Is there ever a reason for a parent to tell their child an outright lie?

I think that it’s important to be honest. You don’t have to air all your dirty laundry to a young child, but it’s such an important trust relationship you could do much more harm by lying even if you think you are protecting them. And in my experience if you are honest about your mistakes, it will earn you a lot of respect. It might not pay off immediately but as your child matures i think they will greatly appreciate your honesty.

I don’t think either case you describe calls for a lie. I (think) I would tell my son I have smoked pot if he were to ask when he is 14. I would also explain why I no longer do it and why I don’t think he should. As for a marriage, I would hope that there is a better explanation than a single situation, or if it was a single situation and really justified the breakup of the marriage, then it should be reasonable to admit it. Unless you really think it is the kids who caused the divorce. That would call for a lie. I think decent people with decent behavior should not have to lie to their kids. Except about favorites. I expect parents really do have a favorite child, but you have to lie about that.

Possibly if the child is too young to understand, and even then I think it’s better to skirt the issue and talk about it later when they are more mature.
Such as drug use. I always knew my parents smoked pot in their teens and early 20s, the first time I found out was by a note in my mothers high school yearbook, and I confronted her. It was more a funny situation and not accusatory.

I have never been divorced, and my parents are still married…but I just feel when it comes to that children should not be left in the dark. I think it makes them feel like they are left out of the situation, which may make it harder on them. My husband was always well away of his parents situation, and that his parents stayed together until their youngest were 18. He didn’t like the arrangement, and I think it was detrimental to them as children and seeing normal healthy relationships. Being divorced is sometimes healthier than sticking together for the kids.

Anyways. I won’t lie to my child. I hope they can learn from the things I tell them. I will use discretion though, because they don’t need to know everything I’ve done.

I always told my kids that I would share all my mistakes with them so they could go out and make their own.
They still repeated a few of mine, but for the most part, they accepted the consequences of MY actions as a lesson for their own life. (Some kids more than others.)

If my son asks details about mine and my husband’s past, there are some things we would definitely leave out. I don’t want to wreck his image of his parents by knowing some of the things we’ve gotten into! I also think it’s okay to lie to your child if a family member passes away and they begin asking questions about them… I don’t think you should ruin the image your child has of anyone this way. I wish someone would have lied to me about my grandfather’s temper. I had absolutely no negative thoughts of him until someone was too honest.

You give the child the truth concurrent with their level of understanding, is what I think, but you don’t lie. Why create that space in the child’s mind where they don’t trust you?

how can you expect your kids to turn out honest people if youre not honest with them? after all kids are sponges…

Like there is a Santa? Or Easter bunny? Or Tooth Fairy?

parents lie to their kids all the time.

Parents don’t need a reason (good or otherwise) to lie to their children; they are so entitled by their status as parents.

I agree that honesty is the best policy in general. However I have to say that sometimes it is necessary for a parent to lie by omission (leaving something out). We have to understand that even as teenagers the brain of a child is not fully equipped to “deal” with everything life has to throw at them. We must consider our child’s mental health.

One example that would be completely inappropriate is to tell your child that you got a divorce because the father cheated on you. What responsible reason is there for telling your child this information? I would argue that you are getting more out of the scenario than the child if you divulge this information. And when we weigh outcomes of divulging information the child should always win. In this scenario, I may be able to see some leniency if it were an adult child but absolutely not for anyone under the age of 18.

No, I don’t believe in lying at all.

I think there is an age appropriate, honest answer for every question a child asks. “I am not going to discuss that with you right now” is one of them. So is “I made some choices that I hope you don’t make and I’m not going into details about it with you right now.”

Children don’t need to know every detail, but they deserve to be able to believe their parents.

@RedPowerLady, I basically agree with you, but I don’t think omission is lying. You are not under oath to tell the whole truth, you obviously don’t have to give every detail. Your example of the cheating husband is a good one. You don’t have to give that detail, but you shouldn’t outright make something up either.

@gussnarp I can certainly see your point. And when it comes to parenting I agree. I am trained in the field of counseling however where ‘lying by omission’ can be a huge issue so I do consider it lying. For example for the cheating husband not telling his wife he is cheating, just leaving that detail out, is certainly lying. But again I can agree that while parenting I wouldn’t consider it as such on the parents part.

@RedPowerLady In this case I suppose that a difference of degree constitutes a difference of kind.

I think you should tell your children the age-appropriate complete information. They always know when you are prevaricating, and that just teaches them not to ask certain questions. You have to tell the truth, or they’ll grow up with one complex or another. Our kids know we’ve done drugs, but that doesn’t seem to make them any less anti-drug. They seem rabid about that.

I’m not sure what they would do if they ever asked about our relationship. I think it’s ok to tell them that some things make you too uncomfortable to discuss with them, or that some things are private, even from them (or especially from them).

I have no idea because I’m not a parent. I’m honest to a fault so I can’t imagine any reason why a parent would lie outright to their child.