Should children be included in wedding receptions?

I think it’s perfectly acceptable for there to be no children at wedding receptions, if that’s what the bride and groom wants, for lots of reasons:

1) Maybe they don’t like kids. Hey, it happens… and this is supposed to be one of the most happy and important days of their lives. Why would they want kids there if they don’t like them?

2) Little kids can get rowdy, and rowdy kids sometimes break things or get into things they shouldn’t, which the bride and groom then have to pay for.

3) If the bride and groom are on a tight budget, they may not be able to afford the extra cash for plates for the kids… usually there are different items served for kids, like chicken nuggets and fries or something… all of which costs extra. Plus, if they want separate arrangements like a play room or hired babysitters or special crafts/activities at another table, that also costs money.

4) Kids being present either means that adults, whether the kids are theirs or not, can’t cut loose and have fun because they have to be mindful of who is hearing/watching, or it means that kids are going to hear/see things that are inappropriate.

5) Children don’t really belong anywhere there is so much free-flowing alcohol. It’s a liability. Adults drink, leave their drinks, kids running around playing can find a drink on a table and taste it… you see where this is going.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with an adult-only night. It’s healthy for the kids, and healthy for the parents. Newsflash: You don’t ALWAYS have to be attached at the hip with your children. Trust me… they don’t want it. And, if they do, then it’s not all that healthy… if they can’t stand being away from you for a couple of hours.

I’ve never been to a reception without kids. The last wedding we went to, all the kids were the highlight, they were dancing and having a great time. Everyone enjoyed it. I would have preferred to leave my kids with a sitter, but my mom really wanted me to bring them so all the family we don’t see often could see the kids too.

Poofandmook gave a great answer. I’ll throw in my two cents about this part of your question:

If a couple get an invitation that does not specifically mention their children or family should they assume children are not welcome?

Yes. I think that if the inside envelope reads: “Joe and Betsy Smith” or “Mr.and Mrs. Smith” that means that the children are not invited. If it includes the children’s names, or say “The Smith Family” or “Joe and Betsy Smith and Family” then the children can come. If there is no internal envelope, I would call the bride and ask, “Does this include the children. Either way is fine with us; I just don’t want to play havoc with your reception.”

We didn’t have children at our reception. As @poofandmook mentioned it was about budget. I would love to have had them there, but if we added all the kids from the family it would’ve been 50 more plates to pay for. There are a LOT of kids on my husband’s side.

It’s up to the bride and groom to decide.
I can understand the desire not to have children at such an event.
There’s a cost factor involved.

Also kids misbehave.
There is a progression at play here.
The kids get bored. Then the kids get antsy. Then the kids get fussy and then the kids get loud.
Really loud.

My wedding wouldn’t have been my wedding with out children being there, as there are so many in my big family. Budgeting wise we payed half price for our kids meals so it worked out ok. We also made sure there was stuff for the children to do… colouring pencils and paper etc… and sweets!

I have been to a wedding were only immediate family children were invited and that was ok too… I suppose it depends on the bride and groom and what they want from a wedding.

I also agree with @poofandmook the wedding I attended with out my daughter was lovely I could really concentrate on enjoying my self and not having to worry about keeping her occupied :)

It’s not a “should.”’ It’s about what the bride and groom want. I would love to have a bunch of kids at my reception someday, but I can certainly see how some people would see it as a distraction and annoying.

If the invitation says “Mr. and Mrs. Gussnarp and Family” or something to to that effect, bring the kids. If it doesn’t, call the family to confirm that your kids aren’t invited and accept that not everyone thinks your children are as delightful as you do.

edit: @gussnarp: I didn’t mean “your” kids… I meant any kids in question. I’m sure yours really are delightful. :)

It depends on the family culture. There are families where adults and kids socialize separately, and families where the kids are included in everything. I don’t think this is a matter of should or should not, but of making sure that expectations match.

If both the bride’s side and the groom’s side agree, there’s no problem. It’s only a problem if the bride’s family doesn’t generally invite kids and the groom’s family can’t imagine not inviting kids.

I’ve never been to a wedding without kids, but that doesn’t mean they’re weird. In terms of my wedding, my oldest was there and anyone else was free to bring their kids – can’t imagine saying ‘no children’ – I know how difficult it is for some people and I’d want them there…I would make sure that the kids were accomodated for and that the other guests didn’t give the parents a hard time…

@knitfroggy ; I think that is what the bride may be wanting to avoid. The kids shouldn’t be “the highlight,” the Bride and Groom should be.
I also think that if their names are not on the invitation it should be assumed that they are not invited.

Children are often included in the wedding ceremonies but not in attendance as guests of the ceremony or reception and I’ve been to plenty of those. Guests who want to celebrate the couple via the couple’s wishes show up and those who want to raise a stink about kids being excluded don’t show up as guests, it’s up to them.

It is indeed up to the bride and groom. Personally I wouldn’t go to a wedding reception that doesn’t allow children and I have stayed away from some for that reason. To me, weddings are all about family, joining two families together, and extending family to another generation so I think everyone should be there, from tiny baby to doddering great grandpa. But then, that’s who we asked to come to our own wedding reception.

If you ask the person who has 3 kids and has to shell out 50 bucks for a babysitter so they can go to the wedding, they’d say that kids SHOULD be included. If you ask the young couple who is already spending 20 grand on their wedding, if the 50 kids they’d have to invite if the included kids at an extra $40 a plate per kid, making them have to shell out $2,000 or 10% of the total cost of the wedding, they might well say kids should NOT be included. Some places really aren’t all that “kid friendly”, and some people let’s face it want the night to be about the adults. And some want all the kids to share in the fun. It’s up to the couple, if you don’t want to do what they want you to do, then stay home.

I find a lot of comments to be pretty judgmental on what a wedding reception “should” be. If I host a party of any kind, be it a wedding reception, a dinner party or a birthday party I should be able to decide if it is traditional or unique, and especially who the guests are.
People who would never think judging someone based on their lifestyle choices are judging people on how they want to throw a party and who they want to invite. That just seems odd to me.

Like any celebration, it depends on the desire of the hosts, location, time, and expectations. I do not see why a wedding is any different than any other event.

@Judi “Should” was a poor word choice on my part. I’m just trying to gauge how common this is, and how many people seem to prefer one way over the other. Using “should” I suppose set up others to use it, so it’s on me.

I think it’s totally acceptable to not allow children at your wedding.

I don’t think it’s super common, since I’ve never been to a wedding that didn’t include children (not in the actual ceremony, but as guests). As the first poster said, this is supposed to be the happiest day of the couple’s lives! If they don’t want kids there, then there shouldn’t be any kids! It’s their party, they can get married however they would like.

i really think it’s a personal decision. i’ve never heard/thought of this before, but it does make sense to me.