultimately change their minds…it does not mean that they’re stupid or too young or full of folly to recognize it, it’s just that life priorities are dictated by current circumstance and past experience, and what we will feel in the future will be dictated by future circumstance and future past experiences which could be current past, current or future experiences from today’s perspective. Saying to a person that time will tell if you end up like the vast majority of people who in my experience, including myself, said what you say now when they (I) were your age is not being unsupportive, nor is it being judgemental, it is stating a fact.

And yes, we are way off topic, I do apologize.

@dalepetrie clearly we’re getting nowhere – please continue with your compassionate and understanding manner

@Simone_De_Beauvoir – we can agree to take it to the other thread at least.

@dalepetrie sure.

Any party without kids is a great party! And yes I have kids.

I think it’s rude to bring anyone to a wedding whose name was not included on the invitation.

Yep I might not want to attend. In our culture and in our circle of friends children are pretty much welcomed anywhere, even at very serious ceremonies. It just feels odd to me for someone to ‘not allow’ them. I might also assume (perhaps wrongly) that this may mean that there will be more people who drink too much etc.. and since I don’t drink that’d be a turn off. If it was a close friend or family member I might volunteer to watch the kids in a separate room.

When my daughter got married we wanted to have a separate , “Kids reception” but it didn’t work out. She married into a culture different from ours and people were RSVP’ing that weren’t even invited!! We even had people show up saying, I didn’t RSVP but I’m here. We ended up having to many people for the Venue and even though I was paying for the wedding my table ended up stuck in a corner because they had to keep trying to squeeze more people into the reception. The day before , as the RSVP ‘s from people who were not even invited started coming in my husband had a brilliant idea to order some kids meals. Instead of $35.00 a plate, they were only $10 or 15. We ordered 20 (on top of our RSVP’s)
Our budget was tight to begin with and these extra people (Very large families, some with 6 kids) cost me a few thousand dollars more than I had budgeted. It was rude and really changed my daughters wedding from the elegant affair she had planned to a huge free for all.
It was still a great event, but I couldn’t believe how rude people were!!

@Judi You were nicer than I would have been

No because the wedding is for the bridal couple and on their terms, it’s not about my children. I can choose to attend or not to attend since after all I’m being invited to be a guest in their celebration.

Wow, the concept of a kid-free reception is really new for me.

Weddings are such a family thing over here in HK (it’s really about two clans getting married rather than the couple) that it’s hard to imagine banning kids. I mean, if there were one or two very problematic kids you might ask the parent not to bring them but in general, it’s expected that the parent will control them.

@lifeflame I understand you completely. My family has the same traditions.

[mod says] Please stick to the topic from here on out. Thanks.

I don’t have kids, never wanted them (well that’s not quite true, in my generation it was just the thing everyone did, no thought given to it. But thank goodness I met an older childless couple who lived and worked together and were a complete family without kids, it showed me there was actually another option.) Other people’s kids are okay if they are polite and well behaved. (and I am well past the 30 mark)

In this case though why should anyone but the bride and groom decide how the event is to beheld? I guess if you never leave the house without your children then you just miss out on the wedding.

Now if the invitation said I couldn’t bring my 3 dogs, then I would be offended. (JK)

It wouldn’t bother me in the least. Some receptions are full of children and others aren’t. I have 3 kids, and I’d be fine with a ‘kid free’ reception, just as I am for any ‘kid free’ party or event.

It depends entirely on the relationship I have to the people getting married. If it is close family then kids are expected – it is the way we are. If it is a friend or business relationship then I wouldn’t take kids anyway. There is no one size fits all rule. Some people are not child friendly – sometimes that is me if I didn’t have a hand (or some other part of the anatomy) in making them. I have kids – all grown now – and I adore them – but that does not mean I like all kids or accept them socially in any situation. Can’t stand them in restaurants of an evening.

I’m happy either way. We have three kids, and have been to weddings with and without them. We always have a good time. If the kids aren’t invited, we are lucky enough to have a lot of family in the area who can help with childcare. I don’t think it’s strange to not invite kids, but I also don’t think having them at the wedding and/or reception is usually a problem. Kids at weddings can be very cute, what with all the dancing. :)

The only time it was an issue was when my sister in law got married last summer. She wanted our kids to be in the wedding, as flower girl and ring bearers. However, she preferred not to have other children at the reception. Cost was an issue, and the sheer number of children also played a part. I think she was also concerned about the behavior of two particularly unpleasant children belonging to her cousin. Between family and friends, they would have had fifteen kids (not teens or tweens, young kids) at the reception. She was worried that people would be upset, but no one was. Our kids were fine during the ceremony and reception, just a little bored toward the end with no other kids to play with. After the reception, we had an “after party” at our house, and most of the people picked up their kids to bring to the after party. Something she’d stressed about and hoped wouldn’t offend people turned out to be a non-issue.

I don’t believe children belong at evening weddings unless they are over the age of 12, and then it should be their choice.

@PandoraBoxx why specifically evening weddings/

@PandoraBoxx Ugh. I was a banquet server for weddings, and kids at night weddings are a nightmare. And they just want to go to bed, while the parents want to keep partying. I can see why people think it’s a bad idea.

Just to add, the only child at my wedding was our son, he was 13 months old at the time. It was a very small wedding though.

Evening weddings are traditionally more formal, so maybe less kid-friendly, too.

Well, since I don’t drink and don’t love most weddings and was a single mom until just over a month ago… I would have gladly used the situation as an excuse to not attend the wedding. I don’t get babysitters (my son goes to my parents, though). I actually enjoy children and think they are often very sweet to watch at weddings and receptions. I enjoy interacting with people of all ages and have no desire to find someone to watch my son to go to a wedding.

I wouldn’t hold it against anyone… their wedding day is their day… but I wouldn’t have gone (as a single parent).

My brother married into a family with 3 adult children and no grandchildren. On the other hand he had 11 siblings and 5 nieces and nephews under the age of 5. All of our “babysitters” were invited to the wedding. The choice was take the kids to the “no children allowed” wedding or a couple of us stay home with the kids. We all went and had a great time. The bride’s mother managed to have an awful day, fretting about catering, people taking pictures during the ceremony, how much the bridesmaids were drinking and completely missing the joy of the event.

I have skipped weddings for this reason, and I have attended them without the kids.
It all depends how much I am looking for an excuse not to go.

I’ve been to both, when my kids were little. It makes no difference to me, I’m happy to celebrate with the new couple any way they see fit.

No, it wouldn’t bother me. It is very common for formal parties to be child free. If I had a very young infant and did not want to leave the baby alone, I might be troubled that I might have to choose between going to the event and leaving the baby when I don’t want to. Maybe they would make an exception for a young infant though? If it were at a hotel, and my baby was very young, I might stay in a room that night so I can have a babysitter or relative stay with the baby and I could check him every hour or so.

@galileogirl so you brought a bunch of children to the no children allowed wedding? Did I understand that right? Had you RSVP’d that you would be bringing everyone? I think that is disrespectful.

Is this “no children allowed” thing a new trend? Honestly, I’ve never heard of it, never been to a wedding without children, and don’t understand it. Maybe I should make this another question, but I really am rather stunned to learn that such a thing exists. Seems to me if you want to cut costs you limit the size of the reception in general, or maybe society needs to change its attitude about weddings and what they are supposed to be from the bloated monstrosities they have become. I agree that the couple should choose who to invite, but that also doesn’t mean their invitation won’t offend anyone, or that I have to come if I can’t make leaving my kids behind work. I think the @Judi‘s story is horrible, while I can’t imagine getting a wedding invitation that didn’t include my son, I also cannot imagine the incredible rudeness of people showing up uninvited to a wedding.

I don’t have children but if I did it would depend on who’s wedding it was. I don’t enjoy weddings and so any excuse not to go is welcomed but if it was the wedding of someone really important to me then I would try and find a sitter for the children.

@gussnarp Not a new trend. I think it is partly explained by cultural differences ( @Judi story) and partly explained by social class.

@JLeslie _ Not a new trend._

No, definitely not a new trend. See Childfree

There are many who choose not to have children, along with many who despise all parents and gleefully report on all accidents, etc., resulting in the injury or death of a child. Genuine child and mother haters. They refer to them as “Crotch Nuggets” and far worse – many names I couldn’t possibly repeat here. Delightful people.

@DarkScribe What are you saying? That if you have an 8:00 wedding, with a 9:00 formal reception it is an appropriate party for lots of young children running around? Or, exhausted an cranky? It does not mean these people hate children or parents.

@JLeslie What are you saying? That if you have an 8:00 wedding, with a 9:00 formal reception it is an appropriate party for lots of young children running around

Not at all. You didn’t read through many of the posts in that link – did you? Many of those people are worse than the witches in old children’s fairy tales. They have a thread on children and weddings – their suggestions weren’t nice.

I have already posted that unless it was a close relative I wouldn’t take children to a wedding – I don’t think that it is appropriate.

@JLeslie

I see what has happened – the link has live updated – the post that was appropriate to this thread is no longer visible. Sorry for the confusion.

@DarkScribe no problem, sorry for any misunderstanding.

@JLeslie We did tell the bride the children were coming and yes when the only other option was missing my brother’s wedding, we were justified in bringing the kids. When you are having a wedding, you have to take into account the families. After all a wedding is primarily a family celebration, not the royal coronation many people try to make it. As it turned out the bride’s maids were the problem and the kids were fine.

@galileogirl Why couldn’t you get a babysitter? Seems the bride wanted the coronation.

@galileogirl I don’t want to sound like I’m attacking you as I usually think you’re very sensible, but why is who is invited to someone’s wedding or how “adult” or formal the wedding will be your decision?

@JLeslie When you have children you will understand that it is not always easy to get a babysitter. They can cancel, become ill, or just even finding one can be difficult.

I’ll say this, everyone says the wedding is about the couple, or about the bride. Guess what, it’s not. That’s a pretty selfish attitude. The wedding is about sharing with family and friends, otherwise, why invite anyone. I’ll say again thought that you can invite and not invite who you choose. You also have to recognize that whether or not children can come will affect a parent’s decision to come. Every time, whether they admit it or not. When you get that invitation you have to decide, can I get a sitter, is it worth getting a sitter, do I want to leave my kid with a sitter for that long at their current age, do I have to travel to the wedding and get a sitter in a strange place? Do I want a sitter neither I nor my child know? The answer may be, sure I’ll get a sitter and go, but the questions all have to be asked. You also have to be aware that some people will be insulted by not being invited, whether it is their kids not invited or whether it is some second cousin you think doesn’t need to be invited, but who thinks they should be. So if it’s a tangential relative or friend getting married I won’t really care if the kids are invited, I’d just decide whether it would work out or not to decide whether to go. If it’s a really close friend or relative (like a brother or sister) then I would probably expect the kids to be included. If they weren’t I wouldn’t really mind, but it might make it more difficult for me to attend.

@jonsblond I understand. I was not clear if even an effort was made for a babysitter or some alternative, because it seems some of the attitude on this thread, and I don’t want to put words into @galileogirl mouth are that the bride is simply wrong in her attitude and desires for her wedding.

@gussnarp What if you have limited funds and you want the 100 adults to be at your wedding and not 85 and 15 children? I think Judi mentioned that she wound up paying for more than what was budgeted. And what about my example of it being a very late wedding? Reception starting at 9:00 or 10:00 do you still want to bring your children?

Plus, like I said some of it is cultural. Different expectations for the event.

I wouldn’t be offended, but I wouldn’t go. Weddings for me are about family and so is the reception. You want to have an all-adult party, then have what our family calls the “post party party.” That’s a good way to use up all the champagne as well as to have great stories about what drunken people will do.

However, unless it’s my wedding I don’t have any say in the issue, so folks should go ahead and plan whatever reception they want. And, logically, if you plan your reception for 10 pm, even if kids are invited I won’t be attending. Just be sure to make it clear to the invitees as to who is invited and who is not, or you will get endless phone calls.

An example: we were invited to my husband’s nephew’s wedding in California. Everything said “and family” so we flew ourselves and the kids out there only to find that kids could come to the ceremony but not the reception. To make it worse, despite asking for confirmation, we weren’t told until the day of the event.

So I arranged for my husband to go to the reception with his sister and took the kids to a game arcade for the evening. When we got back we discovered my husband had already returned from the reception because his brother’s kids were allowed to attend but ours were not welcome. It was because they were “real” grandchildren, while our kids are adopted.

In any case, I want my kids to see what adults do that is positive, such as getting married and thereby joining two families together. I will continue to take them to weddings and receptions where they are welcome. I will not go to events where they are not.

@Darwin that’s not nice, I bet you aren’t very close to that family – I’m so lucky, Hubby’s family accepted my son and his children right into the family as grandkids and cousins

@darwin that is outrageous. “And family” means children included to me. Also, I have never understood inviting people to the wedding and not the reception. Lastly, since it was understandable that there might be confusion with how the invitation was written and you had travelled from out of state, I’m surprised they did not make an exception. AND that they treated you differently because your kids are adopted makes me sick to my stomach. I don’t care if that was your best friends daughter who you were watching that weekend, if it is a child in your care that is all that matters.

@all I’m still curious if the hour/time the party starts affects whether you WANT to bring your kids or not?

@JLeslie It wouldn’t affect my decision at all. I would still bring my children. I remember going to weddings as a child and I was excited that I was allowed to stay up late. It was a family affair, a joyous experience I’ll never forget. It’s an occasion when a child gets to stay up late and experience something new.

@jonsblond Makes sense.

I. too, remember going to weddings when I was a child. Most were family weddings, but a few were weddings of children of family friends. I don’t recall children being a problem at any of these weddings or the receptions except the time my brother was the ring-bearer at age three in my uncle’s wedding and halfway down the aisle when he spotted my parents he ran to them and wouldn’t get back in line, but then all of these affairs were held in places large enough for kids to run in circles without bothering the dancers or the folks sitting around, or even places with an outside my uncle’s reception was at a golf course.

These weddings are cherished memories and I wanted the same experience for the children in our family when I got married.

@JLeslie Unless the late wedding was for very close family, I wouldn’t bring my kids. At least, not the two younger ones. My ten year old could probably handle it, but the boys would start to fall apart around 9:00. They are usually in bed by 7:30. A wedding reception that is still in full swing past 8:30 or 9:00 would not be fun for them, and would not be fun for anyone around them. However, in a few more years they’ll be old enough to handle a later night like that and I wouldn’t be an issue anymore.

@JLeslie I would not want (and would not) to bring my kids to a 9 or 10 o’clock reception, but whether or not I would attend myself is questionable. I’m not sure I’ve made my view of the whole thing clear, but I think any parent has to think about all the circumstances of the wedding (including whether kids are allowed) before deciding to go. I think a bride a groom should consider the circumstances of their guest (particularly family members they really want there or feel the need to please) in making these decisions too. So don’t allow kids, or only invite kids of close family, that’s fine, and I’ll decide if I can get a sitter and come or not. One thing to remember is that a wedding can last upwards of an hour (and my wife’s family is Catholic, so they do a whole mass), you have to be seated early, you have to get there, the reception doesn’t really get started until the receiving line is done and the photos taken, so yeah, it’s tough for a parent since even a close wedding and reception means getting a sitter for a minimum of three hours. If what happened to @Darwin happened to me, there’d be a serious family feud going on. She was basically lied to to get her to buy a gift and make a long trip to the wedding. Sheesh. So don’t invite kids, but please make it clear.

Oh, since I have to get up at 5 in the morning to get my kid to daycare and myself to work, I usually go to bed as soon as he does, hopefully by 9 o’clock. I’ve got to really like you and expect a really good time to go to any event that starts after 8. So different from the pre-child days…

I wouldn-t make it through a reception that ran past 9:30.

I think it just varies so much. My point would be not to get OFFENDED by the bride’s wishes (I am not including Darwin’s example, which I have already said was horrendous! All sorts of things in there that just ‘ain’t right’ as my next-door neighbor woul say).

Jews cannot get married before Sundown on Saturday, so in the summer their wedding begins VERY late, although luckily the ceremony is usually short and sweet unlike the Catholic wedding mentioned above. The other option is Sunday, but if you want a night wedding you still have people up late before a workday or school night, and if they travel from out of town they will miss any obligations on Monday.

I agree that the weddings I have been to with children rarely have an unruly child, I cannot think of one incident. But, there is still the expense to whomever is paying for the wedding to feed the children, a formal party that can really add up, and the space needed to seat everyone might change what location you can use.

Because we knew children were coming we had a buffet, and we held the reception in the museum where I worked at the time.